Originally posted by RagingSilent
*has a silent fit* sorry bout that😱...but i typed up the story last night on word (im not allowed on the internet every day😖 ) and now i see this...ehehe....*nervous laughs*.....but nah, its ok🙂....i'll make a few changes to the story, referring to your suggestions🙂....
✅ i understand what ur talking about.....altho, the only reason why louis reacted to dorian saying casssandras name, was cuz louis noticed his eye color, the blue flecks i mean, and that blue color seemed familiar to him. well, i've made the changes, the main one being only during dorian and the womans convo🙂......my bit:
My feet carried me along, my eyes quickly running over the stores and taverns I passed by. After my quick survey, I managed to find a restaurant. I made my way through a small patch of people, reaching the decorative doorway, and turning the golden handle. I disregarded any of the extravagant features of the restaurant, and instead walked directly to the bar I spotted in the far corner of the room. I pulled out a polished, wooden stool, and sat down upon it, just as I heard a voice speak close behind me. “You will not let me buy you a simple drink?” asked a deep, yet gentle voice. The soft laugh of a woman followed the man's question. Then, the woman spoke. “I am married sir.” “Oh, forgive me miss, I did not know. But what a lucky man your husband is,” the man replied in a charming tone. The woman laughed again, then spoke with a note of tenderness in her voice. “You are too sweet. You will have no trouble finding a woman, I’m sure.” The woman continued on. “I’m sorry, but I really must be going now.” “That is quite all right. I hope we shall meet again,” the man said softly. “As do I. Good evening sir,” the woman said pleasantly. “And good evening to you too miss,” replied the man. Soft footsteps began to fade away slowly, and I knew that this was the departure of the woman.
To the right of me, a barstool was pulled out, and upon it sat a stranger, who was most certainly the man who owned the first voice I had heard. “No luck either?” Came a voice beside me. I turned my head, in realization that the question was directed at me. “Excuse me?” I asked, raising my eyebrows slightly. I studied the man. I noticed his eyes firstly; they were exceptional indeed - silver in color, with flecks of blue scattered through them. His hair was jet black in color and shoulder length, with unruly bangs almost covering his eyes completely. I looked at his eyes once more, for I noticed the midnight blue color of the flecks in them, was somewhat familiar to me. The man tilted his head back slightly, the lights above shining upon his handsome face. He motioned his head towards a group of women behind us. Again, he spoke. “You have had no luck finding a young woman?” The man drew his eyes away from the women and turned his head back to me. I smiled, somewhat amused at his question. “That is not my reason for being here.” He smiled. “Yes, of course, the bar,” he said, laughing softly. “Among other things, yes…..” I mumbled.
I turned away, ignoring the man’s hint for a conversation as he asked me how long I had been living in New Orleans. The man went quiet, waiting for my response, yet I ignored him still, allowing my eyes to roam over a painting of a beautiful woman on a nearby wall. The man cleared his throat slightly, and then I knew his patience was wearing thin. Shortly after, he fell silent, yet this only lasted for a short time, as I soon found myself drumming my fingers on the counter, trying to drown out his voice. I longed to be back amongst the people in the streets, being pushed along as though I were one of them, just another face in a crowd. The man bombarded me with question after question, and I so wished to escape his voice, to escape anyone who would question my immortal truth.
I sighed deeply, raising a glass to my lips (my third drink for the evening) and frowning gently, as I realized the man’s voice continued on still. As I drained the glass, I finally noticed the man had not had one drink. I politely offered him the next drink I had purchased. “Oh, no thank you,” he said. “Cassandra has kept me off that,” he continued, in a quiet voice, smiling warmly. “Cassandra?” I asked, in a weary tone, rubbing my eyelids. “My sister,” he replied. I turned to the man, once again my eyes finding his. ‘His eyes…’ I thought carefully. The man smiled gently. “Do you know her?” He asked, the same smile on his face. “Perhaps,” I said, smiling as I took a sip of my drink.
