Translating the Movie...

Originally posted by willofthewisp
If you need any more, just post them, but I think I've got this last one.

[the Black Pearl?s guns are destroying the battlements, the pirates are now coming ashore in boats;
Translation: We're here. We're queer. Get used to it!

Will takes up a sword, a hatchet, and a knife to fight the invading pirates; on the battlements;saves a maid by killing a pirate with his hatchet]
Translation: In the Will Turner spin-off, I get the Turnermobile and the Turnerboat.

Norrington: [shouting orders to soldiers] Sight the muzzle flash!
Translation: Loud noises!

Soldier: Aim for the flashes!
Translation: Yes, that's what we'll do. Aim for the shiny lights as opposed to people. We'll get them under the cover of darkness.

Norrington: I need a full strike, fore and aft! Let these demons both bite at this! [cannons are shot in the Black Pearl's direction] Governor, barricade yourself in my office. That's an order!
Translation: In case you were going to ask, this is how things are going to be if Liz agrees to marry me....until we put you in a home.

[the Governor's house; pirates are running through the gates an knocking on the door] Elizabeth : [to butler] Don't! [the butler opens the door]
Translation: They don't know the password!

Pintel: Hello, chum. [shoots butler and the pirates swarm into the house] Up there! [points at Elizabeth ]
Translation: Password this!

Pirate: Girl! [ Elizabeth runs upstairs]
Translation: This job gets better and better.

Estrella: [they lock the chamber door] Miss Swann , they've come to kidnap you.
Translation: And that's why it sucks not being the main girl.

Elizabeth : What?
Translation: Well if you want to be their pirate wench, I'll be the maid for a few days.

Estrella: You're the Governor's daughter.
Translation: While no one knows who my dad is. Stupid class system.

Elizabeth : They haven't seen you. Hide, and the first chance you get, run to the fort. [distracts Ragetti and Pintel as the maid runs out, hits Pintel in the face with the bed warmer]
Translation: That's for shooting my shoe shiner!

Ragetti: Gotcha! [catches Elizabeth and she releases ashes onto his head] It's hot! You burned me!
Translation: More exposition lines brought to you by the comic relief.

Pintel: [to Ragetti] Come on! [Estrella escapes; Elizabeth is cornered on the stairs and while pirates are distracted by one of their own being taken out by a cannon she runs away;
Translation: Over the table and past the chandelier, to the fort Elizabeth goes. The horse knows the way...

Pintel and Ragetti are stopped by a falling chandelier and Elizabeth locks the door and then tries to get a sword out but is unable;
Translation: Why is everything in this house crap when we paid a fortune for it!

Pintel and Ragetti break the door] We know you're here, Poppet.
Translation: Did you notice that? I said poppet.

Ragetti: Poppet.
Translation: Kind of like a muppet. It's not easy being green, you know.

Pintel: Come out, and we promise we won't hurt you. [Ragetti looks at Pintel questioningly who only smiles] We will find you, Poppet. You've got something of ours, and it calls to us. The gold calls to us.
Translation: And in the distance it was calling, "If I could turn back time..."

Ragetti: Gold calls?
Translation: "...If I could find a way." I love that song!

Elizabeth gazes down at the medallion.
Translation: Cher sucks.

Pintel: [opens door of the closet] Ello, Poppet.
Translation: I heard that.

Elizabeth : Parley!
Translation: No! Go back to your Cher songs. I'm a figment of your imagination (waves arms) Ooooo, imagination! This is all a dream.

Ragetti: What?
Translation: More Cher? I like the sound of that.

Elizabeth : Parley. I invoke the right of parley. According to the Code of the brethren, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew , you have to take me to your Captain.
Translation: See? That pirate book was more than just hearing about awesome stuff Jack did. Reading: it's fundamental (winks at the camera)

Pintel: I know the code.
Translation: Kind of

Elizabeth : If an adversary demands parley you can do them no harm until the parley is complete.
Translation: And then I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. I hope you like E.Coli.

Ragetti: To blazes with the code.
Translation: Parley? E.Coli? She knows too much French! Shoot her!

Pintel: She wants to be taken to the Captain. And she'll go without a fuss. We must honor the Code.
Translation: Ooh, Barbossa is going to promote me to first mate for this.

[ Port Royal street ; Will is fighting with Grapple] Grapple: [to Will , holding him defenseless] Say goodbye! [signs falls on him]
Translation: While Pintel and Ragetti bring the captain the girl with the medallion, I'll bring us a cabin boy!

Will: Goodbye.
Translation: Cabin boy? I'll stay an underpaid, underappreciated blacksmith...well, which one does sound better?

Pintel: [to Elizabeth , leading her to the Black Pearl ] Come on!
Translation: You're going to sing Cher tonight!

Elizabeth: Will.
Translation: Ugh, suppose I should make him think I need him to boost his self esteem. Save me, save me, I'll die if no one helps me...

Will : [spots them] Elizabeth .
Translation: Wait there! I'm going to get some iocaine powder. That usually does the trick.

[sees the same pirate he killed with his hatchet and is confused]
Translation: Inconceivable!

Pirate: Outta my way, scum. [knocks Will on the head, he faints]
Translation: This is for all the fan girls that wanted you to actually do stuff in Blackhawk Down!

I just re-read this and by far, this is the funniest scene ever done. I have to go pee. I am laughing way, way, way too hard.

Originally posted by willofthewisp
Will : [spots them] Elizabeth .
Translation: Wait there! I'm going to get some iocaine powder. That usually does the trick.

[sees the same pirate he killed with his hatchet and is confused]
Translation: Inconceivable!

come on people... just a few more scenes to go. they're on page 20...

From the scene just after the pirate battle, when Barbossa has blown up the Interceptor.

Will: You can’t. I can.
Translation: I think I can anyways. I’ve never really tried before.

