The Manor of Apocalypse: Finale
Visions of sugar plums danced in ol’ Trickster’s head this evening. And dancing in his dreams was Apocalypse, singing the tune “Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend was hot like me.” while doing bizarre dance poses. Rest assured the drooling tyrant was completely unaware of what lied ahead of him when he woke up. For at this very moment, several stories were about to coincide.
At this moment, I’d like the readers to thank Red for his comedic prowess, for this, will make you wet yourself, rest assured. This is the part of the rant, your beloved writer, comedian if you will, Redatom65 would like to warn you of the fore coming rant. This rant will be so fantastic, so outrageous, that the very fruit punch that you are currently drinking will not be digested, for it will shoot right out of your very nose. And yes that’ll burn. I know from experience, for would you honestly think someone has ****ed up as me, would get by without having some experience. So to restate what I had just said, this rant is so historical that it belongs in Parade magazine. In the following rant there will be confusing plot holes, misspelled words, terrible grammar of the English language that would make Walt Whitman puke if he were still alive, and worst of all Tricksterpriest. So sit back, have some fruit punch, a banana, so that you can take the peel and slip on it later, and enjoy some classic comedy in the styles and likeness of Redatom65!
*Stage is dark, and the violins slowly play in. A light slowly appears on stage to reveal Trickster in a Scandinavian female Viking suit, breast plate and all. His lips painted blue and enlarged. In his hands he held streamers of the color red at his sides*
The music played, composed by none other than the infamous John Williams, famous for other works such as Gilligan‘s Island, and War of The Worlds. Or as all you “nerds” would know him from, George Lucas’ Star Wars. The orchestra at full momentum played, and Trickster did his exotic dances, much like that of the opening theme of The Cosby Show. Slowly, but surely the credits rolled, and when each character was introduced, they would arrive on the dance and dance to the operatic music. Slowly but, surely the casting credits rolled. (here’s Red’s way of thanking the following users for allowing him to use their names and character for his own twisted purposes)
Tricksterpriest
Evil Ash
Spunkysmurf
Faceman
Guy222
Badabing
Kayakat
Redatom65 ( 😛 )
Symmetric Chaos
Hercules
Marea
Martian_mind
Big Bran
Batdude
Xmeat
Validus
Judge
Inamilist
Superguy
The Retcon Characters
And Gilbert Godfried as JasonK3.
The credits rolled to an end and each of the cast members took a bow and the stage darkened while the orchestra’s operatic music ended. The sound of an Accordion played softly as the lights came back on to reveal a setting similar to that of “Lady and The Tramp.” As Trickster and Evil Ash sat at a table eating spaghetti to the delightful playing of Superguy’s accordion. They shared a bowl of the luscious canned food, and eventually found themselves eating the same piece of spaghetti. Trickster blushed when the two ends met. They looked down at their food and noticed there was merely one meatball left, and Ash used his nose to scootch the meatball on Trickster’s side of the plate.
Another light shined on the stage as we are shown Badabing in shackles singing “Thisssss is the niiiight…” From the very film Red is ripping off, to the accordion playing of Superguy. Trickster began talking, “I think, sweetie, that we should aim our goals at world domination. Lord Apocalypse’s dream. Survival of the fittest.”
Ash Replied, “Sweetie?”
In which Trickster responded “Oh Hush.”
Badabing’s voice began to tremble with laughter, when Superguy stopped playing to shout in a bizarre medieval English accent
“We’ve got intruders, my liege!”
Trickster got up, knocking the table over, “Did they destroy the apocalypse drone?” he said
In which Superguy replied
“Oy they did soir”
“Go kick their ****en asses then Superguy.” Ash said impatiently.
“Right away soir.” Superguy said as he threw his accordion down to greet the visitors.
“I’m sorry Ash”, Trickster began, “We’ll have to finish this dinner another time.”
And like that, Trickster was gone, gone like whatever dignity he once had, for now, he put on his grunge blue cape and left the room. Ash Left brooding
NOT TO LONG AGO.
“This castle smells like old people, eh?” said Smurf, s he opened the large door to the entrance of the castle.
“I don no, seems lovely to me.” Guy responded
Smurf smacked Guy as he entered the large room.
“Good god”, Smurf began, “Is everything blue? This would be like my utopia, if it were less eerie.”
Immediately a Trickster/Apocalypse drone approached them and Spunky, being the spaz he is, gave them 67, yes 67, I know it’s an odd number, but regardless it was 67, karate chops. Trickster, being the cheapskate that he is, did not build his guard with lasting material, and the machine quickly collapsed. The machine only managed to mutter one sentence before being decimated.
