Adult Version Of Harry Potter

Once inside Herpes and Ginny placed the order, while Ron and Harry hobbled off to the washroom under the invisibility cloak. “Damn it!’ exclaimed Harry as he splashed water on his arm. He mended his clothes, and cleaned them with his wand. One quick glance in the mirror, and it was Ron’s turn. Harry considered Ron, who was washing the dried blood from his face in the sink. The two of them hadn’t spoken much to each other since the previous evening. He wondered how much the methneeder told him. “There’ said Ron examining his reflection in the mirror. He turned his gaze from the mirror onto Harry. “I’ve been wanting some private time with you, mate!’ he growled. “What did the methneeder tell you?’ asked Harry. “Not much’ shouted Ron. “Just tell me what he said’ demanded Harry in an undertone of both of concern and urgency. “He said you were sticking your nose where it didn’t belong and then he broke mine. Now you tell me what this is about’ demanded Ron. “Smokesummore gave me the entire house cut to find and destroy the whorecrusts. He told me to take my friends with me, but I didn’t want to put you in danger’ explained Harry. “BLOODY HELL! HE GAVE YOU THE ENTIRE HOUSE CUT!?... The old man’s out of his fu<kin’ head! At least I’ll get my fair share’ said Ron. “I lost the house cut when the car was stolen’ explained Harry. Ron looked at Harry as seriously as a stoned teenager possibly could. “So where’s this whorecrust thing supposed to be?’ he asked. “There should be one nearby. In the sewer, near the end of 3rd street. It’s behind a loose brick’ replied Harry. “Sounds like your source was a bit sketchy on the details, but I’ll tear the fu<king sewer apart if I have to’ said Ron. “You’re going to help?’ asked Harry who was shocked by Ron’s decision. “No one ambushes me, steals my gun, ties me up to a bloody fu<king chair, beats me for an hour, and lives! This is personal’ spat Ron. “Didn’t Ginny kill your torturer?’ asked Harry. “Yeah, but he was acting under orders, so his boss is going to die too’ roared Ron. “What does that have to do with helping me destroy the whorecrusts?’ asked Harry who was more confused by Ron’s reasoning than usual. “Everything! We destroy his product, and he’ll try to kill us personally. That’s when I get my revenge’ explained Ron as he pulled out his Desert Eagle in a mock quick draw. Harry stood there in silent shock. “A frontal assault on a heavily armed sadistic drug lord with hordes of loyal cut throat followers. What could possibly go wrong?’ Harry thought to himself factitiously. “Right, but now it’s time to eat’ Ron said earnestly. It appeared to Harry as though Ron’s metaphorical bollocks were larger than Carl’s. They stepped out of the washroom and took their seats at the table Ginny and Herpes had chosen. A middle aged man was sitting at the table beside them trying to eat his steak and eggs with toast. As the waitress walked past him, carrying the drinks for Harry’s table, the man called out to her. “It’s a pain in the arse cuttin’ me steak wif a bloody fork covered in jam’ he complained. “Nuthin’ I can do about it, guvner. It’s the law. We ‘ad teh turn over our knives’ she replied. “Leas’ crime is down’ he pouted as he tore the meat apart with his teeth. No sooner had he torn a piece of meat from his steak than a brick smashed through the diner window. A group of teenagers were screaming, and cursing outside, their tires squealed as they sped away. “Call the police!’ cried another waitress. After a moment of silent observation their waitress turned back toward them and sat their drinks on the table.

“This could be trouble’ said Harry. “Let me handle any trouble’ said Ron. “The bloke that shot me must have given my description to the pigs’ said Harry. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve got your back’ said Ginny. “What did you order?’ asked Ron as he watched at the poor bastard struggling to eat his jam covered breakfast steak. “Pancakes, and orange juice’ said Ginny. Ron was relieved. He took a sip of his orange juice. A moment later their waitress returned with their pancakes. “Enjoy your meal’ she said as she walked away. Ron began shoving an enormous portion of pancake in his face, and guzzled half his glass of orange juice. He was eating like a ravenous animal. Harry kept looking at the door, wondering when the police would arrive. By the time he’d finished half his pancakes he noticed a short dumpy bobby enter through the door. The cop grabbed a waitress by her arm and told her to get the manager. She walked in the back room and a moment later an elderly man stepped out and greeted the officer. Harry’s hand was on his gun. His pulse was racing, and adrenaline was pumping through his veins. “Are you going to finish that?’ Ron asked Harry as he swapped plates with him. Harry didn’t even notice his food was being swiped. He held his breath; he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. The police man was leaving. He’d completely overlooked Harry, and come to think of it, he’d been unarmed aside from his police stick. Harry wondered what was wrong with him, why was he so unnerved. Perhaps it was shock from being wounded. He considered the moment briefly, but realized his high had worn off. He needed a smoke, but he couldn’t do it here. “I have to use the washroom’ he said as he left the table. Once he was back in the restroom, he locked the door and pulled out his dime bag… “Damn, no more hash!’ he cried. Searching his pockets he looked desperately for a spliff… “What the hell is this?’ he wondered as he pulled the syringe out of his pocket. It was the one he’d taken out of the pack on the train. Maybe he’d use it on the half baked prince. Shoving it back into his pocket he kept searching. “The only bad thing about weed is that you eventually run out of it’ he thought to himself. Aha! He found a spliff behind his ear. He’d forgotten about it. He took three drags, and stubbed it out on the edge of the sink. He’d save the rest for later. He didn’t have connections in Northampton, but he didn’t plan on staying long either. It was time to nick a car. He returned to his seat cheerful and exuberant. “You’re looking better’ said Ginny. “I had to freshen up’ he replied with a wink. The waitress brought them their bill, and Harry asked her directions. It was time to leave. Ron, Herpes, and Harry waited for Ginny to join them outside. Ron lit a spliff and took a drag. “I’m out of weed’ Harry said flatly. “That’s too bad’ replied Ron. “Yeah, I thought we could search the sewer while the girls are shopping’ suggested Harry. “Harry, you know that’s a myth. Weed needs light to grow’ sniggered Herpes. “No, it’s a fact’ lied Harry. He was playing stupid in the hope she wouldn’t catch on. “Alright, fine. Get dirty looking for sewer grass. We’ll go shopping’ she sighed. They walked off leaving her to wait on Ginny. “Thick as a brick, that one’ laughed Ron. Harry chuckled at the irony of Ron’s statement. “Seriously, mate. I’m out of weed. We need to go back to London’ said Harry. “We’re mates. Buy some of mine’ suggested Ron. How much do you have?’ Harry asked. Ron searched his pockets. “Shit! This is my last one’ he cried. “Right, that’s a problem. We need money, and I think I know how we’re going to get it’ said Harry. Several meters in front of them was an ATM. “Accio money’ cried Harry pointing his wand at the machine. Thousands of pounds landed at their feet and they stuffed their pockets. “Cameras didn’t catch that’ laughed Harry. “Nope’ Ron replied with a grin.

They turned the corner, and proceeded toward 3rd street. It’s a long walk. complained Ron. “I’ve been looking for a car. All the damn street cameras make it hard’ explained Harry. “Accio cameras’ cried Ron. Cameras flew out of house windows, and off street poles into a pile at their feet. Ron unzipped his pants and pissed on them. “Just marking my territory’ he laughed. Harry joined him in the public display. A retired army veteran charged out of his house. “What the bloody hell is all this then?’ he demanded. “The socialist government has put cameras up over the city, and we’re destroying them’ said Harry. “Right, carry on then!’ replied the veteran as he saluted them. After they’d relieved their bladders. They continued toward 3rd street on foot, laughing like hyenas. “Puddles are stupid!’ laughed Ron. Harry knew Ron was expecting him to nick a car, but it was risky with so many people staring angrily out of their shattered windows at them. Approaching police sirens made him change his mind. Harry quickly wrapped his hand with the A.S.S. handkerchief, and smashed the window of the closest car. He hotwired it in a flash. The police were in front of them, speeding toward them at break neck speed as Harry put the car in reverse, and pushed the peddle to the floor. He left rubber on the pavement, but the police cars were faster than the one he picked. To complicate matters further they were shooting at the tires on the car. *Blam*Blam*Blam* Ron shot the drivers of every car in the face. All three cars crashed. “Where did you learn to shoot like that?’ asked Harry. “I was born with a gun in my hand, and I’ll die the same way, mate’ said Ron. “I feel sorry for your mum’ laughed Harry. Ron laughed with him. He turned the car around, and deliberately ran over a police man that had stumbled out of his car. Harry got out, with his gun drawn, and picked the officer's rifle off the street. As he was getting back in the car, Ron was pestering him. “What’d you get? What’d you get?’ he asked excitedly. “A bolt action Remington 700 chambered for the 308 Winchester cartridge with a Simmons scope” Harry answered as they drove away. “That's a bloody hunting rifle’ said Ron indignantly. “You don’t want it?’ asked Harry. “No, but I got dibs on the first sniper rifle we find’ replied Ron. “Use it until we find a sniper rifle’ insisted Harry. Ron looked puzzled at him. “Why are you being so generous?’ he asked. “Because you can shoot better than me, and I need your help to destroy the whorecrusts’ Harry explained.

