anybody ever try to write rock lyrics?

This may cause an uproar, but maybe not. Anyway, this song is about organized religion.

These lies we’ve been told will never grow old
You’re going to Hell if you don’t fit into this mold
These churches are lying, with money they’re thriving
They feed you these lies and into them you’re buying
Just think for yourselves and put the bibles on the shelf
Forget about God and all his great wealth
Miracles add fuel to the fire and make you strive higher
But even I can make up a story and sell it to any buyer
With some gullibility
What’s with this hypocrisy?
It goes against everything your ****ing religion believes
You’re no different from me
It’s just that I can see
That religion is a sham and you need to be set free

F*CK YOU AND YOUR CROWN
YOU NEED TO BE PUT DOWN
THE ONE PERFECT HUMAN
BUT WHERE ARE YOU NOW
IN THIS WORLD FULL OF HATE?
AND IF YOU’RE SO GREAT
THEN FIX ALL THIS SHIT
BEFORE WE PROVE YOU’RE A FAKE

Stop pressing your beliefs on people like me
And killing us if we don’t see what you see
Your god is not my god and you can’t make me believe
That this world was created by one supreme being
With a little weed, and some LSD, too
I could write a story, call it holy, and sell it to you
And you’ll believe that it’s a miracle, lost scriptures, it’s true
And you’ll change the way you live because it makes you feel new

F*CK YOU AND YOUR CROWN
YOU NEED TO BE PUT DOWN
THE ONE PERFECT HUMAN
BUT WHERE ARE YOU NOW
IN THIS WORLD FULL OF HATE?
AND IF YOU’RE SO GREAT
THEN FIX ALL THIS SHIT
BEFORE WE PROVE YOU’RE A FAKE

You can’t execute people for what they think
We have minds of our own whereas you are just weak
You thrive off lies that you tell to the meek
And they give you money and don’t know what to think
Because it’s god’s will, right?
The Bible says so, right?
It also says not to kill
So stop before we fight

[spoken word]A REVOLUTION IS COMING, WILL YOU BE READY?
WE’LL FINALLY REVEAL YOUR LIES
THOUSANDS OF YEARS WILL COME CRASHING DOWN
RIGHT ON TOP YOUR HEADS(right on top of your crowns)

YOU CAN’T STOP IT (IT’S COMING)[X4]

here's one that kind of makes you think...it's called "Big Brother"

Big brother...ever watching...you have no freedom
Cameras, Cameras everywhere...but you can’t see them
Always watching, always spying...no cares for the nation to whom they’re lying
You’re never safe...they can see you now
Nowhere to run...you can’t run around
Try to fly away? They’ll see you then
With the millions of cameras placed by the U.N.
So many trips to space, but you don’t know why
There’s only one reason...so they can spy

Satellites placed in space
Fixed with cameras to look over this place
You’re not safe...even in your own home
They can see through the walls of everything you own
Taps on each phone...looking out for your safety??
You never really knew how criminals we’re caught daily
Maybe...you should just open your eyes
And see through the government and reveal its disguise

Big brother...spying on you
In all actuality there is nothing you can do
We never knew... that they would stoop this low
And I’m sure if we did they would have been left below
They send rockets to the sky
To set up satellites
With cameras inside
Allowing them to spy
That’s why they can drop a bomb on a country
And kill what they want at the precise time it arrives
That’s why...This war in Iraq
Is no war at all...just a battle of fat Cats

They’re protecting our rights by invading our privacy
But in reality we’re just victims of tyranny
It would be so easy to call them Nazis
And George Bush is Hitler looking for supremacy
But now I’ve opened your eyes and revealed a disguise...
You’re not really free if you’re watched every night
I know this sounds farfetched and I can’t be right
But a government is full of shit when all they tell is lies

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING...BIG BROTHER HAS ALWAYS WATCHED
WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH THE KNOWLEDGE I’VE JUST GIVEN YOU?

my rock song would be alot of 'whoa's' and dirty looks 😛

I'm surprised that I didn't hate them.

for why are you surprised my two songs deal with the same two topics
religion/lies

and some politics even though i left die hard cryptic so that most people would not know that

terra is about a woman at a bar that i met i was at a bar with my wife and some drunk religios freak came up and started telling me that i live my life wrong cuese the way i look and the music i listin and i need to go to churce becuese ive been living a bad life but what was funny is she was their cheating on her husband ****ing hippocrite

the second one die hard is about not giving in to all this politicly correct bullshit being your self and not let any one change and dont believe everything your told you know like when they tell you when your young that your supposed to be a demecrate just cuese your poor or when they tell you to love everyone and treat every one the same when every one is not the same

Originally posted by Jeff_Atello
I'm surprised that I didn't hate them. No offense, of course, it's just that so many people think they are good lyricists when they don't really know how to rhyme at all.

