Originally posted by DangerousBeautyWhat is wrong with you, I was trying to help him. Just because you have some -personal interest in him, it doesn't make his poetry better. Which has many flaws, no doubt. I gave him constructive criticism...and even an example of what I was talking about. If he doesn't want any criticism he should just keep his poetry to himself.
And you get the **** out of here this isnt your poetry thread! THAT GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU ASS HOLES!
Originally posted by DangerousBeauty
I just wish people would try to understand him before ruining a poetry thread like this.
When he says things like this:
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666
...and you wonder why i hate people
It encourages people to commence further negativity. Rather than take constructive criticism, no matter how harsh, and either apply it or ignore it, he has chosen to attack back. Which causes a counterattack, do you see a pattern? I hope so.
XvampbenjiiX666
I'll be honest and say I do like your poems, and I can understand where you are coming from. I like your style of writing. However, do try to put in some punctuation, capitals where necessary and keep the poems coming.
I don't see why you having a different religion from others would be such a big deal; I personally don't care what religion anyone is and hell, I don't even know what goes on in the Religion forum lol. Just focus on those poems, try to learn new things from constructive criticism because not all criticism is bad. Criticism can help you improve. Don't let it get to you too much, but think about your poems.
You can write good poems; all you need to do is to make some corrections on the punctuation, and such. By making those corrections, your poems would be easier to read and much neater as well. Hopefully you'll take this positively.
And to DangerousBeauty, there is really no need to yell at people like that. You want to defend your lover over there, yes, but there is no need for everyone to get all worked up over something like this. There is also no need to criticise XvampbenjiiX666 because of his religion, not his poetry. If you wish to argue / debate about religion, head for the Religion forum. It's pretty pointless innit? Fighting in a poetry thread..
Looking forward to your newer poems, XvampbenjiiX666.
Originally posted by jadeily
XvampbenjiiX666I'll be honest and say I do like your poems, and I can understand where you are coming from. I like your style of writing. However, do try to put in some punctuation, capitals where necessary and keep the poems coming.
I don't see why you having a different religion from others would be such a big deal; I personally don't care what religion anyone is and hell, I don't even know what goes on in the Religion forum lol. Just focus on those poems, try to learn new things from constructive criticism because not all criticism is bad. Criticism can help you improve. Don't let it get to you too much, but think about your poems.
You can write good poems; all you need to do is to make some corrections on the punctuation, and such. By making those corrections, your poems would be easier to read and much neater as well. Hopefully you'll take this positively.
And to DangerousBeauty, there is really no need to yell at people like that. You want to defend your lover over there, yes, but there is no need for everyone to get all worked up over something like this. There is also no need to criticise XvampbenjiiX666 because of his religion, not his poetry. If you wish to argue / debate about religion, head for the Religion forum. It's pretty pointless innit? Fighting in a poetry thread..
Looking forward to your newer poems, XvampbenjiiX666.
Jadeily, the issue here is that the discussion over Benji's religion has not stayed in the religion forum. Others have made it an issue all over the forums. I was one of the first to notice it and it was mentioned to a mod on a couple of occassions. Why shouldnt Benji defend himself when it is quite obvious that there are other posters that are just ridiculing him over the slightest thing.
I'm not happy about it as it ruins the experience for other posters on the forums and it makes Benji very unhappy. If it continues I WILL report it to RAZ.
As I have mentioned before here in Benjis thread (although really not the place for it), if people have read it, dont like and said their piece, why cant they just leave it there? why is it some members feel the insescent need to verbaly pulverise him?
I like benjis work, ok it could do with some improvement here or there but again its down to him if he wants to change his work.
He is still quite young and great poetry is not created over night.
Like I said before I like Benji's work and it shows promise.
Other people are just intent on bashing him for what ever reason. Just narrow minded fools.
Sorry Benji, I wont post again until you post another piece of work. 😄 hope every thing is ok. Feel free to PM me anytime
I see.
Well, leave the religion shit alone, and focus on the main point of this thread then, which is poetry. If people are bashing him based on his religion and also using his poetry as a cover-up as to why they are bashing him (note that I said IF), you should report it then.