When they’d reached a dead end on 3rd Street, Harry could only hope this was the end GetAScrew was talking about. They used Wingardium Leviosa to open the manhole, and climbed down the ladder. Harry looked around in amazement. This was a section that had been sealed off from the rest of the sewers. “Be careful! There are always traps guarding a cache’ warned Harry, but it was too late. Ron was entangled in fishing line and hooks. “Ow, fu<k! Get them out!’ he cried. “Hold still’ said Harry as he flipped out his switchblade. “How can I hold still with barbed hooks poking my bollocks?’ screamed Ron. Harry cut the line with great difficulty. Ron’s squirming caused him to become further entangled. “Damn it’ said Harry as he put his switchblade back in his pocket. “You’re not leaving me here!’ exclaimed Ron. “No, I’m not’ said Harry as he drew his wand. “What are you doing?’ cried Ron. Harry pointed his wand at Ron. “Diffindo’ cried Harry. At once the fishing lines were cut in half, but so were Ron’s clothes. “Pick the hooks out, so we can get the whorecrust’ said Harry. After Ron pluck the last hook out of his tortured flesh, Harry conjured up new clothes for him. “My turn’ said Harry. “Yeah, well good luck’ Ron said in a disgruntled tone. “Accio whorecrust’ cried Harry. A brick burst out of the wall and a dime bag landed at Harry’s feet. “Incendio’ cried Harry, and the whorecrust was engulfed in flames. “Damn you Pothead’ hissed a cold voice from behind them. Lukius Malpoy was descending the ladder. “Aren’t you the bastard what cursed Herpes with the infertility charm?’ asked Harry. “My son, RapeandEnjoy knocked her up. I was merely giving that dirtblood a permanent abortion. No son of mine with have a child with a puddle born! That doesn’t concern you, however.’ hissed Malpoy. “Neville StrongPott was the father’ cried Ron. “Is that what she told you? I’m so sorry you had to find out the truth about your whore. She was a damn good shag, though. I must have left enough spunk inside of her’ laughed Malpoy. “No, it can’t be true!’ wailed Ron. “I’m afraid that it is, but no matter. You’ve managed to destroy the dope lord’s product, and now you must die!’ spat Malpoy as he pointed his wand at Harry. “AVADA KEDAV…’ *Blam* Harry shot Malpoy in the face. It was all over. “The infertility charm is broken when the whizzard that cast it dies. You can tell Herpes if you like’ said Harry as he climbed up the ladder. Ron stood motionless staring at the dead body of Lukius Malpoy. Had Herpes lied to them? Had she slept with his hated enemy before she’d even touch him? A new anger was growing within him. “Are you coming?’ Harry called down the manhole. “Be right there’ said Ron as he searched Malpoy’s pockets, and found twelve spliffs and a diary. “I guess you can find weed in the sewer’ he chuckled. He examined the diary. It was Baldysnort’s, but it was filled with tripe. He pitched it into the darkness. It hit a trip wire and buckshot ricocheted off the wall. “Hurry, the pigs are coming!’ cried Harry. Ron climbed the ladder, pulling himself out of the sewer, and jumped in the car just as the police blocked their escape route.

Harry pointed his wand at them. “Accio guns’ he cried. And their guns landed in front of the car. Detained by confusion, the police failed to vacate their vehicles. “Wingardium Leviosa’ cried Harry, and a police car was lifted in the air. He brought it crashing down on top of another. Ron’s blood was boiling. Herpes was a ****, there was no denying that, but how could she shag RapeandEnjoy? “Wingardium Leviosa’ Harry cried again, but before he could smash the car, a burly police man jumped out. He was massive, and what was worse he’d picked himself off the ground and was running toward them. Harry tossed the police car into a tree, and reached down the front of his pants for his Desert Eagle. From a sitting position with one useable arm, it was a difficult task. The beefy gorilla grabbed his injured arm, and yanked him out the broken window just as he managed to pull the gun out of his pants. The cop twisted Harry’s injured arm behind his back, disjointing it, and knelt on his spine. Harry thought his spine would snap under the pressure. “How’d you like me teh shoot you wiff your own fuggin’ gun?!’ he spat as he held it to the back of Harry’s head. “Your finger’s too fat to fit through the guard, pig’ Harry managed to growl even though his face was being ground on the rough pavement. He was in trouble, he couldn’t defend himself, and this steroid driven ape was intent upon making him suffer. The cop stuck his finger in Harry’s bullet wound tearing the flesh apart. “Cry, damn you! Beg for mercy!’ he snarled like an animal. Harry bit his lip, he was determined not to scream, or whimper, but it was no use. He screamed in agony as the cop tore his bones from their sockets. “Raw-n, kill hia-m!’ Harry shrieked desperately. His tortured plea snapped Ron out of his self pity. He used the rifle Harry had given him to shoot the maniac cop in the base of his spine. It took his head off. Blood gushed out of the cop’s neck socket, and his head landed on the pavement five meters away with a loud smack. Ron helped Harry into the passenger’s seat while he drove the car. Harry shoved his Desert Eagle halfway in his pants, and lit his spliff. He was shaking, and he knew that he was going into shock, but he was determined to finish the spliff before he bled out. “How’s your arm, mate?’ asked Ron. “That bastard tore my damn radius, and ulna bones out. How does it look?’ he screamed hatefully. Ron didn’t say a word. He knew he’d slowed Harry down, and felt guilty about it. “Mate, we’ve gotten away from the pigs. You’re going to Saint Mary Jane’s’ cried Ron as he stopped the car, and hopped out. Harry had lost too much blood, he was cold, and feeling dizzy. He could see his parents, they were having sex, and he was with them. He didn’t mind. He couldn’t feel anything really, nothing at all. Nothing mattered anymore. He blacked out just as the ambulance arrived. They loaded him into the back of the ambulance, and Ron watched it disappeared from sight. It’d been his fault Harry was injured, and he was going to make up for it, or so he thought as he lit one of Malpoy’s spliffs.

Ron got in the car and started toward the diner. “What the bloody hell? This is dirt grass!’ cried Ron as he spat the spliff out the window. He tossed the rest of them out as well. They'd tasted like Malpoy had stashed them up his bum, and been gang raped. Suddenly the toxin kicked in. At first Ron felt strange, and then he felt angry. A flood of information rushed into his mind. He had to kill Harry. He had to kill the man who’d destroyed the whorecrust. “Harry Pothead must die!’ cried Ron. But as quickly as it had come over him, the hatred was fading away. He needed Malpoy’s spliffs! Why the hell had he thrown them out the damn window? If he could afford to waste weed why couldn’t he afford a better home for himself? Was he completely fu<king useless? He was going to live with his mother, and he was taking the kids with him! “What the fu<k am I thinking? Something is wrong! What's happening to me?’ he groaned as he swerved toward an on coming garbage truck. The driver in the truck crashed into a street lamp trying to avoid a collision. Ron’s masculinity was struggling to battle the hen pecking power of the whorecrust. Only a true barbarian of a man, one lacking all social grace could possibly prevail over the influence of the toxin. For Ron it took about fourteen seconds. “So that’s what it does. Good thing I only took one drag’ He thought to himself. He crashed the car into a fire hydrant near the diner where they’d eaten breakfast. “Bugger! Where are they?’ cried Ron as he looked in the shop windows. He found them at Burger King. Ron was out of breath as he sat down at their table. “Where is Harry?’ asked Ginny. “Harry is… The police… Can I have your chips?’ asked Ron catching his breath. Get your own’ growled Ginny. Herpes looked at Ron with concern. “What’s this about Harry?’ She asked. “He’s at Saint Mary Jane’s hospital. He was attacked by a huge bobby. We have to go! Someone needs to give him a lift from the hospital’ replied Ron.

