Originally posted by Ladyluck
hysterical
I Like the ABC Gbirlfriends List 😆
__
Blonde Shoots Herself
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"And then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"And then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
Little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?" The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time." says the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."
About a week ago I was in New York.
Wow, I will tell you one thing. In N.Y. anything can happen and I mean ANYTHING. Just the other day I was walking on this street and there next to some abandoned fast food restaurant I saw thing homeless guy just sitting there. I almost walked by him but stopped in my path to look at what he was doing. He was eating napkins! Yes, I said napkins. I felt so sorry for him that I went to this food stand and bought a slice of pizza. I came up to him and gave him that slice of warm pizza. He looked up at me. His eyes started shining and I even saw a few tears drop from his eyes. He got up and thanked me. He said "God bless you generous one." He then sat back down on his flipped over shopping cart, wiped his mouth with the slice of pizza and resumed eating his napkins.
From that day on, I was never the same. 😐
Originally posted by ben_dover
About a week ago I was in New York.
Wow, I will tell you one thing. In N.Y. anything can happen and I mean ANYTHING. Just the other day I was walking on this street and there next to some abandoned fast food restaurant I saw thing homeless guy just sitting there. I almost walked by him but stopped in my path to look at what he was doing. He was eating napkins! Yes, I said napkins. I felt so sorry for him that I went to this food stand and bought a slice of pizza. I came up to him and gave him that slice of warm pizza. He looked up at me. His eyes started shining and I even saw a few tears drop from his eyes. He got up and thanked me. He said "God bless you generous one." He then sat back down on his flipped over shopping cart, wiped his mouth with the slice of pizza and resumed eating his napkins.From that day on, I was never the same. 😐
😆 Wans't Expecting tat, Nice 😂
Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.
St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question."
"Which is ...?", they replied in unison.
"Have you been a good girl ?", he asked the first girl.
"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key."
"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.
"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key."
"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all", she said. "I practically have sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... my room key."
A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."
Originally posted by Koala MeatPie
A ping Pong ball falls into a 3 foot metallic tube, which is solidly bolted to the ground, Yuo can not break or move the tube in any way, No vaccums are anywhere at all. Forget about the vaccum. Don't think about.how do you get the Ping pong Ball out?