However, some do tend to give harsh criticism (like myself, sometimes) and we usually mean well. Some may come off as rude, and also 'bashing', but it's not, really.
Looking forward to your other poems Benji.
quote: (post)
Originally posted by Ushgarak
There comes a point where repeateded criticism has become nothing but deliberate mockery, so please do be careful not to cross that line.
Thanks.
Originally posted by lil bitchiness
Please read the above again and acknowledge.
Deliberate trolling will not be tolerated.
just to make sure people see it
Originally posted by Lara
Jadeily, the issue here is that the discussion over Benji's religion has not stayed in the religion forum. Others have made it an issue all over the forums. I was one of the first to notice it and it was mentioned to a mod on a couple of occassions. Why shouldnt Benji defend himself when it is quite obvious that there are other posters that are just ridiculing him over the slightest thing.
Again, it is not about his Religion. It is about his claim of being an accomplice in
PRE-MEDITATED MURDER
Originally posted by Lara
I'm not happy about it as it ruins the experience for other posters on the forums and it makes Benji very unhappy. If it continues I WILL report it to RAZ.
As I have mentioned before here in Benjis thread (although really not the place for it), if people have read it, dont like and said their piece, why cant they just leave it there? why is it some members feel the insescent need to verbaly pulverise him?
He posts more poems, so why can't people comment on those as well?
Originally posted by DangerousBeautyYou are constantly off-topic, I actually give feedback and only correct when you and Lara make up shit...so maybe you should stick it somewhere and stop pretending you are an almighty cop. In fact, you are the only one that continue to whine about it long after anyone even said something about his poetry or satanism. So, please just shut up so I don't need to correct your idiocy...
Bardock42 I have nothing against you and I dont even know who you are but if you do not discontinue this constant chatter I will report you to Raz. Now please i am asking nicely for you to leave and stop posting in this thread.
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666
and you don't give feedback, you start shit like everyone else besides Lara..
Originally posted by Bardock42
He was asking for constructive criticism, wasn't he?I forward chill's notion, btw, to improve your poetry first I would work on my rhyme structure (for one, not everything needs to rhyme). A fluent flow (hehe) and the right words are more important than having every line rhyme. Once you have worked on that we could go on to more fundamental skills.
I'm not trying to be a dick....well....yes I am, but if you listen to me you'd still get better (though, I doubt you are going to be a Keats anytime soon. Poetry can certainly express ones feelings, and why not do it in a more graceful manner?).
In specific you could look at these two parts:
"i was at the hospital when i said i went down south
because my foster parents called you a liar and a whore so i hit both of them in the mouth"The second line just drags on and it is horrible to read as well as pretty annoying imagery.
The other is from your newest one:
"you told me he raped you then continues to try
the first thing the comes out of my mouth is that hes going to die"Do you feel how there is a bump when reading it? What you could maybe try to do is imagine whether something you wrote would be easily singable.
Well, I am not a poet really, not even particularly good, if I was you I'd rather listen to someone like chill or Feanor (even though they are dicks, like me), but I think you'd at least improve some if you try that first.
Originally posted by Bardock42
Oh, and before all, I'd check whether I spelt all words in my poem correctly.It shows that I cared.
Originally posted by Bardock42
I hope you don't take that the wrong way, but I took the liberty to correct the spelling. It obviously means much to you, so I thought if you show it to someone else, you might like it to have decent spelling.[b]My Angel
You are my angel, my life, my everything,
My reason to believe in anything.
It will hurt, when you are gone,
But I know you will be there.
I know you'll be the wind blowing through my hair.
You will watch over me, and everyone else here,
And watch over us when we shed a tear.
You will make sure we all do the right thing for our lives,
and make sure I don't have too many wives
(Hehe)
Please don't worry about us and me,
I've changed, I won't hurt myself, you see?
I just hope I'll see you again some day
My angel, my light for finding the way.Those were just style changes, if you want I could give you some tips how I think you could improve the poem in rhyme and flow as well. [/B]
Originally posted by Bardock42
No one wonders that.But for more constructive criticism:
[b]My Angel
You are my angel,
My life, my everything,
My reason to believe.(needs some leading up to)
It will hurt, when you are gone,
Though I know you will be there.
