POTC... continued

Finale: Part 5

(Everyone attends the premiere of "Pirates of the Caribbean." Rosalie is actually dressed in a Cotton's Parrot costume. The audience stands and cheers.)

Cut to...outside the theater

James: (sighs) Just old wounds is all it is. (turns angrily towards Jack) Never once did you mention that hurricane I followed you through, or the fact I fought you and Will both, or that I had the heart, saved Elizabeth's life and was resurrected by Will.

Jack: Trilogy, mate. Trilogy. Your time will come.

James: (appeased) Well then...so long as we have that understanding. Come, Sailor (sticks out his arm. Sailor takes it)

Sailor: (as they walk away) It's all right, James. All the girls seemed to love you. They even threw this little Wishing Troll doll at you. (tickes him with the ugly thing's hair)

Gibbs: I'm rather pleased, seein' as how I was portrayed just as I was. (holding Junior's hand) See, there was a time when...

Junior: Why did you wear a Donald Duck hat in the beginning?

Gibbs: Uh, I was getting to that. Now then... (walks off with him)

(Barbossa walks out, sees them, and runs after them)

Barbossa: Mr. Gibbs, you wily cur! You promised you would give me a ride. Damn Captain Teague confiscated me balloon! (runs after them)

Katie: (waits for Jack, Will, and Elizabeth who are signing some autographs) Well, this means no one will watch Van Helsing now...

Will: It's even bigger than when we were on Oprah!

Elizabeth: I know! And we have at least two more in our contract! Will! We can buy a van!

Jack: The two of you want a van? That's your plan for what to do with the pay?

Will: Not just any van, Jack. A van unlike any other. We'll pile in and tour the country solving mysteries.

Elizabeth: Oh. I thought we would start a family band like the Partridge Family.

Jack: (takes Katie's hand) This is why I'm with them, darling. Someone has to help them be cool. (looks at Elizabeth) I came so close to achieving that with you.

Katie: I think a van is a wonderful idea. And the best part is that you don't have to do anything in it, just drive it around and hang out.

MUSICAL MONTAGE!

(The theme song to That 70s Show starts to play)

(The entire cast is in a huge van.)

Lyrics: (the cast lip-synchs) Hangin' out!

(Shows Will, Elizabeth, Junior, and Rosalie in her car seat in the van)

Lyrics: Down the street!

(Shows Will, Jack, Gibbs, James, and Barbossa in the van)

Lyrics: The same old thing...

(Shows Will driving with Elizabeth in his lap, Jack in the passenger seat with Katie on his lap, and James in the back with Sailor in his lap)

Lyrics: We did last week!

(Shows Captain Teague driving with Wonder Woman and Aquaman)

Lyrics: Not a thing to do...

(Shows Elizabeth, Katie, and Sailor in the van)

Lyrics: But TALK to you!

(Shows entire cast in the van)

Lyrics: We're all all right! We're all all right!

Junior: Hello, Shipwreck Cove!

The End! I am editing all of it and formatting it and it should appear on fanfiction soon. I hope you enjoyed it!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

*stands up, applauds and starts the standing-O *

BRAVA!!! Amazing, Willo - it went out with a bang and I loved EVERY SECOND!!! 😄 😄 😄 😄 😄

It's cute (very).. I guess if I were in that I would just be Junior, though. 😬

*cries* it was amazzazing......i'm sad to see it end.....

*Applaus* LOVED IT MY DEAR! Can't wait to see it on ff.net it's absolutely amazing!!!

I loved every word from it 😄 I'm just sad it ends. But I LOVED it 😄 😄 😄

oh no! it's over?!?! SADDDDD....

*sniffle sniffle*
They'll be so happy in their van! I'm gonna miss them so much.

I just re-read the whole think...it made me hold my stomach from laughing!! Can't wait to see it in ff.net
Can't believe this is it!! I'm gonna miss the gang so much.
I wonder what would happen if we pitched this as a sitcom idea...bet you someone would love to make a TV parody of POTC

WOW!!!

