okay here's part of it...i need to drink me some coffee, so i'll finish the rest in a moment. besides, Alicia Keys is on MTV!!! 😱
My Own Private I da’Know…and the Risks of Falling inLove onLine!!!
Life! (nice start, eh?) Fraught with so many uncertainties and unknowns, that it is a wonder that we as humans dare risk living at all. But then, the key word here is “risk”, isn’t it? Without it, we are doomed to live our lives in a mundane and very boring way, that life as a gelatinous blob of goo sounds exciting, even to me. Then again…we take risks every day now don’t we? We get up in the morning, get dressed, walk out the door, get into our car, and then drive off to work or wherever! And that’s just the start of the day. (I’m hoping you shower somewhere in there as I had not mentioned it)
I had gotten off work early today, since my quote unquote supervisor had wanted me to come in extra early the following morning. (I noticed I wrote quote unquote instead of actually using “ “ ) Odd! Anyway, as I was saying…I got off work early. Early for me was 9 that night. And when I got home, I browsed a bit on the computer, answered some emails, surfed here, surfed there…you know? The usual sometimes boring stuff that a person with no life, like me, would do.
I had the LifeFM radio portal blasting on my comp, “Dems’ sum groovy toonage maaaaan!!” Yeah…so where was I again? Oh yeah! I was ruminating about life and the risks involved. And you wonder why that is, as if I haven’t been of late. I guess you could say it was as I’ve said before in my last soliloquy that I was a passive witness to a dying relationship, well by now when you read this it’s already pretty much dead. Sad, but true.
But then “passive” is a bit deceptive. I had known of each other’s intentions beforehand but was hushed to say anything to the other, other. (not a typo) So there I was; in the middle of something I truly did not want to find myself in, but I could not help myself as I care about these two. So my apt and captive friends and readers, let me now begin my tale of woe and sorrow! (okay maybe not that woeful or sorrowful) But damn near.
Since I am not at Hector's, up at his rooftop, I had to make do with what I had. I grabbed my somewhat comfortable computer chair, placed it in front of my now opened window and sat my tired ass on it. It was a cool misty wet night. (hehehe…) I lifted my legs up on the sill with my hands behind my head. I leaned back and listened to LifeFM through my earbuds which was connected to my computer. Closed my eyes and…contemplated at what I had learned, or didn’t, about this whole thing called “Love” online and the involving risks.
I had met these two, along with so many others in the LotR forum oh so many years ago. (a little over a year to be exact). But they were not the first to fall for each other online, there were two others as well. One ended up in marriage, and the other? Well, that too went the way of all things past. Gone, gone forever gone! But for these two, they had lasted a long time, with the exception of the one’s that got married. And we had all thought they would last a long time.
But just when you’re feeling safe and secure in your own abode running about in your skivs, someone comes a-knocking on your door. (it’s a metaphor) Unlike the couple that’s gone, gone forever…okay you know what I mean…these two souls had actually met. IN REAL LIFE!! And they have proof! It was if we were living our lives through them. Okay maybe not, but it sure was exciting to have known that they had met.
So these two, very young, very much in love people were the epitome of everything right about love, online. But then life is never that simple, now is it. Just when you think everything is fine in the world. The planets revolving ‘round the sun. Choral singing, sun shining, the age of Aquarius…someone throws in a wrench! A big one too. And what do we call this rather big, sneaky little thing that somehow finds or worms it’s way into everything we do or don’t do? Life! And not so much just that, oh no! It was the risks they took that made me ponder like a loon with nothing much else to do.
These two little lovebirds, now no more, took a chance to forego real life love and romance for something that at the time was very odd to me: falling in love online! But having experienced it myself, I now I understand the attraction. (if you can call it that) Yet they did love, and yes it was as real as anyone else’s that may and could meet through physical interaction in clubs, bars, pubs, the library, the church, through mutual friends (cough), and dare I say…at work.