Meanwhile at St MaryJane’s Hospital of Narcotic Remedies Harry’s doctor was instructing the nurse. “We’ve stopped the bleeding, and the patient is awake. I’ll leave the rest up to you’ he said as he closed the privacy curtain around Harry’s bed. “I understand’ she said happily as she left the room. Five minutes later she stepped through the privacy curtain with a tall glass of white liquid. “I want you to drink this she said as she handed the glass to Harry. Harry looked at her, she appeared to be a woman in her twenties with pink hair, a heart shaped face, and a perfect set of jubblies. Her identification badge said NymphoWhore Tokes (Nymphadora Tonks). “What’s in the glass?’ he groaned. “It a special mixture of veela breast milk, cocain, and viagra. He took a sip. It made him feel spaced out, and horny. It was seductive, and intoxicating at the same time. His cock became rock hard as he drank the concoction. He’d never felt so horny in his entire life. As he finished the glass, he thought he would die of lust. He couldn’t help himself. He pulled up his patient gown, and began wanking in front of her. “Oh no you don’t! That’s my job’ Tokes scolded him, as she peeled her uniform from her gorgeous body. “Am I in heaven?’ asked Harry. “You will be in a moment’ said Tokes as she straddled him. Harry was in ecstasy. This was truly the very best sex of his life. His cock felt like it was growing bigger with every thrust, but it wasn’t his cock that was growing. New bones were growing in his arm. They continued for over an hour and a half. Harry had cum twenty one times inside her without stopping for a rest. “We’re all done here, but I wish we weren’t’ she sighed as she squeezed his left arm. She opened the privacy curtain, and started for the door. She turned back just before she opened it. “I’ve never come so hard in my life, you’re really something special’ she said, and then left him. Ten minutes later the doctor entered the room, and examined Harry’s arm. “It looks like she didn’t know when to quit, these bones are larger than the ones in your right arm. “Take them out! Call her back!’ cried Harry. “Ah, you’re still under the influence of the boner bone grow formula, but it should wear off within the hour, and you’ll be fit to return home. We’ve contacted your puddle relatives, and they’ll pick you up shortly’ said the doctor as he went over Harry’s file on his laptop. “God no!’ cried Harry. He’d been cast out of heaven and into the very pits of hell itself. What had he done to deserve this… Nevermind, he’d done allot of bad things, but that wasn’t the point. He wasn’t going home with the Dirtys. “Why did you call them? How did you know they were my relatives? What the hell is going on here?’ He demanded. “We use and provide information on all whizzards in a government database as required by law’ said the doctor. “Who could possibly collect and store information on every whizzard in the entire world?’ asked Harry. “The United States Government, but don’t worry about it. The drug causes paranoia in some patients, but it will wear off shortly and you’ll stop thinking irrationally’ replied the doctor. “Irrationally? It’s intrusive! I bet you know the last time I’ve scratched my bum’ cried Harry. “Let’s see. Yesterday before boarding the SmokeSports Express’ said the doctor as he checked his laptop. “Oh bloody hell! I was being facetious. How can you possibly know that?’ cried Harry. “None of the information in the database will be used against you’ the doctor assured him. “You’ve already used it against me, and it’s embarrassing. I don’t want strangers reporting and reviewing my entire life’ complained Harry. “It’s a new world, get use to it’ the doctor said curtly as he closed his laptop. “We’re still on earth, and you’re sick in the bloody head’ cried Harry as the doctor stormed out of the room.

“I’ve got to get the hell out of here’ declared Harry as he pulled off his gown, and collected his possessions from the cabinet. He’d barely managed to dress himself when he heard his uncle Vermin’s (Vernon) booming voice resonate through the walls. “Where is he? I’ll kill the little bastard!’ spat Vermin. Harry flung open the window, and pointed his wand at himself. “Wingardium Leviosa’ he cried. Nothing happened, but he didn’t figure that it would either. He pointed his wand out the window. “Accio broom’ he cried as though begging for his life. Nearly a kilometer away, PrickedHer Bum (Victor Crumb) fell to his death screaming as his bloom flew from under him. The hospital room door flung open, and his uncle stood in the doorway glaring at him. “There you are, you little shit! Do you know what I had to do because of you? I was forced to buy my son a bloody vinyl woman. It cost twenty pounds’ his uncle Vermin bellowed at him. His aunt Pestilence (Petunia) stood in the doorway with her arms crossed glaring at Harry “I just got off the train yesterday. Did the fat bastard pop another sex shop display?’ asked Harry spitefully. Vermin’s face turned a shade of purple, and his veins were swelling in his temples. Harry had guessed correctly, and that pissed him off. “Get over here now boy! We’re going home. You’re tight little arse is going to be mine from now on’ growled Vermin. Then he heard it, a broom flying through the air. It landed on the window sill in front of him. Harry, grabbed hold of it, and jumped out of the window just as his uncle lunged at him. Unfortunately he was on the ground floor and landed on his face. “Damn it, that hurt’ cried Harry as he picked himself off the pavement. “You won’t get away from me!’ cried his uncle who was so obese he’d gotten stuck in the window frame. Harry’s aunt was tugging on her husband’s leg to free him from the window, but only succeeded in releasing his flatulence. Harry positioned himself for takeoff. ‘Oi, what the bloody ‘ell did you do to me pop’ cried Deadly as he shoved Harry to the ground. “Nothing compared to what I’ll do to you if you don’t bugger off!’ he exclaimed as he pulled out his Desert Eagle, and aimed it at Deadly’s fat head. An expression of horror came over Deadly’s face, and he wet his pants. “Mummy, mummy!’ cried Deadly as he turned and ran. “You pull a gun on my son? You son of a bi+ch! We’ve fed you. We’ve clothed you. We’ve let you live to see your fifteenth birthday’ screamed Vermin. “Say another word, and I will fu<king kill you’ spat Harry as he turned his aim toward his uncle. For the first time in his life he saw defeat in his uncle’s eyes, and it felt damn good. Straddling the broom once more, he prepared to kick off. This time a car barreled across the lot, and slammed the wall beside them. Vermin was so terrified he’d lost control of his bowels. “Gah, you made me shit my blasted pants. I hope you ‘ave insurance. My dry cleaning bill isn’t going to be cheap’ he screamed at the driver. “We came to pick you up, mate. Get in’ said Ron cheerfully. “Why? Looks like you totaled that one’ said Harry. “Guess you’re right, but what will we do? This is a whizzard hospital. They’re no puddle cars round here’ replied Ron. Harry shot a filthy look at his uncle Vermin. “I think we’ll find one close by’ he said. “Don’t you dare! You little bastards!’ exclaimed Vermin as he peddled his feet trying to push himself out the window. He failed of course, but his wife Pestilence was knocked to the floor by his asinine attempt.

