The Official Symbiote Thread

Originally posted by kiekan
I think, overall, its a pretty decent read. A few things, though: The dialogue seems a little forced and the characters seem a little too stiff. Alot of the dialogue is pretty cliche, too. For example, "Don't do anything stupid Arcana. If you do, the guilt will consume you." Not trying to be a jerk or anything, but it sounds like you took that right from Star Wars or something, lol.

I wasn't really trying to be cliche but I ended doing it anyways. LOL I guess some originality always helps.

Originally posted by kiekan
Also, at least for me, it gets a little menotonous to keep reading "the husband" or "the wife" or "the man" so much. Without some form of identification or some other way to bring the reader's attention to the needed character, it really gives the characters a seemingly unimportant role.[/B]

I did that cause I wanted the reader to have a sense of mystery to the characters. Plus the female name is Jen (short for Jenova) and the male who helped them is named ArKana so there are some names thrown around..

Originally posted by kiekan
And finally, there seems to be alot of filler in the story. Does the reader really need to know everything that happens to the people in the crash? It sounds to me, like you added alot of the "injuries" to to take up some space and extend the length. All we really need to know is that the Husband is dead and the wife is dying.[/B]

You would have to blame Dean Koontz for that. I love to right the way he writes. Gives me a full sense on what happened and how. I would've just said,"the 2 cars crashed killing the husband and the other 2 sustained injury." Kinda bland at least in my opinion. When I read something I want some detail and I assumed alot of people are this way too. Oh well can't satisfy everyone.

[/B][/QUOTE]
But despite my criticism, good job. I'm pretty curious to where this is going. [/B][/QUOTE]

I highly appreciate EFFECTIVE criticism, and you have given me some. Thank you. I have finished this story up but typing it is a pain in ass. (plus it doesn't help that my handwriting is sloppy 😐).

BTW any suggestions on the next chapter. I might just rewrite some of the chapters. Just for heads up this will NOT take place in the marvel universe.

kiekan, shut the **** up. it is a good story, ok?

an idea for the next chapter of the story: the woman is in the hospital, but released since the sym healed her (i think it did, though this next part is counting that the sym WENT to her) she mourns for her husband and all that, when she hears the sym talking to her. she thinks shes crazy and all that and... i think you could continue the story if you think this is good, and umm, well its just that ive been typing and saving some of my own stories on my computer, and that by my judgement, arcinis, your really good. heck, kiekan you should put this guys stories on the symbiosis.awardspace thing. marvel itself would approve of this story.

Little advice: if you want people to take you seriously, try showing more respect.

Telling someone to shut the **** up is a surefire way to make people think less of you.

Think before you type.

Originally posted by orangepoindexte
Little advice: if you want people to take you seriously, try showing more respect.

Telling someone to shut the **** up is a surefire way to make people think less of you.

Think before you type.

And don't do drugs. 🏴‍☠️

good story and thanx arachnid1, I'll take your advice!

Everyone, just ignore Kentai.

Originally posted by Firelord Ozai
Everyone, just ignore Kentai.

Easier said than done. 😎
The guy is like a crossover between Mr. Bean and Goofy, except
he's twice as annoying.

So true..

Originally posted by Chaos Lyrics
good story and thanx arachnid1, I'll take your advice!

who is mr. bean? and i LIKE Goofy. its just that, well i have what you may call a VERY short temper and i thought that arcinis typed was good, and kiekan was sorta saying thst it was kinda bad, so i just typed what i felt. im a wierd version of dr. jeckyl and mr. hide, if i do say so myself.

and i dont do drugs! drugs are for ppl like this guy💃

Originally posted by Kentai
who is mr. bean? and i LIKE Goofy. its just that, well i have what you may call a VERY short temper and i thought that arcinis typed was good, and kiekan was sorta saying thst it was kinda bad, so i just typed what i felt. im a wierd version of dr. jeckyl and mr. hide, if i do say so myself.

and i dont do drugs! drugs are for ppl like this guy💃

Oh, dude, I just randomly added that. I didn't mean you. 😄

ooooooookaaay

Seriously, Kentai, stop doing those drugs.

Anyway, it would be good if there was a video game in which all of the symbiotes were playable. It would be similar to X-Men Legends.

Originally posted by Kentai
kiekan, shut the **** up. it is a good story, ok?

an idea for the next chapter of the story: the woman is in the hospital, but released since the sym healed her (i think it did, though this next part is counting that the sym WENT to her) she mourns for her husband and all that, when she hears the sym talking to her. she thinks shes crazy and all that and... i think you could continue the story if you think this is good, and umm, well its just that ive been typing and saving some of my own stories on my computer, and that by my judgement, arcinis, your really good. heck, kiekan you should put this guys stories on the symbiosis.awardspace thing. marvel itself would approve of this story.

Umm first off take it from me.
The grasshoper who creaks the loudest gets stepped on first.

further more NEWBIE WATCH YOUR ****ING MOUTH!

The isbn for the birth of venom is 0785124985 it covers most of the early venom stuff

oh and im proably gonna quadrupal post

Originally posted by orangepoindexte
Also check out:

www.superstories.net ... there's Symbiote-related stuff in the Addventure section there as well as the stories posted on the main site.

yes but thats a little more 18a-r rated...
AND acording to robochicken or wat ev's Caboose we were not discussing Super.net But hey FINISH YOUR STORY ON THERE.

Wow! A quadruple reply done by Fdoomed. This thread is getting lamer and lamer by each day.

That's because more lame people are posting...

hey! im not lame! i just play gears of war and halo and other crap a lot. they were good games! and i dont take drugs, except for some drug that is supposed to make me pay attention at school. but i can resist it!