Jack is messing with the charts, trying to figure them out.
Translation: If only little orphan Annie were here. Or Nancy Drew, even.
Jack: Not sunset. Sundown and rise. Up.
Translation: Since the world is flat, it must flip during that special moment… like a pancake. Mmm… I like pancakes…
Jack suddenly has figured it out.
Translation: Later, I shall pay homage to thee, spirit of Nancy Drew, for aiding me in my time of need… and I also have a thing for stuck up blond teenagers…
Jack: (runs to one side of the ship) What’s that? What IS that? What do you think?
Translation: I could have sworn I saw Keith Richards dressed up like a pirate, or maybe it was Gore playing a joke on me.
Gibbs: Where?
Translation: I’m assuming it’s a hot chick, cause I don’t know why else you’d be so excited.
Jack: There! Runs to to other side. Tia Dalma looks interested and follows. Elizabeth looks up from her mourning on the stairs. Jack continues to panic and run from side to side.
Translation: That’s right, everybody, let’s get a last work out in before we die.
Ragetti has dropped his eye and tries to grab it, Barbossa stops him.
Translation: Mmmm, eyeball! Yummy!
Elizabeth: What is it?
Translation: You’re getting me all flushed and excited here, Jack… not that that’s much different than usual, though.
Jack makes a strange noise and runs back.
Translation: You’re looking all flushed and excited and I need to hide my er, attraction by running about crazily.
Barbossa puts Ragetti’s eye in his mouth and then konks it into his head.
Translation: Maybe I’ll save it for a snack later.
Pintel: You’re rocking the ship.
Translation: (sings) Don’t rock the boat.
Gibbs: We’re rocking the ship!
Translation: Ah! So that’s what we’re doing. Finally figured it out.
Barbossa inspects the charts and a lightbulb goes off.
Translation: Ah! We’re getting one last work-out so we die in good shape!
Barbossa: Aye! He’s onto it!
Translation: Jack always was rather vain.
Pintel: (finally getting it) He’s rocking the ship!
Translation: Hard rock, rock out, rock band, oh yes, rock the ship… a very good way to get the ladies flushed and excited.
Ragetti: (runs up with rope) We’ll tie our selves to the mast, upside down, so when the boat flips we’ll be right side up!
Translation: I’ve got a plan! We’ll squeeze ourselves into every shot and add tons of mini-comic-relief scenes so that when all’s said and done, we’ll have more screentime than the leading actors!
Barbossa stumbles towards the stairs leading below decks.
Translation: Maybe I can take out some of my enemies during this chaos…
Barbossa: Loose the canons ya bilgerats!
Translation: I’d like Will “accidentally” pushed overboard first, then take a shove at Jack and see what you can do. Preferably, keep the saucy wench alive.
General panic as sailors rush to obey him.
Translation: Kill Will! Hooray! We’ve been waiting for this moment for 2 films!
Barbossa: Un-hold the cargo!
Translation: Well, what are you waiting for! Take him down, or else something really bad might happen, like a wedding in the midst of a big battle…
Barbossa whacks at ropes and chains to loose everything stored there.
Translation: Just thinking about that gives me shivers…
Shot shows Pintel and Ragetti tied upside-down to the mast.
Translation: Our plot to take over the film is going well!
On deck, the rushing back and forth continues. The boat is rocking dramatically.
Translation: Hey, this is just like those rocking pirate ships at the fair that everyone always throws up on…
Someone falls overboard.
Translation: Oh woops, I forgot, this isn’t the set of Titanic.
As they rush back again, the ship begins to tilt and their feet lift up.
Translation: Either we’re flying, or we’re sinking.
Another person falls and is crushed by falling cargo.
Translation: That’s right! The more meaningless side characters we lose, the more rum we all get for ourselves.
The ship begins to lift and flip.
Translation: Ship, flip, hey that rhymes!
Jack: Now up is down.
Translation: Hmm… that wasn’t the cleverest thing I could have said.
Gibbs gives a nod.
Translation: Thank you, captain obvious.
Everyone screams.
Translation: AAHHHHHH!
The ship goes under water. Will begins to drift away, Elizabeth reaches for him in panic.
Translation: I’ll never let go, Jack! Oh wait, wrong film… too bad though. I would never let go of Jack if I had the choice.
