Sins Real and Imagined

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
When you let go of attachments you free yourself. A romantic idea is an attachment. That does not mean that you have to loose something; you may end up gaining more then you hoped for.

I think I need to let go of my expectations of people, rather.

It's okay, I thought this through....I'm still young, I still have a lot to learn, but the lesson that I keep having to learn is that no one else contains my happiness in thier hands. I have to find that myself, and on my own.

Originally posted by Lord Urizen
I just thought about this....there is a major difference between someone showing up late for or cancelling a date...and then someone totally backstabbing and abandoning you....

Originally posted by Shakyamunison
When you let go of attachments you free yourself.

So we should live our lives from a disinterested perspective?

Originally posted by Nellinator
There is?? 😕

Yes

be late for a date, or cancel on me....so what, hurt my pride, ill get over it...and we'll hang out again.

Abandon me, talk shit about me, or cut me out of your life....it's a greater offense.

Originally posted by Lord Urizen
Yes

be late for a date, or cancel on me....so what, hurt my pride, ill get over it...and we'll hang out again.

Abandon me, talk shit about me, or cut me out of your life....it's a greater offense.

In seriousness, I have to respectfully disagree with Shaky's advice to you. Do not allow yourself to become apathic and aloof because you will lose more than you will gain. I think that you need to take a more intellectually and less emotional approach to your relationships if I am correctly interpreting what you have said. Sometimes thinking first will save you a lot of hurt in the long run even if it goes against your emotions of the time.

Originally posted by Nellinator
I was kidding.

In seriousness, I have to respectfully disagree with Shaky's advice to you. Do not allow yourself to become apathic and aloof because you will lose more than you will gain. I think that you need to take a more intellectually and less emotional approach to your relationships if I am correctly interpreting what you have said. Sometimes thinking first will save you a lot of hurt in the long run even if it goes against your emotions of the time.

I think what Shaky was telling me was that as long as I desire to be loved, suffering will be an evitable part of that journey.

I don't thnk he is suggesting that I give up either....I don't thnk he is trying to convince me to stop searching for the "right person", but for me to expect that this journey will contain suffering of some sort....because people are not perfect, and that as long as my happiness depends on another person, than my happiness will be fragile and temporary.

I can understand and even agree with that, HOWEVER....I am not willing to simply surrender my personal journey to avoid pain. If I must deal with more pain in my search, then SO BE IT...I've delt with a great deal of pain and suffering in my life before, and there's no reason for me to cower and try to avoid it now.

I agree with you though.

I shouldn't trust my emotions as absolute truth, because they have been wrong and they have let me down. Emotions are simply my response to the stimuli, NOT a valid basis to act upon.

A part of me is so superficial, that I would not date anyone I did not thnk was hott.....yes, I know, that's immature and self limitting, but at this point, I cannot get myself to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone I am not physically attracted to.....I haven't grown past that, i dont know if i ever will.

However, I have matured to the point where I do put personality before looks....if someone is drop dead gorgeous, but inconsiderate and abusive, it's bye bye for them.

Originally posted by Lord Urizen
I think what Shaky was telling me was that as long as I desire to be loved, suffering will be an evitable part of that journey.

I don't thnk he is suggesting that I give up either....I don't thnk he is trying to convince me to stop searching for the "right person", but for me to expect that this journey will contain suffering of some sort....because people are not perfect, and that as long as my happiness depends on another person, than my happiness will be fragile and temporary.

I can understand and even agree with that, HOWEVER....I am not willing to simply surrender my personal journey to avoid pain. If I must deal with more pain in my search, then SO BE IT...I've delt with a great deal of pain and suffering in my life before, and there's no reason for me to cower and try to avoid it now.

I agree with you though.

I shouldn't trust my emotions as absolute truth, because they have been wrong and they have let me down. Emotions are simply my response to the stimuli, NOT a valid basis to act upon.

A part of me is so superficial, that I would not date anyone I did not thnk was hott.....yes, I know, that's immature and self limitting, but at this point, I cannot get myself to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone I am not physically attracted to.....I haven't grown past that, i dont know if i ever will.

However, I have matured to the point where I do put personality before looks....if someone is drop dead gorgeous, but inconsiderate and abusive, it's bye bye for them.

My art teacher was in a church choir. He was atheist and sketched during the sermons.

😆 Well, I'm not sure how to respond, but I think the meaning still comes across.

Originally posted by Lord Urizen
I just thought about this....there is a major difference between someone showing up late for or cancelling a date...and then someone totally backstabbing and abandoning you....

I know, but I was staying on the positive side.

Originally posted by Alliance
So we should live our lives from a disinterested perspective?

I don't know where you get that. Letting go of attachments is not being disinterested; it is understanding that the true treasure of life is only found within.

We should never give up the struggle, for the struggle is the way to learn. However, why suffer more then is needed. If we realize that suffering is because of attachments, we can then make better choses.