I just reread the whole wonderful adventure (for at least the fifth time!!) and I'm still sore from laughing!!!! I swear you and kate are comedy GENIUSES!!! I'm in complete awe of your talent, its absolutely incredible! This is the best potc comedy piece EVER!!!!!! 😄😄😄

Okay, every good series needs a reunion episode and I'm bored so here it is.

POTC: The Reunion

(One year has passed since our heroes attended the premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. It's been quite a success.)

Cut to...The Turner house

(Elizabeth is on a blanket on the floor with Rosalie, who is a year old now. Will and Junior are building a model of the Flying Dutchman. The van is parked outside. They also now have a plasma tv.)

Barbossa: (coming down the stairs in a bathrobe and his large hat) I added toilet paper to your grocery list.

Will: Did you give him a key or something?

Elizabeth: I thought you did. (They share a mystified look.)

Barbossa: Somethin' ain't right, mark my words. Things been too quiet lately. (sits on their couch)

Will: Don't worry. I'm sure our missing cans of refried beans will liven things up here in a bit.

(Gibbs comes in through the front door, Kramer-style)

Gibbs: It's gone! No one's going to ask me what's gone?

Junior: Mom and Dad say everyone's sanity is gone, whatever that means.

Gibbs: (nervously drinks from flask) The script to the sequel!

Will: (stands up) No! Not the script to Big Mamma's House 2! There were so many unanswered questions from the first movie!

Junior: Daddy, you're going to knock the model down. (Will sits back down. Junior pats him) Just let it all out.

Gibbs: I don't know what Will's talkin' about, but the POTC sequel script!

Elizabeth: I didn't even know Jack was writing a sequel.

Gibbs: Oh, it ain't in Jack's hands no more, miss Elizabeth. Once he pitched the first movie, turns out Ted and Terry are real people and they've written up a first class piece of work!

Barbossa: (holds up Ragetti's eye, his Piece of Eight) I'll give you this right now if you'll get to the point without going into a story.

Gibbs: Oh, so it's a wager then! I like that! I'll just spill it out then. (pause) See, legend has it that...damn!

(Barbossa laughs and pockets his Piece of Eight.)

Gibbs: Ted and Terry have a real gem going, but it's been stolen!

Junior: Merciful heavens! (The adults look at him.) What? It was on 101 Dalmatians.

Gibbs: (ignoring Junior) No one knows who's taken it, but I gots me suspicions.

Elizabeth: Does Jack know?

Gibbs: Not yet. James and Sailor still don't know, either. They're... (sighs) taking a vacation to "celebrate their first year of married love."

CUT TO...an exotic Arab marketplace

(The townspeople go about their business, selling their items and chatting, a snake being charmed in the background. Suddenly, a magic carpet flies low past them and back up high into the sky. James and Sailor are sitting on it.)

Sailor: (singing) A whole new world/a hundred thousand things to see...

James: (singing) Hold your breath/it gets better.

Sailor: (singing) I'm like a shooting star/I've come so far/I can't go back to where I used to be...

James: (singing) A whole new world...

CUT TO...Turner house

Elizabeth: We're getting to the bottom of this. Who knows what the wrong hands might put in that sequel? They could have me and Gibbs making out while Will flings his own poo at the late Captain Bellamy.

Barbossa: At least I know I won't be in it.

Elizabeth: Oh, do you know that for a fact? They could bring you back only to have you as suave and scary as Charlie Brown. You heard me! Charlie Brown!

(Barbossa looks threatened.)

Elizabeth: This needs straightened out. (dials on the phone) Jerry? It's Liz, babe. I trust you'll only take a sequel submitted by Ted and Terry, right? No? What do you mean "artistic license?" Hello? He hung up on me!

Will: We have to find Jack right now. He'll be able to tell us where Ted and Terry are.

Junior: (picks up Rosalie) Woot! Junior and Rosalie, the second generation of pirates off on another whirlwind adventure! There will be snakes, evil archaeologists, lost arks...(loses train of thought) Mom, Rosalie just spit up!

