I had a Thought, while watching “Stuck on You”
So once again my friends I find myself in that state of contemplation. But this time, it is not about love and its many shades. Nor of friends, lovers or family for that matter. What intrigues me is this: what is the attraction to online love and why it happens. Why you ask, this subject when I’ve already pretty much have stated my own involvement with it? Because I myself have wondered that thought for quite sometime.
I’ve always wondered, what compels us to forego a real, breathing, thinking and for the most part, fraught with unpredictable emotions, person to that of one we cannot see, hear or touch? What makes one decide to enjoy that happy state with someone without the physical fringe benefits? As most of you know, I am in an online romance of sorts. And to be fair and honest, what I do feel in my heart or think in my mind is as real and deep as any that are involved in the real world.
Can I not deeply love someone else through the normal means of meeting with someone in the real world? Can I not subject myself to all the emotional ups and downs with someone who is physically there? Other than some major differences, can online love even begin to work if the odds are against it to even work?
That said, with online relationships, the forging of trust can be a major obstacle for many involved. A person learns to trust the other through interaction of some sorts. Through dating, face to face conversations…the verbal expressions of thoughts and ideals rather than through “typed” words on some forum or messenger service. By physically looking through the eyes of your intended, you learn so much more than by mere words alone.
Yet trust we must if we want it to grow and become something wonderful. Then there’s the possibility that, if you can fall in love online by virtual interaction, what’s to prevent that from happening to your affection with someone else you know nothing about? Someone they may meet online as well through some other board or a different messenger service they subscribe to. You can’t!
And to say that that can never happen is to fool yourself into idiocy. But then that’s where trust comes in I suppose. Yet let us not forget the ugliest of all monster: jealousy. Oh yes! Even in real life, that monster will grab a hold of you and is quite difficult to purge once it’s set in. Real life jealousy is bad enough when your mind begins to imagine things real or not. But imagine the havoc it makes when the love of your life lives mile, if not thousands of miles away.
And the not knowing of what they do or say or to whom they interact with, real or online, can be a major disaster waiting to happen; for online, it could be many things: the reading of a post, the innuendos, the provocative words, the flirties, the shifties, the naughties, and all the love smilies involved. A stated conversation that they may have had that you did not know about. All these things can lead to jealousy. And it is very ugly.
And, you must trust them to say that that means nothing to them. That they are, after all just friends. I could have all of this and none of this with someone real if I wanted to. But I’ve chosen not to. Why? Because I am in love with someone online. And to be honest I wouldn’t want it any other way. So what’s the attraction? I have no answers really. But here’s what I do know.
In the real world, if I were to meet someone through the usual means. Numbers are exchanged, a few phone conversations are had, a date is set for either dinner or a movie, or both. Normally three or four days are spent in getting know one another, more dates…and eventually, the reward. You’re first night together in making hot passionate uglies. Great to be sure, but the next day when you wake up…you’re looking at this girl you’ve just spent the night with and you realize; you know so very little about them!
And yet you’ve shared yourself physically. Then there’s the possibility that this girl is/was not exactly what you’d hope for but you stick it out because you’ve invested some time with it. Online…there is no making uglies, you’re stuck for however long, in just getting to know that person. And YOU do get to know them. For that’s all you have until that happy fateful day when you do meet.
So is that attraction? Or not. I’ve learn so much about this person I love, online, and what I’ve learned is that she is exactly the kind of person I’d love to be with for however long that is, or she’ll let me. And I like to think it’ll be a long time. If she’ll have me, but for that I have to trust that what she feels is as real as what I feel for her. And I doubt she lies or why waste time.