Hold on a minute…I’ve run out of my mango rum and coke. I shall be back in two shakes of a rump roast on a spit whilst I go and mix my elixir liquor! Okay I’m back…drink in my hand, comfy chair under my buttocks. So where was I? Oh yeah! These two as I’ve said, took a chance to fall in love without ever having met in real life. Or more to the point: a risk. For anyone with a certain amount of knowledge (not rocket science), knows that the odds were heavily stacked against them.
But they did take that risk. Unsure of the possibility that it would even work out. Well now we know the end result of that, don’t we? But from the start they had not known, nor did anyone else for that matter. And to be honest, I don’t think these two really cared much for what may or may not happen in the future, as they cared more for the moment, and that moment they were in love.
Yet it only took a little more than a year for that love to fizz and die. Although I’m certain they still love one another, the bond or glue that held them together had faded. And the thing that really amazes me is the fact that they were together for more than a year and only met once. Which brings me to a predicament or I find myself in. Dare I even reveal it? And in revealing, what do I hope to accomplish by doing that very thing?
Continue, Fea. 🙂
Also, I just want you to know that the glue connecting us didn't exactly "fade". Call me naive but I believe there's still hope. 🙂 We still talk and treat each other like nothing has changed. I guess what happened was just a little..."enlightenment"? Both of us are trying to cool the tension down, find out where exactly we went "wrong" these past couple of weeks, and trying to mend it. But we're still there for each other, and yes, I'm more than sure that we still love each other as much as we did. 🙂
We've only met once, but both of us are willing to not let that meeting be the first and last. Josh and I will see each other again.
Some people reading this might be thinking that I'm just talking out of desperation here, but... I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone who haven't witnessed the development of this relationship to begin with...people who never had any forms of interaction with either of us. 🙂
Your stories are very interesting and touching. Please continue. I have never read about my relationship in a different person's point of view. 😉
Originally posted by shadowy_bluethanks shad....i hope i didn't cause any embarrassment at writing about your current situation even though i had mentioned no names....😛
Continue, Fea. 🙂Also, I just want you to know that the glue connecting us didn't exactly "fade". Call me naive but I believe there's still hope. 🙂 We still talk and treat each other like nothing has changed. I guess what happened was just a little..."enlightenment"? Both of us are trying to cool the tension down, find out where exactly we went "wrong" these past couple of weeks, and trying to mend it. But we're still there for each other, and yes, I'm more than sure that we still love each other as much as we did. 🙂
We've only met once, but both of us are willing to not let that meeting be the first and last. Josh and I will see each other again.
Some people reading this might be thinking that I'm just talking out of desperation here, but... I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone who haven't witnessed the development of this relationship to begin with...people who never had any forms of interaction with either of us. 🙂
Your stories are very interesting and touching. Please continue. I have never read about my relationship in a different person's point of view. 😉
but i am in the process of finishing this up...but for some reason i'm online at UrbanOutfitters!!! omg! the jeans on there 😱
This, will be my final entry. It will be concluded yes...but the last one for sure.
To Kiss a Fool…and saying goodbye to Yesterday.
So now comes the story of one who, for a fleeting moment, had tasted that glorious wonderful feeling that I like to think, or should I say, is Love. What a strange thing “love” is. We all long for it. Search in all the wrong places for it. (I quote a song in that one) And, for all its worth, we sometimes end up loving ones that we know are wrong but are too blinded to see or do anything about it.
Maybe it’s the fear of being alone, or at not being loved at all that compels us. Who knows really. We, as animals are the only creatures on God’s green earth to rationalise an emotion that is beyond rationalising. It’s like trying your darndest to put a square peg in a round hole; it cannot be done short of using a ten pound hammer. And why is it, when we are at our saddest moments we torture ourselves by listening to really sad and sappy songs? It really beggars belief.
During my time on KMC, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve experienced first hand this thing we call love online. Yep! That’s right. When I first heard of this strange and odd phenomena, I thought: “No way! Not me!” But sure enough, I was caught unawares. The first, was and is the most embarrassing for me. A lesson learned well. (obviously not put to practical use) One of those things that should not have happened but did, however one-sided it had been.
