Originally posted by DreamingWarrior
BurningLicking at my heart, eating away all feeling.
Laughing in my face, you caught me kneeling.
Kicking while I'm down, You sent me reeling.I can no longer stand up alone, I am broken inside,
I can't move on my own, my pain no longer hides,
It bursts through my mask, and it rears it's ugly head,
Forcing my heart to the surface, as I lay here in bed,I am dying a lonely slow and heart-wrenching death,
Immortality is worthless when your soul is out of breath,
And mine tires of the life I live, and all the lies that bind,
Nothing seems worth saving, as I review my mind,But I can't let go or release, my power is sapped and dry,
My blood feels like it would freeze, and my tears are cold as ice,
I am in this crystal prison, the blue flames licking at my soul,
I cannot escape this torment, without that center to make me whole.
Oh dear. Sorry, SlummingMumbler, but I think this is your worst yet. It's absolutely appalling. You seem to get worse as you go on. Please make it stop. Please. Wait...Maybe I'm not getting it right...Are you licking at your heart like a little puppy? Aw, that's sweet. Now I like it...I like it a lot. Uh-oh, if you're already down and on your knees how can you be sent 'reeling'? Maybe you're...maybe....got it! Maybe you're a fish, right? Got it. Mark me down for two! Rhyming 'bed' with 'head' is genius! There's like a whole extra letter there! If your power is 'sapped and dry' how can you freeze? Weird, I don't not not like it. Anyway, I think the bit at the end about you being a donut is great. I like donuts. Who doesn't?
Good work, Dinky.
Was there meant to be any sense whatsoever in that post? 🤨
What a mature review: "Please make it stop. Please.. I like donuts. Who doesn't?" Who are you, Ou Be Low Who's brother? 😑 None of the poetry on the forum is absolutely flawless and we rely on each other to help us improve, but when will you come to terms that mindless and immature posts as such^^ waste only your own time? 🤨
Anyways, DW, personally I think it's one of your best, esp how the rhymes flow. Very crisp, and short and to the point. 🙂 I love the imagery. "lonely slow and heart-wrenching death" Effectively conveys the pain of heartbreak, imo.
I love this line: "Immortality is worthless when your soul is out of breath". Though the concept of heartbreak and such may be cliche, you still manage to weave it into everyone of your poems in a way that it never gets old. XD
Originally posted by Tassie
Was there meant to be any sense whatsoever in that post? 🤨
What a mature review: "Please make it stop. Please.. I like donuts. Who doesn't?" Who are you, Ou Be Low Who's brother? 😑 None of the poetry on the forum is absolutely flawless and we rely on each other to help us improve, but when will you come to terms that mindless and immature posts as such^^ waste only your own time? 🤨Anyways, DW, personally I think it's one of your best, esp how the rhymes flow. Very crisp, and short and to the point. 🙂 I love the imagery. "lonely slow and heart-wrenching death" Effectively conveys the pain of heartbreak, imo.
I love this line: "Immortality is worthless when your soul is out of breath". Though the concept of heartbreak and such may be cliche, you still manage to weave it into everyone of your poems in a way that it never gets old. XD
Challenge?
Once the challenge was laid out,
And here it is again,
You have small, sad words,
Which you use to defend.
I asked and I'll repeat,
"Bring steel, and bring yourself too."
Are you man enough to face me?
Well, are You?
Deadly serious am I now,
And sword readied by my side,
You wanna know where I am?
Please ask! I shall not hide!
I have no need of foolishness,
I have enough on my own,
But if you want to continue this,
Meet me with Metal, Flesh, Bone.
Only cowards and Politicians speak,
When battles should be waged,
If judged by my words I be,
Then how is my life gauged?
For truth alone comes from my lips,
And a simple truth it be,
I am not afraid of you.
Bring it. Or are you afraid of me?
Originally posted by justjakk
what about Lady Ambely Wilesfire ?
Originally posted by Ya Krunk'd Floo
Oh dear. Sorry, SlummingMumbler, but I think this is your worst yet. It's absolutely appalling. You seem to get worse as you go on. Please make it stop. Please. Wait...Maybe I'm not getting it right...Are you licking at your heart like a little puppy? Aw, that's sweet. Now I like it...I like it a lot. Uh-oh, if you're already down and on your knees how can you be sent 'reeling'? Maybe you're...maybe....got it! Maybe you're a fish, right? Got it. Mark me down for two! Rhyming 'bed' with 'head' is genius! There's like a whole extra letter there! If your power is 'sapped and dry' how can you freeze? Weird, I don't not not like it. Anyway, I think the bit at the end about you being a donut is great. I like donuts. Who doesn't?Good work, Dinky.