Harry found the Dirty’s car in an instant. He’d followed the direction Deadly had fled. Deadly sat in the back seat, wailing like a baby. “Are we going to throw him out?’ asked Ron. “No, I have a better idea. He’s sitting up front with me’ replied Harry. Harry hotwired the Dirty’s car, and drove back to the window where his uncle was stuck. “We’re taking a little trip, and don’t think of calling the police, or we’ll kill this fat little bastard’ spat Harry, as he held his Desert Eagle to Deadly’s head. “Daddy, help me!’ pleaded Deadly. “If you harm one hair on his...” bellowed Vermin, but Harry was already speeding away. Once they’d turned the corner, and Harry was certain Vermin couldn’t see them, he stopped the car. “Ron, help him out of the car, but make sure he doesn’t go anywhere’ demanded Harry. Harry opened the trunk, while Ron pulled Deadly out of his seat. Together they managed to force him in the trunk. They got back in the car, and drove away with Deadly thumping around in the trunk. “Let me out’ cried Deadly, but they ignored him. Ron, and Harry needed hash, and weed, so they stopped by DireCon Alley. “They always over charged us for weed here’ said Harry. “Yes they did’ replied Ron. “You get the weed, I’ll get the hash’ suggested Harry. “You go first’ chuckled Ron. “Accio hash’ cried Harry. A mountain of product landed in front of his car door. Harry rolled down the window, and pulled arm loads of dime bags onto his lap and into the floor of the car. “Your turn’ he told Ron. “Right, accio golden leaf’ cried Ron. Two nickel bags landed in front of his door. “Bloody hell!’ he spat as he opened to car door and grabbed the nickel bags. A mob of angry whizzards was charging at them. Harry sped away in a hurry. Where’re we headed next, mate asked Ron as he rolled a joint. “Fish and Chips’ replied Harry. “Good, cause I’ve got the munchies’ Ron said as he rubbed his stomach. “We’ll take care of that later’ promised Harry. “But if we’re going to get fish and chips…’ said Ron. “They don’t serve food, and only the two of us are going in’ explained Harry. “Oh’ said Ron with a strange look of comprehension on his face. “Why?’ demanded Ginny. “You’ll understand when we get there’ replied Harry. Thirty seven minutes later they stopped in front of a small filthy pink house with the words “Fish N Chips’ spray painted on the side. There were children’s toys on the walk, and the grass didn’t appear to have been mowed for, well, ever. Harry rang the door bell. Dogs were barking in the backyard. “Ooz out there’ said a woman. “Is this Fish and Chips?’ asked Harry. “Depends on ooz askin’ she replied. “Customers’ said Harry warily. The door crept open half way. “Come in’ she demanded. They stepped inside, and were horrified by what they saw. In front of them were Harry’s parents. They were dressed in black methneeder robes. His dad was watching football on the telly, while his mum was soliciting her body. She looked at them with anticipation. “A threesome, aye? Five pounds for ae suck, seven to swallow, ten pounds for ae fu<k, an’ fifteen pounds to go up me bum. No extra charge for your friend’ said Harry’s mother. “Mum?!’ cried Harry. She looked at him for a moment, and her expression changed to one of pure hatred. “You will die!’ she screamed as she pulled her wand from her robes, but Harry drew his wand faster. “Expelliarmus’ cried Harry, and the wand shot from his mother’s hand, jabbing his father in the back of his head, and making him spill his beer on his lap. “Aye, what thee fu<k is goin’ on ‘ere?’ exclaimed Harry’s father as he turned away from the TV. “They told me Baldysnort sold you bad crack, and you died. I had to live in the god damn gutter for five years before social services forced the Dirtys to let me in their house. Now I find you here, dressed like methneeders. So you tell me what’s going on! You tell me why you left me with those horrible people. Tell me why you’re guarding a whorecrust’ bellowed Harry. Harry’s father was now pointing his wand at him. “We’ll die before we let you have thee ‘orecrust’ spat his Father. “Works for me’ said Ron. *Blam*Blam* Ron shot and killed both of Harry’s parents with his last two bullets. “NO! They didn’t answer my question’ cried Harry. “They didn’t need to, I already know the answer’ said Ron. “What?!’ gasped Harry. “Baldysnort adds whorecrust to his entire product. The whorecrust takes over your mind. It tells you what to think, and it bi+ches at you too. Baldysnort didn’t kill your parents; he tried to use them to kill you. You were kidnapped and left on the Dirty’s doorstep by Smokesummore before they had a chance to do it’ explained Ron. “How the bloody hell could YOU possibly know that?’ asked Harry spitefully. “I smoked one of Malpoy’s spliffs. When I came to my senses I knew allot of shit like that’ explained Ron. “Then tell me why my mother was a hooker’ demanded Harry. “Beats me, I think she was just a whore’ replied Ron. Harry flushed. He was struggling with his impulse to kill Ron.

Ron looked as though he were thinking for a moment, and then walked down the hall. “This room’ he said as he kicked open a door. “Help me move the bed, mate?’ he asked. They pushed the bed across the floor, and Ron pointed his wand at a floorboard. “Impotent’ he cried. The floor board shriveled, and hung loose. He reached into the hole and pulled out a dime bag. “Fry it’ he said as he tossed it at Harry’s feet. “Incendio’ cried Harry. The second whorecrust burst into flames. They started for the door, but Ron stopped beside Harry’s mother. “Mate, give me ten minutes’ he pleaded. Harry was disgusted by Ron’s request. “I’ve seen enough of that already’ he replied. He walked back to the car. Ron knew about Harry’s parents, and the location of the whorecrusts. Harry wondered what else he knew. He got in the car, and waited. “Why’s Ron still in there?’ asked Ginny. “You don’t want to know’ replied Harry. Images of Ron shagging his dead mother flashed in his mind. It was too much for him. He opened the car door, and vomited on the street. “Are you feeling sick?’ asked.Herpes. “Just a bit’ gagged Harry. He lit a spliff, and took a drag. “That’s better’ he sighed. Seven minutes later Ron was opening the car door. “How was she?’ asked Harry spitefully. “She’s still in there, why don’t you find out?’ Ron said with a grin. “No thanks!’ said Harry. “Where do you lot want to eat?’ he asked as they pulled away from the house. “McDonalds’ said Ron. No one objected, so they stopped at McDonalds. Something was troubling Harry deeply. “Why were there toys on the walk?’ he wondered aloud as he sat at the table with his Big Mac. “You can’t expect me to know everything’ answered Ron. “No, of course I don’t, but do you suppose they had more children?’ asked Harry. “Not with each other’ said Ron. “How would you know that?’ asked Harry. “Most of the kids were black’ replied Ron. “I didn’t see any kids’ said Harry. “They were upstairs. They came down after you went back to the car’ Ron explained. “Why the bloody hell didn’t you tell me? And they saw what you were doing?’ asked Harry. “Yeah, I cleaned out their parents’ pockets and burnt the spliffs. I explained to ‘em how they make you sick in the head’ said Ron proudly. “I thought you were having sex with my mum’s dead body’ said Harry. “Oh, I did that too, but they didn’t care. They were used to seeing their mum passed out and getting shagged by strangers. Least that’s what one of ‘em said’ explained Ron. “Harry’s parents have been dead fourteen years, how could his mother…’ said Herpes. “Smokesummore lied. He wanted me to think they were dead’ Harry interrupted her. “That can’t be true’ said Ginny as she stuffed her face with chips. “It is’ Ron reassured her. ”I bet I know which of you killed them’ growled Herpes as she looked hatefully at Ron. “If either of you did’ added Ginny. “They tried to kill us, Ron saved my life’ said Harry. “I knew it!’ roared Herpes. “Didn’t you think about Harry’s feelings. How would you feel if he killed your parents?’ she spat. Ron shrugged his shoulders like he couldn’t give a damn. “There’s too much estrogen in here. I’d better step out for some fresh air’ said Ron as he left the table with his cheeseburger. “They were methneeders. They were programmed to kill me by Baldysnort’ said Harry. “So what? They had other kids. Who’s going to take care of them now? The Dirtys?’ cried Herpes. Harry decided it was best to pretend that he was paying attention to what she was saying. They finished shortly, and joined Ron in the car. “Aye, let me outta ‘ere. I can’t breathe’ cried Deadly. “Shut the hell up!’ spat Herpes. “When are we going to dump him? He’s stinking up the car’ growled Ginny. “We need him for insurance. I don’t want the Dirtys squealing to the pigs before we ditch the car’ explained Harry as he conjured up an air freshener. “Join me in a smoke, mate?’ asked Ron as he handed Harry his spliff. Harry took a drag, and handed it back to Ron. Harry pulled the trunk release, and opened the lid. He tossed a Big Mac to Deadly, but Deadly was pissed. "I'll kill you, cvnts' screamed Deadly as he lunged at Harry. *Wack* Harry brought the trunk lid crashing down on his head. Deadly was stunned, and Harry couldn't resist himself. He pulled out his wand and cried "Riddikulus'. Deadly's clothes were replaced by a pink leotard decorated with rainbows, and adorned with fairy wings. Harry laughed, and slammed the trunk shut. “When are we going to Liverpool?’ asked Ginny as he got back in the car. “Soon, just let me finish tying up some loose ends’ replied Harry. “What loose ends?’ asked Herpes. Harry didn’t answer her question. He drove south, and west toward the abandoned warehouse. The sun was setting as Harry parked the car.

