There once was a retarded kid who ate a big fat pig. Without realising how little pigs squeal, because he saw Gimli who was kissing Éowyn beneath the Mistle toe. Faramir went crazy and then Boromir ate pie which Aragorn later talked to and cursed Sauron for bringing home some Elven wench which smelt like Gimli's feet. So Arwen ran, screaming like a monkey and said "OOH! OOH! AAH! AAH!" Then she walked to Rivendell in order to smack her weird father fourteen times. The next day she talked to a banana which replied:
"I hate Elrond, he's your guts which are infected with Orc's breath and Shelob's smelly poo."
So, Éowyn saw Legolas kissing Bilbo under a large troll who was pissed drunk and licking Saruman's finger and his nose! However, Arwen got into trouble with Morgoth's kinky Mummy who held a stiff long, sharp rubber dildo. Therefore, Morgoth cried a foul curse that sounded whiny which turned bright purple.
"Stop that!" cried Arwen, "You're gonna kill the bloody pansies!"
"I'm sorry!" weeped Morgoth, "Please don't eat me!"
"But I'm a fat legless turkey," said an angry Arwen.
So, Arwen screamed hysterically at Gollum.
"I want a banana!"
"Why!?
''I'm King Kong.'' She announced!
And Gollum replied ''I'm dieting, GAH! You're tempting me far more than a carrot in chocolate!''
The next day, in Edoras, Théoden was humming along with a peculiar looking hobbit, called Peter Jackson. He left Edoras and gaily frolicked through the meadow. Then Frodo saw a frog that was disguised as a monkey wearing Galadriel's pretty pink knickers and silly blue straw hat. "What are doing with that pigs rectum?" the frog replied. "Licking a rock with green vomiting slugs and purple cookie hair." So Frodo picked some boggies out by the dewy meadow and tiptoed over to Rosie's room and held the door, which was opened slightly. Frodo saw Rosie wearing a strapless velvety lingerie with fluffly red stilettos.
Rosie said: "Why Hello young Frodo, won't you join me and Sam?"
"Oh yes!" He replied.
"I have a special coloured condom for you!" said Rosie.
Frodo put the condom on Sam, who squealed. "I love it when you call me big pappa, frodo."
Frodo grinned and touched a scary looking dildo that laughed and changed into Gandalf. Then, maybe the sword of Aragorn's mind will break and shatter with buttered popcorn around mouldy cheese and bacon.
Next thing he knew, he was a chicken with purple eyes and purple underwear and a dress on. Astounded, he tickled his friend's left ear and was very surprised to hear his stomach grumble. Then he looked into the eyes of Smaug and wished to Hell he had clean underwear.
So he took his clothes off and danced starkers with bad hair, as he jumped up throwing stuff into his wet pants! So then he went to the bar and drank all of the whiskey and found he could not move his car to kill Sam? Frodo gasped and was shocked and was unsure why he was doin this. So he jumped around, screaming: ''I just want to be a King!”
Then he ran over to Aragorn and he climbed on to his mighty steed, got his reins in full gear? After that, he then got stupefied, and could do a fancy backflip and a cartwheel too! Afterwards he leaped onto a camel that had big gonads. Then he decided that he should go and see to Aragorn(?) who had hurt Arwen, because she annoyed the Hell out of everyone she smelt of orc poo