Oh no! What will happen? Stay tuned for Part 2 in a new, fun 5-part adventure!

wooo! lol, it's sad how everyone knows my weaknesses for Disney and Musicals 😄 good stuff!

yay!!!🙂 lmao🙂

kramer style ftw🙂

Oh, I'm so sorry it's taken so long to continue the reunion episode!

CUT TO...Jack and Katie at a techno club. They are dancing, Jack with a drink in his hand. It's harder than it looks.

Katie: How are you managing not to spill that?

Jack: It's harder than it looks. (pulls her in and even manages to dip her without spilling)

(Suddenly, Will, Elizabeth, Junior, Rosalie, Gibbs, and Barbossa barge in)

Barbossa: (lifts pistol and fires into the air) Everybody stay calm!

(The people in the club start screaming and running for their lives. Only Katie and Jack stay still.)

Barbossa: Why did that not work?

Will: I'm torn between answering the pistol and answering the smell.

Elizabeth: Jack! (waves over at him) Yoo hoo!

Jack: (not making any move towards them at all) Yoo hoo? She used to be cool.

Katie: Maybe we can pretend we don't know them.

Junior: Uncle Jack! It's us! (looks around at the club) Is this the place where you used to lose all your singles bills before you met Katie, legendary Hollywood actress?

(Jack and Katie smack their foreheads)

Gibbs: Oh, Jack. We need ye. Disney has taken the rights to the Pirates of the Caribbean series and are filming the sequel right now.

Jack: I know. I sold it to them.

Gibbs: What? (grabs the lapels of Jack's coat and begins to shake him) If they make me a violent, old storyteller I swear on my mother's grave I'll take you out!

(Elizabeth rests her hands on his arms and steers him away from Jack. He starts crying on her shoulder.)

Elizabeth: Jack, I don't suppose you stopped to think about how negative they could make us all look, you especially.

Jack: What? I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Name one thing negative about me. (looks at Will) You aren't allowed to talk.

Elizabeth: Oh, maybe I can't name anything negative, but just look at this concept art. (she opens a scroll and reveals a still of the film where Jack is covered in kraken spit/phlegm)

Jack: That's not so bad. It really happened.

Elizabeth: Then what about this concept art? (shows another scroll with a still of Jack doing his infamous run from the cannibals)

Jack: Bugger. I can't have the world know I run like that.

Katie: Is that the Baywatch run you bragged about on Entertainment Tonight? Yep. We need to put a stop to this.

Will: But doesn't that mean going back to Hollywood?

(Gibbs sobs louder on Elizabeth's shoulder. Rosalie looks at him strangely)

Jack: No! No, it doesn't. It means going to Florida. (suddenly taking charge) William, call Oprah. We might need her power. Lizzie, comfort that lax degenerate and find a substitute Pirate King. Barbossa, just look menacing for a while. Everyone else, come with me!

Junior: Where are we going, Uncle Jack?

Jack: We're preparing the Pearl for a journey.

CUT TO... a stunning French palace. The camera takes us through the window into a golden ballroom. Sailor, in a dazzling golden ballgown and Norrington, in a velvety blue coat, are dancing.

Teapot: (singing) Certain as the sun/rising in the East/tale as old as time/song as old as rhyme/Beauty and....

(Will's voice echoes throughout the ballroom)

Will: (mechanically) James Norrington and Sailorleo, we need your immediate assistance.

James: What the bloody hell...(looks around)

Sailor: Will? Is that you?

James: How are you doing that?

Will's voice: I'm outside with a megaphone. If you want to see yourself portrayed on film as a rumpot deckhand what takes orders from pirates, don't come outside. If you want to help us have some say in how the sequel to Curse of the Black Pearl turns out, well...come outside.

(James and Sailor run outside. Will puts down the megaphone and waves at them)

Will: You two look wonderful!

Sailor: Thanks! I found it in this beautiful armoire that talked and told me all about the good old days when armoires weren't treated like second-class citizens and there was a clock and a teacup and...wait, did you say Jamie-poo would be portrayed in a negative light?

Will: Yes! We're on our way to Florida now! The Pearl's waiting. I tried to call Oprah, but just got a voicemail message that Gail recorded.

