4/10
Good & bad news
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."
Patient: "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???"
Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."
Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan😂 7/10
Boy, I have more jokes than Michael Jackson does skin colors!
Problems driving
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
Originally posted by johnnyforever
Problems driving
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
6/10.
Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan7/10
What is the simalarity between Jim Carry and John Kerry?
They both look like they're wearing rubber masks.
Originally posted by Ultraman Baltan5/10
Does John Kerry have a heart?
No, but he tries to support that with three purple ones.
Originally posted by Ultraman Baltanw00t
6/10.
Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara Falls!
Shut up and get back in the barrel!
Mickey Mouse wakes up one winter morning to see something written in the snow with pee that says "Mickey sucks." He quickly calls the police, and they investigate. Two hours later they come back.
The policeman says "We have good news and bad news. The good news is that we found out that Goofy was the one who peed 'Micky sucks' into the snow. The bad news is that it was in Minnie's handwriting."