10 things you don't know about women.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
By Melora Hardin
1. We know men think breasts are like Barstow: just a short stop on the way to Vegas. But sometimes lingering a little longer at the places along the way can make for a more pleasant trip.
2. We'd much rather try on bras than see them on surgically altered , airbrushed supermodels, but we know how much you enjoy the Victoria's Secret catalog. Consider it a gift.
3. It would be nice if just once you admitted you were unequivocally wrong and we were absolutely right, with no conditions attached.
4. We prefer a man who's going to make $50 million to one who already has it. Women take potential over security every time.
5. A man's hands and his taste in shoes tell women all we need to know . Make sure neither looks too much like ours.
6. When we tell you the new dress we bought was 50 percent off, you can just go ahead and mark it up about 30 percent.
7. Women take longer in the bathroom because, unlike men, we clean up after ourselves.
8. Even Harrison Ford isn't cool with an earring .
9. We know it's fun for you to come up behind us while we're washing dishes and grab our breasts. Why not make it fun for us, too, and grab a dish while you're at it?
10. Male sperm are faster getting to the egg but die sooner; female sperm are slower getting to the egg but live longer. See? It all starts at conception.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
By Jenna Fischer
1. If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble.
2. When you tell us about a business lunch you had with a woman, it's a good idea to tell us that she's fat, ugly, old, or a lesbian. Preferably all of them.
3. PMS is real . It's chemical, and it sucks . If someone told you that every thirty days you were going to get jacked repeatedly in the nuts , you'd be pissy around day twenty-six, too.
4. When we say, "I don't feel connected," the only appropriate response is, "I feel it, too. Let's go out for a nice dinner and reconnect." Try it. You will get laid.
5. If you can locate the following items in our home -- tape, casserole dish, Christmas ornaments -- you will get laid.
6. If you act excited about the bath mat we bought at Target, you will get laid.
7. We really want to have kids. That is, until you want to have kids. Then: "Hey, slow down. What about my career? It's my body. I'm not just a depository for your sperm, you know. **** off. Wait, come back. I'm sorry about that. It's sweet you want to have kids. Let's talk about it in a year."
8. You know what's really gay? Football. Instead of watching it, just have sex with another dude once a year. Get it all out of your system at once.
9. We can make a "celebrity safe list" if you want. But I am way more likely to get Patrick Dempsey to **** me in a bathroom than you are to get Lindsay Lohan to suck you off in your car.
10. Okay, wait. Maybe not Lindsay Lohan. But you know what I mean.
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the office ladies ftw!
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