Jack: Like that.
Translation: I can see where this is going. Once again I’ll be marooned on that island, Will’s hair will be cut off for a wig, AND Barbossa will get to deflower Elizabeth, which totally sucks because he’s cursed and won’t even get to enjoy it. BOO YOU WHORE.

Barbossa: Who are you?
Translation: Dread Pirate Roberts? A long lost bastard son? A young British hero with a strange birthmark on his forehead?

Jack: He’s no one. A distant cousin of my aunt’s nephew twice removed. Terrific singing voice, eunuch…
Translation: No I’m serious. He really is not important at all. Now let’s talk about the deflowering and what I’m willing to trade for the honor.

Will: My name is William Turner. I am the son of Bootstrap Bill Turner. His blood flows in my veins.
Translation: No one’s deflowering anyone, damnit! I’ve got virgin ears and I do not want to be corrupted by a bunch of pirates.

Elizabeth looks uncomfortable.
Translation: I do! Oh woops- did I just say that out loud?

Ragetti: He’s the spitting image of old bootstrap!
Translation: And you know what that makes me think of? “Bootstrap poker and orgy night”. It’s been a while since we’ve had one of those.

Will: On my word do as I say. Or I’ll pull this trigger and be lost to Davy Jones’ locker.
Translation: On my word do as I say, or I’ll whip out my credit card and go shopping at Lady Foot Locker!

Barbossa: Name your terms, Mr. Turner.
Translation: Well, that wouldn’t be too bad, because your little stockings are kind of ridiculous.

Will: Elizabeth goes free.
Translation: And so does her ‘flower’.

Barbossa: Yes we know that one. Anything else?
Translation: that schtick. I hate Disney male leads. Except Aladdin. He was pretty hot.

Will: And the crew! The crew are not to be harmed!
Translation: Shoot, maybe I should have come up with terms before I did something incredibly stupid.

Barbossa: Agreed.
Translation: Hmmm… no mention of Ana Maria’s flower. Looks like meat’s back on the menu, boys.

Elizabeth is on the plank, ready to walk.
Translation: Time to take the plunge… and there’s only one man I’d do it with…

Will: Barbossa you lying bastard! You swore she’d go free!
Translation: I look hot when I swear, don’t I? and speaking of swearing, you swore Jack would be killed. Slowly.

Barbossa: Don't dare impugn my honor, boy. I agreed she goes free, but it was you who failed to specify when or where. Though it does seem a shame to lose something so fine, don't it lads? So I'll be taking that dress back.
Translation: All this swearing. We’ll never make it to KTTC with this kind of language.

okay, now promptly go to the previous page and translate the last four scenes we need!!! 🙂

okay i got this one.

Cut to PORT ROYAL PRISON
[in jail] Jack : [trying to pick the lock with a bone] Please.... [hears footsteps, leaves the bone in the lock and lies down]
Translation: You're a smooth one, Mr. Grinch...

Will: You. Sparrow!
Translation: I wouldn't touch you with a nine and a half foot pole.

Jack : Aye.
Translation: Pole dancing? Who told you?

Will : You are familiar with that ship – the Black Pearl?
Translation: how do you feel about suicidal missions and hot teenage girls?

Jack : I’ve heard of it.
Translation: that sounds pretty ho-hum. if you can get Lara Croft to come along, I'll consider it.

Will : Where does it make berth?
Translation: And how dangerous is it really? like, give me a survival percentage. I'm going to have to make a pro and con list here.

Jack : Where does it make berth? Have you not heard the stories? Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta . It’s an island that cannot be found except by those who already know where it is.
Translation: Global Positioning Satelite: 300 dollars. Land Rover: 20,000 dollars. Weapons of mass destruction: 2000 dollars. Having an inner compass to guide you to your love: priceless.

Will : The ship’s real enough. Therefore its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?
Translation: Mapquest, here I come.

Jack : [studies his nails] Why ask me?
Translation: or you could try an anatomy book. You'd hate to get the girl and then not know what to do with her.

Will : Because you’re a pirate.
Translation: Because you have a way of getting intimate with people pretty fast.

Jack : And you want to turn pirate yourself, is that it?
Translation: It's a simple combination of no personal space, smoldering eye contact, and chains.

Will : Never! They took Miss Swann.
Translation: What was that advice the hobbits kept telling me? Never say never! Well crap.

Jack : Oh, so it is that you’ve found a girl. I see. Well, if you’re intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady’s heart you’ll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in it for me.
Translation: Ms. Swann. That sounds slightly familiar, have I threatened her before?

Will : I can get you out of here.
Translation: I moonlight as Robin Hood, man in tights.

Jack : How’s that? The key’s run off.
Translation: Hmm... that's pretty tempting.

Will : I helped build these cells. These are half pin-barrel hinges. With the right leverage and the proper application of strength… the door will lift free.
Translation: But hurry! I lose my jail-break skills sometime before film 2.

Jack : What’s your name?
Translation: I really should start writing down the names of my co-stars. That way I can at least act like we're friends at the premier.

Will: Will Turner .
Translation: Legolas. But I was thinking of changing it to Romeo. Has a certain ring to it, right?

Jack : That will be short for William , I imagine. Good, strong name. No doubt, named for your father, eh?
Translation: What do you call a man who comes through your letter box? Bill! What do you call a man who comes through a student's letter box? Grant!

Will: Yes.
Translation: What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack.

Jack : Uh-huh. Well, Mr. Turner , I’ve changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell I swear on pain of death I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonny lass. Do we have an accord?
Translation: Pros of helping the whelp: Escape from jail free card, no dying on the gallows, no more visits from Norrington, and I get to pick things back up with the wet teenager. Cons of helping the whelp: I have to hang out with the whelp.

Will : [they shake hands] Agreed.
Translation: What do you call a man made out of rubber? Johnny.

Jack : Agreed. Get me out.
Translation: Yes that's right, get me out of this seinfeld episode.

Will : [lifts the door free] Hurry. Someone will have heard that.
Translation: Or someone will get the ransom note I left by Governor Swann's wig stand... hehehe...

