Discworld Quotes

It is a fact that although the Death of the Discworld is, in his own words, an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION, he long ago gave up using the traditional skeletal horses, because of the bother of having to stop all the time to wire bits back on.

Mort.

The thing between Death's triumphant digits was a fly from the dawn of time. It was the fly in the primordial soup. It had bred on mammoth turds. It wasn't a fly that bangs on window panes, it was a fly that drills through walls.

Death goes fishing in 'Mort'.

There were a few seconds of total silence as everyone waited to see what would happen next. And then Nijel uttered the battle cry that Rincewind would never quite forget to the end of his life. "Erm," he said, "excuse me..."

Sourcery.

I'm off home honey 😂 This has been fun and I shall return smooches

'Sodomy non sapiens,' said Albert under his breath.
'What does that mean?'
'Means I'm buggered if I know.'

MORT

"Says Ook on the cover," said the Senior Wrangler...
"Does it say who it's by?" said the Dean.
"Bad taste, that man."
"I meant that maybe it'd be his real name."
"Can we look inside?" said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. "There may be an index."
"Any volunteers to look inside the Librarian?" said Ridcully. "Don't all shout."

The Last Continent

I can think of an a librarian I wouldn't mind looking inside! 😉

The Librarian opened his mouth again, and then sneezed.
A very large red seashell lay on the sand...
"That's interesting," said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. "He's turned into quite a good specimen of the giant conch. You can get a marvellous sound out of one of them if you blow in the pointy end..."
"Volunteers?" said the Dean, almost under his breathe.

The Last Continent

Q. What noise do librarians make when you blow in them? 😈

Good old Aussie songs with a different tilt :-
Once a moderately jolly wizard camped by a dried-up waterhole under the shade of a tree he was completely unable to identify. And he swore as he hacked and hacked at a can of beer, saying, "What kind of idiots put beer in tins?".

"Can you hear that thunder?" said Ridcully, as a rumble rolled across the city. "We'd better take cover..."

The Last Continent

The Ephebians believe that every man should have the vote.
[ footnote: Provided he wasn't poor, foreign nor disqualified by reason of being mad, frivolous or a woman.]

Small Gods.

Hmm maybe we should apply this in this country (what do you think Sy?)

I'm going to kick your ass, you filthy pervert.

From The Book He Didn't Write Yet tongue

Umm, that looks cool, looks like I might be able to relate to parts of him new book then 😛

"No," said Tiffany, patiently. "It's about zoology."
"Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it."
"No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short."

Wee Free Men

Agnes: He is the king, Nanny.
Nanny: That’s no reason for him to go around acting like royalty.
Agnes: I think it is, actually.

Carpe Jugulum

Goddammit, Rincewind in not a cheese! Rincewind is not a yogurt or any kind of sour milk derivative! Rincewind is bloody nuisance!

The Dean, Interesting Times

Prisoner: I get it, good cop, bad cop, eh?
Vimes: If you like, but we’re a bit short-staffed today, so if I give you a cigarette, would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

Night Watch 😄

Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

The Colour of Magic

The word 'fat' could not honestly be applied to him, not when the word 'gross' was lumbering forward to catch your attention.
RE: Sgt Jackrum in Monstrous regiment