Ron jumped out, and began inspecting the barbwire fence. “I need you two to stay with the car. If someone tries to tow it away, shoot them’ Harry instructed them, and then he joined Ron. “What are you doing?’ asked Harry. “This is the only way to get inside’ replied Ron as he lifted a loose section of the fence. They crawled under the fence, and entered the building through a broken window. “Lumos… Follow me’ Ron demanded as he jogged down the hall. They came to a set of stairs leading to the basement. Ron held out his arm to stop Harry from moving forward. “Only step where you see me step’ he demanded as he hopped down the stairs. Harry followed his lead, and they made it safely to the bottom. Ron was racing ahead of him again, but Harry was matching his pace. Ron kicked open a small storage room door, and charged inside. “Where’s the bog?’ asked Harry. “In the corner, but don’t touch it!’ Ron commanded. “What kind of traps are there?’ asked Harry. “No traps, mate, but look at it! It’s fu<king filthy’ said Ron. “Accio whorecrust’ cried Ron, and a dime bag burst from the tank and landed at his feet. “Incendio’ cried Harry, and the dime bag was consumed by flames. “Splendid, now if we can get out of here without running into the stupid bi+ch supposed to guard it…’ said Ron. “Too late’ hissed a cold and hate filled voice from the door way. It was NeedAFix ShortChange (Beatrix Lastrange). “Avada Kedavra’ she cried, but her attack missed. She had horrible aim. *Blam* Ron pulled out his 44 magnum, and splattered her brains on the floor. They hopped up the stairs, and exited the building the same way they’d entered. “What’d you do in there?’ Ginny growled at them. “Used the bog’ said Ron. Harry felt a pit form in his stomach. He knew they’d not buy the same lie from him. “Well?’ she demanded with crossed arms as she glared at him. “I had to pick up some product’ lied Harry. Her expression visibly softened. “Oh, are we ready to go then?’ she asked. “Yes, we’re leaving now’ said Harry as he started the car. They drove to the nearest hotel, and checked in. They’d left Deadly locked in the trunk, but none of them gave a damn. It had been an eventful day. Harry was tired, but not so much he couldn’t shag Ginny. She melted in his arms, as they embraced. He carried her to their bed, and ravished her. In the next room Ron was sleeping on the floor. Herpes was in no mood to share a bed with him. The sound of Ginny’s moaning emanating through the wall made his cock stiff. “Why did you shag RapeAndEnjoy before me?’ asked Ron. “I didn’t, stupid’ spat Herpes. “Lukias Malpoy told us RapeAndEnjoy was the father of your baby. The one you lost, because he cursed you with the infertility charm’ growled Ron. “Who cares. It’s none of your business who I shag’ spat Herpes. “Why him? You couldn’t possibly want him more than me’ cried Ron. “I’ve always had a thing for blond men, and he had money. You’re an ugly red head and you never wanted to pay for sex’ said Herpes. “Right, and I’m not going to pay for it now. I don’t want RapeAnd Enjoy’s sloppy seconds’ growled Ron. Herpes turned out the lights Ron occasionally glanced at her. As soon as she was asleep he grabbed one of her shoes and wanked in it.

“Won’t she be in for a surprise come morning’ Ron thought to himself as he gently slipped into bed beside her so as not to wake her. The next morning Ron woke suddenly, and jumped out of bed just as Herpes lunged at his cock with a pair of bolt cutters. “Holy hell!’ he exclaimed as he dashed from the room naked with Herpes fast behind him. He ran screaming down the hall, past a maid, and ran into a room with an open door. He slammed the door shut and locked it. “Who the bloody hell are you?’ cried the occupant. Before Ron could answer an axe blade split through the door. “Those were designer Italian shoes, you bastard!’ screamed Herpes as she splintered the door. Ron tried to hide under the bed, but he couldn’t fit. “Here’s Herpes’ she cried as she stuck her head through the hole she’d made. “Calm down. I’ll buy you a new pair of shoes’ pleaded Ron. “Your bollocks are dead!’ she cried as she hacked through the door. Ron ran to the balcony as Herpes stepped into the room with her bolt cutters. He looked down, and felt his scrotum retract into his abdomen. He prepared to jump to his death. If he was going to leave this mortal coil he’d go out a man, not a eunuch. He couldn’t do it, he was chicken shit. She lunged at him, but he dodged her attack. She’d backed him into a corner, and he knew he was in trouble! He closed his eyes and winced as she lunged at him a second time. He felt the cold blades on his cock, and shrieked. She guffawed at him. “You thought I was going to cut off your junk, didn’t you? You weren’t the first man to fill that shoe with spunk. You’re such an imbecile!’ she laughed. “It’s not funny’ spat Ron. “It serves you right’ growled Ginny. Ron looked around the corner and saw them. Harry was holding a bag of popcorn, looking at him with a big shit eating grin, and Ginny was glaring at him with her arms crossed. “You were in on this?’ growled Ron. “Why not? You weren’t in any real danger, mate’ laughed Harry. “No real danger! I nearly jumped off the bloody balcony’ cried Ron. The sound of approaching police sirens cut the conversation short. They ran back to their rooms, grabbed their belongings, and took the elevator to the ground floor. The police were talking to the manager at the front desk, so they skipped checkout, and headed straight for the car. Harry drove to McDonalds, and ordered breakfast. He’d always wanted to eat in the car, but his uncle forbid him. He’d always been forced to wait while his fat cousin stuffed his face. Now the tables had turned, and Deadly was the one waiting. “I figure this would be a good time to sneak into Buckingham Palace’ said Harry. Herpes heart was beating hard and fast. She was determined to seduce the prince. Outside Buckingham Palace grounds Harry stopped the car, and the four of them squeezed into the front seats. They pulled Harry’s invisibility cloak over their heads, and braced for the impact. Harry lit his spliff, and taking a massive drag, he drove straight at the front gates. The guards jumped away as he barreled toward them. The car slammed into the gates, and was thrown back. Harry tried to back up, but the front fender was stuck on the right tire. From the trunk issued a stream of curses, and death threats. The guards pointed their guns at the trunk. Police sirens were blaring, and Harry knew they didn’t have much time. They slipped out the passenger door, and waited to see what would happen to Deadly. Ron, and Harry were sniggering uncontrollably, but Herpes cupped their mouths to keep them quiet. Ginny was struggling to refrain from bursting into heavy laughter as the police opened the Trunk, and pulled Deadly out. “Bloody wankers, I’ll kill the lot of ‘em!’ he fumed. You’re in allot of trouble boy. We’re taking you to the station’ growled a bobby. “Get off me!’ cried Deadly as he punched a bobby in his face. The police beat him with their clubs, but Deadly was just getting started. “Oi! Fu<k the lot of you!’ he screamed as he kicked a bobby in his shin. “Shoot his oss!’ screamed the bobby as he held his shin. They continued to beat Deadly until he stopped resisting their efforts to restrain him. “We’re locking this one up for a good long time’ boasted one bobby to another. “He threatened to kill her majesty’ claimed a guard, the other guard nodded his head in agreement. “Trying to murder the queen, eh? That’s an act of terrorism! We execute terrorists in this country’ gloated the bobby whose shin Deadly had kicked. They dragged him to a car in riot cuffs, and shoved him inside. A butler had walked down the drive from the palace. “Good lord! He scratched the paint’ cried the butler as he examined the gate. He opened the gate to ascertain its working condition. “They’re damaged, they’ll only open by hand’ he growled. Harry took this opportunity to lead his friends through the gate.