Jack : Not without my effects.
Translation: Which I will be needing for my biography.

THE CAVE on Isle de Muerta

Pintel: Ten years of hoarding swag.
Translation: Ten years of growing marajuana in the closet...

Ragetti: And now we finally get to spend it.
Translation: And now we finally get to weave skirts out of it!

Pintel: Once we’re quit of the curse, we’ll be rich men. And you can buy an eye what actually fits and is made of glass.
Translation: I don't have much money, but if I did, I'd buy a big house where we both could live.

Ragetti: This one does splinter something terrible. [rubs it]
Translation: It's a neat party gag though.

Pintel: Stop rubbing it. [ Bo’sun walks by and rolls his eyes at them]
Translation: That's probably because we played marbles after you went to bed last night. And we needed an even number, so...

Cut to LONGBOAT with Will and Jack.

Will : [sees a skull] What Code is Gibbs to keep to if the worst should happen?
Translation: Morse code? Wind-talker code?

Jack : Pirate’s Code. Any man that falls behind…is left behind.
Translation: It's interesting that Elizabeth knows and lives by the code, but you are clueless about it. Cough* foreshadowing* cough.

Will : No heroes amongst thieves, eh?
Translation: Which is a shame, because I could use a knight in shining armor right now.

Jack : You know, for having such a bleak outlook on pirates you’re well on your way to becoming one. Sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the Fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga …and you’re completely obsessed with treasure.
Translation: didn't anyone ever tell you not to give up your morals to try and get love?

Will : That’s not true. I am not obsessed with treasure.
Translation: Men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love, and me... well, all I've ever dreamed of is landing myself in a Jane Austen novel.

Jack : Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
Translation: Some of it is sort of cream colored, Lizzy-shaped.

Barbossa: Gentlemen, the time has come! Our salvation is nigh! Our torment is near at end.
Translation: Can I get an AMEN?! Give your soul to Jesus! Reach deep into your pocket and pave the road to Heaven with gold!

Will: Elizabeth.
Translation: Uh, is it just me, or could she run away from him if she really wanted to?

Jack glances at Will.
Translation: You mean into your arms? Hmmm... tough choice.

Barbossa: For ten years we’ve been tested and tried, and each man jack of you here has proved his mettle a hundred times over and a hundred times again! [the men cheer]
Translation: Churchill, Stalin, move over. My speechgiving abilities make me the next candidate for the antichrist!

Ragetti: Suffered, I have.
Translation: All I want is someone to make me feel like a natural woman again!

Pintel and the men agree.
Translation: You want to feel like a natural woman? Here, iron my shirt.

Barbossa: Punished, we were. The lot of us - disproportionate to our crimes! Here it is [throws off the chest’s lid] …the cursed treasure of Cortés himself. Every last piece that went astray, we have returned…save for this.
Translation: Yup, the little black book is almost full. One more number and we can move into the playboy mansion.

Will : [scrambles up, upsetting some of the treasure] Jack!
Translation: Playboy mansion? We should get in on this!

Jack : [pulls him down] Not yet. We wait for the opportune moment.
Translation: Been there, done that. And stop knocking over the chocolate coins, mate.

Barbossa: 881 we found but despaired of ever finding the last.
Translation: Despaired of ever finding a training bra that would fit Ms. Nipples here anyway.

Will : When’s that? When it’s of greatest profit to you?
Translation: Wait, he's a pirate, right? So that's what he ought to do right? I'm so confused...

Jack : May I ask you something? Have I ever given you reason not to trust me? Do us a favor – I know it’s difficult for you, but please stay here and try not to do anything stupid.
Translation: Which pretty much means you should turn around and go to sleep for a little bit.

Barbossa: And who among us has paid the blood sacrifice owed to the heathen gods?
Translation: Although technically we shouldn't be donating blood, because we've been in Africa recently.

Pirates: Us!
Translation: That's right... pirates R us! Yar!

Barbossa: And whose blood must yet be paid?
Translation: Woah Pintel... your teeth are so crooked, they could have used you as the head model for the original jack-o-lantern.

Pirates: Hers!
Translation: Oh yeah, well your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, Dorothy could make it to Oz!

Barbossa: You know the first thing I’m goin’ to do after the curse is lifted? Eat a whole bushel of apples. Begun by blood…by blood undone.
Translation: And that means I'm going to treat you to another lavish feast in my cabin... hee hee hee...

Will : [hits Jack with oar] Sorry, Jack . I’m not going to be your leverage.
Translation: I'd hate to make a bad New Orleans joke here... so I'll hold it in until Tia's shack sequence in film 2.

Elizabeth : [her palm is cut] That’s it?
Translation: You're not going to strip me naked and tie me to the wall? Oh man!

Barbossa: Waste not.
Translation: Oh no we definately will. Just after we've taken our viagra.

Koehler: Did it work?
Translation: Who wants to check...

Ragetti: I don’t feel no different.
Translation: Nope, still more attracted to Pintel than to that chick.

Pintel: How do we tell?
Translation: Call Norrington, see if his gay-dar is working.

Barbossa shoots Pintel.
Translation: Captain Hook and me used to be golfing buddies.

Koehler: You’re not dead.
Translation: Shit. I was so excited to finally be rid of you.

Pintel: No. He shot me!
Translation: Dude, the monkey is right there! That hurts, man.

Ragetti: It didn’t work.
Translation: There's something to be said for being immortal though... at least we don't have to buy insurance.

Twigg: The curse it still upon us!
Translation: I was sure we had it right... *checks script*. double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble...

Barbossa: You, maid! Your father, what was his name? Was your father William Turner?
Translation: Because that would make his son's crush on you slightly gross.

Elizabeth : No.
Translation: No incest here, thank you very much.

Barbossa: Where’s his child? The child that sailed from England eight years ago, the child in whose veins flows the blood of William Turner . Where? [backhands her and she falls down]
Translation: What is this, the best two out of three?