-Boppy: I hope the changes to this bit turned out ok…🙂….. please let me know what you think.
And, just to be clear – (things were damn confusing the other day...heh)…you will post this bit in the story thread straight after the last piece of mine that you posted there, then, you will continue on from this piece🙂
overall, i liked the small changes you made to your bit. but i'm still iffy about that group of women that dorian mentioned and that he flirst with a married woman, but that's perfectly fine. just a minor detail. sorry, just being anal about that. good enough. don't need to worry about his character introduction in this bit quite yet. yup. good for now. as for posting it, not quite yet. i'll wait until i write another bit or both of us write two more before posting it in the story thread. now, i just got to figure out a way on how i want to word the next part. once i got my new bit in mind, i'll let you know. don't worry, i'm fine and don't need any help for the moment. also, my comments about your bit, don't tweak out about and have a nervous breakdown to change them. no. anyways, merry christmas and what is that britney spears wanna-be doing here in this thread? 😛 😆 (about rob)
ooh...so sorry, you have no choice! 😱 😛 👿 bwahahahaha! 😆 🐰
well, if you aren't going to post (nice) comments about the story nor help jenni and myself with it, then please don't waste our time by posting here! sorry. this rule applies and must be enforced to everyone else who posts here that aren't typing the story.
Originally posted by RagingSilent
*has a silent fit* sorry bout that😱...but i typed up the story last night on word (im not allowed on the internet every day😖 ) and now i see this...ehehe....*nervous laughs*.....but nah, its ok🙂....i'll make a few changes to the story, referring to your suggestions🙂....
✅ i understand what ur talking about.....altho, the only reason why louis reacted to dorian saying casssandras name, was cuz louis noticed his eye color, the blue flecks i mean, and that blue color seemed familiar to him. well, i've made the changes, the main one being only during dorian and the womans convo🙂......my bit:
My feet carried me along, my eyes quickly running over the stores and taverns I passed by. After my quick survey, I managed to find a restaurant. I made my way through a small patch of people, reaching the decorative doorway, and turning the golden handle. I disregarded any of the extravagant features of the restaurant, and instead walked directly to the bar I spotted in the far corner of the room. I pulled out a polished, wooden stool, and sat down upon it, just as I heard a voice speak close behind me. “You will not let me buy you a simple drink?” asked a deep, yet gentle voice. The soft laugh of a woman followed the man's question. Then, the woman spoke. “I am married sir.” “Oh, forgive me miss, I did not know. But what a lucky man your husband is,” the man replied in a charming tone. The woman laughed again, then spoke with a note of tenderness in her voice. “You are too sweet. You will have no trouble finding a woman, I’m sure.” The woman continued on. “I’m sorry, but I really must be going now.” “That is quite all right. I hope we shall meet again,” the man said softly. “As do I. Good evening sir,” the woman said pleasantly. “And good evening to you too miss,” replied the man. Soft footsteps began to fade away slowly, and I knew that this was the departure of the woman.
To the right of me, a barstool was pulled out, and upon it sat a stranger, who was most certainly the man who owned the first voice I had heard. “No luck either?” Came a voice beside me. I turned my head, in realization that the question was directed at me. “Excuse me?” I asked, raising my eyebrows slightly. I studied the man. I noticed his eyes firstly; they were exceptional indeed - silver in color, with flecks of blue scattered through them. His hair was jet black in color and shoulder length, with unruly bangs almost covering his eyes completely. I looked at his eyes once more, for I noticed the midnight blue color of the flecks in them, was somewhat familiar to me. The man tilted his head back slightly, the lights above shining upon his handsome face. He motioned his head towards a group of women behind us. Again, he spoke. “You have had no luck finding a young woman?” The man drew his eyes away from the women and turned his head back to me. I smiled, somewhat amused at his question. “That is not my reason for being here.” He smiled. “Yes, of course, the bar,” he said, laughing softly. “Among other things, yes…..” I mumbled.
