Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
bottom line: if the person doesnt realize there is a problem, and doesnt want to fix it, it is a losing battle.
Problem with that, though, is almost no one who's in that sort of situation thinks there's a problem. They think they're just fine, that it's not an issue - either because "everyone does it", or "I'm not like the kind of people who are like that", or "I can stop whenever I want", or so on. It takes effort to make them realize that what they're doing is not good and is going to only end up killing them.
Originally posted by dadudemon
Honestly, if my best friend ended up in this situation, I would beat the utter shit out of him just enough so that he would end up in the hospital for a couple of weeks. This would give him time to kick the physical addiction enough for me to talk some sense into him. But that is how I would handle MY best friend and that's how we would handle eachother. (I am dead serious.)
They'd find a way round it. When you're really addicted, you'll beg, steal, borrow, break out/discharge yourself from hospital, get a a dealer to deliver to the hospital, literally anything you can. That's the worst thing about addiction, because people are never going to refuse to sell it to you.
Originally posted by Röland
How should I go about doing that though without sounding like I'm a high authority figure? I have tried to talk to him about it only a few times but it's always the same denial and very defensive replies. I really didn't get preachy or try to tell him how he is f*cking his life up even when he clearly is.I would go to his parents but his mom died a few years ago and his dad wants nothing to do with any of his family. I have tried to go to his brothers and my sister, since she is over at their house a lot, but they always tell me to just leave him alone and he'll fix it on his own. But he clearly isn't going to.
Hopefully since classes resume tomorrow I'll be able to start getting him to hang out with me more instead of the crowd he is with now.
Sheesh...no wonder he is on drugs. (Though no one should ever "drink their problems away".) I might have problems too if I was in your friends situation.
Originally posted by Röland
How should I go about doing that though without sounding like I'm a high authority figure? I have tried to talk to him about it only a few times but it's always the same denial and very defensive replies. I really didn't get preachy or try to tell him how he is f*cking his life up even when he clearly is.I would go to his parents but his mom died a few years ago and his dad wants nothing to do with any of his family. I have tried to go to his brothers and my sister, since she is over at their house a lot, but they always tell me to just leave him alone and he'll fix it on his own. But he clearly isn't going to.
Hopefully since classes resume tomorrow I'll be able to start getting him to hang out with me more instead of the crowd he is with now.
Yeah, that doesn't help 😬 any mutual friends you are both close to and trust, or a teacher or someone like that?
Because really, I can understand your concern, but you really do not want to try and deal with it by yourself.
And also, do not feel guilty if things don't work out.
Originally posted by dadudemon
Sheesh...no wonder he is on drugs. (Though no one should ever "drink their problems away".) I might have problems too if I was in your friends situation.
See, I find that whole "I'm on drugs/alcohol because my life is so messed up" excuse really pathetic. I love the guy to death as a friend but he has always had the mentality that people are out to get him. Our English professor gave him an F on this one small writing assignment. She had told us she was from western P.A., well he tells me that she probably got mad at some family members of his who live in western P.A., so that's why she gave him the F.
It's always some excuse or someone else's fault with him.
Please, unless he knows the teacher really, really well, do not go to them. The rationale of someone completely addicted, gets to a point where they think that authority is the enemy, even friends become an authority. This is mainly because when you're doing something all the time, the effect becomes minimal, so you begin to think there's nothing wrong with it, I just need it, kind of thing.
Originally posted by Lana
Yeah, that doesn't help 😬 any mutual friends you are both close to and trust, or a teacher or someone like that?Because really, I can understand your concern, but you really do not want to try and deal with it by yourself.
And also, do not feel guilty if things don't work out.
I could go to his cousin, she would help, but the problem is that I have no idea where he goes. I can never reach him on his cell phone. He never stays at his house for more than an hour or so. He has become a "ghost" around here.