You're coming across as being rather arrogant, you know. Personally, I thought your lyrics were a little over the top.

loserib, those were sick 'specially the second one

thanks revan i really do apreciate that

Excuse me! Arrogant? I was paying him a compliment! Over the top? There's no such thing as over the top when you write.

Yes, I recognise that it was meant to be a compliment, but the "I'm surprised I didn't hate them" part sort of set the tone for the rest of the comment. And the arrogant part... I was referring to "I'm a drummer in a band, but also a damn good lyricist." Don't tell me that's not arrogant at least a little bit. Then you go on to imply that people shouldn't just think they're good lyricists, which is very true, but clearly that's what you think about yourself as well.

Yours were good, but they were... I just think they were a little too... Direct.. Like when I try to get something across with poetry, I don't come right out and say it, I just sort of hint at it so that you get the idea. I know everybody has their own style, that's just my personal opinion. Normally I don't mind it when people do that, but dealing with sensitive issues like the second one, that's just going to make a lot of people paranoid... IMHO, it might be one of those things that you just hint at, so people get the idea but it's not so... "in your face" if you know what I mean.

And no offense intended, just giving a little constructive criticism.

whoa jeff amazing shit dude
i write rock songs but if i posted them i be banned... anyway i dont have them right now

Thanks, both of you. Revan, I completely understand what you are saying, but sometimes "In your face" is the best way to get the messgae across. But I completely get what you're saying about indirectly telling people things.

I didn't mean to sound arrogant. I have people telling me all the time what a great writer I am, and that I should keep writing. By no means do I think I'm excellent. I write for my benefit, and my benefit alone. If somebody else reads them or hears them and likes them, then I feel great. I understand that they may terrify people and whatnot, but these are things that I feel should be addressed.

I was working on a spoof/parody of 8 MILES, about a guy whose girlfriend turns into a stripper/slut/ho, so I wrote a few raps... here ya go....

9 Miles (Between Her Heart and Mine)
Look, if you had one shot… One opportunity…
To seize everything you ever wanted…One moment…
Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

Yo, yo, yo! Whut-up, cuz?
Rapper named Rick, doin’ whut he does
Droppin’ dope-ass bombs
Gettin’ wit’ yer moms, and all your other girls,
Rockin all their worlds
M***** Point to S****** Point
To Rocky Point to Mountain Point
What’s the point about this joint?
9 miles between us on a map
9 miles of pitfalls, twists, tricks and traps
To separate us, try to abate us
To keep us apart, tryin’ ta bait us
But, Heart and Love, somewhere above
Everything else, fit like a glove
All that distance, space and time?
All gaps bridged by a simple rhyme
Tryin’ somethin’ new, I’m tryin’
From Me to You, these words are flyin’

Daybreak out on East Baseline
Phoenix sun risin’, babies home, cryin’
Always screamin’ ‘What?’ ‘Why?’ and ‘When?"
Mommy’s not home, she’s late again
‘Cuz my girl, she turned to strippin’
Pimpin’, hoin’, dancin’, trippin’
Flashin’ her **** and alla her shit
To anyone who pays for it
Like she’s tryin’a be a *****, always tryin’ ta get rich
"Sorry, Rick, I been sick…
But, No, you know, I don’t turn tricks…"
She calls me cryin’, she’s probably lyin’
I don’t know why I’m still even tryin’!
Up to her garter in debt and bills
Only gets harder hooked on ‘glass’ and pills
"The easy way out", but she’s drownin’ in doubt
Tryin’a figure what this Life’s all about
Bingin’, purging , eatin’ and regurgitatin’
Everything she’d just ate, an’
All the while I be waitin’
While she does her sad self-hatin’,
Spawn of Satan routine. C’mon baby, get clean!
Prettiest smile I ever seen
Lost in the haze of the drug-club-scene
Bulimia, hysteria, chlamydia, malaria
And me, you see me? Waitin’ just to care fer ya!
Wit’ her hoochie always drippin—
****ed up way to make a livin’…
Frustration aggravation, separation
Divorce and single moms rulin’ this ‘great’ nation!

