The wondrous moon above shone brightly, spilling light across the path I walked. The wind became icy, a harsh embrace for my once warm body. My jacket ruffled violently behind me, my hands reaching into my pockets, searching for warmth I knew I would not find. My lips trembled slightly, my eyes eagerly scanning my surroundings, seeking a relief from the piercing cold. Just as I had wrapped my jacket tighter around my body, I felt a single, cold raindrop fall onto my cheek, which slowly travelled down my face, and ended at the base of my chin, falling to the opening of my shirt. I glanced overhead. Rain clouds were gathering, chaotically dancing across the sky, their darkness closing in on the luminous moon. I stopped walking, closing my eyes as I did so. I listened. Distant voices, slowly fading as a deep roll of thunder howled through the mystical night.
Suddenly, raindrops began to fall, heavy and rapid, their presence causing a shuffle of feet, and an uproar of voices around me. I opened my eyes, yet as my feet started to move again, my pace did not quicken. I did not wish to escape the rain, for each raindrop that fell onto my face, was another soothing touch to my flesh. I walked on, slowly becoming aware that at some moments, my eyes would close, for my mind was aching to feel the cool of the rain on my skin, with no interruption from my eyes. As the rain began to die down, I came to reality, and focused on finding a place to go, for I knew I could not wander on forever. My feet carried me along, my eyes quickly running over the stores and taverns I passed by. After my quick survey, I managed to find a restaurant. My clothes were neat and formal (and reasonably dry by now) so I decided that this would be my place of choice for the evening. I made my way through a small patch of people, reaching the decorative doorway, and turning the golden handle.
I disregarded any of the extravagant features of the restaurant, and instead walked directly to the bar I spotted in the far corner of the room. I pulled out a polished, wooden stool, and sat down upon it.
“Preposterous!” Said a man beside me, banging his fist ethereally onto the counter. “Can you believe this?” He asked, in a rather shocked tone. I turned my head towards the man, in realization that his question was directed at me. “Pardon me?” I asked, noticing that the man held a newspaper in his hand. I studied the man. I noticed his eyes firstly; they were exceptional indeed – silver in color, with flecks of midnight blue scattered through them. His hair was jet black and shoulder length, with unruly bangs almost covering his eyes completely. I looked at his eyes once more, for I noticed that something about them was somewhat familiar to me.
The man smiled. “Forgive me for my abrupt question,” he said politely, “But the large increase of taxes in this town is ghastly.” He handed me the newspaper and continued on. “I assume this tax increase has come about so the entertainment concept for the celebration can be paid for.” I was reading through the article about the tax growth, when I noticed what the man had said. “Celebration?” I asked, my eyes still fixed upon the newspaper. “Yes,” the man said pleasantly. “There is an upcoming celebration for the foundation of our beloved town. It is annual of course, and I take it you are new here, or else you would have known of such a significant festivity.” I looked up and stared blankly at the man. I had for so long lived my immortal life, that I had forgotten any minor things that I once knew in my previous life. “Sir?” Came the man’s voice. I blinked instantly, and smiled gently at the man. “Yes, you could say I am new here,” I said with despondency.
“Well, welcome to New Orleans then Sir,” said the man, a smile forming on his handsome face. “I do hope you enjoy the celebration. No one in town has ever missed one, for we all greatly enjoy them. Even my sister has come here to take delight in the festivity. She loves this town immensely, yet she tells me that she has come across a tremendous amount of impolite people. Although, she did say there was one kind stranger who helped her with her belongings.” Slowly, I turned to the man, once again focusing on his eyes. “Your sister?” I asked, feeling a smile creep upon my face. “Yes. Her name is Cassandra,” the man said warmly. “Do you know her?” He asked. “Perhaps,” I said, smiling more broadly. “However, I do not know you,” I said to the man, offering my hand. “My name is Louis Pointe du Lac.” The man smiled happily and shook my hand firmly. “It is good to meet you Louis. My name is Dorian Black.”
Boppy: here’s the final result of my bit. Please tell me that it reaches your standards…lol…no, really though, please let me know what you think of it. I did work very hard on it, so hopefully, you like it🙂
Actually, now that I compare this new bit to the original bit, I see that I much prefer this bit🙂..I like the fact that I did do as you suggested, and make dorian more intelligent. I did also (as you would have realized) add much more to the start of the story. I have had that piece saved in Word for a while now. I had typed it in hopes of using it, and I didn’t think I would actually get to, well, I guess I was wrong🙂 Also, I did mention cassie in a proper way (well, your way….heh..) which caught louis’s attention….(as you would have seen by now).so, I thank you for your suggestions, they were excellent ones, and have helped me develop a much better story bit 👆, hopefully, you think so too.