I won't feel guilty if he stays on the stuff and then a few years down the road he figures out he is in a heap of shit and decides to rehab. I'll feel guilty if he dies because I'll feel like I let him down.
Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Please, unless he knows the teacher really, really well, do not go to them. The rationale of someone completely addicted, gets to a point where they think that authority is the enemy, even friends become an authority. This is mainly because when you're doing something all the time, the effect becomes minimal, so you begin to think there's nothing wrong with it, I just need it, kind of thing.
I wouldn't go to a teacher anyway. I've found that if you go to a teacher with a serious problem they take the "Disciplinary Role" instead of the "Helping Role."
Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Please, unless he knows the teacher really, really well, do not go to them. The rationale of someone completely addicted, gets to a point where they think that authority is the enemy, even friends become an authority. This is mainly because when you're doing something all the time, the effect becomes minimal, so you begin to think there's nothing wrong with it, I just need it, kind of thing.
Well, I suggest a teacher because in high school it's pretty easy to become comfortable with teachers. Obviously only if it's someone that they both trust. But I know I had a few teachers in high school I'd trust to go to with that sort of thing.
Originally posted by Röland
I could go to his cousin, she would help, but the problem is that I have no idea where he goes. I can never reach him on his cell phone. He never stays at his house for more than an hour or so. He has become a "ghost" around here.I won't feel guilty if he stays on the stuff and then a few years down the road he figures out he is in a heap of shit and decides to rehab. I'll feel guilty if he dies because I'll feel like I let him down.
I'm sure someone will be able to figure out where he goes - another friend who goes with him, or knows who he's hanging around with, or whatever.
And you're not letting him down if you can't manage to help him out. This sort of thing, you can only try your best and hope that it sinks in. The only way you could let someone down is if you didn't care and didn't try to help at all.
Originally posted by Leo.M
Have you tried getting him help? Like gonna to place that helps with this kind of thing?
I don't think anyone can be forced into Rehab or into counseling unless they are arrested for drug charges. I think I'm wrong but I thought there was some law that even if you report that someone is addicted to drugs they have to willingly check into Rehab themselves. 😬
Originally posted by chillmeistergen
If you can find out who his dealer is, get them busted, anonymously. No matter what anyone says, finding a new dealer's a right piss take.
I know for a fact he doesn't have a dealer, he has been hanging out with this new group of people and he gets it from them.
Originally posted by Röland
I don't think anyone can be forced into Rehab or into counseling unless they are arrested for drug charges. I think I'm wrong but I thought there was some law that even if you report that someone is addicted to drugs they have to willingly check into Rehab themselves. 😬I know for a fact he doesn't have a dealer, he has been hanging out with this new group of people and he gets it from them.
People can usually be checked in without consent if they're a harm to themselves (if they've attempted suicide, ODed, that sort of thing).
That's the sort of thing that might vary by state, though.
Originally posted by Lana
I'm sure someone will be able to figure out where he goes - another friend who goes with him, or knows who he's hanging around with, or whatever.And you're not letting him down if you can't manage to help him out. This sort of thing, you can only try your best and hope that it sinks in. The only way you could let someone down is if you didn't care and didn't try to help at all.
I know the one guy who he first started hanging out with, my sister knows him as well, but we just don't know where he lives.
I know. It just sucks watching someone spiral down like he is.
Originally posted by Röland
I know the one guy who he first started hanging out with, my sister knows him as well, but we just don't know where he lives.I know. It just sucks watching someone spiral down like he is.
It's a really hard thing to deal with, unfortunately I know 😬 primary reason I plan on going into the field I want to.
I need to go to bed, but good luck hug
Originally posted by Lana
People can usually be checked in without consent if they're a harm to themselves (if they've attempted suicide, ODed, that sort of thing).That's the sort of thing that might vary by state, though.
I'm pretty sure he hasn't attempted suicide and I'm almost positive he has never OD'd because I would be the first person who got called if he was taken to a hospital for OD'ing.