‘I still don’t see how one god can be a hundred thunder gods. They all look different…’
‘False noses.’
‘What?’
‘And different voices. I happen to know Io’s got seventy different hammers. Not common knowledge, that. And it’s just the same with mother goddesses. There’s only one of ’em. She just got a lot of wigs and of course it’s amazing what you can do with a padded bra.’
Small Gods.
The Archchancellor polished his staff as he walked along. It was a particularly good one, six feet long and quite magical. Not that he used magic very much. In his experience, anything that couldn’t be disposed of with a couple of whacks from six feet of oak was probably immune to magic as well.
😆 Soul Music.
Lord Vetinari, as supreme ruler of Ankh-Morpork, could in theory summon the Archchancellor of Unseen University to his presence and, indeed, have him executed if he failed to obey.
On the other hand Mustrum Ridcully, as head of the college of wizards, had made it clear in polite but firm ways that he could turn him into a small amphibian and, indeed, start jumping around the room on a pogo stick.
Alcohol bridged the diplomatic gap nicely. Sometimes Lord Vetinari invited the Archchancellor to his palace for a convivial drink. And of course the Archchancellor went, because it would be bad manners not to. And everyone understood the position, and everyone was on their best behavior, and thus civil unrest and slime on the carpet were averted.
Interesting Times.
The Four Horsemen whose Ride presages the end of the world are known to be Death, War, Famine and Pestilence. But even less significant events have their own Horsemen. For example, the Four Horsemen of the Common Cold are Sniffles, Chesty, Nostril and Lack of Tissues; the Four Horsemen whose appearance foreshadows any public holiday are Storm, Gales, Sleet and Contra-flow.
Interesting Times 😂
On the whole, witches despised fortune-telling from tea-leaves. Tea-leaves are not uniquely fortunate in knowing what the future holds. They are really just something for the eyes to rest on while the mind does the work. Practically anything would do. The scum on a puddle, the skin on a custard… anything. Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth of a beermug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.
Maskerade. (Nanny Ogg, one of my favourite characters).
‘There must be more interesting things. Hair. Clothes. People.’
‘Good grief. You mean girl talk?’
‘I don’t know. I’ve never talked girl talk before,’ said Cheery. ‘Dwarfs just talk.’
‘It’s like that in the Watch, too,’ said Angua. ‘You can be any sex you like provided you act male. There’s no men and women in the Watch, just a bunch of lads. You’ll soon learn the language. Basically, it’s how much beer you supped last night, how strong the curry was afterwards, and where you were sick. Just think egotesticle. You’ll soon get the hang of it. And you’ll have to be prepared for sexually explicit jokes in the Watch House.’
Cheery blushed.
‘Mind you, that seems to have ended now,’ said Angua.
‘Why? Did you complain?’
‘No, after I joined in it all seemed to stop,’ said Angua. ‘And, you know, they didn’t laugh? Not even when I did the hand gestures too? I thought that was unfair. Mind you, some of them were quite small gestures.’
Feet of Clay.
hysterical2 Egotesticle!!!
‘Untruthful?’ said Ridcully. ‘Me? I’m as honest as the day is long! Yes, what is it this time?’
Ponder had tugged at his robe and now he whispered something in his ear. ‘I am reminded that this is in fact the shortest day of the year,’ he said. ‘However, this does not undermine the point that I just made, although I thank my colleague for his invaluable support and constant readiness to correct minor if not downright trivial errors. I am a remarkably truthful man. Things said at University council meetings don’t count.’
Hogfather.
Sam Vimes could parallel-process. Most husbands can. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at any time they could be challenged and must be ready to quote the last sentence in full. A vital additional skill is being able to scan the dialogue for telltale phrases, such as ‘and they can deliver it tomorrow’ or ‘so I’ve invited them for dinner’ or ‘they can do it in blue, really quite cheaply’.
The Fifth Elephant 🙄