Why do we fear rejection or loneliness ?

Early evolution: Selection for pre-human ancestors to belong to groups.

Human evolution: Selection for both in-grouping and out-grouping, survival and sexual benefit from increasing human culture.

Essentially: Evolution has motivated humans to not only desire, but require human interaction to develop properly. The benefits of groups, going back much further than humans, has selected out many of the genetics that would make an organism "desire" to be rejected by groups.

Originally posted by ragesRemorse
i hate everyone and everything and i still fear rejection 🙁

Then start doing the opposite. Like and maybe even love most things and your fear of rejection will mostly disappear.

For it would be hard to hate something that isn't happening to you or if there's no one there to reject you because you like and love things and people. Being that way will have people gravitating towards you. No one wants to be around a frustrated bore or a grouchy ogre. But everyone loves being around a cool person.

My take/opinion.

Originally posted by King of Blades
Mob-mentality? Maybe. But a sole individual? You'd be stupid to say otherwise.

* Goes back to reading.*

I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, yet places more value on the opinions of others than on his own opinion of himself.

- Marcus Aurelius -

Because it sucks, and guys have egos.

Originally posted by Atlantis001
But why people need to feel desirable ? Is there a way to answer that without making reference to our instincts or its biological significance ?

Probably. I think the fact that we're social beings has a lot to do with it.

I believe we fear rejection more, because if people reject us, we feel that they do not like us or love us, but if we feel loved and lonely at the same time, we know we are not alone, because we have people we can go to that did not reject us.

We have an ache to things we are attached too when we lose them. We fear that ache. To see people and things in a why that doesn't attach yourself to them, would dissolve that fear.

Because it reveals the status of my Social skills and the fact that I fear for my confidence and Self Esteem being lowered by others.

I suspect rejection and loneliness both play key roles in development. It's tough on some, but others use it as a learning tool. Rejection molds people's social skills. Loneliness develops the brain's ability to think (or it sometimes does).

I personally think the social development that results from rejection is more painful than the metal development that results from loneliness.

we fear rejection because it SUCKS.

Originally posted by Quark_666
I suspect rejection and loneliness both play key roles in development. It's tough on some, but others use it as a learning tool. Rejection molds people's social skills. Loneliness develops the brain's ability to think (or it sometimes does).

I personally think the social development that results from rejection is more painful than the metal development that results from loneliness.

loneliness and social ostracism, rather than molding people, is one of, if not the, most common cause of suicide. At the very least, not socially interacting with people causes poor and protected/defensive social skills and non-grounded, delusional-esque cognitive processes.

Originally posted by inimalist
loneliness and social ostracism, rather than molding people, is one of, if not the, most common cause of suicide. At the very least, not socially interacting with people causes poor and protected/defensive social skills and non-grounded, delusional-esque cognitive processes.

In that case I'm really screwed.

Originally posted by Quark_666
In that case I'm really screwed.

lol, the internet saves!

actually, I have a cool article about loner kids and MMOs, and how they fulfill various social needs. Even a msg board could have some social benefits. I wouldn't worry too much though, the adversity does build character 😉

Just pretend you're not really from here, but just stopping through. Works for me. 😎

In otherwords just see things as temporary. Things are in constant flux and motion, all is tempory, real and imagined. It's all perception.

Originally posted by Quark_666
I suspect rejection and loneliness both play key roles in development. It's tough on some, but others use it as a learning tool. Rejection molds people's social skills. Loneliness develops the brain's ability to think (or it sometimes does).

I personally think the social development that results from rejection is more painful than the metal development that results from loneliness.

I think viewing rejection as a learning tool is a good way to deal with it.

Some people engage in social situations expecting to have sucess, so you will fear the possibility of that expectative not being reached. To develop our social skills we need to deal with failure. We should engage in social situations just to see the results(be them bad or good) and learn from them.

The bad results are only scary when we have expectatives. We shouldn't have expectatives or objectives, just act like if we're doing a experience and studying the results.

Just talk to yourself, then you won't feel so lonely anymore. I've had many a good conversation like this. 🐰

Originally posted by Atlantis001
We can fear many things like rejection, loneliness, humiliaton, pain or losing our lives, but what exactly we fear ?

Is fear about losing something ? I mean, in a situation like rejection or loneliness. What we could possibly lose from these situations ? There is no life risk, no real danger. So why do we fear it ?

By an evolutionary perspective, we could say that these fears are related to survival. So we could say that we fear loneliness, for example because it is more probable for us to survive if we live in group. But I believe this provides more an answer to what is the function of these fears in nature, then to what those fears are about.

So what I am really asking is, for example, when we are in a situation where we could be rejected, or when we become aware of the possibility of being rejected or being alone, why we feel fear if there is no real danger ? Why do we fear it ?

Because for some people, living with the fantasy is better than knowing that fantasy will never come true.

Fantasising about asking a girl out, and you can imagine what it would be like if it went right. Ask her out and fail, and you've been robbed of even that. I wouldn't do that, but I think that's why.

-AC

Originally posted by Atlantis001
We can fear many things like rejection, loneliness, humiliaton, pain or losing our lives, but what exactly we fear ?

Is fear about losing something ? I mean, in a situation like rejection or loneliness. What we could possibly lose from these situations ? There is no life risk, no real danger. So why do we fear it ?

By an evolutionary perspective, we could say that these fears are related to survival. So we could say that we fear loneliness, for example because it is more probable for us to survive if we live in group. But I believe this provides more an answer to what is the function of these fears in nature, then to what those fears are about.

So what I am really asking is, for example, when we are in a situation where we could be rejected, or when we become aware of the possibility of being rejected or being alone, why we feel fear if there is no real danger ? Why do we fear it ?

Originally posted by ~KoK!~
I'm gonna be honest, I love rejection. It's FUN!

I know how to be your friend now. 😆

Well fro m a scientific stand point we fear rejection or loneliness because humans are a social creature ( I won’t use the term animal. I’ve never like the term when used for humans) which dates back to when we was on the bottom of the food chain. Safety is in numbers right? So with that said we still have this innate need to be around others even though we are on the top of the food chain. You can look at it from the stand point of a pride of lions. One lion is a powerful animal but it’s chances at life and feeling complete have dropped to a danger zone percentage, but in a pride the chances are greater for food ,and just basic all over conditions for life. Now same thing applies for a human. We fear this because it’s a proven fact that if we don’t interact with others we become more mentally insane in a sense. Perfect example is in prison when a inmate is placed in “the hole” or solitary confinement. I hope I’ve only given you something to think about. I didn’t go too in depth because I just got out of church and I need food. .lol