HOOK:
9 miles to go, 9 miles to ride
9 miles between your heart and mine
Don’t lose your self in this moment Baby-O,
‘cuz once you’re lost, will cash save you? No!
Be strong! Come On! Change your life today!
No distance is too great, if you meet Life half way!

3 kids at home, spendin’ nights alone
3, 5 and 9, she says, "They’re all fine…"
Caught unaware, she doesn’t care that they’re there
With a second-rate, cheapskate, reprobate au paire
9 miles away, I’m worried raw
Waitin’ by the phone for the hospital to ca’
Or the Long Arm of the Law, tellin’ what they saw
On the case, on her face, at the place
Scene of the crime, someone dropped-dime
Girl, gone ‘n’ done it this time; no dope-ass rhyme
Can save you, baby. Don’t hate me baby
Let me help you. Maybe
You can help me to be true to you,
That way you do when things are new?
You know it’s true, I love you girl
You’re my whole world, made my toes curl
Before things unfurled
All ****ed around, all around town
Fate, Destiny and Exstasy brought Us down
Vegas vacation, such desperation
No explanation led me to frustration
Can’t you see? Baby, this is me!
You had the rest of me, now deal wit’ the best of me
I wanna be Your One and Only…

BRIDGE
Now I lay the babes down to dream
Things aren’t always bad as they seem
Close your eyes and off you’ll nod,
While we watch out for ya, Me and God
Now I set me down to pray
Listen to the words I say:
Hello again, God, it’s Just Me
Tryin’ ta care for this family
Imagine, Me a father… ME?!
I love her like no other, G
But, she’s a dancer AND a mother, see?
Not just one, gotta manage both;
In this tough life, it’s a matter of growth
I know I should pro’ly just tell her it,
But she’s so stubborn, you can’t sell her shit!
"Tanya, yer a great Mom, ya, all on yer own,
It’s Alicia who’ll keep ya from yer happy home!"
Don’t let her! You’re better than all her shit!
Believe in yourself, T, like I do! You’ll see! You’ll beat it!
Don’t quit! Conquer it!

HOOK:
9 miles to go, 9 miles to ride
9 miles between your heart and mine
Don’t lose your self in the moment, Baby-O,
‘cuz once you’re lost, Will drugs save you? No!
Be strong! Come On! Change your life today!
No distance is too great, if you meet Me half way!

Heart break, heart attack, such pain
Tearin’ thru my mind like a ****in’ migraine!
How to reach her? Try to teach her
That her heart, her soul are her greatest features?!
The Painted face, the Naked body
All Alicia’s mask when she feels naughty
Makin’ her plays, makin’ huge pay days
Throwin’ the love of her family away
Losin’ herself to the night and the dance
Stripped to the bone, she has no chance
To see her true self wit’ respect and pride
Always slippin’, mood always flippin’, slow suicide…
Look to the future, not to the past,
Step up and gaze into my looking glass…
Kids in bed, now 4, 6 and 10
Waitin’ anticipatin’ seein’ Mommy again
A year has passed, Life moves so fast
But the greatest, like the worst things, just don’t last
Looks soon fadin’, skin pale, frail, thin and gaunt
Thinkin’ she’s still got what all men want
We’re all still here, but it’s crystal clear
She’s unable to admit her darkest fear:
She hasn’t been happy this whole last year
Fractured family, now splintered more
From so-long Mommy duckin’ out the door
10-year old daughter runnin’ the streets
4-year old’s teeth all rotten on the sweets
And the son, her Only One, Man of the House
Cryin’ now for Daddy, like a scared li’l mouse

HOOK:
9 miles to go, 9 miles to ride
9 miles between your heart and mine
Don’t lose your self in this moment Baby-O,
‘cuz once you’re lost, sex can’t save you, No!
Be strong! Come On! Change your life today!
No distance is too great, if you meet Me half way!

Grow up Girl! Get yer shit all straight!
I still see the good in you, We could be great!
Don’t be a fool, Change all the rules
Get your heart back and head back to school
Your mind not your body is your sharpest tool!
I know you be illin’ and on the mend
I’m not the villain, I’m your best friend
Yer runnin’ away, always runnin’
But the past, always back there, always comin’
Back to the front: broken home, all alone
Nothin’ and no one to call yer own…
But this year, I’m here, always still Just Me
Tryin’ hard to be what you need me to be
But even I don’t always know what to do
How can I keep being me, when you’re NOT YOU?!
I miss you, Girl, went away so long
Wanna kiss you Girl, while I sing this song
But, Alicia’s taken over now, Tanya’s gone!
That cuts like a knife, yer all caught up in the life,
Nobody’s best friend, lover or wife
Just another party girl, rockin’ everybody’s party world
Strippin’, teasin’ sellin’ slices of sex
Leavin’ those who love you wonderin’: What’s next?
We’re ALL here, right here, right now, this moment
Don’t take another year, out of fear or regret,
For things you have lost in the past are all gone
But Love, Home and Family will still carry You on…