Bo’sun : You two! You brought us the wrong person!
Translation: If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

Pintel: No! She had the medallion. she’s the proper age.
Translation: Pretty girl volunteers to come on board, and you yell at me for allowing her to? What is this ship coming to.

Ragetti: She said her name was Turner – you heard her! I think she lied to us.
Translation: Wait... I thought her name was poppet.

Twigg: You brought us here for nothing.
Translation: I'm very disappointed in you, Hector. Now go to your room and think about what you did.

Barbossa: I won’t take questioning and no second guesses, not from the likes of you, Master Twigg .
Translation: Hey, you know what would make this scene even cooler? Snakes. Everywhere. All over the floor. Maybe a cobra or two.

Koehler: Who’s to blame? Every decision you’ve made has led us from bad to worse.
Translation: It was you who let the Oslen twins try out their new fall line by outfitting us all!

Pirate: It was you who sent Bootstrap to the depths!
Translation: And left my true love marooned on that island...

Bo’sun : And it’s you who brought us here in the first place.
Translation: It's too bad his first and only love was the sea...

Barbossa: If any coward here dare challenge me, let him speak! Hmm?
Translation: Lest you all forget, I was also the one who initiated the "shave Natalie Portman's head" prank. Any more questions?

Koehler: I say, we cut her throat and spill all her blood, just in case.
Translation: She had this dream where someone was hacking away at her with an ax. And you know how I like to make people's dreams come true.

Barbossa: [sees the monkey pointing] The medallion! She’s taken it! Get after her! You feckless pack of ingrates!
Translation: Quick! Jump in the little boats, pull down on the safety harness, and put your hands in the air!

Pirates: No oars here. Where’s the oars?
Translation: No whores here... where are the whores?

Bo’sun : The oars have gone missing. Find them!
Translation: Unless you want Pintel and Ragetti to dress up like the whores again.

someone PLEASE do the last two scenes. here they are.

Scene 17: (The chase and the fight)

Gibbs : Hands aloft to loose t'gallants! With this wind at her stern, she'll carry every sail we've got.

Elizabeth : [the crew is running around] What’s happening?

Anamaria: The Black Pearl, she’s gaining on us. [looks out at the Pearl ]

Elizabeth : This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean .

Anamaria: You can tell them that after they’ve caught us.

Elizabeth : We’re shallow on the draft, right?

Anamaria: Aye.

Elizabeth : Well, then can't we lose them amongst those shoals?

Gibbs : We don’t have to outrun them long, just long enough.

Anamaria: Lighten the ship, stem to stern!

Gibbs : Anything that we can afford to lose…see that it’s lost.

[on the Black Pearl ] Jack : [is locked in the brig by Bo’sun ; he sloshes in the water] Apparently there’s a leak.

Barbossa: Haul on the main brace! Make ready the guns! And run out the sweeps. [the gun ports are opened and the Jolly Roger is hoisted up]

[on the Interceptor, barrels are tossed over the side] Will : [looks out at the Black Pearl and sees the oars; stops a cannon from being thrown off] We’re gonna need that.

Anamaria: [sees the oars] It was a good plan…up ‘till now.

Will: Gibbs ! We have to make a stand. We must fight! Load the guns!

Anamaria: With what?

Will: Anything. Everything! Anything we have left.

Gibbs : Load the guns! Take shot and langrage. Nails and crushed glass! With a will! [they stuff cutlery and other assorted items into the cannons including Gibbs ’ canteen] The Pearl is going to luff up on our port quarter. She’ll rake us without ever presenting a target.

Elizabeth : Lower the anchor on the right side. On the starboard side!

Will : It certainly has the element of surprise.

Anamaria: You’re daft, lady! You both are!

Gibbs : Daft like Jack ! Lower the starboard anchor! Do it, ye dogs, or it’s you we’ll load into the cannons! [the anchor is lowered]

Elizabeth : [to Anamaria] Let go. [she lets go of the wheel and the ship swings about]

Barbossa: They're clubhaulin'! Hard to port! Rack the starboard oars.

Bo’sun : Hard to port! [the two ships come up side by side]

Will : Keep us steady now. Now!

Barbossa: Fire!

Elizabeth : Fire all! [the ships exchange cannon fire]

Jack : [a whole is blown in the hull] Stop blowing holes in my ship! [notices that the shot from the cannon destroyed the lock on the cell door]

Gibbs : We could use a few more ideas, lass.

Elizabeth : Your turn.

Gibbs : We need us a devil’s dowry.

Anamaria: We’ll give them her. [points her pistol at Elizabeth ]

Will : She’s not what they’re after.

Elizabeth : [notices that it’s not at her throat] The medallion. [ Will goes to search for it below]

Barbossa: Raise yer colors ya bloomin’ cockroaches! Hands, grapnels, at the ready. Prepare to board! [Ragetti and Pintel fire a shot that severs the mast and it falls over; grapple hooks are thrown as pirates board the Interceptor] Blast all to carcasses, men! Forward clear to the powder magazine. And the rest of you, bring me the medallion! [pirates board the Interceptor]

Will : [is trapped when the mast falls] Hey! Hey! Below!

Jack : [emerges from the hold and takes a rope from a pirate] Thanks very much. [swings onto the Interceptor]

Gibbs : Jack !

__________________

another one to be done:

Elizabeth and Jack : [singing and dancing around a fire] We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho a pirate's life for me.

Jack : I love this song! Really bad eggs! Ooh. [falls] When I get the Pearl back, I’m gonna teach it to the whole crew, and we’ll sing it all the time!

Elizabeth : And you’ll be positively the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish Main .

Jack : Not just the Spanish Main , love. The entire ocean. The entire wo’ld. Wherever we want to go, we’ll go. That’s what a ship is, you know. It’s not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails that's what a ship needs but what a ship is…what the Black Pearl really is…is freedom.

Elizabeth : Jack …it must be really terrible for you to be trapped on this island.