I know you will be the wind,
Blowing through my hair.You will watch over me
Make sure we all do right.And don't worry about me,
I've changed and won't
Hurt myself, you see?I just hope I'll see you again some day
My angel, my light ...my way.I edited a few things to make it flow easier, it's not perfect of course, but maybe you can see what we are talking about. When I read your poetry I am often stumped, because it doesn't flow at all, there are setences that just go on that I have no idea how to read. So I cut some stuff and changed it a bit around, again, no offense, just trying to show you what I mean. [/B]
Besides, you are the one calling people "bastard child", "****ing assholes", "piece of shit" and saying "burn in hell...both of you assholes" and "go burn in hell"-
And for all those pretending he got attacked for his Religion, maybe you should actually read what was going on, he insulted and dismissed LaVeyian Satanism and I argued for the Religion. Yes, HE ATTACKED A RELIGION. Maybe you should point that out instead of what you guys make up.
mmm
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666
why dont you shut up and stick somewhere. she's only looking out for me. and you don't give feedback, you start shit like everyone else besides Lara...if you don't like it, go read someone else's poetry
😑
Bardock's not starting shit. He's giving out and offering advice/criticism, whatever you wish to call it.
Originally posted by DangerousBeauty
Bardock42 I have nothing against you and I dont even know who you are but if you do not discontinue this constant chatter I will report you to Raz. Now please i am asking nicely for you to leave and stop posting in this thread.
All I can gather from Bardock's post is just good advice/criticism, honesty and his straightforwardness. I don't see why you should report him. (Just stating my opinion).
The topic of satanism seems to be the spotlight of this thread.. Why don't you guys just leave that to the religion forum, debate/argue well there and in good spirits? Whatever it is, try keeping that topic out of this thread (preferably forum) aye?
EDIT:
Perhaps even forget the past few pages even happened and start fresh by posting some new poems. If someone makes a negative comment or insults you because you're Satanic, then you could report them, or ignore them. After all, this is just the Internet, mate. There's a difference between harsh criticism and insults. 😬
Whoopee.
Originally posted by Bardock42
he insulted and dismissed LaVeyian Satanism and I argued for the Religion. Yes, HE ATTACKED A RELIGION. Maybe you should point that out instead of what you guys make up.
I did slightly take offense to this. I used to follow Laveyian Satanism closely and it makes sense to me, although it is no longer my religion, I still highly respect it, and no one is in any position to say anything bad about it.
It's not a big deal, but one should mind when they say things like this:
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666
i actually dont like rolling stone. and i dont envy LaVey, i just hate him for the mockery he has caused the Dark Lord
Overall Benjii, I wish you luck with your writings, cheers.
Originally posted by Scythesorry...its the truth. but its nothing against LaVeyan's
I did slightly take offense to this. I used to follow Laveyian Satanism closely and it makes sense to me, although it is no longer my religion, I still highly respect it, and no one is in any position to say anything bad about it.It's not a big deal, but one should mind when they say things like this:
Overall Benjii, I wish you luck with your writings, cheers.
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666I'm sorry Benjii, but it is not the truth, not at all. It is marely your honest to goodness opinion. You can not say whether thee teaching of a religion are a mockery or any sort. It is wrong Bejii. I fully understand however that it is your stance, but please make note of it.
sorry...its the truth. but its nothing against LaVeyan's
"It is my stance and opinion, not that it really is a mockery and wrong"
Something like that. It is less offensive and sets your point in motion.
Originally posted by Scythe...my opion is that Anton LaVey was a fake
I'm sorry Benjii, but it is not the truth, not at all. It is marely your honest to goodness opinion. You can not say whether thee teaching of a religion are a mockery or any sort. It is wrong Bejii. I fully understand however that it is your stance, but please make note of it."It is my stance and opinion, not that it really is a mockery and wrong"
Something like that. It is less offensive and sets your point in motion.