I turned away, ignoring the man’s hint for a conversation as he asked me how long I had been living in New Orleans. The man went quiet, waiting for my response, yet I ignored him still, allowing my eyes to roam over a painting of a beautiful woman on a nearby wall. The man cleared his throat slightly, and then I knew his patience was wearing thin. Shortly after, he fell silent, yet this only lasted for a short time, as I soon found myself drumming my fingers on the counter, trying to drown out his voice. I longed to be back amongst the people in the streets, being pushed along as though I were one of them, just another face in a crowd. The man bombarded me with question after question, and I so wished to escape his voice, to escape anyone who would question my immortal truth.
I sighed deeply, raising a glass to my lips (my third drink for the evening) and frowning gently, as I realized the man’s voice continued on still. As I drained the glass, I finally noticed the man had not had one drink. I politely offered him the next drink I had purchased. “Oh, no thank you,” he said. “Cassandra has kept me off that,” he continued, in a quiet voice, smiling warmly. “Cassandra?” I asked, in a weary tone, rubbing my eyelids. “My sister,” he replied. I turned to the man, once again my eyes finding his. ‘His eyes…’ I thought carefully. The man smiled gently. “Do you know her?” He asked, the same smile on his face. “Perhaps,” I said, smiling as I took a sip of my drink.
-Boppy: I hope the changes to this bit turned out ok…🙂….. please let me know what you think.
And, just to be clear – (things were damn confusing the other day...heh)…you will post this bit in the story thread straight after the last piece of mine that you posted there, then, you will continue on from this piece🙂
(check out the previous post where i quoted this story bit towards the top of page 16 of this thread!)
Introducing Dorian Black & Brief on Current Events (New Idea)
forgive me, jenni, but i think i'm going to flip flop on this scene again. i never knew why i wasn't satisfied by this scene and then it hit me on the way home from my auntie kay's. this whole bit needs a do over and plus the one by me that was supposed to come after. i don't like the idea of dorian flirting with that woman and then askin' louis if he's havin' any luck. i want to leave a good first impression of introducing this original character of ours. for the reader's and writer's sake and value. i was thinking that maybe dorian was reading the newspaper and was disgusted by what he read. maybe taxes got raised or something like that. either he's reading the newspaper and starts going on a rant to louis about it. that way, louis can kind of catch/brush up on some of the current events in new orleans. so he and the readers get an idea of what's going on these days in his hometown and all. does that sound alright to you? either him reading the paper, or he could be writing like a writer or playing a guitar of some sort and be a musican of sorts. but i like the idea of reading the paper better. don't you? then from there, they can chat about the current events, have drinks, and have dorian bring up cassie. that way this scene can sound smooth flowing and sound intelligent of sorts. do you get my drift? anyways...please let me know what you think and please don't get mad at me for changing the idea of this scene and making you redo your story bit! well, we'll discuss this and see how we want to organize it and turns. later!
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
overall, i liked the small changes you made to your bit. but i'm still iffy about that group of women that dorian mentioned and that he flirst with a married woman, but that's perfectly fine. just a minor detail. sorry, just being anal about that. good enough. don't need to worry about his character introduction in this bit quite yet. yup. good for now. as for posting it, not quite yet. i'll wait until i write another bit or both of us write two more before posting it in the story thread. now, i just got to figure out a way on how i want to word the next part. once i got my new bit in mind, i'll let you know. don't worry, i'm fine and don't need any help for the moment. also, my comments about your bit, don't tweak out about and have a nervous breakdown to change them. no. anyways, merry christmas and what is that britney spears wanna-be doing here in this thread? 😛 😆 (about rob)
😄..yay
🙁he didnt know she was married...
thas cool...