Originally posted by DreamingWarrior
Challenge?Once the challenge was laid out,
And here it is again,
You have small, sad words,
Which you use to defend.I asked and I'll repeat,
"Bring steel, and bring yourself too."
Are you man enough to face me?
Well, are You?Deadly serious am I now,
And sword readied by my side,
You wanna know where I am?
Please ask! I shall not hide!I have no need of foolishness,
I have enough on my own,
But if you want to continue this,
Meet me with Metal, Flesh, Bone.Only cowards and Politicians speak,
When battles should be waged,
If judged by my words I be,
Then how is my life gauged?For truth alone comes from my lips,
And a simple truth it be,
I am not afraid of you.
Bring it. Or are you afraid of me?
Originally posted by DreamingWarrior
Hahahahaha.... tanks tass. Well, you can't please anyone, and I really don't give a hoot what someone thinks of my poems if they cannot realistically and maturely advise me upon the flaws and corrections therein. So, whatever. Haha. How you been babe?
I've been better. 😛 School's opening next week so you'll be seeing a lot less of me than you already do. 🙂
How about you? Hope you're better.
Originally posted by DreamingWarrior
Challenge?Once the challenge was laid out,
And here it is again,
You have small, sad words,
Which you use to defend.I asked and I'll repeat,
"Bring steel, and bring yourself too."
Are you man enough to face me?
Well, are You?Deadly serious am I now,
And sword readied by my side,
You wanna know where I am?
Please ask! I shall not hide!I have no need of foolishness,
I have enough on my own,
But if you want to continue this,
Meet me with Metal, Flesh, Bone.Only cowards and Politicians speak,
When battles should be waged,
If judged by my words I be,
Then how is my life gauged?For truth alone comes from my lips,
And a simple truth it be,
I am not afraid of you.
Bring it. Or are you afraid of me?
It comes so naturally to you, wow..🪩
Originally posted by DreamingWarriorIn assuming, I've assumed much. But in response...but just this once.
Challenge?Once the challenge was laid out,
And here it is again,
You have small, sad words,
Which you use to defend.I asked and I'll repeat,
"Bring steel, and bring yourself too."
Are you man enough to face me?
Well, are You?Deadly serious am I now,
And sword readied by my side,
You wanna know where I am?
Please ask! I shall not hide!I have no need of foolishness,
I have enough on my own,
But if you want to continue this,
Meet me with Metal, Flesh, Bone.Only cowards and Politicians speak,
When battles should be waged,
If judged by my words I be,
Then how is my life gauged?For truth alone comes from my lips,
And a simple truth it be,
I am not afraid of you.
Bring it. Or are you afraid of me?
The Challenge? Unmet
Yea! Though thou hast spoken
Of words great and small.
Shall I then be beholden.
Or forever stand tall.
A sword will I wield
To plow the golden earth.
A babe upon my shield
To cradle upon the hearth.
Speak truthfully, as you would say
Quickly now, for the end is nigh.
None to slowly, I hope and do pray.
Lest I must forever sigh.
The challenge unmet,
Sadly I do suppose
As hate does beget
More, I propose.
But to assume your words were meant for me.
As my ears doth have heard
Maybe it was….for he. Oh he. Oh he.
So said the mocking, mocking bird.
Originally posted by LaraI've always felt that ignorance is bliss...and eyes wide shut failed as a movie.
I was talking to DW not you, you jerk.
But seriously, ignore Ya Krunk'd's taunts and you'll find that the rose smells sweet and the rice is cooked, ready to eat. Otherwise, all you'll get is this.
Originally posted by Tassie
I've been better. 😛 School's opening next week so you'll be seeing a lot less of me than you already do. 🙂How about you? Hope you're better.
It comes so naturally to you, wow..🪩
Originally posted by ColdfireThanks hon. heh.
Lol! very nice 😛 😂Do you like not get the fact that nobody cares what you think??? 😑 Guess not....
Awesome 😄
Originally posted by justjakkHi BRO! haha how are ya dude? Glad you are safe, man. Louisiana hit hard, and Mississippi, and southern Al. Folks ok?
im just a pretty face coming in to say, my powers back on and i like stuff.
Originally posted by Laranotworthy thank you dear. I love you too. I won't let anyone discourage my writing. None of you should either!!!
wow!!!! I'm impressed DW your works get better and better.forget the no hopers and wanna-bes that keep slamming you. as long as we all love you and your work what else matters?
I love ya. and your work.