Originally posted by RagingSilent
The wondrous moon above shone brightly, spilling light across the path I walked. The wind became icy, a harsh embrace for my once warm body. My jacket ruffled violently behind me, my hands reaching into my pockets, searching for warmth I knew I would not find. My lips trembled slightly, my eyes eagerly scanning my surroundings, seeking a relief from the piercing cold. Just as I had wrapped my jacket tighter around my body, I felt a single, cold raindrop fall onto my cheek, which slowly travelled down my face, and ended at the base of my chin, falling to the opening of my shirt. I glanced overhead. Rain clouds were gathering, chaotically dancing across the sky, their darkness closing in on the luminous moon. I stopped walking, closing my eyes as I did so. I listened. Distant voices, slowly fading as a deep roll of thunder howled through the mystical night.Suddenly, raindrops began to fall, heavy and rapid, their presence causing a shuffle of feet, and an uproar of voices around me. I opened my eyes, yet as my feet started to move again, my pace did not quicken. I did not wish to escape the rain, for each raindrop that fell onto my face, was another soothing touch to my flesh. I walked on, slowly becoming aware that at some moments, my eyes would close, for my mind was aching to feel the cool of the rain on my skin, with no interruption from my eyes. As the rain began to die down, I came to reality, and focused on finding a place to go, for I knew I could not wander on forever. My feet carried me along, my eyes quickly running over the stores and taverns I passed by. After my quick survey, I managed to find a restaurant. My clothes were neat and formal (and reasonably dry by now) so I decided that this would be my place of choice for the evening. I made my way through a small patch of people, reaching the decorative doorway, and turning the golden handle.
I disregarded any of the extravagant features of the restaurant, and instead walked directly to the bar I spotted in the far corner of the room. I pulled out a polished, wooden stool, and sat down upon it.
“Preposterous!” Said a man beside me, banging his fist ethereally onto the counter. “Can you believe this?” He asked, in a rather shocked tone. I turned my head towards the man, in realization that his question was directed at me. “Pardon me?” I asked, noticing that the man held a newspaper in his hand. I studied the man. I noticed his eyes firstly; they were exceptional indeed – silver in color, with flecks of midnight blue scattered through them. His hair was jet black and shoulder length, with unruly bangs almost covering his eyes completely. I looked at his eyes once more, for I noticed that something about them was somewhat familiar to me.The man smiled. “Forgive me for my abrupt question,” he said politely, “But the large increase of taxes in this town is ghastly.” He handed me the newspaper and continued on. “I assume this tax increase has come about so the entertainment concept for the celebration can be paid for.” I was reading through the article about the tax growth, when I noticed what the man had said. “Celebration?” I asked, my eyes still fixed upon the newspaper. “Yes,” the man said pleasantly. “There is an upcoming celebration for the foundation of our beloved town. It is annual of course, and I take it you are new here, or else you would have known of such a significant festivity.” I looked up and stared blankly at the man. I had for so long lived my immortal life, that I had forgotten any minor things that I once knew in my previous life. “Sir?” Came the man’s voice. I blinked instantly, and smiled gently at the man. “Yes, you could say I am new here,” I said with despondency.
“Well, welcome to New Orleans then Sir,” said the man, a smile forming on his handsome face. “I do hope you enjoy the celebration. No one in town has ever missed one, for we all greatly enjoy them. Even my sister has come here to take delight in the festivity. She loves this town immensely, yet she tells me that she has come across a tremendous amount of impolite people. Although, she did say there was one kind stranger who helped her with her belongings.” Slowly, I turned to the man, once again focusing on his eyes. “Your sister?” I asked, feeling a smile creep upon my face. “Yes. Her name is Cassandra,” the man said warmly. “Do you know her?” He asked. “Perhaps,” I said, smiling more broadly. “However, I do not know you,” I said to the man, offering my hand. “My name is Louis Pointe du Lac.” The man smiled happily and shook my hand firmly. “It is good to meet you Louis. My name is Dorian Black.”
