The Goat and The Junkie

The morning was going rather well, until I managed to wake up. I should have known that 8am was a bad time to fall into that pit of despair I call the waking mind, but instead crawled from my bed and got dressed, heading out into my car and driving off toward my classes for the day. No sooner had I made a sharp turn than my vehicle flipped three times, splitting my head open and causing me to bleed out until I was naught but a prune-like being. Just as I had lost all hope, I saw a cloven hoof and a wheelchair approach from teh distance and I knew... My soul was lost...

Yea, we know... you told us

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!

Originally posted by Mairuzu
Yea, we know... you told us

(Different thread, different idea. Patience, my padawan.)

As I stared down your retarded, split-head. I decided to defecate in it with vile eruptions that would soon mend your cranium back together. I pointed with my disgusting, diseased finger at a nearby Burger King which would aid us in our search for free paper towels to clean your shit and a roll of toilet paper that we can flush down the toilet while we pass gas and let the small kidnapped child smell it.

But I digest, and sooner or later we're off on some b*tch or other....what? Who's that? Tell him I'm not home right now, I'm on the internet......oh f*ck, see what I typed??!

So naturally, I pulled mysefl together, quite literally, and broke out my axe of DOOOOM! Somehow, the kidnapped child ended up unconscious and was chained to a wall with barbed wire or whatnot and covered in acid, the bloody mess only looking worse due to the nature of the Burger King's lack of a lack of hygiene, the mess spreading increasingly as the manager screamed some nonsense about f*cktards and random grease stains I'd left on the bathroom walls when I decapitated the acne-covered register-boy.

Don't lie to the people, just say the truth, I ate his organs and tossed his fecal matter at passerbys. Who says Oscar Meyer is wrong for our children?!

Well, I thought to tone it down for the underagers in the crowd, though if you insist, then so be it known that you also managed throwing a cannibal midget at the creepy-ass guy in the Burger King costume, thus causing him to have his face eaten off and his scabs oozed into the ketchup bins! Crackers! Crackers! But no squeezy cheese!

Dude, I swear, Burger King's mascot is like a serial rapist, look at him...

He might be a pimp?

Just maybe a pimp...?

He can't get with that....

http://www.humormeonline.com/images/photolaughs/BurgerKingCupHolder.jpg
What the hell?!

Oh whoops, sorry, this one's from my personal collection...

That's very tr--

What the HELL kind of personal collection is that possibly from? Nevermind, I dare not know, lest I be scarred for life...

Heheh... Injury humor...

Originally posted by Jericho Zerø
What the HELL kind of personal collection is that possibly from? Nevermind, I dare not know, lest I be scarred for life...

A lady never tells...

Oh, right-o, then. I smell waffles...

Originally posted by Jericho Zerø
Oh, right-o, then. I smell waffles...

Sorry, that was my bad.

Man, you should warn me, I had my nose open and everything...

Ah shitz

Indeed.

WTF?!

Wouldn't she see him there and like... Call the cops to report a stalker or something?

I bet there's a retarded kid in the King outfit... It would explain a lot...

It's Al Gore in there.

I had heard he was the clown from Mickey D's... Hm... Perhaps I was told wrongly? Someone has lied to me... I shall hunt down the bastards...