“No….Jehovah’s….Witnesses…”
They Snuck around the castle, and like Freddy Jones of Scooby Doo, Smurf said, “Let’s Split up gang.” And for whatever random reason, Guy began talking like the lovable drugged up mut.
“Ro Kay Runky, Ree heehehehehe.”
Spunky looked at him like he was some kind of crazy person, Guy not seeing this, headed for the basement. Smurf shook his head and headed upstairs.
A FEW MOMENTS AFTER THE TWO SPLIT UP
“Hello Runt, Can Ya Hear me!?” Jason called
“Muhhhh” Faceman muttered.
“Good your fine, now get the hell up.” Jason insulted
“Where….Where Am I?” Faceman asked
“Your stuck in Paris Hilton’s Sperm Dumpster” , he began, “Where the hell do you think you are!? We’re right outside Trickster’s Castle, and we’re here to avenge my de- I mean to save our friends. O, and we gotta kill Spunky for that awful trick he pulled on us.” He explained in his Gilbert Godfried voice.
“I remember now” He said, as he arose to his feet.
“Good, now then let’s get in the castle, and kill those good fo nuttins” Jason said
Faceman arose to his feet and ran into the castle.
Moments Later!
Guy opened the wooden log that locked the door between the stairs and the cellar, and opened the door. Guy opened and saw Redatom with his back rested on his Hamster bottle. He didn’t even bother to look up to see who it was.
“Red!? Are you ok? Guy here.”
Red crawled up and noticed the friendly face that stood before him.
“Are you here, to like, save me or something? ‘Cause I don’t really like being saved.”
“Yep, you got that right buddy. Mongooses stay together.” Guy cheerfully said.
Red heived up his hamster bottle and took a nibble out of his food dish and followed Guy up the stairs.
Meanwhile, At The Entrance of The Castle Where Faceman is…
“Well, Well, Well, a barbarian. We don’t get many of you.” Superguy said.
“ignore him and go for his throat, he’s an accordion player, only his fingers are strong.” Jason yelled into Faceman’s ear. Faceman charged at Superguy, knocking him on the floor. Superguy screaming, and Faceman snarling….
Let’s see what Smurf’s doing.
Smurf arrived on the upper floor of the castle and saw Badabing behind a glass wall. Smurf screamed, as if he were in a cheesy B-lister movie. His face was now 100% Ermmed! Smurf couldn’t stand it and ran down the hall and took a left into the nearest room!
“Crikey! Smurf! Muy god mate, am I glad to see you.” Came a voice.
Smurf opened his eyes and saw nothing but the love nest of Trickster and Ash.
“On the wall mate” said the voice.
“My god, Martian, what’d Trickster do to you?” said Smurf
“Trickster was desperate to beat me in the up and coming tournament and so he kidnapped me. I’m completely sterile now! And I feel like a Giant Douche!”
“Well you’ve always been a giant douche, Martian, and don’t worry I’m sterile now too.”
Martian blurted out laughing, this greatly offending Smurf.
“So, uh, mate, can ya get me down?” Said Martian after calming himself down from his outburst
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, No!” Smurf said as he spun the spinning table that Martian rested on and grabbed his walked stick and stabbed him with it.
“Why Smurf! Why!!!” Martian said with his final words.
“you smell bad” quipped Smurf feeling cocky. And like that, he had killed his friend, and now began exploring the room for clues.
MEANWHILE
“HOLY SHIT! FACEMAN!?” Red shouted as he saw a hunched Faceman with flesh hanging out of his drooling mouth over his prey.
“Run! Kill Trickster, we must!” Shouted Jason into Face’s ear, and like that Faceman took off on all fours.
“My God, Guy, He….ate….His skin!” Red said trembling, dropping his water bottle. Guy shrugged it off and left without red to the next floor, the very same floor where Smurf was. Red kept shivering, but remained on the same floor, looking to put the demented Faceman out of his misery.
MEANWHILE.
“Ahhhhh, Spunkard El Smurfo.” Came a voice.
Spunky turned around to see the eerie calmness of Trickster.
“Your fly’s undone” commented Spunky, and being as vain as he was, Trickster dropped his composure and zipped up. By the time he looked him, Spunky came at him swinging his club striking several blows at his temple. Trickster, getting dizzy, threw his Joker gas, the very same joker gas seen on Batman: The Animated Series, and down went Spunky laughing maniacally with a smile that would forever remain on his face. Trickster stumbled back into the bathroom, to clean himself off.
