Funny quotes

u people have any funny quotes? post em here! 🤣

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is

😄

Have you ever noticed when driving... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down

If fly didnt have any wings, would it be called walk? 😖

😂

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Men are like toilets, they ar either engaged of full of shit!

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches

Heaven doesnt want me Hell is afraid i'll take over!

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives

+1

i thought i was indecisive, but now im not so sure 😛

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash

😂 if you can't laugh at your self, make fun of other people 🙄

ive noticed that whnever theres a plane crash the black box always remains intact. now why dont they just make the whole plane out of that black box stuff...?

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper