Life thru my eyes

((Note: all stories and poems that are posted by kaiy037 can also be found here ))

On this thread, I'm just gonna post a collection of poems written by me. There are quite a lot, so it will call from some major scrolling abilities. Just thought I would let you know ahead of time so you don't complain at the end like on the BOLT message boards.

Enjoy and Mahalo

((this is the poem that started my 2004 poem book {which is still being added to} and so yah.))
((ps, almost all the poems will have kind multiple titles, like it'll have:
Family
My Eyes.
the first part, Family, is just the category it falls under. There will be others, like Him {which is about a guy, one for most of the poems. and which the Him ones, are mostly a series of changing events that happened between me and a guy}, Me, Darker {my more kinda darker, morbid, as my dad puts it, poems, Friends, and so forth.

Family
MY EYES

Twisting, turning, winding paths
A fearing, haunting, unbearable past
Why do all these terrible things happen to me?
Why can't people listen?
Why can't people see?
It hurts. It burns. It scars and bruises
Never ever wins. Just always loses
One action not taken. A word not said
Means a painful hit, straight to the head
They say stand up. They say fight back
But every time i do, you complain of what i lack
Accept what i give, Respect what i say
And maybe someday you won't have to pay
You make up my mind. You fill my mouth
With thoughts i don't think, or words i don't say
Why can't you see, you're talking to me
Not yourself, not them, not your enemy
Tell me what you see, when you look in my eyes
Do you see? Hurt. Pain. Deceit and Lies?

Me
YOUR EYES

when i look into your eyes
all i see is a broken soul
filled with anguish and lies
i see you cry
and you cry quite alot
sometimes you hurt so bad
it's as if you've been shot
but maybe you'd prefer that
Than to endure all the pain
that continuasly finds you as a perfect target to shoot at
the pain that, years ago, put you to shame
i know how it all happens
wut they all put you through
saying the worst things ever
and all they do, is directed straight to you
they may not know it
that ice is what they think
their words freeze you over
and you break with the tiniest plink
but i know how you feel
i feel it too
all the pain, the hurt, the lies
i feel it because im you

((here's one of my favorites. i was tired in school one day. you'll get what i mean))

Fun
SLEEP

Please let me be
Don’t bother me
About stupid things
Go away, leave me alone
I want to sleep
So while I do
Don’t make a peep
It’s so boring
I’m so tired
All day playing
Wound up and tired
Leave me alone
Go outside
Sit and stay
I’m really grumpy
Quite the grouch
Go away somewhere
Hide and crouch
I want to sleep
Leave me alone
Go find someone else
To play and own
My eyes will close
And come will sheep
Quietly and nicely
I will go to sleep
But no you can’t
Just can’t stay out,
Come barging in
Shouty shout
So now you’re hanging
By your feet in the air
Until you agree
To let me sleep with care

((this is also one of my favorites. but let me warn you, if you are very religious, then i note that you don't read this, as for i'm very open about my beliefs and i don't need to be yelled at for something i warned you about.))

Darker
THE WORLD*

It's the world that we live in
The world that we know
the world that we long decided
to never let who we really are show
people live in lies
and learn to hate
and no matter what
we'e always at least a few seconds late
late for a meeting
late for a show
the only thing that ebing late for that matters
are the things no one will ever know
everyone has a secret
and every person tells lies
not many think of hate though
but at this age people ionly think of love
the thing that people think if they give
it's an automatic ticket and place up above
it's not
it never will be
you may not believe it now
but in time you will see
people today are built on their own pride
and it's not too soon to tell
it's kinda obvious that in the end
most of the world is goin to hell

Family
FUN & GAMES

You laugh. You sneer. You lie.
I try, I fall, I cry, I die
Everything's just a joke
To find someone with fun to poke
You think it's funny
And that you're all awesome and honey
With all the names you call
Your appearence to me is just, ugh, apall
And you think it's funny to tease me
But you still don't see
Whenever you think it's all cool
In my eyes, you're nothing but a moronic fool
You think it's a fun game
But you'll get it someday, you'll be put to shame
To call me fat, and to call me ugly
To me you're nothing
Nothing more than ants...no...dirt
The words you defend, cause nothing but hurt
To think it's funny to be so hectic
To everyone else, all you are is pathetic
Nothing but pathetic worthless scum
But around your friends, you think you're a big chum
Making matters evenly alot worse
That's it, you get out of hand and curse
Your only full of pride
Shoving your weakness' away to hide
But i know what they are
Being me, i ignore them by far
Because unlike you
I'm much stronger too
I don't push, I don't hate
So you'll need me someday
But give up now, because your sorry is too late

Family
MY FAULT

I can't believe it happend
it's a dream come true
but i didn't think that
family life would be through
i wanted a tradegy
i wanted my life with some hell
a story sad to say
a sad story about me
but with nothing but pride
i was blind to see
its all my fault
im tearing the family apart
how could i be so stupid
how coul i be so tart
its all my fault
i made them fight
i got my way for once
on that night
one did the yelling
the other took my side
so all my anger and frustration
sure the hell didn't hide
but i only thought it was that one night,
not to screw the rest of my life
and now i realize
im holding the knife
im cutting the stirng
and ruining it all
all becaus of me
the family's gonna fall
you say you two just have problems
i still think it's me
it's all my fault

Family
WHO YOU ARE

sometimes i think i dont know you
someimtes i thnk i dont want to
only one person can be so low
im sorry to say that person is you
nothing i do for you is ever enough
it always has to be better, satisfying
well, your definition i find for that sometimes
is very self-defying
im not you angel anymore
i was never your princess
i guess when it came that time
i failed that test
i do the same he does
but everything i so is bad
the way you let me live
i guess it's considered sad
you exagerate alot
and sometimes you even lie
you break me down
but never to cry
the things you do and say
are much different from one another
even though they're the same as others said and done
it hurts and stings the most because you are my mother

((unfortunetaly, this poem cease to exist any mroe between me and the one i wrote this for. she's changed and isn't someone i really wnat to know anymore. and this poem was written especially for her because she was going through really rough times and all i wanted to do was help her because at the time, she was one of the things that i coul have so much fun around and it hurt to see her upset, and though we're not as close or friends like the past, i'm not gonna forget that i was there for her and i still will be))

Friends
FLY(2Kaycee)

Don't blend with the shadows
Don't cry
Don't hide
Don't just sit there and sigh
Din't make the worst of things
Just go and make them better
Don't hide in a hold
Just let go of your soul
Let it free, let is soar
You'll find happiness
Just open your door
And let it all in
It'll be okay
It always is in the end
And if you need a lending shoulder
I'll be your friend
Until the end
So let it saor
Let it fly
I'll be there too
To help you touch the sky
Sp now i'll let you know
It's real, it's true
That i...that i...
That i love you

((this one is also for a lost friendship. and this was the number one girl that i loved being around. we didn't fight much and she was just cool. i lost her near the end of 7th grade and it was soemthing that made kaycee happy because kaycee didn't like her. so at the time, i was the one to comfort myself about it because kaycee wasn't much help about it.))

Friends
I’LL BE THERE [2Ashleigh (a lost firendship)]

We used to laugh
We used to smile
but now what you've done
Is shut yourself in denile
We were inseperable
You were my best friend
And we made vows
To stay that way till' the end
But now we're nothing
No more smiles in the halls
Passing notes in class
You never look the same when i, your friend, calls
It isn't fair
You broke my heart
Where are your tears?
How can you be so tart?
You say hi to others
but still not to me
I pass you in the halls
And it's as if you can't see
What happend to us?
Where did it all go?
The happiness we shared
It ceases to show
I try to talk to you
Try to reclaim what we lost
But whenever i confrotn you
You give me nothing but knots
I can't stand and think about it
The way we used to be
Are you too proud to understand
Too blind to see?
I wrote a story
I wrote a poem
To admit everything you've done
So at least you'd know 'em
You cried for that moment
You let me know you cared
Weeks, months later
Those feelings were still, never shared
Sometimes i cry over it
The friendship that we lost
The sisterhood we had
All had a cost
To someday lost it all
No more hearts to be hurt
But i'll stay with you
I'll always be alert
In case you need a friend
Or even just a shoulder
And although I know that after
Our friendship will get much colder
I'll stay with you forever
Even if you hate me
Even if you don't care
I will always care, you'll see

Darker
THE TASTE (a blooding)

Shadows Whisper
As phantoms pass
Darkness consumes me
As the lonely coldness devours whats left
I disappear to something
But reappear as nothing
It’s what I see in the mirror
But what I don’t
Is what I fear
A new Craving builds inside
As something physically new grows
Flaws disappear
Something overcomes
Dripping on my body
Flowing down my throat
Is the boiling sweetness
Of a crimson given
Lifeless leven
Mortal
As I wake to a new world
A new me
A new taste

((this one i find to be bad. i'm gonna try to rewrite it, but until then, this is what i have))

Fun
THE MUSIC

It surrounds me,
Drowns out the world
I don’t hear a thing
I can’t
All’s silent but this
This sound in my ears
This music playing
The music fills my ears
Fills my mind
And it’s all I think about
…Almost
As it plays
I wonder what they say
What I think is deep
While the music drones on
The merciless screaming tunes
Watching them
What are they thinking?
Some look at me
Some don’t,
Most don’t
I’m invisible to them
I’m invisible to the world
Now I can be left alone
Alone with the music
The music that supplies my thoughts
The music that gives me the potion
The potion of invisibility
The music I hide in
The music that hides me
It drowns
It captures
It steals
It frees my mind from it all
From the world around me
The dangers
The worries
The pain
The hurt
The lies
The screams
The tears
The sounds
The gossip.
It all does this
It all hides this
The music

((as you will find out, this is a poem about a worthless substitute that i hated. i wanted to name it after him but decided not to due to various reasons))

Fun
THE SUBSTITUTE

Your teaching sucks
Your voice is dull
It has no tone
Just that same lull
You can’t get our attention
Because you just a substitute
So you scream and yell
And all we think is, ‘what a loot’
Your glasses are big
But so is your head
I want to stab you in your eye
With a giant pipe of lead
We scream, we yell
You can’t handle us
And even when you try
It just makes a bigger fuss
I hate your voice
I hate your face
All fat and round
And your clothes also have bad taste
We know your sick of us
We know you want to leave
Oh yes, your teeth also suck
So I think I’ll call you ‘beave’
Your nose is huge
You face, it droops
And under your eyes
Are just old saggy loops
Don’t call me sweetie
‘Nor not honey
I can’t stop laughing
The way you teach, it’s all too funny
You’re fat and ugly
You big old bloke
Your whole life substituting
Seems like just a big joke

Me
CRYING

Where will theybe?
Will anyone be home when i get there?
Will anyone wait for me?
Where did they go?
They left me
Here all alone
By myself
Nobody's home
Nobody's here
Everybody's gone
An akward silence
And i sit alone
I cry
But nobody cares
They sneer. They laugh. They point, and talk
Why am i hated?
I want to die
nobody loves me
I look in a mirror
An ugly horrible monster stares back
I scream. Then fall
Leaving behind only a trail
A trail of blood
My blood. Cold blood
I stare at my dead body
My bleeding wrist
My monstrous face
I turn my face
"There's nothing here for me"
Crying sounds
Not my crying
Someone else is crying
My name
It's being said
I turn
I see a man leaning over my body
Crying
I see a lady behind him
Crying
I see a world of people behind me
Crying...
...Because of me

((here is by far the shortest poem i ever wrote))

Me
GET BY

im grabbing things that have no grip
im wanting things i'll nevr have
im reaching for things too high for my reach
and its funny
because those are the only things for me to get by

Darker
MY CORNER

She sits in the dark
in a corner hidden away
corner of shadows, lies and pain
the corner where she can drown in my corner
the shame that i am placed upon
the shame i never deserve
the shame that always
gets the dips to my nerves
why do i let it always get to me
because it'll always hurt
it even hurts to what i wear
just because the design of a shirt
you judge me for who i am not
place me somewhere i don't belong
at least in my corner
im not the one to place the blame on
i hide there
i stay there
i try to replace what this life gave me
...the heart with the tear

INVISIBLE

i dont want to be seen
i dont want to be known
i dont want any knowlegde of me to exist
with this no harm can come
no pain created
no tears shed
i want to be invisible
i want to be alone
i dont want to hurt
sad enoguh i want you
i want ou to hold me
i want to hate you
i dont want to know you anymore
i just want to be invisible(...again)

((by the way, that last one, 'Invisible' goes under "Me"😉)

Darker
CRIMSON

crawling through the darkness i hide
creating scrapes on my body
ad scars on my wrist
though i find a rose
the rose for no answer
but for a darker place
i hold it in my hand
as the thorns enter my flesh
crimson blood drools out
drowning out the light
hiding the remains of what i used to be
a shadow amongst the shadows
holds me against himself
and gives me the gift of immortality
the rose drops from my hand
as he takes my crimson covered hand in his
the dark pain arrives
dripping down my neck, staining my breast
but a new wetness arives
as his eyes pierce in through my sould
Crimson ligh fills and flies out my eyes
no staining my once innocent face
'Join me' he says
he takes me in his arms once again and we are gone
in the dark it all disappears
the world of smiles and good deeds
the world of now floods in
leaving it all behind
i flee from what i knew
fleeing to what i know
in my eyes of nothing of the old
but the new
the new me
the always me
the crimson me

Him
FEELINGS SHARED

He makes me laugh
He makes me smile
The way I feel
Can’t be put in denial
The way he acts
The way he looks
My heart and only
Is what he took
Why do I feel this way?
Why do I care?
He doesn’t feel the same
It isn’t fair.
When will he feel the same?
When can I have him?
Because for he and only
I will risk it out on a limb
It seemed so long ago
When our eyes first met
And that feeling now
I have always kept
I like this boy
He cures the pain
When I’m around him
I don’t go insane
His eyes are brown
His hair is long
I remember when we danced, to that one, special song
I want to be near him
I want to hold his hand
The thing that’ll surprise
Is the kiss that’ll land
I want to hate him
I don’t want him to know
The way I feel
Why does it always show?
I can’t do it
I can never hate you
The way I feel
Maybe you’ll one day
You’ll feel the same way too

Him
NEVER LET GO

I can’t get you out of my head
All my thoughts and feelings
Just won’t be fed
You’re not being fair
Why won’t you just tell me?
That you actually care?
It’s driving me crazy
Whenever you’re around
I can’t help but get all hazy
I’m yelling silently to you
Hoping you will hear
Don’t you feel the same way too?
You’re leaving a trail of hints
Or maybe I’m wrong
They’re all just accidents
You’re breaking my heart
Tell it to me please
Just tell me that one part
So I can let it show
That as long as I’m with you
I’ll never let go
I love you too much
I want the world to know
So it isn’t all hush-hush
Why can’t you see?
Or are you just,
Are you just leading me?
I care for you
So say it please
Tell me you love me too

Him
STILL

We flirted
We kissed
We hugged
But now you got me pissed
I thought we could be something
I thought it could change
But the one thing you can’t do
Is give a heart to exchange
You know how I feel
You know that I care
And I though
That maybe you could be there
You made me believe
You lead me on
That you actually liked me
But now you’re gone
Stop playing with me head
Don’t do things you shouldn’t do
Don’t say things that shouldn’t be said
You’re breaking me down
You’re hurting my feelings
Somedays' later
You work your healings
It starts all over
Your kisses and flirts
On and on the cycle goes
The only true thing you give, are hurts
I asked you before
Many, many times again
Just for you to say it
Hoping maybe something could begin
But it never did
It never will
I can’t believe I let it happen
But I can’t get over you
I like you still