WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO?
Written by Marc Shaiman and Trey Parker
Performed by Trey Parker and Matt Stone
STAN
What would Brian Boitano do if he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.
KYLE
When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics skating for the gold
He did two Salchows and a triple Lutz while wearing a blindfold.
CARTMAN
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps fighting grizzly bears
He used his magical fire breath and saved the maidens fair.
ALL
So would Brian Boitano do if he were here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.
CARTMAN
I want this V-chip out of me
It has stunted my vocabulary.
KYLE
And I just want my mom to stop fighting everyone.
STAN
For Wendy I'll be an activist too
Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do.
ALL
And would Brian Boitano do?
He'd call all the kids in town
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.
When Brian Boitano travelled through time to the year 3010
He fought the evil robot king and saved the human race again
And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids he beat up Kubla Khan
Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from an-y-bod-y.
So all lets go off together
And unite to stop our moms
And we'll save Terrence and Phillip too
Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do
And we'll save Terrence and Phillip too
Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do
Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!