I disagree. I do not believe that the treasure of life is found within. When I die it will not be knowing that I found happiness for myself, but rather that I made and helped others be happy. If all we have is ourself life would be meaningless. I help others to help them, not for myself because that is what I believe is right and I think that is the most important thing. Searching for one's own happiness is a major reason why depression and lonliness are such major issues in North American society, they are too self-centered.

Originally posted by Nellinator
I disagree. I do not believe that the treasure of life is found within. When I die it will not be knowing that I found happiness for myself, but rather that I made and helped others be happy. If all we have is ourself life would be meaningless. I help others to help them, not for myself because that is what I believe is right and I think that is the most important thing. Searching for one's own happiness is a major reason why depression and lonliness are such major issues in North American society, they are too self-centered.

You are confused about what I am saying. Somehow you have equated and liked the treasure within which leads to complete happiness with physical happiness. The two are not the same. As far as helping others,

Bodhisattva. The world of bodhisattva is a naturally occurring condition of life, although most people don’t think it is. Most people think that the term bodhisattva applies only to Buddhists, but that is not true. It is the life condition where you actually care about another person’s life more than you do your own. Say, for instance, that there is someone in the world who is trapped in a burning building. To make a decision to risk your own life to save another’s is the condition of bodhisattva. At the moment you decided to do so, you are in the world of bodhisattva. You may not stay there very long, but it is an extremely powerful good cause to make for your life. Because it is so hard to love, to care, even beyond your own self protection and preservation, it is a life condition that also yields a great cause and effect within your life. If you were to constantly find yourself in situations that gave you the opportunity to offer your life for the sake of others, and if you constantly gave no thought to yourself or your own self preservation, but freely gave of yourself, you would be accomplishing an extremely difficult feat and would be making an extremely good cause. But actually, in real life, even those people such as emergency workers who have chosen to put their lives in situations where they themselves may die trying to save others, exhibit the life condition of tranquility, anger, or animality about the career choice they have made. They do not consistently act out of bodhisattva compassion where it is the love and concern they feel for the person which instigates their every action. Actually, the only way to consistently experience the world of bodhisattva is by raising your life condition to the next and highest world — the world of Buddhahood. The world of bodhisattva actually enhances and strengthens the world of Buddhahood. In other words, they act reciprocally to enhance each other. To quote Shakyamuni Buddha about this “…Originally I practiced the bodhisattva way, and the life span that I acquired then has yet to come to an end but will last twice the number of years that have already passed.” (Shakyamuni p.227) Both the story of heroic bodhisattva deeds, and the deeds themselves, live on and on. The world of bodhisattva strengthens, or you might say lengthens, the condition of Buddhahood.

http://www.nbaa.tv/IntroBook/ch6.html

I am sorry that you reject your life, but that is common for Christians and it is one of the thinks that causes so much suffering in their lives.

I don't reject my life, I just see it as less important than other people's. Actually, when I came to that state of mind I became happy. I just think it is sad when people act for their own gain and for their own purposes even when they help others. In my experience that is something that Buddhists are often guilty of, acting only for themselves and becoming disinterested and aloof of others.

Originally posted by Nellinator
I don't reject my life, I just see it as less important than other people's. Actually, when I came to that state of mind I became happy. I just think it is sad when people act for their own gain and for their own purposes even when they help others. In my experience that is something that Buddhists are often guilty of, acting only for themselves and becoming disinterested and aloof of others.

Did you not read what I quoted Bodhisattva?

Originally posted by Lord Urizen
Not really....

My trust in people in general has gone down though....I'm tired of this continous cycle of trial and error with people, but maybe that's an inevitable part of looking for love.

Perhaps there's some greater calling or experience God has in store for you. I believe that when one completely looses their faith, attachment and love of this world; it is the beginning of them developing a truly lasting and loving relationship with their creator.

Originally posted by Nellinator
I just think it is sad when people act for their own gain and for their own purposes even when they help others.

Christian missionaries and Evangelists for example.

Originally posted by Nellinator
In my experience that is something that Buddhists are often guilty of, acting only for themselves and becoming disinterested and aloof of others.

I am curious as to the extent of your experience with Buddhists since the above statement is not consistent with the Sangha, the Third Refuge of Buddhism.

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
Christian missionaries and Evangelists for example.

I am curious as to the extent of your experience with Buddhists since the above statement is not consistent with the Sangha, the Third Refuge of Buddhism.

Just like Christianity, not all Buddhist follow what their text says.

Originally posted by Nellinator
Just like Christianity, not all Buddhist follow what their text says.

That is not what I asked you. What is the extent of your experience with Buddhists for you to generalize, "Buddhists are often guilty of acting only for themselves and becoming disinterested and aloof of others?"

When I was in high school a lot of my friends and acquaintances were Buddhist, at university Buddhism was extremely popular (more of a fad than a religion though), and now I deal with a lot of Buddhists at work.