Guy walked in the hallway, not noticing that Bada was gone, looking frantically for his friends. He began opening random doors till there he saw it. The terrible fate that Spunky now faced. He fell upon his knees sobbing screaming “Whyyy!” The screaming caused Trickster to come out of the bathroom with pieces of toilet paper on his face, he cut his pimples while shaving. Trickster began running in place as if he were some kind of loony toon, and began ti chase after Guy. Benny Hill music began to play as Guy would enter one door in the hallways and exit a completely random door, while Trickster follow him into the very same door, but exit out a completely different door. It was like some kind of cartoon I tell ya! The two wound up in the same room, and Trickster knew he had him trapped. Little did he know, that Guy had broken a mirror, and was already altering his appearance to look more like Trickster. So his put on some blue lipstick, glasses, added fake pimples, and wore all blue. The two stared face to face between the mirror way, Trickster being completely oblivious to the fact that Guy was taller than him began scratching his chin in which Guy copied. Trickster began scratching his balls and burped, Guy did the same. He began hopping on one foot, But Trickster, not being very coordinated fell on his ass, in which Guy did not do. Trickster then stumbled on to his feet but tripped, while Guy got away.
Meanwhile
Face was raiding the Kitchen when Red found him, but before Red could say anything a voice came from the other side of the room.
“Well, I believe we haven’t formally met before. I am Ash, alias Evil_Ash.” He said
“Holy Shit! It’s my *****, let me possess you!” Jason exclaimed.
“WHAT!?” Faceman exclaimed. Ash, not realizing there were two entities there said,
“Ah, I see you’ve heard of me, well all the same, I can see you are the very same intruder that my lov--Sidekick, spoke of.
Jason, having taken over of Faceman said.
“Pssh, Sidekick? Yo *****, remember me, I back handed you a few days ago, I just took over my friend here, so I can wtfpwn you again!”
Ash’s Eyes widened and said
“JASON!?”
“Werd Bra, I’m about to lay the smack down on yo ass, *****” , and quickly He drop kicked the fool. Ash went down like a ton of bricks not saying a word. But Before Jason could fully enjoy his pwnfest he was hit over the head with a pan, by Red, who he hadn’t noticed snuck up on him.
“I’ve gotta find Guy!” He said
Meanwhile!
Trickster began stepping into his own mouse traps that he set himself when he first built the castle, for he did not know that blue lead paint attracted rodents. Despite Trickster’s persistency, Guy could not be found. However he did stumble across Red who had just come upstairs!
“Fearless Leader!” He said, “Can it be!? How on earth did you get out of your cage.” He said in the most annoying patronizing fashion. Red was furious and went to pummel the crap out of him. He ran towards trick with his fist back, and when he got close enough he pushed it forward, but the flaw with that is that Trickster came down with his fist over his skull. Red immediately collapsed onto his back. Trickster began
“You see Red I’m better than you, I’ll always be better than you, I’ll always be better looking than you, I’ll always be sexier than you, I’ll always know more about comic books about you, I’ll always know more of Ash’s Turn on’s then you do, I’ll always know more about comics than you, I’ll always know what songs sound best on the accordion then you could ever possibly. Cause I’m better than you. Got it?” he finished. Red began laughing.
“What’s so blasted funny, Atom?” he questioned.
Red responded with his smallest voice.
“You’re finished Trick, you’re finished.”
Trick looked at him perplexed, and all of a sudden a Bon Jovi CD would come smashed over his head. Trick fell not moving at all nor breathing.
“You’re Dead to Me” A Voice said.
Red Smiled and saw Badabing, Guy, Kayakat, and Herc in the hallway. And standing over trickster was Marea. It would seem, yet again, despite his greatest attempts, Trickster was yet again pwned by Marea. Herc walked out toward Red, and told him, “I told Guy, I’d catch up to him later. You all right Red?”
“Fine” Replied Red as Herc helped him on his feet. Guy Smiled and said “Mongooses live on, lead on o fearless leader.” Red left the room with Bada, Kaya, Guy, and Herc following. But Herc stopped at the entrance and looked back at Marea.
Looking down at Trickster’s Corpse she said, “You’re a sad little man.” And with that she followed Herc, who left the room with one another. Red later vowed to tear down this castle with Ash, Superguy, and Trickster left inside. And So he would…
FIN