*has nervous breakdown anyway*...😕.
ah, merry christmas to you too..🙂_
hah! pooooor robbie.....he should die his hair brown, then he not be so stupido😱...😂...no, no....i'm just joking robbie✅
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
(check out the previous post where i quoted this story bit towards the top of page 16 of this thread!)[B]Introducing Dorian Black & Brief on Current Events (New Idea)
forgive me, jenni, but i think i'm going to flip flop on this scene again. i never knew why i wasn't satisfied by this scene and then it hit me on the way home from my auntie kay's. this whole bit needs a do over and plus the one by me that was supposed to come after. i don't like the idea of dorian flirting with that woman and then askin' louis if he's havin' any luck. i want to leave a good first impression of introducing this original character of ours. for the reader's and writer's sake and value. i was thinking that maybe dorian was reading the newspaper and was disgusted by what he read. maybe taxes got raised or something like that. either he's reading the newspaper and starts going on a rant to louis about it. that way, louis can kind of catch/brush up on some of the current events in new orleans. so he and the readers get an idea of what's going on these days in his hometown and all. does that sound alright to you? either him reading the paper, or he could be writing like a writer or playing a guitar of some sort and be a musican of sorts. but i like the idea of reading the paper better. don't you? then from there, they can chat about the current events, have drinks, and have dorian bring up cassie. that way this scene can sound smooth flowing and sound intelligent of sorts. do you get my drift? anyways...please let me know what you think and please don't get mad at me for changing the idea of this scene and making you redo your story bit! well, we'll discuss this and see how we want to organize it and turns. later! [/B]
(already commented on it✅ )
Boppy, I do appreciate your opinion on my story bit, however, your timing is very bad.....
I have gone over that bit so many damn times that I have practically memorized the whole thing. But, if you truly do not like my piece, then that's fine, I will rewrite it with help from your ideas...
I will get started on my bit as soon as I can, using the suggestions you have given.
and how would you like dorian to bring up cassandra? i take it you don't like the whole 'eye' thing.....as you said you weren't too fond of it not that long ago....
I am not mad.....just not in the best of moods to deal with this today....but, i'll get over it quickly...
Originally posted by RagingSilent
(already commented on it✅ )Boppy, I do appreciate your opinion on my story bit, however, your timing is very bad.....
I have gone over that bit so many damn times that I have practically memorized the whole thing. But, if you truly do not like my piece, then that's fine, I will rewrite it with help from your ideas...
I will get started on my bit as soon as I can, using the suggestions you have given.
and how would you like dorian to bring up cassandra? i take it you don't like the whole 'eye' thing.....as you said you weren't too fond of it not that long ago....
I am not mad.....just not in the best of moods to deal with this today....but, i'll get over it quickly...
i'm so sorry about all this change and everything. it's just that part bugged me all day and i needed to get that thought/idea out now before i have to disconnect evertying on my desk here in my room. i won't be online for a while. sometime next week after monday. not sure when i'll be back on. mom is gettin' windows changed. seems stupid. but she wants new windows. ack! >,< so no updates on anything online for a while!
anyways, i just wanted dorian to have a proper introduction and make a first good impression upon the readers. you know? to have him have depth and be truly intriguing and have readers care about him from the start. anyways, more analness. i know.
i'm so sorry that i have to make you start over. i'll try not to do that too often after this little inconvience of mine. also, sorry to hear that you're in a poor state. i'm kind of am too. didn't have that great of a holiday. mom was being bitchy. so yeah. also, don't worry about writing your bit. we'll discuss this for now until you feel well enough to write up a new one. is that alright with you?
the eye thing was okay...well...hmm...i don't know. i'll need to think about that. the eyes is not a bad place to start but does seem a tad queerie. excuse my language there. hmm...dorian could bring up cassandra when louis and dorian get new drinks or after dorian comments on the current events he read and also mentions what his sister thinks about it. also, just maybe, he can also continue on to say that cassie made a brief appearance at the celebration or trip into town to get something for him or for home in general. something to that degree. how say you? lol