Harry took this opportunity to lead his friends through the gate. Once inside they headed toward the palace, but a big dog was charging at them. It was snarling, and looked vicious. *Blam* Ron used his 44 magnum to disembowel the loyal beast. It fell to the ground, and yelped with pain. Ron was feeling good about it. He hated dogs ever since a police dog used his leg for a chew toy. The guards were now running toward them. They moved out of the way just in time. A guard brushed past them without noticing. They were examining the wounded animal, and looking around. “Is it a sniper? Must be Al Qaeda. We’d better call for reinforcements’ said a guard. The blast from the gun had been loud, but Harry’s ears perked up. Loud music was coming from the palace. He lead them closer to the palace. The music was becoming discernable now. It was the last Britney Spears album. “I should have brought some ear plugs’ wailed Ginny. They agreed with her, but now Ron was leading them forward like a bloodhound. “I’ll take you to the prince’s room’ he said as he moved forward. “Yes, the prince’s room’ sighed Herpes. Ron cast Alohomora on the door, and they entered. The palace was gaudy. The economy hadn’t seemed to affect the queen’s life style. They came to an open door of a macabre room. It was filled with torture devices, and a druidic alter behind which was seated a stone owl. It made Harry feel uneasy. Some floor spikes for impaling looked as though they’d been recently used. “This is bad! That open door means trouble!’ Ron warned them. “Like you’d know’ spat Ginny. Ron turned away from the room, and led them down the hall. “This is the prince’s room’ he said as he opened the door. They snuck in, and pulled off the invisibility cloak. They were in luck. Prince Harold was throwing a wild party. Britney Spears was performing a nude pole dance while her husband watched, and held their baby. A table was filled with all manner of narcotics. Ron started to use his extendable nose to sniff some cocain, but Harry stopped him. “Remember what happened to you before?’ he asked. Ron looked puzzled for a moment then a look of disgust came over his face. “Don’t use any of the drugs here, no matter how desperate you feel!’ Ron told Ginny. “Who the bloody hell put you in charge?’ growled Ginny. “On second thought, go ahead, bi+ch’ Ron growled back at her. “I’ve got better weed’ declared Harry as he packed his bong wand with Acapulco gold, and fired it up. He took a hit, and passed it to Ginny. Meanwhile Herpes was introducing herself to the prince, and flirting with him. The prince was dressed as Adolph Hitler, but she didn’t care. She could care less about his racial beliefs, she was after his fortune. Ron slipped back out of the room under Harry’s invisibility cloak as the prince’s girlfriend, Chelsy Davis, entered. She looked shocked at the sight of Herpes hanging on the prince. For a moment she just stood there as though in disbelief, but slowly she began to fume. She stormed over to them, and told Herpes to leave, but Herpes ignored her. The prince flipped her off, and unzipped his trousers. Chelsy pleaded with the prince to call the guards, but Herpes was going down on him. Frustrated and enraged Chelsy stormed over to Harry, and demanded an explanation. “Why are you people crashing this party? How did you make it past the front gates?’ she cried. Harry handed her his bong wand and gave her a wink. “You’re hot when you’re angry, luv’ he said. Chelsy was taken aback by Harry’s charisma, and slowly took a hit on his bong wand. Herpes mouth was filled with the prince’s spunk. She swallowed it, and licked her lips, but the prince was through with her. He pushed her aside like a bag of garbage. He’d taken notice of Harry and Chelsy, and decided he was pissed. He stormed over to them.

“Who the fu<k are you? Fu<king nobody, that’s who. Why would she want you?’ spat the prince. ‘I can think of one good reason’ said Harry as he unzipped his trousers. Chelsy’s eyes lit up in excitement at the sight of Harry’s enormous cock. ”I’m not a gambling man, but I’d bet it’s three times larger than yours’ he chuckled as he reached for the syringe in his pocket. “Guards!’ roared the prince losing his spliff. Herpes wrapped her arms around the prince making certain he could feel her breasts against his back just as the door flung open, and four royal guards charged into the room pointing their rifles at the guests. “Kill them! Kill them all now! I’m going to bathe in their blood!’ spat the prince. The guards opened fire on the guests. Ginny kicked over the table, and motioned for Harry to join her. Harry grabbed hold of Chelsy and pulled her behind the table. A bullet grazed Herpes shoulder, and she dove behind the table as well. “Your boyfriend is a sick prick’ said Harry as he put his bong wand to his lips, and took a hit. Ginny pulled out her desert eagle. *Blam*Blam* She killed two guards before a barrage of bullets made her take cover. *Blam*Blam*Blam*Blam* The rest of the royal guard fell. Ron had finished them off. He pulled Harry’s cloak off, and tossed it behind the table. Harry stood, and stuffed the cloak in his pocket. “Half baked prince my arse! He’s no bloody Whizzard, he’s just a butt fu<king poofter’ spat Ron as he pointed his empty 44 magnum at the prince. “You think you can kill me?! I’m the dope lord’s apprentice! I’m like a god before men’ boasted the prince as he pulled a wand from his trousers, and pointed it at Ron. “No, you’re an inbred megalomaniacal parasite with delusions of self importance’ Ginny corrected him. “Shut your mouth you ugly street whore!’ spat the prince. *Blam* Ginny killed the prince, and now Herpes was discomfited. “You’ve just killed my meal ticket’ cried Herpes. Ron stuck his head out the door at the sound of approaching foot steps. “More guards’ he cried as he slammed and locked the door. “We better get the hell out of here!’ exclaimed Harry realizing the danger they were in. The guards were now at the door- smashing it down. “The prince is dead, they’ll kill us if we don’t take them out first’ cried Harry. Ron hurriedly picked up an M16 rifle dropped by a dead guard, and opened fire on the door. Screams, and shouting came from the other side. Chelsy pulled Harry across the room toward another door. “This door leads to another hall and from there I can take you to the garage’ she said. Harry started to say “Thanks’, but she grabbed his crotch, and French kissed him saying “Thank me later’. The five of them raced to the garage. Damn, I just realized we need the keys’ cried Chelsy. Harry jimmied the lock, and hotwired the car in a flash. “Where did you learn to do that?’ she asked in amazement. I used to live on the streets nicking crusts from the garbage, hotwiring cars, and sleeping in my neighbor’s dog house until my uncle Vermin was forced to allow me to live in the house’ explained Harry. Chelsy looked horrified at these words, but jumped in the car with them. Harry put it in reverse and ripped through the closed garage door knocking one royal marine over sideways, and smearing another on the pavement. He shot around, and put the car in drive. He sped toward the front gate, and slammed into it again. The vehicle was thrown backward, and a squad of royal marines were now firing at them. They ducked down as bullets ripped through the car. Steam burst forth from the radiator, and Harry knew they were in trouble, but the gate was barely hanging on its hinges. He backed up, and slammed into it once more. This time it gave way. He whipped into traffic. The engine was over heating, but he couldn’t stop. He had to get to a safe distance before ditching the car. As they sped down the road he could see a police blockade being setup. This was it; they had to ditch the car, now!