Boppy: here’s the final result of my bit. Please tell me that it reaches your standards…lol…no, really though, please let me know what you think of it. I did work very hard on it, so hopefully, you like it🙂
Actually, now that I compare this new bit to the original bit, I see that I much prefer this bit🙂..I like the fact that I did do as you suggested, and make dorian more intelligent. I did also (as you would have realized) add much more to the start of the story. I have had that piece saved in Word for a while now. I had typed it in hopes of using it, and I didn’t think I would actually get to, well, I guess I was wrong🙂 Also, I did mention cassie in a proper way (well, your way….heh..) which caught louis’s attention….(as you would have seen by now).so, I thank you for your suggestions, they were excellent ones, and have helped me develop a much better story bit 👆, hopefully, you think so too.
Co-Author's Review: The Introduction of Dorian Black
I am quite satisfied and emplored by the wonderful flow of words and how this scene played out so magnificantly. It was totally how I imainged it to be! As in the way that Dorian was outraged by the taxes from the celebration and the details after that, I myself hadn't thought of that to that extent. Great job on that part. The first part of their first conversation came off perfectly and I don't have anything bad to say about it. Also, forgive me for pressuring you on this bit, but I guess that was a good thing by default and fate, neh? Anyways, I'll discuss this bit with you further the next time that we're both online and when I'm growing exhausted from this Night Quil pill that I took earlier. Alright, I'll post your new masterpiece (bit) in the story thread. Next time we meet up, discuss your and analyze your new bit. Also, discuss other things for the story and plan out my bit, with your help of course and whatever else that I may need help with for my bit. Later! *Also, thanks for being such a great sport/trooper throughtout all this! (Hugs)* (Are there such words as 'firstly' and 'despondency' I'll have to look up that last one in a few seconds here...)
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
[B]Co-Author's Review: The Introduction of Dorian BlackI am quite satisfied and emplored by the wonderful flow of words and how this scene played out so magnificantly. It was totally how I imainged it to be! As in the way that Dorian was outraged by the taxes from the celebration and the details after that, I myself hadn't thought of that to that extent. Great job on that part. The first part of their first conversation came off perfectly and I don't have anything bad to say about it. Also, forgive me for pressuring you on this bit, but I guess that was a good thing by default and fate, neh? Anyways, I'll discuss this bit with you further the next time that we're both online and when I'm growing exhausted from this Night Quil pill that I took earlier. Alright, I'll post your new masterpiece (bit) in the story thread. Next time we meet up, discuss your and analyze your new bit. Also, discuss other things for the story and plan out my bit, with your help of course and whatever else that I may need help with for my bit. Later! *Also, thanks for being such a great sport/trooper throughtout all this! (Hugs)* (Are there such words as 'firstly' and 'despondency' I'll have to look up that last one in a few seconds here...) [/B]
😱.😮..that is by far the best compliment i have gotten for a story piece...so, thanku..😄..very much,...
yeh....it did turn out well.......and this part was definitely better than the original bit.....
😮....wow...u call it a masterpiece...
✅ next time we meet, we will dicuss this all...
😊.....thas ok..*hugs back*....
uhhh.....lol...do u really think i would post words that did not exist?....
they are words Boppy...
i don't know. i just didn't think that "firstly" was a real word. and besides, i didn't have..well, didn't take the time to look it up on dictionary.com and all. sorry.
and no prob about the compliment. masterpiece - it just came out so perfect and i got so happy and stuff about it. you know.
oh yeah, another thing, a half hour or so ago, when i'm came onto kmc, i saw that someone had 'illegally' posted something random in our story thread. i won't name that kmcer, but that really ticked me off. so i pmed captain rex, the mod of this section and fic section of kmc, and he was happy to delete it for the both of us. wasn't that so sweet of him? 😄 lol
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
i don't know. i just didn't think that "firstly" was a real word. and besides, i didn't have..well, didn't take the time to look it up on dictionary.com and all. sorry.and no prob about the compliment. masterpiece - it just came out so perfect and i got so happy and stuff about it. you know.
oh yeah, another thing, a half hour or so ago, when i'm came onto kmc, i saw that someone had 'illegally' posted something random in our story thread. i won't name that kmcer, but that really ticked me off. so i pmed captain rex, the mod of this section and fic section of kmc, and he was happy to delete it for the both of us. wasn't that so sweet of him? 😄 lol
dont apologise...
its strange that you would think i would make up a word...
😮...thanks...
*shakes fist*😠 what did they type exactly?....