the book of norris
The Book of Norris 1:1
In the beginning there was just Norris. For many a millennia Chuck Norris was alone for he was everything. Then billions of years ago Chuck Norris decided to create space and everything in it. With a blink of his eye galaxies were created and planets popped into existence. It was then that Norris noted one galaxy in particular. On a whim Norris spoke to his creation and said, "I have found ye worthy of baring my image and on one of your planets I shall create a being of my creation."
With that Chuck Norris randomly selected one of the planets in the galaxy and began to mold it into a place where his creations could live and prosper. On the first day he terra-formed the landscape and added the forests and seas. On the second day he created all of the species that would be used by the people in his image. On the third he spent the full twenty-four creating a being in his image, for anything that was related to Norris had to be perfect. After the three days Chuck Norris stepped back and admired his work.
It was then that Chuck Norris stepped back and took a seat on the planet Mars to watch his creations and how they went about there life. Thousands of years passed, which to Norris seemed like two years. After watching his creations that he saw that they did not truly worship him. His creations had had the tenacity to worship different beings then him. It was then that Norris said, "This is heresy of the deepest order." and with that he grabbed a beer and headed towards earth.
When Norris reached Earth he searched for the perfect vessel that would give birth to his human form, for he could not simply descend onto the Earth for the mear sight of his god like form would cause a mortal to explode in a shimmering ball of fire. So with his mind set on finding a vessel for his new body Chuck Norris began to scour the world for the perfect female.
the beginning of Chuck Norris. Let he who worships him sing praise up to the almighty Chuck Norris.
the book of Norris 1:2
And so Chuck Norris scoured the world looking for the vessel that would give birth to his mortal form. It did not take long for Norris to find the perfect vessel for he was all all knowing and could look into the heart of his creations and determine who was worthy. The women he had chosen was a lady of beauty and intelligence, a sure sign that he ancestors had received and extra dosage godlyness from Chuck Norris when he created man.
Chuck Norris then visited this women in her dreams and said to her, "It is I, your one true god Chuck Norris. I have deemed you worthy of bearing my mortal body and through you I shall do awsome deeds." With that Chuck Norris touched her brow and allowed some of his mighty power to enter into her body. After allowing some of his power to enter her body Norris, so that she could handle his manliness, Chuck proceeded to make love to her for the next five days.
And so the Eternal Norris was born into the world of the humans.
when the time of birth arrived, guests had come to see baby Norris, for he was not to be born in a manger, but a palace filled with women who already had lost their virginity to him.
4 wise men arrived at the palace bearing gifts for the Almighty Norris. Sylvester stallone brought Baby Chuck his first gift, which was a razor. Baby chuck, with his already full beard grabbed it with his third fist and crushed it. Sylvester was later punished for trying to take away part of Chucks manliness. Bruce Lee offered up his martial arts knowledge to young Chuck. Chuck accepted and in 1 days time had learned everything that Bruce had to know. Arnold Schwartzinegger tryed to defeat Baby Chuck in combat and lost to his Mighty Roundhouse kick. he was forever banished to the state of California. the fourth and final wise man, Waldo, brought forth his gift. he layed it before Chuck and Chuck opened it. inside were 10 bombs. Chuck thinking quickly roundhouse kicked the box out of his castle.Chuck vowed to kill Waldo. Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding. Everytime children find waldo he has to relocate
The Book of Norris 1:3
And so the childhood of Chuck Norris began in earnest as Norris set off to learn about his creations. Chuck Norris' early life went by fast as his body and mind grew at an exponential rate. By the time he was five he had a full grown body with a beard that could obliterate men with a touch and was impossible to destroy. Being the all knowing being that he was Chuck Norris quickly breezed through school and graduated at thirty-five different colleges at the same time. How this was accomplished was never known and no one dares to ask Norris about it for fear of angering the almighty Norris with questions.
It was at the age of six that Norris met a man by the name of Mr. T. Norris was at a local bar downing keg after keg of beer to slake his thirst when he felt a tingling in the back of his skull. Knowing that only someone who he had remotely graced with a small amount of his godlike power could cause a tingling in his skull Chuck Norris began to search for the person who had caused this sensation. It did not take long for Norris to find the man who had peaked his interest. Standing before Chuck Norris was none other than the great Mr. T.
As both men laid eyes on each other they knew that a battle for domination would ensue. In the blink of an eye both beings of power charged at each other. Chuck Norris made the first move as he threw a round house kick to Mr. T's face. Mr. T, who's ancestors had power bestowed upon them by Chuck Norris himself, was able to block the kick with his forearm and not have it crushed to pieces by the power of the kick. Mr. T retaliated by throwing a powerful punch to Chuck Norris' face. Norris easily deflected the punch off his beard and sent another roundhouse kick towards Mr. T's legs. The kick connected and Mr. T was forced to his knees by the power of the blow.
For hours the battle continued on like this as Chuck Norris could never gain a solid up hand in the battle. Had Chuck Norris been in his godlike form he could have won in meer seconds, unfortunately his mortal body was limited in the power it could stand and there was only so much awsomeness within its blood. It was then that Chuck Norris was able to land a powerful roundhouse kick to Mr. T's chest. This allowed Norris to place a foot on Mr. T's chest and declare victory. It was then that Chuck Norris asked for the name of the person with whom he had fought. In a terse reply Mr. T said, "I'm Mr. T fooool!" With that Norris bent down and clasped Mr. T's hand in his own and said, "You are a worthy adversary Mr. T. Become my right hand man and we shall become famous and powerful beyond all reckoning."
It was as if Chuck Norris' voice had turned on a switch in Mr. T's brain, for he knew he was in the presence of his creator. It was with this new knowledge that Mr. T accepted Norris' offer and they went to go grab a drink to seal their friendship. Unfortunately every bar they walked into exploded out of the sheer impossibility of holding all that awsomness in one room.