Jack : Oh, yes. [puts his arm around her shoulder] But the company is infinitely better than last time, I think. The scenery has definitely improved.

Elizabeth : Mr. Sparrow …I’m not entirely sure that I’ve had enough rum to allow that kind of talk.

Jack : I know exactly what you mean, love. [curls his moustache]

Elizabeth : [toasts] To freedom.

Jack : To the Black Pearl . [drinks and loses consciousness; wakes in the morning to the smell of smoke; sees the island burning and runs to Elizabeth ] No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade! The rum!

Elizabeth : Yes, the rum is gone.

Jack : Why is the rum gone?

Elizabeth : One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me, do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that they won’t see it?

Jack : But why is the rum gone?

Elizabeth : [she sits to stare at the horizon] Just wait, Captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two, keep a weather eye out and then you will see white sails on that horizon.

Jack : [takes out pistol, thinks better of it and puts it back, stalks off, imitates Elizabeth ] “Must’ve been terrible for you to be trapped here, Jack . Must’ve been terrible for you.” Well it bloody is now! [spots the Dauntless] There’ll be no living with her after this.

Scene 20: (A future wedding and Bootstrap’s bootstraps)

Elizabeth : But we’ve got to save Will .

Governor Swann : No. You’re safe now. We will return to Port Royal immediately, not go gallivanting after pirates!

Elizabeth : Then we condemn him to death.

Governor Swann : The boy’s fate is regrettable, but, then, so was his decision to engage in piracy.

Elizabeth : To rescue me. To prevent anything from happening to me.

Jack : If I may be so bold as to inject my professional opinion. The Pearl was listing near to scuppers after the battle. It’s very unlikely she’ll be able to make good time. Think about it. The Black Pearl . The last real pirate threat in the Caribbean , mate. How can you pass that up?

Norrington: By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Sparrow , not only myself.

Elizabeth : Commodore, I beg you, please do this. For me. As a wedding gift.

Governor Swann : Elizabeth . Are you accepting the Commodore’s proposal?

Elizabeth : I am.

Jack : A wedding! I love weddings…drinks all around! [extends his arms] I know. “Clap him in irons,” right?

Norrington: Mr. Sparrow , you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with the bearing to Isla de Muerta . You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase “silent as the grave.” Do I make myself clear?

Jack : Inescapably clear.

[in the brig of the Black Pearl ; Pintel and Ragetti are swabbing the floor] Parrot: Awwk, shiver me timbers.

Gibbs : Cotton ‘ere says you missed a bit.

Will : [to Pintel] You knew William Turner ?

Pintel: Ol’ Bootstrap Bill . We knew him. Never sat well with Bootstrap what we did to Jack Sparrow , the mutiny and all. He said it wasn’t right with the Code. That’s why he sent off a piece of the treasure to you as it were. He said we deserved to be cursed… and remain cursed.

Ragetti: Stupid blighter.

Gibbs : Good man.

Pintel: Well, as you can imagine that didn’t sit too well with the Captain.

Ragetti: That didn’t sit too well with the Captain, at all. Tell him what Barbossa did.

Pintel: I’m telling the story! So…what the Captain did, he strapped a cannon to Bootstraps’ bootstraps.

Ragetti: Bootstraps’ bootstraps.

Pintel: The last we saw of ol’ Bill Turner , he was sinking to the crushing black oblivion of Davy Jones’ Locker. ‘Course it was only after that we learned we needed his blood to lift the curse.

Ragetti: That’s what you call ironic.

Barbossa: [comes down and throws the key to Will ’s cell to Ragetti] Bring him!

[in a boat with the rest of the soldiers and Jack ] Norrington: I don’t care for the situation. Any attempt to storm the caves could turn to an ambush.

Jack : Not if you’re the one doing the ambushing. I go in, I convince Barbossa to send his men out with their little boats. You and your mates return to the Dauntless and blast the bejesus outta them with your little cannons, eh? [puts an arm on Norrington’s shoulder] What do you have to lose?

Norrington: [peels off the arm] Nothing I’d lament being rid of.

Jack : Now, to be quite honest with you, there’s still a slight risk for those aboard the Dauntless which includes the future Mrs. Commodore .

[on the Dauntless] Gillette : [pulling Elizabeth along with another soldier] Sorry, but for your own safety.

Elizabeth : Coward! The commodore ordered – I have to tell him! The pirates! They’re cursed! They cannot be killed!

Gillette : Don’t worry, miss, he’s already informed of that. A little mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story. [shuts the doors]

Elizabeth : This is Jack Sparrow ’s doing! [she is locked in]

Scene 21: (The blood ritual, again, interrupted)

[on the way to the Aztec gold] Pintel: [to Will ] No reason to fret. It’s just a prick of the finger, a few drops of blood.

Twigg: No mistakes this time. He’s only half-Turner. We spill it all!

Pintel: Guess there is reason to fret.

I thought people did these. Oh well.

Gibbs : Hands aloft to loose t'gallants! With this wind at her stern, she'll carry every sail we've got.
Translation: Every time we set sail anymore....what ever happened to safe piracy?

Elizabeth : [the crew is running around] What’s happening?
Translation: I was having a moment with Will and locked into his eyes, I lost focus on time itself....what the heck. I was drinking.

Anamaria: The Black Pearl, she’s gaining on us. [looks out at the Pearl ]
Translation: And I don't want to blow it up because I'm going to steal it from under Jack's nose. heh heh.

Elizabeth : This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean.
Translation: Or so Norrington tells me. He did have liar written all over his face, though.

Anamaria: You can tell them that after they’ve caught us.
Translation: Score 1 for the COOLER girl in this series.

Elizabeth: We’re shallow on the draft, right?
Translation: Man, that pirate book I read taught me everything.

Anamaria: Aye.
Translation: Sounds like someone's been doing some fancy book learnin'

Elizabeth : Well, then can't we lose them amongst those shoals?
Translation: Or are we just going to drop anchor here and surrender?

