Cracked Posted:
In 10th century Ukraine, Princess Olga of Kiev was married to Prince Igor. She lived an idyllic 10th century Ukrainian princess life, which was presumably slightly less plague- and parasite-infested than normal life -- until 945, when Igor, out collecting tribute from the neighboring Drevlians, was killed. Because her son was too young to take the throne, Olga took over as ruler of the Kievian Rus' Kingdom.As a ruler, the Drevlians considered Olga a pushover -- an unwed woman, ha! -- and because marriage would unite the two areas under their rule, the Drevlians sent suitors to make something useful out of the princess: a wife. Still wrapped up in a soft, Downy blanket of rage, Olga managed to put on her party smile and welcomed the visitors. She told her noble suitors that her people would carry them in their boats to the castle, so they wouldn't have to walk. And they did. But when they got to the castle's courtyard, the carriers dumped the suitors, boat and all, into a giant trench. Olga, smiling, had them all buried alive.
Sending word that she had accepted the proposal, even more Drevlians came down to help prepare the wedding. They were sent to a bathhouse when they arrived, where the doors were immediately barred behind them, and the whole building was set on fire. Still not getting the hint, several more Drevlian dignitaries came over to attend the funeral. Apparently not the least bit worried about the freshly dug mass grave or the smoldering remains of a bathhouse, the Drevlians got their mournful drink on. With every Drevlian well past drunk, even by Ukrainian standards, Olga stepped in and killed them. Five thousand of them, to be exact.
And yet, Olga still wasn't done. She now directed her wrath to the Drevlian capital city itself. When an all-out assault didn't work, Olga offered a gesture of peace. If all the houses in the city gave her a token tribute -- a few measly doves -- she would leave the next day. They gladly acquiesced and delivered the birds. That night, while the city slept, Olga had hot coals attached to the birds' feet with strings, and then sent them all home. The entire city burst into flames. She then killed, enslaved, or extorted everybody who passed her trying to flee the fire.
Olga ruled both hers and her newly conquered kingdoms until her death in 969, helping spread Ukrainian Orthodoxy throughout the land. In honor of this accomplishment, the church later made her a saint. We'd make a joke about the apparently low standards of sainthood back in the day, but honestly, if we were the church, we'd have done the same thing. You just do not piss off a Ukrainian princess.
Because real life makes Game of Thrones look like a complete pussy.
Originally posted by Nephthys
So I started playing Neverwinter yesterday and reading the loading screens maaaaaan did Neverwinter get butt****ed! haermmHit by a volcano, invaded by orcs [b]and
undead, attacked by sky pirates, ratman in the sewers and open rebellion on the streets. Why is anyone still living there?! [/B]
people werent living there for a while they actually just got a small portion of the city repaired enough to live in
the only other option is living like the barbarian tribes do
Originally posted by NemeBro
Anyone who isn't you can plainly see that I've smashed your feeble argument from its foundations, sundered your anti-logic from the peaks of reason, and slayed the dragon of intellectual dishonesty that you perpetuate within every thread.I am aware of Kain's feats of speed cretin, and how they don't match up to anyone here (Save perhaps War).
So yeah, I'll take my win.
I am something of a badass.
How could I possibly be KMC's best lurker if I don't remind people of my existence every now and then? If I didn't, I'd just be a forgotten lurker, one with the faceless crowd which none of you care about. The mere fact that I have an identity, a history, even an acknowledgement from other members (usually only you) after all these years, puts me leagues ahead of all the others.
You think of it as a weakness. I think of it it as a strength. And that is why I am the greatest lurker on KMC.