Riddles, ToungeTwisters and Jokes!

Three guys are applying for job with the CIA. They got all the way to the final test.

So the first guy walks into the directors office and sits down. The director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. Lays it on his desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to test your loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go into the first room on your right. Your wife will be in there. Put a bullet in her head." The guy looks at him and says,"no way." So the director says, "You fail."

The next guy comes in. The director tells him the same thing. Guy picks up the gun and head for the room. Comes back about 15 minutes later. Tells the director that he just couldn`t go through with it. The director says, "you fail."

So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the room. The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of ruckus (glass breaking, furniture getting smashed). Guy comes back in all beat up and his clothes tore up. The director goes, "What happened to you?" Guy replies, "After three shots I realized that there were blanks in the gun so I had to choke her to death."

That's hilarious!!!!!!!! 😆

Wow.

What a stupid idiot.

a man goes to horseriding lessons and one day he is sitting on a horse next to a woman. the man sneezes, takes out his cock and wipes up what was obviously an orgasm. this happens a couple more times and the woman finally says
"ugh, thats disgusting, can you please stop it!"
"it's not my fault" says the man "whenever i sneeze, i have an orgasm!"
"oh im so sorry, i didn't know. What are you taking for it?" says the woman
"pepper"

Originally posted by Eis
That's hilarious!!!!!!!! 😆

i've heard that before, but i tell it different.

This isn't realy a joke, TT or riddle, but it's pretty funny! Have a good time!

[message 1: monday 12 pm]arnie:Hello, you've reach arroldz pissa shop. I'm not here right now, I'm out killing pepperoni!! I don't care what you want, 'cause I'm not here...Every Pissa comes with pepperoni...and with 9 mm bullets on it!! Only difference is: Maybe da 9 mm bullets'll be in da gun! or maybe on your pissa!!! If you don't like, I don't care 'cause you'receive one anyhow!!! If you want mushroom: SHUT UP!!!!! If you want brocoli: whadahellis brocoli??? Shadup wida brocoli!!! If you want somn crazy like pinapple: I KILL YOU!!!...If you like pepperoni and bullets: you've come to the right place! So leave your name, number, serial number, how tall you are, wether you are suseptable to any disseases...and if you are, I come ova...maybe I give you pissa...maybe I break off your arm!!!! [end of measage]

So there's a guy. He's rounding and rounding looking for a parking space because he's has an appointment in a few minutes. He rounds and rounds, but finds none. So he prays to The Lord 'Lord, if you give me a parking spot, I will give up beer. I will go to church every sunday. I will not curse, and I will go to confession every week.' Surely enough, he rounds the next corner, and there is an empty spot just for him. "He then says 'Never mind Lord, I've found one."

IDIOTS DANCING
Click to watch full video. 😊

Originally posted by KurtW
[b]IDIOTS DANCING
Click to watch full video. 😊

[/B]

Thats Just Swell.

Originally posted by X-Woman
So there's a guy. He's rounding and rounding looking for a parking space because he's has an appointment in a few minutes. He rounds and rounds, but finds none. So he prays to The Lord 'Lord, if you give me a parking spot, I will give up beer. I will go to church every sunday. I will not curse, and I will go to confession every week.' Surely enough, he rounds the next corner, and there is an empty spot just for him. "He then says 'Never mind Lord, I've found one."

Dude, that's so unfunny, it's funny! 😂

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.

As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"

The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."

The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."

Damnit People Post 😆

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Originally posted by Masrix
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.

As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"

The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."

The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."

😂 That's terrible!

Originally posted by Masrix
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

😆

I got 2 funny ones.. but i dont feel like typing them out.

Originally posted by DanZeke25
I got 2 funny ones.. but i dont feel like typing them out.

Danzeke Long Time No See.

lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

😆

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K
stands for Kill.

L
is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q
is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R
is for Rich little *****. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S
stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

T
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that ***** is an understatement.

V
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

.
stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.

So long....

Originally posted by Ladyluck
So long....

Indeed 🥷