I Need Some Help

Guys I seriously only want honest opinions and only serious answers please. So please keep thread on topic for however long it is open.

There is a bit of a story, so bear with me.

I need help in deciding what I should do about my best friend. Before summer came, he and I used to hang out everyday, took the same courses at college, we both have the same major and he has been a best friend my whole life.

But right after school ends, around the beginning of May, he totally disappears from my life and barely speaks to me that whole month. When I would be able to get a hold of him he sounded worn out and if I asked him if he wanted to come over and play 360 or something he'd always say he had to work. My other friends who came home from college for the summer would always call me about Poker like 3 or 4 times a week and say "Hey, why don't you invite Tom?" (I don't want to use his real name) I'd try and he'd always turn the invite down but he is about obsessed with Poker as I am so it was weird for him to do that.

Halfway into June I ask my sister, who baby-sits his older brother's kids during the week since his wife works as a Nurse during the midnight shift, "What's up with Tom? Is he depressed or something?" She tells me he is on coke, I wasn't exactly shocked because I knew he smoked weed from time to time and at parties liked to crack open Ecstasy pills and pour them into his beer. But I was like "What the hell?" Ya know? I heard the same thing from 4 other people who always were around him including his brother. Then I found out he had been fired from his job. His girlfriend, who has been dating since Sophomore year of high school, left him and moved to Pittsburgh.

I'm not like depressed about the situation but I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to help him out? I have tried a couple times but to no avail. He is one of those people who thinks the world is out to get them, so that hasn't helped matters any either. I really don't know if he is even a friend anymore but I don't want to see the guy die.

You can't really help the guy. You can try to help them, but they will just till you mind your own damn business. If he's ever going to get better. He has to hit rock bottom. He has to be the one that ask for help.

Originally posted by Leo.M
You can't really help the guy. You can try to help them, but they will just till you mind your own damn business. If he's ever going to get better. He has to hit rock bottom. He has to be the one that ask for help.

Bullshit.

Intervention, show him what he's done to himself and to his loved ones.

Originally posted by Leo.M
You can't really help the guy. You can try to help them, but they will just till you mind your own damn business. If he's ever going to get better. He has to hit rock bottom. He has to be the one that ask for help.

I don't want to wait to see the guy hit rock bottom though, I was able to see him a week or so ago when I stopped at his house to pick up some money my sister owed me, he looks horrible. I don't want to wake up one day and hear he's dead or something because I'd always wonder if I could have done anything to help him.

Originally posted by Röland
Guys I seriously only want honest opinions and only serious answers please. So please keep thread on topic for however long it is open.

There is a bit of a story, so bear with me.

I need help in deciding what I should do about my best friend. Before summer came, he and I used to hang out everyday, took the same courses at college, we both have the same major and he has been a best friend my whole life.

But right after school ends, around the beginning of May, he totally disappears from my life and barely speaks to me that whole month. When I would be able to get a hold of him he sounded worn out and if I asked him if he wanted to come over and play 360 or something he'd always say he had to work. My other friends who came home from college for the summer would always call me about Poker like 3 or 4 times a week and say "Hey, why don't you invite Tom?" (I don't want to use his real name) I'd try and he'd always turn the invite down but he is about obsessed with Poker as I am so it was weird for him to do that.

Halfway into June I ask my sister, who baby-sits his older brother's kids during the week since his wife works as a Nurse during the midnight shift, "What's up with Tom? Is he depressed or something?" She tells me he is on coke, I wasn't exactly shocked because I knew he smoked weed from time to time and at parties liked to crack open Ecstasy pills and pour them into his beer. But I was like "What the hell?" Ya know? I heard the same thing from 4 other people who always were around him including his brother. Then I found out he had been fired from his job. His girlfriend, who has been dating since Sophomore year of high school, left him and moved to Pittsburgh.

I'm not like depressed about the situation but I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to help him out? I have tried a couple times but to no avail. He is one of those people who thinks the world is out to get them, so that hasn't helped matters any either. I really don't know if he is even a friend anymore but I don't want to see the guy die.

I don't know, bro...

Depends on the person, really. You know him waaay better than I do.

I think the guy above me said it best. On a positve side, some people's rock bottom is sooner than other's. (If you are religious, praying can help...even if it is to just make you feel better.)

He may end up in the prison system.

Drugs are stupid...I hate them.

Sorry bro.

Originally posted by Tattoo
Intervention, show him what he's done to himself and to his loved ones.

I'd try that but he doesn't even sleep at his house anymore, I guess he only shows up once or twice a week to get clothes, then he is gone until the next week rolls around. I've tried calling him and lately he won't even pick up.

Originally posted by Tattoo
Bullshit.

Intervention, show him what he's done to himself and to his loved ones.