James: Just a second. We may need something. (he hurries into the castle and comes back out)

Sailor: What did you go in to get?

James: My debit card.

To Be Continued!

LMAO!! I'VE MISSED THIS SO MUCH! You know there's probably nothing in Norrie's account if sailor's seen the card

Hi! Sorry it's taken so long. I'm sure I have no readers left. But I don't like to leave stories abandoned. Disclaimer: I actually think Keira Knightley is a wonderful actress.

(The whole crew is now in DisneyWorld. For fun, they have stopped by the POTC ride)

Elizabeth: Come on! We need to check this out.

Will: (looking very nervous) I don't want to.

Elizabeth: Why not? It's about us!

Will: Uh...(his phone rings to the He's a Pirate theme) Saved by the ringtone. Hello? Oprah! Yes, me and the family...and the crew...are in DisneyWorld. Well we're trying to find Ted and Terry to supervise the filming of the sequel. Well, it's a lot more delicate than the first movie because I meet my dad for the first time and he's abandoned me and then I get even more angsty when... (looks very uncomfortable) I'll call you back, ok?

Sailor: You just blew off Oprah!

Will: For good cause. (points sword at Jack) All right. What did you write in?

Jack: I wrote in my cabin, my little typewriter centered on my desk with Mozart playing in the background and a little glass of rum off to my left...

Will: No, no, what did you put in the script? You know what I'm talking about.

Jack: I wrote the truth and did not embellish whatsoever.

Gibbs: Uh, I read some of that, Jack. You did kind of make yourself out to be more of a god than the Pelegostas thought you were.

Jack: Gibbs, changing the word "demigod" to "god," is not that much of an embellishment.

Katie: What are they talking about, Jack? (Jack looks at her) Oh, that. I'm sure the actors will do it justice.

Barbossa: Am I the only one not knowing what the hell any of you are talking about?

Elizabeth: Well, it doesn't matter! Let's just ride the rides for a while and then find Ted and Terry, shall we? (squeals under her breath) Oh. Rosalie just squealed. She definitely likes my plan. Let's go.

Junior: I like your plan too, Mum!

Elizabeth: (pats his head) That's why there's a Mickey Mouse Ear hat in it for you.

Junior: Yay!

(the gang rides Splash Mountain and is now soaking wet)

Barbossa: Yeah, could have gotten wet back home.

James: But not at the happiest place on earth. Sailor, ride the Haunted Mansion with me and I'll let you clench my arm in fear.

Sailor: Oooh...

Will: No! It's time to find Ted and Terry. They have to be around here somewhere.

James: What makes you think so?

Will: There's an ice cream vendor at every corner! No screenwriter working for Disney can resist that. That's how Disney traps them.

Jack: A might paranoid, aren't we, Will?

Will: Shut up, you! You didn't want to talk earlier. I know you have a dirty mind and you exaggerate and by the end of the movie...grrr! (throws up his hands. He scares a little girl walking by) Oh. Sorry.

Elizabeth: He'll send you an after-school special to make it up to you! Will, honey, calm down.

Will: I'll calm down when I see Ted and Terry. (he looks out and sees a replica of the Black Pearl with lots of cameras around it) Eureka.

Gibbs: I like that show. It's about a town of geniuses and this sheriff...

Katie: He means he found Ted and Terry, Gibbs. I don't like to talk about Eureka. I auditioned for it. (walks off, now in a bad mood)

Gibbs: Never saw Miss Katie in such a huff.

Jack: Well, mate, that's about to be taken care of. (smiles to himself)

Gibbs: Why? What do you have planned?

Jack: Well, when I wrote the first movie, that made us all very comfortably rich. But sequel money? There's something you can do with that kind of money, mate. Something Katie's wanted me to do for a long time.

Gibbs: (oblivious) What?

Jack: You'll find out, provided young William doesn't go absolutely batsh*t here in the next few seconds.

(They climb up onto the set and see Ted and Terry louning with fruity drinks in hand)

Ted: It's our inspiration!

