The Jurk Off · The Off-Topic Forum

Goddess Kali Perfection

The Jurk Off

I've been gone for a minute
Now I'm back with the Jerk Off
Dudes in the room case sumtn pop off
Back up so I can take this rubber off
Pull ur pants down, your ass is real soft droolio

All I want's a lil Quickie
Earlier u sed that u wanna lick me
Spic Guido ready to go below
That's why they call me the man-ho

Spread Love
That's what a manwhore do
Keep it Dirrty
Look out for the white goo !

I'm the Spanish Whore of the East
Always in Heat
And OUT COMES THE BEAST !

I'm the best, aint no room for improvement
My penetration is felt like a traintrack movement
Left to Right, sideways, and backwards
Kama Sutra is the excersize that we leaning towards

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THIS IS FOR MY WHORES !
THE STRAIGHT, GAY, MEN AND CHICKS
JUMPING OUT THE WHOREHOUSE WITH THE KICKS
ALL MY HOES ON THE STREET DONT CRY
AND IF YOU'RE EARNING, LET ME HERE YOU SAY AIGHHT...AIGHHTT...

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Enter the world of a Playgirl Pin Up Stud
All Oiled up, lookn like he's ready to ****

You wanna meet me
Cuz ya know im freaky
and ya wanna eat me
cuz ya say im sexy

I got a man in Japan and a Dude in Tahiti
Beleive me sweety, I got enough to feed the needy 😉
No need to be greedy
I got mad freinds thats hit me
***** by the layers
All different flavors droolio

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THIS IS FOR MY WHORES !
THE STRAIGHT, GAY, MEN AND CHICKS
JUMPING OUT THE WHOREHOUSE WITH THE KICKS
ALL MY HOES ON THE STREET DONT CRY
AND IF YOU'RE EARNING, LET ME HERE YOU SAY AIGHHT...AIGHHTT...

Captain Maynard Cummin Soon

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Her name was Russell.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
‘cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
‘Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Wild-Cherry Make me want it.

Well..someone should, might as well be me..

wait a minute man
check this out man
tell it
it was this blind man right?
it was this blind man right?
he was feeling his way down this street with this stick right?
hey, he walked past this fish market you know what I'm saying?
fish market?
he stop
he took a deep breath
he said (breath) Woo!
good monin' ladies!
You like that shit man?
that pretty good!
Yah but I got a gang of that shit man!
I tell you what, man on tha gitar'
hey fool on the drum
hey every body crowd 'round
while I tell ya all these mother ****in' jokes
first let me start it off like this
hey help me sing it home boy
Come On!

Say a colt 45 and
two zig zags
baby thats all we need
we can go to the bar
count the dawgs
smoke that tumble weed
as the marijuana burn
we can take our turn
singin' them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong
like Cheech and Chong
say it takes from here to Hong Kong
so Roll roll roll my joint
pick out the seeds and stilfs
feelin' high as hell
flyin' through Pondale
skatin' on beggin' riffs
so roll roll the 83'
cadillac coup de ville
if my tapes and my cd's just don't sell
i bet my caddy will

well it was just sun down in a small white town
they call it eastside pondale
well!?
When the afroman walked through the white land
houses went up for sell
Hell!?
I was standin' on the corner sellin' rap cd's
when I met a little girl named Jan
Jan?!
I let her ride in my caddi
'cuz I didn't know her daddy
was the leader of the klu klux klan
we ****ed on the bed
****ed on the floor
****ed so long I grew a ****in' afro
then I ****ed to the left
Left!
****ed to the right
Right!
she sucked my dick till the shit turned white
I thought to myself Sheba Sheba!
got my ass lookin' like a zebra
I put on my clothes and I was on my way
until her daddy pulled up in his Chevrolet
an' so I ran
I jumped out the back window
but her daddy
he was waitin' with a 2 x 4
ohh!
He beat me to the left
He beat me to the right
that mother ****er whooped my ass all night!
but I ain't mad
at her predjudice dad
thats the best damn pussy I ever had

I got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine
lemme **** that ***** just one more time

colt 45 and
two zig zags
baby thats all we need
Come on
we can go to the bar
count the dawgs
smoke that tumble weed
as the marijuana burn
we can take our turn
singin' them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong
like Cheech and Chong
say it takes from here to Hong Kong
so Roll roll roll my joint
pick out the seeds and stilfs
feelin' high as hell
flyin' through Pondale
skatin' on beggin' riffs
Come On
so roll roll the 83'
cadillac coup de ville
if my tapes and my cd's just don't sell
i bet my caddy will

I met this lady in Hollywood
she had green hair but DAMN she looked good!
I took her to my house 'cuz she was fine
but she whooped out a dick that was bigger than mine

I met this lady from Japan
never made love with an African
I ****ed her once
Once!
I ****ed her twice
Twice!
I ate that pussy like shrimp fried rice

Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya
Tell Ya!
met a woman in the heart of Australia
had a big butt and big titties too
so I hopped in her ass like a kangaroo

See I met this woman from HAWAII! stuck it in her ass
and she said AIII!!
Lips was breakfast
pussy was lunch
then her titties busted open with Hawaiian punch

met Corn Sanders wife in the state of Kentucky
she said I brought some chicken if you just **** me
I came in her mouth it was a Crisis
I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices

colt 45 and
two zig zags
baby thats all we need
we can go to the bar
count the dawgs
smoke that tumble weed
as the marijuana burn
we can take our turn
singin' them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong
like Cheech and Chong
say it takes from here to Hong Kong

Hey wait a minute man check this out

I met Dolly Parten in Tennesee
her titties were filled with henicee
that country music really drove me crazy
but i rode that ass and said
Yes! Miss Daisy!

Met this lady in Oklahoma
put that pussy in a coma

Met this lady in Michigan
I can't wait till I **** that ***** again

Met a real black girl down in South Carolina
****ed her till she turned to a white Albina'

****ed this Hooker in Iowa
I ****ed her on credit so I owe her

****ed this girl down in Georgia
Came in her mouth
Man! I thought I told Ya!

Met this beautiful Sexy hoe
She just ran 'cross the border of Mexico
Fine young thing Said her name's Maria
I wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla
I wanna get married but I can't afford it
I know I'm a cry when she get deported

colt 45 and
two zig zags
baby thats all we need
we can go to the bar
count the dawgs
smoke that tumble weed
and as the marijuana burn
we can take our turn
singin' them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong
like Cheech and Chong
say it takes from here to Hong Kong

hey wait a minute man
have you ever went over a girl you sought to ****
but the pussy just ain't no good?!
SAY WHAT?!
I mean you gettin' upset
'cuz you can't get her wet
plus you're in the wrong neighborhood
so you try to play it off and eat the pussy
but it take her so long to cumb
SAY WHAT!?
then a dude walk in that's her big boyfriend
and he asks you where you from
so you wipe your mouth and you try to explain
you start talking real fast
but already mad cuz you ****ing his wife
so he start beating on your ass
now your clothes all muddy
your nose all bloody
your dick was hard but now its soft
WHAT!
you thought you had a girl to rock your world
now you still gotta go jack off

Barker Thorin Fan Club President

The Campptown ladies sing this song,
Doo-da, Doo-da
The Camptown racetrack's five miles long
Oh, de doo-da day