HOOK:
9 miles to go, 9 miles to ride
9 miles between your heart and mine
Don’t lose your self in this moment Baby,
‘cuz once you’re lost, can Love save you? Maybe…
Be strong! Come On! Change your life today!
No distance is too great, if you meet Us all half way!

Meet Life half-way…
Meet Me half-way…
Meet Us All half-way…
Please, Baby,
Tanya, please…
Don’t Lose Yourself…

You can do anything you set your mind to ,woman…
-Eminem

That would be the 'main theme' of the story 9 MILES, then there are a few other related raps I added later on... here they be:

The Blue Pill

Yo, check it…

Sit back, Jack, listen to my story
About Lost Girl’s search for Love and Glory
‘Perfect life’ of Mom and wife, goes wildly off course
Mother of 3 who, like me, now struggles with divorce
Falls into the crack-crowd, dope-fiend, drug-scene
Strippin’ clothes and cares away, just’a make some green
Feels like a movie, like something from The Matrix,
Computer-generated Johnson’s all tryin‘a get their kicks
Dancin’, teasin’ trickin’, so close to whorin’
Several psycho sex-freaks all plannin’ on scorin’
Bend her mind and will toward a new sexual thrill
Contained in the membrane of a little blue pill

HOOK
Red Pill, Blue Pill, you must choose
Choose poorly Angel, and You Will Lose
In your head, you think Red
Think Blood, Think Dead
What to do? Choose Blue!
And see what it will do for you!

Hazy, crazy, memories like dreams
Muffled and unchecked, like a Lost Girl’s screams
She wakes some time later, naked, battered, bruised
In a strange place, all dazed and confused
Four guys and two girls share the bed she is in
All entangled, some new-fangled manner of sin
Vision clear, she scans, sees her blue-pill man,
Softly caress another’s breast, "Why Her? Not Me? Dan!!"
She tries to cry out, but tears drown her shout
And her shudders rouse others, who stifle her pout
Batterer up, another round, bra flipped up, panties tore down
Sore and hurtin’, no more flirtin’ she can’t make a sound
No longer fun, but no place to run, no escape
A fist to the chest, breathless, helpless, gang-raped
Once all 4 men, yeah, all her ‘new friends’
Have all had a play, all had their way, the nightmare ends
Someone softly consoles her, while inside she feels ill
As her other lover holds her, he offers another pill

HOOK
Red Pill, Blue Pill, you must choose
Choose poorly Baby, and You Will Lose
In your head, you think Red
Think Blood, Think Dead
What to do? Choose Blue!
See what else it will undo for you!
Like Morpheus… "Like Morphine? Yes!"
Anything’s OK to take the sting away, I guess
Heartache and lonliness, no love or tenderness
Only loss and despair, nobody to really care
Another month passed, kicks and cash never last
All she earns she burns on pills she yearns… gone so fast
Sex, drugs, Rock’n’Roll, all begin to take their toll
Ravage her body, heart, mind and soul
A Little Girl Lost, nowhere to be seen
To be true to Li’l Blue, she’s wasted all her green
Caught up in the fantasy, the agony of Exstasy
Can it be? Can’t she see? She Herself can set her free!

HOOK
Red Pill, Blue Pill, you must choose
Choose poorly Tanya, and You Will Lose
In your head, you think Red
Think Blood, Think Dead
What to do? Choose Blue!
But see what it has done to you?!
This cannot be fun for you!
Now it’s all come undone for you!

Tom Anderson had the choice, once he found his true voice:
Sacrifice his cyber-soul, to the Matrix rabbit hole
Or see Oracle Miss Cleo, to discover if he’s Neo
His whole world could be undone, if He truly was The One
Here and Now, the same is true: It is all still up to YOU!
Blue or Red, Alive or Dead, Heart or Head
What to do? Blue isn’t True! Try Red instead!
Red for Heart, Red For Love, Red For Life!
Red-cheeks glowing, blushing bride, future wife
Stop the mad insanity, end your sad calamity
Come on Baby, be with me, and you will see
Nothing means more than Love, Home and Family!