Without going into detail, it ended yes, but not too badly as we are still friends. And yes, she to this day still speaks to me in a way I find so endearing and at the same time aggravating. For she still can make me feel like a little boy when being scolded or admonished. Funny that one. But to say I respect her for it is an understatement. Strangely enough, she finds it amusing when I call her my little Brit girl across the pond.
Every now and then I’ll read her postcard she sent me oh so long ago, to remind me at what I thought I had…and yes, I still smile when I read it. But then came the second. Right about the time things were changing between the first and I. To be honest, I think fondly of the second one. For I truly believed that whatever she had felt for me were true in her heart. And somewhere deep within myself, I FELT that love she had for me, more so than the first.
But unlike the first, this one I broke her heart. Whether to a million pieces remains to be seen and I will not ask. It would not be prudent of me. And the sad thing is, what I felt for this girl up north, way up north, eh? Um…yeah, what I felt for her was deeper and stronger than the first. And I firmly believe if I had not done what I had did to this girl up north, her love for me to this day would not have diminished. At least, that’s what I like to think.
But sadly, like all things beautiful and untarnished…I in my finite wisdom had found a way to shatter this beautiful and wonderful person from the land of moose and polar bears. Were there regrets? No. Only at causing her pain, yes…but no regrets. Which brings me to the third, and yes my friends the last and ultimate one, should this one not work out. I sound so optimistic, do I not?
And so this is where I find myself at not knowing where to begin.
To Be Concluded...
More Bounce in California
Grey clouds forming upon the clear blue sky,
And once again I find myself wondering why?
Is it rain or gloom that it portends?
Or perhaps a sign of a coming end.
The end of summer days, much to my displeasure;
Could be more likely a change in weather,
As the cold autumn breeze brings a winter’s chill.
To find myself once more with time to kill.
So with wistful thoughts on a clouded day,
I look past and beyond the gloomy grey.
To smile on memories on times of bliss,
Warm summer sun, to friends I’ve missed.
Scantily clad beauties that play on the beach,
To hormonal guys ogling and longing to reach,
Not one perhaps two of those lovely ladies,
That act coy and shy and I don’t mean maybe.
But for all its worth, I love what winter brings.
Thanksgiving and Christmas, yes even Halloween.
The holiday joy and cheers that swells,
My heart and hope for all to be well.
But lets not get too sappy, oh no my little deary,
I would not want you to get all wistful and teary.
As I write my little poem of longing and bliss
Of a season of sun and sand and hot summer’s kiss.
But truth be told, it’s more of me to ponder.
All that life has offered, although I do wonder.
What the changing weather will bring,
The answer I suppose will come in spring.
When all things new will happen again.
And like life and love, we hope it never ends.
Because truthfully and with honesty I will try to say,
I actually love it when my day…is grey.
Originally posted by Fëanor
This, will be my final entry. It will be concluded yes...but the last one for sure.[b]To Kiss a Fool…and saying goodbye to Yesterday.
So now comes the story of one who, for a fleeting moment, had tasted that glorious wonderful feeling that I like to think, or should I say, is Love. What a strange thing “love” is. We all long for it. Search in all the wrong places for it. (I quote a song in that one) And, for all its worth, we sometimes end up loving ones that we know are wrong but are too blinded to see or do anything about it.
Maybe it’s the fear of being alone, or at not being loved at all that compels us. Who knows really. We, as animals are the only creatures on God’s green earth to rationalise an emotion that is beyond rationalising. It’s like trying your darndest to put a square peg in a round hole; it cannot be done short of using a ten pound hammer. And why is it, when we are at our saddest moments we torture ourselves by listening to really sad and sappy songs? It really beggars belief.