Gibbs : We don’t have to outrun them long, just long enough.
Translation: I like it!

Anamaria: Lighten the ship, stem to stern!
Translation: Whatever. I WAS the coolest girl here.

Gibbs : Anything that we can afford to lose…see that it’s lost.
Translation: And that means Will.

[on the Black Pearl ] Jack : [is locked in the brig by Bo’sun ; he sloshes in the water] Apparently there’s a leak.
Translation: Can't trust anyone with me belongings.

Barbossa: Haul on the main brace! Make ready the guns! And run out the sweeps. [the gun ports are opened and the Jolly Roger is hoisted up]
Translation: I swear if it's that Elizabeth Turner-imposter behind this...I might throw my apple at her.

[on the Interceptor, barrels are tossed over the side] Will : [looks out at the Black Pearl and sees the oars; stops a cannon from being thrown off] We’re gonna need that.
Translation: Well, Liz, looks like I'm still the man for now.

Anamaria: [sees the oars] It was a good plan…up ‘till now.
Translation: I'm what you call a wet blanket.

Will: Gibbs ! We have to make a stand. We must fight! Load the guns!
Translation: I'm the man. I'm the man! Not Liz!

Anamaria: With what?
Translation: Here's that wet blanket again.

Will: Anything. Everything! Anything we have left.
Translation: Man, you're a downer. No wonder Jack used you and then lose-d you.

Gibbs : Load the guns! Take shot and langrage. Nails and crushed glass! With a will! [they stuff cutlery and other assorted items into the cannons including Gibbs ’ canteen] The Pearl is going to luff up on our port quarter. She’ll rake us without ever presenting a target.
Translation: I don't know anymore. I'm just going to speak squirrel from now on.

Elizabeth : Lower the anchor on the right side. On the starboard side!
Translation: (squeal) I corrected myself and said starboard! Jack would be so proud of me.

Will : It certainly has the element of surprise.
Translation: Because port side would be a dead giveaway of what we're doing.

Anamaria: You’re daft, lady! You both are!
Translation: Wet Blanket-Woman, with the power to make anyone's self esteem drop while she complains!

Gibbs : Daft like Jack ! Lower the starboard anchor! Do it, ye dogs, or it’s you we’ll load into the cannons! [the anchor is lowered]
Translation: Me thinks Jack's going to meet his match. If not in this one, in the second movie.

Elizabeth : [to Anamaria] Let go. [she lets go of the wheel and the ship swings about]
Translation: No one defeats Wet Blanket Woman like Optimism Girl! I wear the cape of positive thinking.

Barbossa: They're clubhaulin'! Hard to port! Rack the starboard oars.
Translation: I'm surrounded by Jacks. Real Jack. Girl Jack. Wannabe Jack.

Bo’sun : Hard to port! [the two ships come up side by side]
Translation: I just want to hit something.

Will : Keep us steady now. Now!
Translation: I think the big guy with no shirt wants to hit something.

Barbossa: Fire!
Translation: So do I! You made me mad!

Elizabeth : Fire all! [the ships exchange cannon fire]
Translation: How the hell did I end up taking charge? These pirates will listen to just about anyone.

Jack : [a whole is blown in the hull] Stop blowing holes in my ship! [notices that the shot from the cannon destroyed the lock on the cell door]
Translation: This is the work of Frick and Frack over there thinking they're in charge.

Gibbs : We could use a few more ideas, lass.
Translation: After all, you are a leader looking for followers.

Elizabeth : Your turn.
Translation: But I thought I proved myself by now. I just...didn't you see... I'm a pirate, dammit! I don't need to come up with any more ideas.

Gibbs : We need us a devil’s dowry.
Translation: Or some rum. Yes, I'll just go get the rum.

Anamaria: We’ll give them her. [points her pistol at Elizabeth ]
Translation: Thought you outdid me, huh? Optimism Girl can take a lot of shit with positive thinking, but I bet she can't take a bullet in the head.

Will : She’s not what they’re after.
Translation: But let me list my other reasons why they shouldn't kill her. Ahem, #1, her hair glistens like freshly ground coffee beans. #2. Her impish smile. #3...

Elizabeth : [notices that it’s not at her throat] The medallion. [ Will goes to search for it below]
Translation: Shut up!

Barbossa: Raise yer colors ya bloomin’ cockroaches! Hands, grapnels, at the ready. Prepare to board! [Ragetti and Pintel fire a shot that severs the mast and it falls over; grapple hooks are thrown as pirates board the Interceptor] Blast all to carcasses, men! Forward clear to the powder magazine. And the rest of you, bring me the medallion! [pirates board the Interceptor]
Translation: Screw Captain Jack. I'm the coolest guy here.

Will : [is trapped when the mast falls] Hey! Hey! Below!
Translation: Uh....#3, her ability to get me out of jams like this! Elizabeth? Elizabeth!

Jack : [emerges from the hold and takes a rope from a pirate] Thanks very much. [swings onto the Interceptor]
Translation: I didn't have time to bring you all postcards, but I had an excellent time and you can all see the slideshow of my time with Barbossa.

Gibbs : Jack !
Translation: What do you mean you didn't send me a postcard?

__________________

another one to be done:

Elizabeth and Jack : [singing and dancing around a fire] We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho a pirate's life for me.
Liz's Translation: Maybe it's just the alcohol talking, but he's really on-key.

Jack : I love this song! Really bad eggs! Ooh. [falls] When I get the Pearl back, I’m gonna teach it to the whole crew, and we’ll sing it all the time!
Translation: Now do-se-do with me a little more.

Elizabeth : And you’ll be positively the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish Main .
Translation: If you're not already. Man, this is a sweet hunk of man. Maybe it's the alcohol talking...

Jack : Not just the Spanish Main , love. The entire ocean. The entire wo’ld. Wherever we want to go, we’ll go. That’s what a ship is, you know. It’s not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails that's what a ship needs but what a ship is…what the Black Pearl really is…is freedom.
Translation: Ah, character development. It lets the audience calm down, lets Lizzie know the real me, makes me a lasting figure in pop culture. All with but a short monolog.