“Tuck and roll!” ordered Harry as he set the car on cruise. They jumped out as the car sped onward. A sniper prepared to shoot Harry, but the car crashed into the blockade, making him lose his concentration. Before the police could open fire Harry used his Accio Guns spell to disarm them. Unarmed, disoriented, and now being hunted by their prey, the police opted for a tactical retreat. “Bloody cowards’ spat Harry as he watched them running away. “They’ll be back, and in greater numbers. We have to get out of here!’ cried Chelsea. “You’d be safer on your own. They’re after us’ said Harry as he picked up some guns. “You haven’t properly thanked me for saving your lives’ said Chelsy as she turned and faced Harry. Her eyes were on his crotch, but her scalp was on the ground, and for that matter so was part of her face. Harry fought the urge to puke. She was unaware of her own condition. “Awesome, I got a sniper rifle!’ shouted Ron as he held up the gun for them to see, but they were staring at Chelsy. “Someone call the whizzard bus quickly!’ cried Harry. “I think she needs an ambulance’ said Herpes. “Just call the damn bus!’ exclaimed Harry. Ginny called the bus and it appeared in front of them. “All boarding the Whizzard bus please step aboard… Jesus H Christ! What happened to your face, luv?’ exclaimed the driver. “You’re parked on in’ said Harry as they boarded the vehicle. “You’re a bastard’ growled Herpes. “If we’d called the ambulance first, we’d have been captured, tortured, and executed for killing that wanking prince’ Harry said in a flustered tone. “We’ll call an ambulance when we reach DireCon Alley’ demanded Herpes. “Yes, fine. We’ll call an ambulance’ growled Harry. He was getting sick of Herpes nagging him. At any rate he was more concerned about the whorecrust than Chelsy. They’d left without finding it, which meant he’d have to go back. He had no clue as to its whereabouts, but he could use the accio spell to make it come to him, or so he believed. They got off at DireCon Alley, and called the ambulance. A number of whizzards had stepped off the bus with them, but Harry hadn’t waited for the path to clear. Three whizzards were knocked aside by the speeding vehicle. One was merely stunned, but the other two were seriously injured, and groaning in pain. Chelsy looked at Harry. “Aren’t you going with me?’ she pouted. “Only patients are allowed on the Whizzard ambulance, but we’ll pick you up at the hospital and give you a lift back to the palace’ he promised. He’d figured it out. She was his excuse to go back. “Mate, she wasn’t even shag worthy when she had a face’ whispered Ron. Herpes jabbed him hard in the ribs, and he let out a yelp of pain. Chelsy looked at Harry with a sad expression… Well as sad as someone can look without half their face, and stepped in the back of the ambulance. They watched as it disappeared from sight. Unfortunately, it ran over the same two whizzards it had injured before. “I’m glad that’s over’ spat Ginny, who was jealous of the attention Harry had given Chelsy. “Remember, you promised to pick her up’ said Herpes. “I have to nick a car first’ growled Harry as he lit a spliff. “Right, then. Time to nick a ride’ said Ron as he looked at Harry expectantly. “There are no cars in DireCon Alley, we’ll have to walk a few blocks’ said Harry.

Ron addressed Herpes, and Ginny “Why don’t you two rest on the bench while Harry and I find a car?’ asked Ron as he lit his spliff. They looked at him thoughtfully as he took a drag, and passed it to them. Ron and Harry left the girls to their spliff. No sooner had they turned the corner than Ron tossed a dime bag in front of Harry. “Burn it’ demanded Ron. Harry looked puzzled. “Is that?...’ he started to ask, but it was clearly a whorecrust. “Just do it mate’ said Ron in a tone of impatience. Harry pointed his wand at the whorecrust, and cried “Incendio’. They watched it burn, and when the fire had gone out Ron pissed on the ashes. “You wouldn’t believe what I went through to get that blasted thing’ said Ron. “But how did you find it? Peter GetAScrew was a methneeder, and he didn’t know where it was’ cried Harry. “He was the one that told you where to find the whorecrusts?’ asked Ron in seeming disbelief. Harry realized that GetAScrew must have known the location, but didn’t divulge the information for some reason. There was only one whorecrust left, and all that mattered now was finding, and destroying it. “I think we should ditch the women’ said Harry. ‘Don’t expect me to shag you’ Ron guffawed. “Herpes is nagging me to death, mate. I can wank until school starts. We’ll tell them some damn lie, like we’re going to take Chelsy back to the palace, and they should go home because it’s become too dangerous’ explained Harry. “Works for me’ replied Ron as they started toward the puddle streets. “So what’d you pick up back there?’ asked Ron. “Picked up?’ Harry asked. “The guns you picked up. What were they?’ he replied. “Just two 9mm Glocks’ said Harry. “Is that all?’ asked Ron with an air of disappointment. “Yes, what did you get?’ asked Harry. “Four 9mm Glocks, an AR15, and a bolt action 50 caliber sniper rifle. You need something long rage, mate. Too bad we left the hunting rifle in the car’ said Ron. “Why there’s only one whorecrust left, after we burn it we can lay low until Baldysnort shows up’ replied Harry. “Mate, his apprentice is dead. He’s going to be waiting for us at the hotel, and the hotel is already staffed with methneeders’ explained Ron. Ten minutes later they drove up to the bench where Ginny and Herpes were toking on their bong wands. “I’ve decided that…’ said Harry. “We’ve made a decision too. We’re not going home’ Ginny interrupted him. “We followed you earlier. We knew, you were up to something, but you’re not going to ditch us. You said you were going to pay for our vacation, and we’re holding you to your word. Besides, Ron would get the both of you killed’ added Herpes.

Since no one has contributed anything for such a long time I've decided to finish the story.

Flashback: "You wouldn’t believe what I went through to get that blasted thing'
Under the invisibility cloak, Ron moved silently down the hall to the torture chamber they'd passed on the way in. He approached the stone owl, and pointing his bong wand he muttered the counter curse.
"Stone to stoner, as the sun makes the earth come alive.
While high as a kite, I command this stone owl to revive’
The might owl twitched and fell to the ground with a great thud. "Poor bugger. Too bad that spell doesn't wear off animals' said Ron to himself. Suddenly the giant owl shrieked and flew high onto the rafters making a loud squishing noise. Ron moved to where the animal had fallen and pocketed the dime bag it had dropped. "I want it tender, or you’ll be the one feeling the whip! Beat my meat until its dripping with blood!' A high pitched bi+chy voice demanded. Ron bit his lip to keep from roaring with laughter. He turned just in time to see two men enter the room. It was Tony Blaire followed by a grim looking servant carrying a squealing pig. "Yes, me lord' growled the servant as he impaled the animal. "Make it suffer! It has to suffer for flavor' cried Blaire. "Yes, me lord' the servant replied again as he pulled out a whip and began lashing the animal. "Yes, that's it' said Blaire as he shoved his hand in his trousers. His eyes fluttered as he wanked to the animal's cries of pain. "Wait a bloody minute! Ooze ‘ere? Show yehself!' demanded the servant. "Bloody hell! Did I tell you to stop?' spat Blaire. "My apologies me lord, someone's 'ere wotchin'' explained the servant. “Hmmm, kinky!’ purred Blaire with intrigue. Ron knew the servant couldn't be talking about him, he was under Harry's invisibility cloak. "Ooze dat undah deh cape. Show yehself' the servant demanded again, a bit more hateful than before. A moment of silence passed as Ron was reassured that he was safe. After all he was under a cloak, not a cape. "I said show yehself' screamed the servant as he lashed Ron through the cloak. "Son of a bi+ch! That hurt' cried Ron. "Unless you want to end up beside this pig, you'd better do as you're told' hissed Blaire. "How the hell can you see me? Harry's cloak makes me invisible' Ron said with astonishment. "My apologies me lord. Mus' be one uh Prince "arry's guests.' the servant explained. He turned back to Ron who was pulling off the cloak. "Ooo are yeh, and why are yeh 'ere' growled the servant. Ron was trying to think of a good lie, but his mouth moved as if on its own. "I'm Baldysnort, you fool! Question me again and I'll kill you both' he lied. They looked horror struck, but after a few seconds they both bowed low to him exclaiming "My lord!'

Ron was shocked; these two buffoons actually believed he was Baldysnort. "You didn't answer my question, how did you see me under the cloak?' asked Ron hatefully. "Its bright grey, sir. It'd be 'ard teh miss even in a dungeon such as dis one 'ere. "Bright grey?' said Ron as he looked at the cloak. It was dripping with owl shi+. "Poor bugger must've been holding it for years' Ron thought aloud. "What's that, me lord?' asked the servant. "I want this cloak washed, and a cold beer' demanded Ron. "Right this way, my lord' said Blaire as he took the soiled cloak. "Holmes, have this washed immediately' spat Blaire as he shoved it in the servant's face and wiped his hands on the poor man's clothes. "Right away, me lord' gasped the servant as the overwhelming stench of the cloak made his gag. Blaire led Ron to an extremely comfortable chair in a large extravagant room. "It shan't take long, my lord. Please relax while I fetch a beer. We have servants for your pleasure while you wait' said Blaire as he clapped his hands. Six very well endowed and scantly clad women, the most gorgeous Ron had ever seen, came out to greet him. Blaire bowed to him as he left the room. No sooner had the door closed than the kissing and caressing began. Ron was plunged into a world of pure ecstasy, as these women sucked his toes, fingers, and his cock. He was being licked in places he didn't know he had. A knock came at the door and one of the women answered it, and came back with the beer. Ron guzzled half the bottle down as he was straddled by a vivacious blonde. The others were still caressing him with their breasts, sucking his fingers and toes. This was the first time in Ron’s life to experience a full body orgasm. Once he'd cum they left him alone in the room, which in Ron's opinion any man would desire. He lay in the bodily juices for a moment before another knock on the door drew his attention. He rose from the chair and answered the door. "Me lord, yore cloak' said the servant as he held it out to Ron while bowing his head. "What the bloody hell is this? It's stained, you git!' cried Ron. "My apologies my lord, I shall have him tortured at once' said Blaire as he dragged the servant down the hall toward the torture chamber. "No me Lord, 'ave mercy! I beg yeh' the servant wailed. "Shi+! When Harry sees this, he'll kick my arse' whined Ron as he threw the cloak over his head and looked in a hanging mirror. The cloak wasn't invisible anymore. It appeared to be a ghostly grey. Inspiration hit him in a flash. He knew what he'd do. He'd give Harry back the cloak and pretend that he didn't know anything about it. He felt so good about this plan that he forgot to take the cloak off until after he walked back in the room where he'd left his friends.