END
Red Pills, Blue Pills, have no hold
Over this Girl’s Long Lost Soul
Once She Believes in what she can achieve
With Love, Home, and Family as the goal

Chaos, Disorder, Disarray, every Evil washed away
All fresh and clean, gold and green, not gray
Use your Heart and Voice, make the smarter choice:
Turn Darkness to Light, We can win this fight today!

Don’t run away, My Love
I believe in you…

Borderline
Trapped! Like she’s stuck out on a ledge
Livin’ Her life all strung out on the edge
Terrified! It’s a long, lonely ride
Single life for her, it’s slow suicide!

But, marital bliss wasn’t much better;
Pregnant teen, in her high school sweater
Flipped out, dropped out, lobbed her own bomb
Tried to live a double life, as a single mom

Then she got herself a plan, found herself a man
Nobody could care for her better than he can!
7 loving years, things were goin’ fine
Nobody knew she walked the Borderline

HOOK
Borderline insanity
Outrageous calamity
A burden on Humanity
Her family has disowned her, see?
And Her broken personality
‘It’s not broke, it’s borderline…’
The rapist twits so often whine
While she pays 3-C and a quarter
They discuss, dissect, debate her
Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline (BPD)
You’ll be fine (Wait and see)
Borderline (BPD)
(BPD) (BPD in da 623)

Nowhere left to turn, no money left to burn
Left to learn about moneys She could earn
Used her body, learned, turned some tricks
What a rush! Gettin’ her fast, hard kicks!

Like a child, she had alla her fun
An’ collected some support for her little one
But, the trouble was, unfortunately
By the 7th inning stretch, she was Mom to 3!

Loose and hazy, driven close to crazy
Sometimes wishing she was pushing up daises
Depression, anger emptiness, each another sign
Of a girl under stress, hangin’ out on the Borderline

HOOK

Sex, lies, and videotape, date-rape, bad shape
Really not a healthy place for her to escape
Dancin’, fake romancin’, a stripper for big tippers
Takin’ pay and all the praise her pimp’ll ever give her

While at Home, her family waits in disillusion
For Mom’s latest drama to reach it’s dire conclusion
Unaware how many men grope her, push her, shove her
For all the Family knows, They will always love her

The secret life, the chaos she’ll take to the grave
The Truth might come too late for anyone to save
With her broken heart and mind held captive by disorder
Some sicko drugs her, rapes her, dumps her ‘cross the border…

HOOK

END
The sad fact of the story is: treatment is uncertain
For BPDs—like STDs—are a secret, silent hurtin’
Be strong! And think there must be hope for every disorder
And, before long, we might see Her step back from the Border

Some things in Her favor as She faces bitter truth:
A Loving Home, a Family, Vitality of Her Youth
Nothing We can’t beat, My Love, as long as We keep tryin’
So take my hand, and my love, and step back from the Borderline…

Y'know, the thread does have "Rock Lyrics" in the title...

Yes, that's true. There is a rap lyrics thread. I like them, though. I do that occasionally. I'll just start a flow on paper and really get into it. It's pretty fun to do.

🤨

Sorrrrrrry... I'll just go back to the Movie Forums now... 🙁

Or, on second thought, I'll open my mind and imagine a fiddle, banjo and steel geeetar playing behind my lyrics, making them 'country songs'... oops sorry again... open mind again, and imagine the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing my Religious songs... errr, dammmit! soorrry, open mind again and re-read the topic line and then imagine electric guitar, bass and a rockin' rhythm and percussion section, blasting louder and harder over and above all the words, throw in some gutteral screams and demonic howls, and call them 'rock songs'...

point being, open your mind, use imagination and the lyrics could fit into whatever genre you desire... I hit on 6 of the 7 words in the topic, with a couple good 'song/poem/lyrics' whatever you want to call em...

my bad for attempting to show interest in other area of this so called community... didn't mean to go all 'off topic' or on some wacked out tangent or anything...

ROCK ON, BROTHERS! PEACE, OUT! GOOD NIGHT! 💃

I didn't mean that in a bad way at all..

i dont flow but i have two friends that do and i will be on their records i also have a cousin who lives in san jose thats in a group called most loon

No big deal really Darth Revan... I just don't usually browse or post much to many of the forums here, so when I see a topic that does catch some interest I post to it, whatever I got, rather than suddenly deciding to go search for a more 'suitable' place that more precisely fits the crap I write...

didn't mean to cause a stir, so I'm glad you didn't mean it in a bad way... guess I took it wrong

no big woop