Elizabeth : Jack …it must be really terrible for you to be trapped on this island.
Translation: Maybe it's the alcohol talking...shit. I haven't been drinking. I'm really horny for you.

Jack : Oh, yes. [puts his arm around her shoulder] But the company is infinitely better than last time, I think. The scenery has definitely improved.
Translation: Okay, play it cool. Do what Will wouldn't do.

Elizabeth : Mr. Sparrow …I’m not entirely sure that I’ve had enough rum to allow that kind of talk.
Translation: I'm having conflicting feelings that are leaving me absolutely confounded. Take me now!

Jack : I know exactly what you mean, love. [curls his moustache]
Translation: We'll just get some more rum in your system and then ol' Jack's about to get lucky.

Elizabeth : [toasts] To freedom.
Translation: Believe me, the last thing I need right now is rum in my system.

Jack : To the Black Pearl . [drinks and loses consciousness;
Translation: And to Prime Minister Tony Blair! A true friend of old Alvin the Chipmunk. Never a better handler for such a disobedient little rodent...I love you, Lizzie

Elizabeth has a knowing smirk on her face as Jack passes out.
Translation: Okay, time for a quick peek at the downstairs and then I have work to do. (checks out Jack's crotch)

Jack wakes in the morning to the smell of smoke; sees the island burning
and runs to Elizabeth ] No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade! The rum!
Translation: I had plans for us tonight! We were going to eat that food, sit in that shade, and drink that rum and I was going to make sweet love to you!

Elizabeth : Yes, the rum is gone.
Translation: I have plans for you, too. And they involve being rescued so we can take a nice bubble bath together one night when my father's not home.

Jack : Why is the rum gone?
Translation: And after I was done, I was going to cuddle you. You ruined it!

Elizabeth : One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me, do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that they won’t see it?
Translation: And after our bath we were going to curl up in my bed and make love under the covers and sip champagne afterwards. But your complaining is still quite founded....ass.

Jack : But why is the rum gone?
Translation: WE WERE GOING TO LIVE GILLIGAN'S ISLAND STYLE AND BUILD OUR LITTLE HUT AND RAISE OUR KIDS HERE!!!!!!

Elizabeth : [she sits to stare at the horizon] Just wait, Captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two, keep a weather eye out and then you will see white sails on that horizon.
Translation: White sails leading to some really happy times. I hope you like camping trips, Jack. We'll be having sex during one.

Jack : [takes out pistol, thinks better of it and puts it back, stalks off, imitates Elizabeth ] “Must’ve been terrible for you to be trapped here, Jack . Must’ve been terrible for you.” Well it bloody is now!
Translation: If I kill you, no sex. If I let you live, you just destroy my rum. Oh yes, audience. I remember last night! I know I was seduced!

[Jack spots the Dauntless] There’ll be no living with her after this.
Translation: Or will there? (winks at the camera)cene 20: (A future wedding and Bootstrap’s bootstraps)

Elizabeth : But we’ve got to save Will .
Translation: It's what I've been saying for the last hour!

Governor Swann : No. You’re safe now. We will return to Port Royal immediately, not go gallivanting after pirates!
Translation: And why do I only see you in your underwear anymore? I don't like these new habits.

Elizabeth : Then we condemn him to death.
Translation: Underwear or no underwear, I need a manservant and my sight's set on Will.

Governor Swann : The boy’s fate is regrettable, but, then, so was his decision to engage in piracy.
Translation: No underwear?! Are you serious? Off to the asylum with you.

Elizabeth : To rescue me. To prevent anything from happening to me.
Translation: Can you stop thinking about underwear and think? I'm trying to get us BOTH a butler.

Jack : If I may be so bold as to inject my professional opinion. The Pearl was listing near to scuppers after the battle. It’s very unlikely she’ll be able to make good time. Think about it. The Black Pearl . The last real pirate threat in the Caribbean , mate. How can you pass that up?
Translation: Oh, that's all she wants Will for. Well, To Lizzie from Jack: a gay manservant to fluff your pillows. You're welcome.

Norrington: By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Sparrow , not only myself.
Translation: I already have a dozen gay manservants fluffing her pillows right now.

Elizabeth : Commodore, I beg you, please do this. For me. As a wedding gift.
Translation: But only Will can make it as soft as I like.

Governor Swann : Elizabeth . Are you accepting the Commodore’s proposal?
Translation: Stay in your underwear if that's the case. I want some grandkids.

Elizabeth : I am.
Translation: Well, dug myself into a hole. That's what torried love affairs are for, I guess.

Jack : A wedding! I love weddings…drinks all around! [extends his arms] I know. “Clap him in irons,” right?
Translation: Oh, I'll come to the wedding irons or no irons. Lizzie, pst, Lizzie. I'll sneak you out and we'll sail away. Just play along with whatever Norrie says for now.

Norrington: Mr. Sparrow , you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with the bearing to Isla de Muerta . You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase “silent as the grave.” Do I make myself clear?
Translation: That's a unique punishment. I was just going to delete the saved numbers on his cell phone.

Jack : Inescapably clear.
Translation: Sailing away, Lizzie. Remember that.

[in the brig of the Black Pearl ; Pintel and Ragetti are swabbing the floor] Parrot: Awwk, shiver me timbers.
Translation: I'm talking Tina, and I'm going to kill you.

Gibbs : Cotton ‘ere says you missed a bit.
Translation: Heckling. It's all I have left.

Will : [to Pintel] You knew William Turner ?
Translation: Sometimes I refer to myself in the third person.

Pintel: Ol’ Bootstrap Bill . We knew him. Never sat well with Bootstrap what we did to Jack Sparrow , the mutiny and all. He said it wasn’t right with the Code. That’s why he sent off a piece of the treasure to you as it were. He said we deserved to be cursed… and remain cursed.
Translation: It was when he started telling us to wash our hands before we eat that we started getting pissed.

