Patti, a well-stacked blonde, sat on the examining table. Dr Donovan placed his hand on her bare breast, "You know what I'm doing, don't you?" he asked.
"Yes," she murmured, "You're checking for breast cancer."
Donovan then began caressing her stomach. "Of course," he continued, "you know what I'm doing."
"Yes," she smiled. "You're checking my appendix."
By now the M.D. couldn't control himself any longer. He ripped off his clothes and began making love to her.
"You know what I'm doing, don't you?" he gasped.
"Yes," she replied. "You're checking for VD . . . and that's what I came here for."
There was this japanese, hawaiian, and portugee taking a vacation in the desert. They ask the japanese "eh, what did you bring?" the japanese says "I brought sushi to eat". So then they ask the hawaiian "eh, what did you bring?". The hawaiian says "I brought some water so I can drink." Then they ask the portugee what he brought. The portugee says "I brought a car door so I can roll down the window."
A hawaiian, japanese and portugees was going to get executed for treasen the next day. So a slave comes up to them an says "point and shout a natural disaster out, then the gun men would get scared and run away". So the next day is here. The hawaiian goes up to be executed first, he yells "TORNADO!!!" the gun men screams and runs away. The japanese is up second and yells "TSUNAMI!!" the gun men scream again and run away. Then finally the potugees is up, and says to himself "hah, Im gonna say the most terrible disaster. He goes up and says "FIRE!!!"
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the bar. It's filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars there...He approaches the bartender and asks him: "What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you get all of the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender: Pay first. Those are the rules."
So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar with the other bills...
Bartender: "Ok, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90-year-old woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You got to make things right for her."
Man: "Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there...
Bartender: "Your call. But your money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks but he does not make a face... Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams, yelps and growling, and eventually silence.
Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body..."Now," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
ok not so much a joke but it's funny... http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/slp29/pbj.html