Terry: Mimosa?

Will: I have a bone to pick with both of you.

Junior: Am I going to see some punching?

Barbossa: Maybe some girly swatting and hair pulling...

Will: I want to supervise this next scene. I won't have Orlando Bloom making me look stupid.

Ted: He doesn't. He actually has you looking rather betrayed.

Terry: Just like in the script. (offers drink again) Mimosa?

Elizabeth: Will, just let it go, okay? It's only a movie. People know movies didn't really happen...even if this one sort of is based on our lives.

Katie: That's right, Will. I remember back when Rise of the Lycans came out and I only showed up in it at the very end to tie in that very ridiculous movie to my two other ones. No one really thinks I'm a vampire! They know it's all made up.

Jack: But you do bite.

Katie: Just you.

Terry: You're all welcome to watch. I'm sure the cast will want to take notes. Especially that Keira Knightley girl.

Elizabeth: Hey!

Ted: It's not that she's no good, Elizabeth. It's just that she...well, she's no good.

(Elizabeth sits on the railing of the "Pearl" with Will and motions everyone else to stay)

Elizabeth: Come on and sit down! If this girl makes me a bad kisser, swords are gonna clang!

Junior: Yay! Punching and sword fights and girly swatting and hair pulling!

To Be Continued...

yay!! they're back!!!

yayyy!!! hehe sailor and james....good times and Rosalie :-)

(The gang watches some of the filming. They all seem pretty impressed. Then it's time for the kraken showdown)

Junior: I don't see any kraken.

Gibbs: Tis the magic of film making, lad. See, the actors'll run around and there will be all manner of sound effects and they'll add the kraken later using computer imagery.

(Rosalie makes adorable confused baby face)

Gibbs: Well, it's drawing on a computer.

(Rosalie gurgles and blows a spit bubble)

Gibbs: It's not cheating! It's artistry.

Will: (takes Rosalie) What Gibbs is trying to say is that you'll have to imagine the kraken right now, kids.

(Junior and Rosalie both look annoyed, as does Will)

Gibbs: Come on now, Will. What's eating you?

Will: I can't believe no one else is bothered by the fact Jack wrote this movie and this is the time when Elizabeth and I were drifting apart and she kissed him, and...(looks up and we see what he sees: Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley in costume kissing) You son of a b*tch! (stomps over to them)

Junior: Dad! Where're you going?

(Will moves in between the two actors and punches Johnny right in the face)

Keira: Oh my God! Johnny? Johnny? Did my kissing make you pass out?

Johnny: (on floor, holding his eye) My eye! It's not supposed to be punched!

(Will runs away. Keira bends down to help him up)

Keira: Here, let me help you. Some guy that looked just like Orlando just came and decked you good. Want to go back to filming now? (has VERY eager look on her face)

Johnny: No offense, Keira, but I find kissing you very weird. Let's just let the editors deal with what they've already got.

(Keira's face falls)

CUT TO...Green room

(Jack and Katie are mingling with Jerry Bruckheimer, T&T, and Gore, sampling muffins. All is tranquil.)

Ted: What the hell?

Gore: What it is, Ted? Did Terry fall down in the well?

Terry: I'm right here.

Jerry: No, look! Johnny Depp's just been punched out on our set! On Disney's set! Gasp! We're going to be sued! The movie's going to have to be shelved. Disney will have to sell Tinkerbell's wings to Warner Brothers! I'll have to trade in my Mercedes for a Gremlin! Oh the horror!

(Gore shakes him and slaps his face)

Gore: Get a hold of yourself! Johnny's cool. He'll be fine. But who did it?

(Jack looks at the camera and sees Will leaving with a satisfied look on his face. Needless to say, he looks a little miffed)

Jack: (under his breath) Bloody stupid Will.

Ted: Someone's going to have to go out there and chase that maniac down!

Jack: (raises hand) I'll fall on that grenade. Come on, Katie. (takes her hand) That little eunuch is going to have a lot to answer for.

Katie: Just don't trick him onto going on the Flying Dutchman again.

To Be Continued.