well it took me long enough to find this place!

frantic for the surface I struggle to reach.
no one ever told me this life was a peach.
down through the darkness my thoughts drag me.
deeper and deeper I cannot see.

questions spinning around and around
questions and questions the answers I cant find.
searching and searching I'm going out of my mind.
over and over I cry and scream.

I dont know myself I'm far too deep.
how can I find my identity the answers I seek?
the more I look and cannot find.
the worse I feel lost in my mind.

should I entirely stop my search?
knowing the fact that I am lost.
but I keen to find out.
at what ever cost.

standing in the background
fading away
so much torment
eating me away.
I sat and admired you
from afar,
for over a year
now look where we are.
just one smile
I'm blown away
cant believe how long it took me
now I'm happy
now your happy
now I'm happy
waking with you beside me
I smile just to see you
cant believe now after so long
I'm settled with you.
this is the strongest i have ever felt
the happiest I've ever been
you chase away all my fears
make me feel safe
in your arms I'm free of all ties and anxieties.
an equal on all levels
for this I'm amazed and greatful.
thank you
love you.
love me
love us.

You are soooo good Lana. Keep up the great work!

a turrent of wind in pages
a whirling mass of paper
I'm slowly lossing my temper.
I cant find the pieces I'm looking for
the deadline's today
the examiner just walked in the door!
canvas every where
paint on the floor
I though I;d finished every thing last week
but theres just more and more and more.
If I dont get this grade its two years gone
and I've been wasting my time all along!
I'm flustered and agitated hairs all in a mess
The examiner walks up to me and says

"why the stress?"

I'm steaming through the ears and he just smiles

"I cant organise things when they're not in a pile!"

he says to me with a jesting laugh

"out of all in the class, you've just about passed!"

That ones cute 😊 And I can relate to that feeling ✅

thanks to the gift,
that brightened my eyes,
lifted my heart,
altered my skys,
thanks to the one,
that sparks my desire,
knows what i need,
what i want,
the one that stokes the fire,
thanks for you,
whom i love witout question,
who i think about every day, night and second,
to you who is the sole object of my obsession.
i love u forever,
always ill be yours,
please never turn me away,
or shut me in the cold outdoors.

untitled

it never rains, only pours,
with the rain, through this heart runs acid,
scourchingmy flesh.
from the pain,
I cry tears of crimson blood.
agonised, I tear at my face with nails of jagged glass.
my skin shreads and peels but never heals.
scars upon scars, external, internal, eternal.
fearing what others call sleep.
acid, seeping into my dreams,
corrupted, they turn into nightmares.
within are the blades, the blood, the anger, the violence, the fear.
the screams that deafen me.
the phsychotic acts that blind me.
the fear and disgust that fills me.
awake, they walk with me still,
looped on play back.
pain of the past, pain of these dreams, pain that makes me cry and scream, cower down in fear.
give me back my life, give me back my peace and just dissappear!

untitled

broken bones and blood-stained skin.
theres nothing left but the pain within.
rusty blades and broken glass.
shards in my eye, shards in my heart.
the ways you've hurt me.
you dont care.
you bruise my mind, I cut my hair.
you've brought me here.
you still dont care.
metal dripping blood, cloth covering the wound to stop the flood.
your always there.
you've done this to me!
you pushed me this far!
will I ever be free?
bloody mirrors, walls of knives.
torn, dirty clothing, blackend eyes.
sooty tears, acid tracks.
you brought on these panic attacks.
blood on the walls, blood in the bath,
black tears in the sink,
this is it, you've won!
I'm not coming back

All are good, but I like these best. 🙂 Skillful imagery.

Originally posted by Lara
standing in the background
fading away
so much torment
eating me away.
I sat and admired you
from afar,
for over a year
now look where we are.
just one smile
I'm blown away
cant believe how long it took me
now I'm happy
now your happy
now I'm happy
waking with you beside me
I smile just to see you
cant believe now after so long
I'm settled with you.
this is the strongest i have ever felt
the happiest I've ever been
you chase away all my fears
make me feel safe
in your arms I'm free of all ties and anxieties.
an equal on all levels
for this I'm amazed and greatful.
thank you
love you.
love me
love us.

cute 😊

Originally posted by Lara
finally. ok lets see whats rattling around in this mind of mine.......................

untitled

pressure mounting behind secrets untold
a friendship stretched and ripping at the seams.
the affection we hold for each other no one will understand
and neither will they understand that we hold each others hand.
you've always been there for me and I for you
and now we face losing each other and I'm at a loss of what to do.
she has you in a iron grip,
and the way you've been treating me is causing my strength to slip
I hope this is over soon.
it hurts too much, its a dying bloom.
she may want me to disappear, and this I know, your biggest fear.
but listen, friend, once all is finished, once all is at end,
once she is gone, I will remain, I will help you mend.
for are we not the cherished and closest of friends?

Originally posted by Lara
sorry it took longer than i thought to round that lot up, there was more of it than I thought there was.