Present day:
Harry was blaming himself. Now Herpes wanted to take charge, and that was something he’d dreaded most. “Come on, lets go to the hospital’ said Herpes as they got in the car. “Sure, we’ll pick up that girl we don’t know, and take her with us. We can stand behind her when the MethNeeders start casting death curses at us’ Harry replied sarcastically as he drove west. “You’re going the wrong way!’ cried Herpes. She was trying to argue with him, but he paid her no mind. Ron beamed at Harry proudly as he lit a spliff and took a mighty drag. Harry was trying to contemplate the events up till now, something was amiss. But it was no use, Herpes was now screaming at him. "Shaddup, ya stupid bi+ch!' cried Ginny as she stabbed Herpes in the back of her head with a syringe. The attack came so swiftly and unexpectedly that it caused a five car pile up. They managed to pull themselves from the wreck, but as they were walking away a woman cried out at them. "Yeh bloody bas+ards broke me arm, yeh did. I 'ave a mind to sue yeh'. Harry flipped her the bird and kept on walking as Ron and Ginny dragged Herpes behind them. Herpe's body was limp with a huge smile of euphoria. "Bloody hell! What did you stick her with?' asked Ron. "Rohypnol, it's the stuff Shagrid uses to get laid' said Ginny in a nonchalant tone. Ron's eyes lit up, and he looked back at Herpes once more, but Ginny recognized Ron's intentions. "Not now you imbecile, we've more important business to tend' she spat. Four police cars and a puddle ambulance raced through the streets toward them. "Damn it, get under the cloak!' cried Harry as he tugged on his cloak. It was no use. The cloak had snagged on his trouser zipper, about half way past the urine stain. "'old it you lot, where the 'ell do yeh think yer goin'? cried a bobby pointing his Glock at them. Ron reached for his gun but found it was missing. "Fu<k me!' he exclaimed realizing he'd left his guns in the car. Harry was relieved for once in his life that Ron didn't have a gun. They were in the open, unable to take cover, and were surrounded by armed police. They wouldn't stand a chance. There was only one thing that could save them now; lying. Harry began weeping, and pointed at the woman with the broken arm. "She did it! She came out of nowhere and smashed into our car. My sister is unconscious, we were trying to drag her to the hospital. Please don't let her die!' he cried. "Jesus mate, she's just paralyzed' chuckled Ron. Ginny let go of Herpes leg and rammed her elbow hard into Ron's side. "You little bi+ch, what was that for?:' cried Ron as he rubbed his side, still unable to comprehend what Harry was attempting to do. "Mate just blow their bloody heads off, and lets get the hell out of here' suggested Ron. Harry felt his scrotum retract into his abdomen. "We're unarmed! We surrender, don't shoot!' he cried as he laid face down on the ground. "Nah, we're still gunna kill yeh... Didn't think we'd let yeh get away with what yeh pulled at Buckin' ' am palace, did yeh?' croaked an old bobby. "I don't know what you're talking about' lied Harry as his hand moved toward his wand. *BLAM* A young bobby discharged his Glock just missing Harry's hand by a few centimeters. "Try dat shi+ again and I'll blow yer bloody 'and off' growled the bobby. "Right, so what are you going to do?' asked Harry. They looked at the old bobby. He had a repugnant look as though of self disgust, and looked down rather than at Harry as he said "We don't 'ave trials for those labeled terrorists, but even if we use Gestapo enforcement its for the greater good'
"How are you going to do this? I mean, to execute us here in front of all these people...' asked Harry. "Over 'ere! Kneel in deh ditch so we keep deh blood off the street' commanded a flabby bobby as he grabbed hold of Ron's arm.

*BLALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAM* All of the eight bobbies fell to the ground. "What the bloody hell was that?' cried Harry. Ron was impressed "It sounded like a bloody machine gun' he chuckled with pride as he gazed at Ginny, or perhaps it was her gun Ron was proud of. Harry didn't know which it had been, but it brought a tear to Ron's eye... And then he realized "Wait a bloody minute! That's my gun! I nicked it fair and square!' screamed Ron. "Oh shut up! You were going to leave it in the car. Herpes was right, you would've gotten Harry killed' she growled. "He wrecked the car, and the pigs were trying to kill me!' cried Ron, but Ginny ignored him as she helped Harry to his feet. "How the bloody hell did you get them all?' asked Harry. "If you look carefully, you can tell this gun is modified to chain fire. That's why I nicked it from Ron on the bus' explained Ginny. Harry looked impressed at her as he finally unhooked the cloak from his zipper, and tossed it over them. They collected the guns that lay on the pavement near the still twitching bodies, but Harry refused to let Ron go back to the car. More trigger happy police were coming and he wanted to get as far away as his stoner legs would carry him, which was about half a block. A child pointed at them as they passed and asked his mum, "what are those people doing?' "Just walking around with a garment over their heads, dear' she answered. If Harry had only realized it was the sight of four crazy people huddled together under a cloak that now made people ignore them, he would probably have tossed it, but Ron wasn't about to tell him. Harry led them to a seedy looking motel where he pocketed the cloak. They waited outside patiently until he returned with a room key and led them to their room. They tossed Herpes on one of the two beds, and Harry sent Ginny off to fetch a bucket of ice. Ron decided to smoke a spliff until she returned. By the time she'd returned, Harry had the spliff and passed it to her. They packed Ron's bong wand with hash and ice, and took turns toking on it. They would deliberately exhale on Herpes so she could enjoy it as well. After five minutes they laid on the bed giggling. Ron tried to call Pizza Hut, but he didn't know the street address of the motel. Ginny turned on the telly as Harry and Ron lay on the bed talking about Quidditch. Herpes suddenly stirred in her bed. "Oh my god! She’s burning through the drug at an unbelievable rate.' said Ginny unable to keep her thoughts to herself. "Right! Better get down to business said Ron as he pulled Herpes panties off with his teeth. "I can't believe you're doing that' laughed Harry. Ron burst out giggling as well. "My bollocks look like bloody smurfs' he sniggered. "I'd like to see that' Harry sniggered back. "Gawd, I'm starving. Someone just buy something edible. I don't care what the hell it is' whined Ginny. "Yeah' seconded Harry as they both stared at Ron. "Oh, bloody hell, are you expecting me to?' asked Ron. It was Ron's turn to buy the munchies, and he wasn't sure he could remember what they wanted. "Just anything edible, anything is fine' Ginny repeated. "Bring back a piece of dog shi+ if you have to, mate. We're starving' sniggered Harry. They burst into another giggle fit as Ron stumbled out the door. Harry found an old monster movie on the telly while they waited for Ron. Forty seven minutes later Ron returned asking "What was I doing?' "Buying munchies you git arsehole!' cried Ginny as she through a pillow in his face. "Right, got any money?' he asked. "Mate we gave you fifty pounds twenty minutes ago' replied Harry. "I think I spent it' Ron chuckled. "Great where's the food?' asked Ginny looking hopeful. "I paid a hooker for sex but forgot to get around to doing it... Damn, I was ripped off' chuckled Ron.