The Battle Bar, Our Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

Started by carthage3,287 pages

Damn, nice TK feat.

Damn Snoke and Plagueis have the same musical track...I'm sold.

Snoke... that name just rolls off the tongue in such a weird way. Snoke, it just sounds weird.

Originally posted by carthage

Lol

A nice change from showing Anakin and Obi-Wan missing each other.

Originally posted by NewGuy01
Damn, nice TK feat.

You just gave a good In-Universe explanation for every bit a bad Lightsaber choreography in the saga.

This is my jam.

Originally posted by Darth Thor
You just gave a good In-Universe explanation for every bit a bad Lightsaber choreography in the saga.

This noob....

Lecturing someone on CV why I'm basically God and he's a peasant.

I love the Internet.

Originally posted by carthage
Lol @ Boba Fett in the background.

I was thinking.

If I was in charge of the plot for the new movies (they would be better, but that’s a given of course) I would make Rey, Palpatine’s daughter.

Before Palpatine got plastic surgery at Mace Windu’s clinic, lets say he had several sexual relationships. One of these women gives Palpatine a daughter. He’s irritated and has the poor woman killed. He’s going to kill the infant, but decides instead to freeze it. He doesn’t need competition, but you never know when having a minion bound by blood might be useful.

Events proceed as normal. Palpatine gets chucked down the reactor shaft at Endor. While Luke is looking to start training new Jedi, the Force guides him to some obscure Imperial records by Sate Pestage that mention Rey. Luke realizes that any child of Palpatine would be strong in the Force, he finds the infant Rey and has her thawed out.

However, Lord Snoke makes his first “appearance” and tries to steal Rey from Skywalker. Luke realizes that Rey’s family history will always put a target on her back. He takes a page from Obi-wan’s playbook and has Rey hidden on Jakku. Luke goes and trains Ben Solo. The stuff we hear about in the movie happens.

During the second movie, Rey meets Lord Snoke, and he reveals her true parentage. Rey tells Snoke he’s full of shit. However, she begins to have visions of Palpatine, and starts seeing his evil version of a blue fuzzy. Later, Finn gets killed by Snoke. Rey freaks out and cuts Snoke down in a fit of rage. Palpatine’s blue fuzzy crackles as Snoke rasps with his dying breath that his work is finished. Palpatine’s Legacy has been “awakened.”

In background to all of this, the Galaxy has descended into complete chaos. It’s another Civil War, and everything sucks balls.

Rey decides to utilize her family ties to take control of the First Order. She believes she can end the fighting by controlling the Order and making peace with Leia’s resistance. Rey seeks out Kylo Ren and beats the shit out of him. He becomes her minion.

Together, Rey and Ren overthrew General Hux (i.e kill him) and intimidate the rest of the First Order into falling into line. Rey leans on her daddy’s name to inspire the First Order’s loyalty. She meets with Leia and offers to work out a peace. Leia refuses, claiming she’ll never make peace with the dark side. Rey cuts Leia down and claims that she’s old and that her time is over. Luke tries to stop Rey, but Rey together with Ren take out Luke. Without Luke and Leia, the Resistance falls apart.

Rey uses the First Order to bring order to the rest of the galaxy, and because she’s not a faux Nazi lunatic, Rey actually rules pretty well. She crowns herself Empress of the Galaxy and Ren becomes her top general.

The End.

That plot might be the worst synopsis I've ever seen. Even the Snoke-is-Plagueis and Rey Kenobi ones are better. Like every single one.

Do Rey and Ren bang tho?

(Rey being Palpatines daughter is my fav theory too btw)

How the hell is 19 year old Rey supposed to be Palpatine's daughter? Like she's actually 19. It's legit impossible. Even if she wasn't, no infant would survive carbonite freezing.

What if she's a robot? Or maybe a genderswapped not-ugly-as-**** clone? Or maybe she was frozen cryogenically? Or Palps froze some swimmers for an emergency? Or maybe like a force reincarnation?

It could happen.

Im dying to get a Palpatine reference in the new trilogy but this is Not what I had in mind lol.

Originally posted by Nephthys
It could happen.

And Snoke could be Plagueis.

Snoke is Plagueis.

Originally posted by Nephthys
What if she's a robot?

With Force powers?
Or maybe a genderswapped not-ugly-as-**** clone?

So not a clone? Also the hair color is different why? And a random gender change?
Or maybe she was frozen cryogenically?

Cryogenic freezing isn't a thing in canon, but even if it was, what would be the point, and why didn't Vader use it for Luke?
Or Palps froze some swimmers for an emergency? Or maybe like a force reincarnation?

What the hell does this even mean?