I wonder why you still dare to define me...my messengers are not doing their job. You're not the only ones I'm in trouble with...here also at home with my family, it only means a word to me. I am experiencing the worst time of my life since the beginning of 2005. How long will this take? I don't know, it's beyond my control. Here, this is my first life and I want the best and I am not going to quit on that.
I hope so. I have a little story to tell. When I worked for McDonalds the owner was and still is a fat guy. The first time I worked there was from 1999~2000 (2years) and quit, second time the entire 2004 and quit again for the last time. During first period that guy had sex with a 17 year old girl and after that she used to come for cash on her days off...kind of blackmailing! Anyway, she told her boyfriend resulting in a black eye to this owner. My opinion is that this girl sold her ass to upset the guy and she was those kind of people with stains on the skin...one ugly one with the shape of the United States on her left eye...almost like a tattoo but it wasn't. What an eye matter ah!!! Feel free to ask what you don't understand from this paragraph or any other line from this thread.
Okay I got something new I believe. I do get my meditation and something tells me that I am alone in an empty space...that everything I see and hear exists as a distraction for me so I can be observed and study. I am a loner...always was and it seems to be a reason for that. People look more and more unreal to me everyday, it is like they are some program or something...They interact and understand each other and to them I am nothing. Then you think what you hear all your life..."you look stupid, too serious, short or skinny, you don't look like others" all of this is an excuse to something that is been kept hidden. I have seen almost everybody lower than me in terms of quality and they always get someone who's interested. I do not want to be like others, maybe because they have made me this way. What I mean is that nothing alive likes me. You may like anything by having use of it or just need it and you realize something unpleasant the moment you reject it...that's me. Nothing can fix this problem of mine, it is real and is the very reason that makes me believe this theory. If I don't believe on anything why do I post here? I am alive and so a hope. What is it exactly what I want? Mostly curious, I want to know many things and why is it all this way. I know people get mentally ill by traumas or strong emotions but that's not my case. I am in part responsible for my isolation but for a reason and it is not me the one to blame...I have chosen this because I felt it was necessary. Simply nothing inspire trust. Although I do enjoy many other things and probably is what keeps me alive but very short of motivation. I had a chance to chat with someone and I told that person never to think I am someone, just something able to act on its own.
I need to exercise my body. The gym has what I need for my legs and here I have what I need for my arms. Both cannot be at the same place because in those public places there is always someone waiting for their turn with the machine and here I don't have the machine. I don't like running because of the sun/traffic/dogs I prefer to pay like $30 monthly.
The Good 70s
I was not in this present form back there but enough for me to like it...good comic books good music good cartoons. If I could bring all that just for me I would be living it now. I consider no one truly willing to donate something to make this world a better place. Toys for instance, they like to make them imperfect, never to bring all there is from a character or figure design...like for all the rest they use fooling techniques to make you spend your money the wrong way. The enemy is within ourselves, there is no alien menace from another world. This looks like an open thread but since it is not exactly I can have more freedom to expand my subjects. This is mostly about time and like I said before it means events not date. I want to make my point clear, I don't care about anything else, that would be exactly what I live for. How many things are there today that people care about? Many things, some good some bad some perfect to ignore. Alright? 😂 Don't worry, I'm not out of my mind just out from this world.
My Love
I always try to ignore this awful feeling. I am weird. When I like a girl she stays in my mind all life long, no matter what I do or get. I'll explain...I think of time-she gets someone...of death-never remain the same like get older...of place...distance or condition like good enough for her or close to her. What if I don't need love? Fine, it must be something incredibly awesome to keep me happy in exchange of love but then you see her and you go all the way back. When I say "her" I mean that special nightmare that catches your attention...you know there are others...like "bah, all pussies are the same" no it is not! Yes, it is sex but also her look...pretty I mean and also something that you cannot explain but like from her. So Sad.
Re: My Love
Originally posted by redcaped
I always try to ignore this awful feeling. I am weird. When I like a girl she stays in my mind all life long, no matter what I do or get. I'll explain...I think of time-she gets someone...of death-never remain the same like get older...of place...distance or condition like good enough for her or close to her. What if I don't need love? Fine, it must be something incredibly awesome to keep me happy in exchange of love but then you see her and you go all the way back. When I say "her" I mean that special nightmare that catches your attention...you know there are others...like "bah, all pussies are the same" no it is not! Yes, it is sex but also her look...pretty I mean and also something that you cannot explain but like from her. So Sad.
Not all pussies are the same man,I dont care what anyone says
I am in serious trouble, don't know with whom but I can feel it around my life. Some are interested in me some ignore...I can say more ignore. I was thinking of leaving the board because I don't really have the motivation of posting and when I do it gets criticized by others... he's unreasonable. Well, I don't really care about other judgements, just how I feel personally. Temporary as intended with my user name & password noted but no control of my life or destiny. I should come back only if things get better...could be a year/soon/never again. Things have taken shape. I spent 2 weeks looking for a comic book...finally got it today. Some tell me I sound like 12 but 12 today is just like 25, that belief is getting old. No jokes, not to share it here...I mean it is fun for a moment but not after you realize that your laugh is sad, only your lips move. This is a word made of disbelief, there is nothing convenient to say. Others are like you one day and different the next...many feed on your frustration "fun to see you down" even if they don't know you! I don't know what runs in your mind and I'm not too well, so the time has come for me. I want to ignore my "f" problem but I can't, I want to keep posting but I can't...I have tested myself and see the same results. What is my favorite forum if you ask me...a few, nothing in particular, I like to post in one, go to the next, then return, like different rooms in a house. I like posting but hate to miss certain joy. Being absent may help. Still not sure exactly when I will leave but this is the feeling from today...it is real so do not be surprised later. I try to make it easier for me not by pressure, it is my intention to leave not to another board, just not posting anymore. I tried the search feature looking for this thread and it doesn't show and if I return I should create another one alike because this one will be lost many pages in the past.