During my time on KMC, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve experienced first hand this thing we call love online. Yep! That’s right. When I first heard of this strange and odd phenomena, I thought: “No way! Not me!” But sure enough, I was caught unawares. The first, was and is the most embarrassing for me. A lesson learned well. (obviously not put to practical use) One of those things that should not have happened but did, however one-sided it had been.
Without going into detail, it ended yes, but not too badly as we are still friends. And yes, she to this day still speaks to me in a way I find so endearing and at the same time aggravating. For she still can make me feel like a little boy when being scolded or admonished. Funny that one. But to say I respect her for it is an understatement. Strangely enough, she finds it amusing when I call her my little Brit girl across the pond.
Every now and then I’ll read her postcard she sent me oh so long ago, to remind me at what I thought I had…and yes, I still smile when I read it. But then came the second. Right about the time things were changing between the first and I. To be honest, I think fondly of the second one. For I truly believed that whatever she had felt for me were true in her heart. And somewhere deep within myself, I FELT that love she had for me, more so than the first.
But unlike the first, this one I broke her heart. Whether to a million pieces remains to be seen and I will not ask. It would not be prudent of me. And the sad thing is, what I felt for this girl up north, way up north, eh? Um…yeah, what I felt for her was deeper and stronger than the first. And I firmly believe if I had not done what I had did to this girl up north, her love for me to this day would not have diminished. At least, that’s what I like to think.
But sadly, like all things beautiful and untarnished…I in my finite wisdom had found a way to shatter this beautiful and wonderful person from the land of moose and polar bears. Were there regrets? No. Only at causing her pain, yes…but no regrets. Which brings me to the third, and yes my friends the last and ultimate one, should this one not work out. I sound so optimistic, do I not?
And so this is where I find myself at not knowing where to begin.
To Be Concluded... [/B]
And I'm glad that you did take the time to write all of this, for despite the length, it gives a lot of insight about many things... so thank you for that hun 🙂 hug
And your poem is really good hun 😊
Originally posted by Coldfireaw thanks babe...😊 and i hope you're right about time
Only time will tell what is meant to be...And I'm glad that you did take the time to write all of this, for despite the length, it gives a lot of insight about many things... so thank you for that hun 🙂 hug
And your poem is really good hun 😊
and thanks again...blushing
My Poem
I submitted this poem at Zoetrope.com. It's the same one I had submitted to our contest. So far this is the review I've gotten on it.
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This is the review Darrell E. ******* entered for your poem "O' Love's Happy State"
This review was submitted 10/16/2005
Overall Quality: Excellent. You ran me from wonder, to desire (an end to pain) and back to reality
Originality: Very, am curious where the inspiration for this work came from
Communication of theme: Excellent
Structure: hmmm....not exactly the best in technique....but worked well for me
Fluency: You walk a complete line. In reading the work, I felt the pain.
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This is the review Ross ****** entered for your poem "O' Love's Happy State"
This review was submitted 10/17/2005
I think this poem is creative, but the images need more focus. And what's with all the exclamation points?
I liked lines such as "felt thunderstruck upon the broken man," and "Lonely dreamless sleep is mine."
But some of the other lines fell flat, and
"Salt on the wound that bleeds." is too much of a cliche.
The last line is quite good and the rest of the piece needs to be at that level --
Very nice!
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This is the review Nonnie ********* entered for your poem "O' Love's Happy State"
This review was submitted Thursday
Well, you have me here. First reading I thought I might be reading the thoughts of a masochist. But then death creeps in and masochists are not, neccessarily suicidal. Then I thought of Christ, but lonely dreamless sleep doesn't work there. "I grieved the wasted sorrows for no man" he felt mourning a waste and would not indulge? What I'm saying is you have written a strange, dramatic piece with wonderful language, rhythm, and successfully create a poem that seems both from another century and modern, but I don't understand it. And I would like to. Your promotional line is provacative,as well. The state of being in love-I can see the references to the whip, if the love is unrequited, but again, death pops up and I hope it is not a poem written in consideration of suicide. I'm confused. But it may be just me-see what others think. Thanks for the read, Nonnie