Leo M has a point, some people have to hit rock bottom before they realise how bad things are. I mean if they guy thought things were so terrible right now (like Roland does) he'd probably be seeking help.

It's hard work, I was a coke addict for a while and it's not pleasant having people telling you to stop. But you have to respect that everyone does things differently, so he may kick off when you try and help, or, he may approach it with open arms.

Whatever you do, don't completely abandon the friendship, there's nothing worse than being alienated after being through that.

Originally posted by dadudemon
Depends on the person, really. You know him waaay better than I do.

What's ironic is, since the semester ended, I feel like I don't know him anymore.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Whatever you do, don't completely abandon the friendship, there's nothing worse than being alienated after being through that.

I have never thrown someone completely out of my life and I would never do that to my best friend. But he has pretty much alienated himself from the people who care about him. So it's a difficult situation when you want to help him but he acts like you're nothing.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
It's hard work, I was a coke addict for a while and it's not pleasant having people telling you to stop. But you have to respect that everyone does things differently, so he may kick off when you try and help, or, he may approach it with open arms.

Whatever you do, don't completely abandon the friendship, there's nothing worse than being alienated after being through that.

Seriously? Props to you, dude, for kicking a nasty habit.

Originally posted by Röland
I have never thrown someone completely out of my life and I would never do that to my best friend. But he has pretty much alienated himself from the people who care about him. So it's a difficult situation when you want to help him but he acts like you're nothing.

Yeah mate, I completely understand, I was alienated from my own family at one point, comletely from my own doing. Just if you can, try to reach out to him without seeming at all preachy, it will be very hard to do, because he's addicted to an extremely addictive thing. The other thing is, don't try going on about how it could mess up his future, at least not at first. That used to infuriate me, and it annoys every addict I've met.

There's always a way to help someone. It's a matter of whether they'll accept that help or not.

I'd say you should try going to someone that you trust - his parents, or someone like that. First step to helping someone is getting help doing it. You can't do something like this yourself, you'll just burn yourself out trying.

Also keep in mind the fact that he might not even realize exactly what he's doing - people that messed up tend to have a warped view of reality and think that what they're doing is fine.

People generally tend to be afraid to confront someone over something like this, fearing it'll ruin their friendship...and yes, it's true, if you do do something like go to someone else, he might hate you for it at first. But it will be worth it in the long run.

Originally posted by dadudemon
Seriously? Props to you, dude, for kicking a nasty habit.

Yeah. Cheers mate, usually I keep it to myself, all the time. But I couldn't have kicked it without my friends.

Originally posted by Tattoo
Bullshit.

Intervention, show him what he's done to himself and to his loved ones.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
sometimes intervention makes things worse.

Stuff like that always gets worse before it gets better. There's no such thing as an easy way out.

Honestly, if my best friend ended up in this situation, I would beat the utter shit out of him just enough so that he would end up in the hospital for a couple of weeks. This would give him time to kick the physical addiction enough for me to talk some sense into him. But that is how I would handle MY best friend and that's how we would handle eachother. (I am dead serious.)

bottom line: if the person doesnt realize there is a problem, and doesnt want to fix it, it is a losing battle.

Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Yeah mate, I completely understand, I was alienated from my own family at one point, comletely from my own doing. Just if you can, try to reach out to him without seeming at all preachy, it will be very hard to do, because he's addicted to an extremely addictive thing. The other thing is, don't try going on about how it could mess up his future, at least not at first. That used to infuriate me, and it annoys every addict I've met.

How should I go about doing that though without sounding like I'm a high authority figure? I have tried to talk to him about it only a few times but it's always the same denial and very defensive replies. I really didn't get preachy or try to tell him how he is f*cking his life up even when he clearly is.

Originally posted by Lana
There's always a way to help someone. It's a matter of whether they'll accept that help or not.

I'd say you should try going to someone that you trust - his parents, or someone like that. First step to helping someone is getting help doing it. You can't do something like this yourself, you'll just burn yourself out trying.

Also keep in mind the fact that he might not even realize exactly what he's doing - people that messed up tend to have a warped view of reality and think that what they're doing is fine.

People generally tend to be afraid to confront someone over something like this, fearing it'll ruin their friendship...and yes, it's true, if you do do something like go to someone else, he might hate you for it at first. But it will be worth it in the long run.

I would go to his parents but his mom died a few years ago and his dad wants nothing to do with any of his family. I have tried to go to his brothers and my sister, since she is over at their house a lot, but they always tell me to just leave him alone and he'll fix it on his own. But he clearly isn't going to.

Hopefully since classes resume tomorrow I'll be able to start getting him to hang out with me more instead of the crowd he is with now.

just dont get sucked in.