I find writting comes very easily to me, I dont know why.
not all of my scribblings are written off the top of my head but most of the shorter one are.
I get a sentence in my head and I get the urge to write it down and after that first sentence the rest just flows (sorry cliche I know!)

I just hope that ppl enjoy and like what they read. I've kept these too close to my heart for too long and now its time to move on and I hope I will write for a long time to come.

thank you Ignite. 😊

now as I cry, I laugh too
because I know now, I'm better than you!
I smile and thankyou though you dont know why,
you made this girl stronger when you made her cry!.

awesome. just f@#@kin awesome........ you put me in awe.......notworthy

Originally posted by Lara
thanks to the gift,
that brightened my eyes,
lifted my heart,
altered my skys,
thanks to the one,
that sparks my desire,
knows what i need,
what i want,
the one that stokes the fire,
thanks for you,
whom i love witout question,
who i think about every day, night and second,
to you who is the sole object of my obsession.
i love u forever,
always ill be yours,
please never turn me away,
or shut me in the cold outdoors.

Nice.

the make up and clothes I wear
the way that I braid my hair.
all this to keep you people away
dont ask your questions I have nothing to say.
day gives way to night and night to day
but for longer and longer now I stay feeling this way.
the numbing effects of the prozac
the constant icy tingling that runs the length of my back
the doctor said it would help!
I scream, slumped on the floor pulling my hair free from my scalp.
my good days, few and far between
but all these feelings I keep hidden within
are often felt but rarely seen.
the sickening night mares
the violent activities of my sleep scare my sister,
these things so deep in my mind!
the paracite continues to feed
constantly urging me to make myself bleed.
to see the crimson river flow,
to feel the sincere release it gives to me,
so for all of you that stare at me like I'm a special exhibition at the tate
or some treasured rare sight at a freakish fair
think before you open your mouths instead open your minds.
as we are all human we all feel the same and express.
but the way we do should not be ridiculed or under duress.
you scorn and make fun, have you no compassion?
have you no respect?
have you no empathy?
have you no soul?
even if you do not desert me I'll still be here alone
becuase no one can see through my eyes but me
and no one can hear the thoughts I do, my thoughts.
and no one can have the same reasons to feel the way I feel.
you are who you are and I am who I am
so what if I choose to cover myself with a facade?
do you care or do you not?
the difference is for all my faults and feelings and strange strange ways
I'd still do more for you than you'd ever think of doing for me.
I'll never be free.
not of you but of me!

sunday 10th july 2005

^^^ awesome poem ^^^

more and more you drained from me.
you made me ill
why couldnt you see?
you crippled me!
emotionally
mentally
physically
on and on you still wanted more
you drained every thing I had stored!
everything I had to keep myself going
but you didnt care
just as long as you had me there.
your little toy
your china doll
you thought I was unbreakable
you were wrong
and you wronged me time after time.
you always wanted me to say I was yours
you treated me like a posession.
your the sick one.
your the one at fault
your the one with the issues
your the one thats broke
you used me
abused me
isolated me
stripped me
gripped me
held me captive
blinged me
muted me
deafend me
turned me to stone.
you killed me
made me cold and bitter
you hurt me considerably
theres only one thing you did to help and support me
with all your torture I grew stronger day by day
and now we can see just who is the weak one
who's the paracite
whos the sickness
who brings death to every thing they touch
and becuase of this I chose to bring life and love to my environment
and to use the resentment I hold for you as a tool to not do to others what you did to me
I am FREE!

saturday 23rd july 2005 5pm

Very awesome poem. keep writing gal, it is great stuff.

I love your stuff girl!

how can I free myself of the many voices in my mind?
am I really seeing these things?
am i hallucinating or am I blind?
they all talk over one another struggling and dying to be heard.
like so many knots in a ball of wool.
confusion rules in chaos
I cant stay here a minute longer the walls are closing in.
the stale air is chocking me.
dusky light pours in through a crack in the blind
I watch the dust and particles dance in the beam
before turning my head back to the ceiling
before thinking about bleeding.
the comments they make weigh me down with a thousand loads
if my heart sinks any lower it'll be in the ground
these last few nights I havent slept
I've been waiting for him to return
he's the only one that drives it and keeps it away
where is he now?
I long for him which make the load heavier
I hope it wont be too late when he arrives
I'm watching the blood dipping on the slate
this is only a scratch but I could make it worse
the longing I have for him is deep rooted
I know he longs for me
but how can I escape
when my destiny is calling for me?
the angels are waiting
the wind screams for more tears
but this earthen ground I walk upon is saturated
with all my tears and all my fears
please I implore you
save me before its too late
save me kris before my lungs deflate
before my veins run dry
your all I live for
you I would and am dying for
hold me close say you'll never leave
for when your gone the loss I feel is like a debilitating disease
no medic can cure me
only you.

sunday 24th july 2005

wow. uh, wow.

Originally posted by DreamingWarrior
wow. uh, wow.

😮 thankyou *rubs foot into sand*