Ragetti: Stupid blighter.
Translation: Really pissed.

Gibbs : Good man.
Translation: I wasn't pissed. My food tasted better. No more smell after I touched it.

Pintel: Well, as you can imagine that didn’t sit too well with the Captain.
Translation: But Barbossa likes dirt on his apples.

Ragetti: That didn’t sit too well with the Captain, at all. Tell him what Barbossa did.
Translation: He really likes dirt on his apples.

Pintel: I’m telling the story! So…what the Captain did, he strapped a cannon to Bootstraps’ bootstraps.
Translation: And we took turns hitting him with paddles.

Ragetti: Bootstraps’ bootstraps.
Translation: Big paddles.

Pintel: The last we saw of ol’ Bill Turner , he was sinking to the crushing black oblivion of Davy Jones’ Locker. ‘Course it was only after that we learned we needed his blood to lift the curse.
Translation: He was an honorary member of the pirate fraternity then. But of course, serving time with Davy Jones he was inactive member.

Ragetti: That’s what you call ironic.
Translation: I smell sequel!

Barbossa: [comes down and throws the key to Will ’s cell to Ragetti] Bring him!
Translation: I'm so done with all you f*ckers. I'm clocking out early once the curse is lifted to go to the Indian casino.

[in a boat with the rest of the soldiers and Jack ] Norrington: I don’t care for the situation. Any attempt to storm the caves could turn to an ambush.
Translation: Provided pirates are smarter than soldiers.

Jack : Not if you’re the one doing the ambushing. I go in, I convince Barbossa to send his men out with their little boats. You and your mates return to the Dauntless and blast the bejesus outta them with your little cannons, eh? [puts an arm on Norrington’s shoulder] What do you have to lose?
Translation: Did you catch that? Little cannons?

Norrington: [peels off the arm] Nothing I’d lament being rid of.
Translation: There's nothing little about my cannon, pirate.

Jack : Now, to be quite honest with you, there’s still a slight risk for those aboard the Dauntless which includes the future Mrs. Commodore .
Translation: You should probably hand Lizzie over to me...to keep her safe. Give her a sword and a thong and she'll be perfectly safe.

[on the Dauntless] Gillette : [pulling Elizabeth along with another soldier] Sorry, but for your own safety.
Translation: Can't have more free thinking around here.

Elizabeth : Coward! The commodore ordered – I have to tell him! The pirates! They’re cursed! They cannot be killed!
Translation: Why do things never work out for me? I'm not the bungler of this series!

Gillette : Don’t worry, miss, he’s already informed of that. A little mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story. [shuts the doors]
Translation: heh heh heh...women knowing things.

Elizabeth : This is Jack Sparrow ’s doing! [she is locked in]
Translation: He slept with a mermaid!

Scene 21: (The blood ritual, again, interrupted)

[on the way to the Aztec gold] Pintel: [to Will ] No reason to fret. It’s just a prick of the finger, a few drops of blood.
Translation: Of course, depending on who was pricked right before, it could spell the wonderful world of HIV for you.

Twigg: No mistakes this time. He’s only half-Turner. We spill it all!
Translation: The other half is a stunning mare thouroughbred named Desperate Housewife 2, with a copper coat that shines in the sun and has a record of 37 seconds per mile. That's right, nothing less from a Triple Crown winner.

Pintel: Guess there is reason to fret.
Translation: I miss my mommy.

Hooray!!! 🙂 we're done!!!

i'll email you the document, Willofthewisp, if you dont mind posting it again. 🙂

Originally posted by katelovespirate

Jack : What’s your name?
Translation: I really should start writing down the names of my co-stars. That way I can at least act like we're friends at the premier.

Jack : That will be short for William , I imagine. Good, strong name. No doubt, named for your father, eh?
Translation: What do you call a man who comes through your letter box? Bill! What do you call a man who comes through a student's letter box? Grant!

Will: Yes.
Translation: What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack.

Jack : Uh-huh. Well, Mr. Turner , I’ve changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell I swear on pain of death I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonny lass. Do we have an accord?
Translation: Pros of helping the whelp: Escape from jail free card, no dying on the gallows, no more visits from Norrington, and I get to pick things back up with the wet teenager. Cons of helping the whelp: I have to hang out with the whelp.

Originally posted by katelovespirate

Pirates: Hers!
Translation: Oh yeah, well your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, Dorothy could make it to Oz!

Whole thing is on fanfic and I think it's funnier than DMC.

u bet it is!

omg!! i jus went to Clairs and I got a pink and black wallet that says "I love Jack" on it, and I wanna get the matching purse for christmas SO bad! I also got a mechanical pencil thats black and has pinhk Jolly Rogers on it! im so happy! i am so so so so hyper! i chugged 4 whole cups of Dr. Pepper today, i ate 4 cany canes, 2 hershey kisses,3 cookies,and a chocolate cupcake! we had a party today 4 the holidays. 2 WHOLE WEEKS OFF!!!!!! BOO9YAH! but i have 3 choir concerts this weekend yuck!

OMG! i went to claires yesterday and squealed when i saw a little section full of pirates stuff! there was a jack sparrow PILLOW CASE, journals, chapstick, a "i love cptn. jack sparrow" sweat wristband thing, the aztec gold from cotbp, calendars, etc. haha i bought a few things it was amazingg

yeah so did I...I'm really excited I got the I love captn.jack sparrow wristband. Boy I hope this pirates franchise lasts..I can't imagine claires without piraty stuff anymore

speaking of cheesy but wonderful merchandise, my professors had a hard time taking me seriously because of the Captain Jack folders, notebooks, and stickers adorning my papers.

so... who has left reviews at fanfic? GO NOW. 😄

LOOOOOOOL yeah I'll head over to fanfiction for sure before I go to sleep

i just bought a "I love Jack" wallet! i already told u guys, but im so EXCITED!!