The sun sets, and a massive flash of green spreads across the sky. The boat suddenly plunges down and hits the water, right-side up again. Everyone coughs and splutters and spits out water. Pintel and Ragetti are still upside-down, tied to the mast. Everyone looks at each other, surprised and happy.
Translation: It’s too bad Will survived…
Elizabeth: It’s a sunrise.
Translation: And you know, in England we have an old pirate tradition of kissing the hottest person near you when you view a sunrise at sea. Jack?
Barbossa looks at the sunrise with a smile.
Translation: You know, in Barbossa-land we have an old pirate tradition of killing the most annoying person near you when you view a sunrise at sea. Will?
Suddenly, he whips out his pistols and takes aim at Will.
Translation: I’d hate to break tradition.
Will points one back at Barbossa.
Translation: (whines) You’re always so mean to me. Why can’t you pick on someone else? I’m going to tell my mommie!
Jack follows, pointing one at Elizabeth.
Translation: That’s right, pouty-lips. I’m pointing my pistol straight at you. Wink wink.
Elizabeth pouts and points one back at Jack.
Translation: Oh yeah? Well I’m pointing BOTH pistol at you, hot shot.
Jack the monkey pulls out a pistol and points it at Cotton.
Translation: I’m joining Pintel and Ragetti’s evil plot to take over the film with stupid gags!
Pintel: We need out pistols! Get untied, hurry.
Translation: And then pull out some clubs and whip-cream pies to throw at each other. Clown capers always work.
A moment of tension passes.
Translation: All the men are thinking back to that special day when they first saw Elizabeth soaking wet, and cold, in her underwear.
Barbossa begins to chuckle and everyone follows, shrugging and giggling.
Translation: Too bad it’s not cold out today…
Barbossa snaps back with his pistols in place, and everyone instantly follows.
Translation: But fear can have the same effect on certain, ahem, areas.
Barbossa: Alright then! The brethren court is gathering, Jack, you and I are going and there will be no arguing that point.
Translation: And if you shut up and don’t complain, I’ll bet we could get the saucy wench along, and keep her wet and cold the whole time…
Jack: I is arguing that point. If there’s pirates gathering, I’m pointing my ship the other way.
Translation: Saucy wench? How about skanky whore. That’s much more appropriate to this film, don’t you think?
Elizabeth: The pirates are gathering to fight Beckett and you’re a pirate.
Translation: You’re a pirate… you should have no problem with me being a skanky whore. And hey, I’m a pirate too! You’re a pirate, I’m a pirate, you have a ship, I have a sexy pout… are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Elizabeth points both her pistols at Jack. He points both back at her.
Translation: Actions speak louder than words. Figurative actions, anyway.
Will: Fight or not, you’re not running, Jack.
Translation: And you’re certainly not running anywhere with Elizabeth. I got my ear pierced to try and look cool and everything!
Will points both pistols at Jack, and Jack points one back at him.
Translation: There is nothing figurative about this moment.
Barbossa: If we don’t stand together, they’ll hunt us down, one by one. Until there’s none left but you.
Translation: And all of us worshipping you from our graves…
Jack: Quite like the sound of that. Captain Jack Sparrow, the last pirate.
Translation: The last and most sexy pirate of all times. I’ll do a song with Justin.
Barbossa: Aye. And you’ll be fighting Jones alone. How does that feel to your plan?
Translation: Alone, Jack. Totally alone. No wench, no side characters to play off of. It would be worse than you trying to be Willy Wonka. Yikes.
Jack: I’m still working on that. But I will not be going back to the locker, mate. Count on that.
Translation: I may take another trip back to the mast though… I have good memories of that mast.
Jack fires his pistol, but it merely clicks. Everyone begins shooting, but nothing comes out.
Translation: Thank God! I hate killing people.
Gibbs: Wet powder.
Translation: Either that or I stole all the cartridges… hehehe.
Pintel: Wait! We could still use them as clubs!
Translation: And club all the other actors to death and then we’d really be the stars!
Ragetti whacks him.
Translation: Okay!
Pintel: Ow!!
Translation: Not me, you neener head!
Ragetti: Sorry. Effective though.
Translation: We should wait until they are arguing with Gore about the ending. Then we’ll catch them unawares and probably on drugs…