Marriage and Affairs

I was reading some studies in connection with social change in our society and one of those included marriage and infidelity.

Interestingly, while men are typically attributed to cheating in marriages, women, while still lagging, are quite near in numbers of those who have had an affair or a lover.

What are your thoughts on infidelity of men and women in marriage institutions?
What do you think causes people in committed relationships to have an affair?

Have you been in such situation? How, if at all, do you think it affects children?
Or if you were a child of a parent who was having an affair has it affected you at all and if so, how?

Is affair better option than divorce? Has the marriage in modern society mutated? Should 'sanctity of marriage' be kept and how is it important if at all?

Please do not bring religion into this - this is purely a discussion of a social phenomenon.

I think society needs to realize that everyone has urges, that everyone has the ability to hurt someone regardless of gender, and that no sex before marriage is idiotic. I think that before two people get married, both should be at least 28 years old, have had sex more than once with each other, and must be absolutely sure about their sexual orientation.

"Open Relationships" are the most logical structure imo. But without some real changed in our culture, most won't go for that.

I've always seen cheating as a symptom of deeper issues in a lot of cases, so placing blame squarely on the cheater isn't a good way to look at it.

Originally posted by King Kandy
"Open Relationships" are the most logical structure imo. But without some real changed in our culture, most won't go for that.

I've always seen cheating as a symptom of deeper issues in a lot of cases, so placing blame squarely on the cheater isn't a good way to look at it.

I concur. I think affairs stem from deeper issues and many are emotional as well as sexual.
I read somewhere that only 12% of those who cheated did so because the other woman was incredibly attractive. Other 88% did it for emotional fulfilment as well as sex.

IMO it's not even worth getting married these days.

Best to stay single, kept your own bank account and not have babies. People (men or women) are not capable of staying true to each other or having long term relationships.

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
I concur. I think affairs stem from deeper issues and many are emotional as well as sexual.
I read somewhere that only 12% of those who cheated did so because the other woman was incredibly attractive. Other 88% did it for emotional fulfilment as well as sex.

Definitely. I think there's a kind of gender double standard for cheating, and neither perception is accurate at all.

Men cheat because they're douchebags. Dump 'm baby, don't even bother thinking about any possible shortcomings on your part in this whole affair...

Women cheat because A. they're whores, or B. their marriage wasn't fulfilling, and it's just the guy's fault again.

Not a healthy attitude to have at all.

polyamoury for all!

Originally posted by Blinky
Best to stay single, kept your own bank account and not have babies.

That's got to be the least sustainable idea I've ever heard.

Originally posted by Symmetric Chaos
That's got to be the least sustainable idea I've ever heard.

"Sustainable" in what respect? For humanity? If that's what you mean, I could care less.

When I wrote "single" I should have said "unmarried", to be more clear.

A lot of foks will not agree with my opinion on this but FUDGE IT!

The fact is people don't take Marriage seriously these days. I can tell this from my family and the families of friends. There are too many single moms out there that get pregnant and expect the guy to wed them and be happy. Not the case, even worse marry another guy just so that the kid can have the father image. It may work and it may not work you're gambling 50/50 in that case.

Even worse is when people marry out of fear of been lonely. I personally think that's the reason why divorces continue to increase in our culture. People just marry out of fear of been alone and take the next thing to salvage. Now, I'm friggin 33 years old and my older aunts continue to worry about when will I tie the knot and shit. Well, sorry, ain't going to happen and when it does it will be when I know is the right time.

Love me for what I am.

Originally posted by inimalist
polyamoury for all!

Originally posted by inimalist
polyamoury for all!

Doesn't that sort of assume that all people really want to be polyamorous?

Joking aside, the existence of jealousy and evidence that women's brain chemistry changes after having children suggests that universal polyamory just wouldn't be very stable in the long term without massive leaps in medical science.

I take marriage pretty seriously, but i also think sex before marriage is something everyone should indulge in. find the right person, and make sure they're the right person before you commit to something.

I don't like kindly on infidelity, tbh.

Originally posted by lil bitchiness

Please do not bring religion into this - this is purely a discussion of a social phenomenon.

'The key to staying happily married is cheating, but you must never, ever, ever fall in love with the person(s) you're having an affair with and you must keep your spouse completely ignorant of the activities.' - A man much wiser than myself who shall remain anonymous

Originally posted by WickedDynamite
A lot of foks will not agree with my opinion on this but FUDGE IT!

The fact is people don't take Marriage seriously these days. I can tell this from my family and the families of friends. There are too many single moms out there that get pregnant and expect the guy to wed them and be happy. Not the case, even worse marry another guy just so that the kid can have the father image. It may work and it may not work you're gambling 50/50 in that case.

Even worse is when people marry out of fear of been lonely. I personally think that's the reason why divorces continue to increase in our culture. People just marry out of fear of been alone and take the next thing to salvage. Now, I'm friggin 33 years old and my older aunts continue to worry about when will I tie the knot and shit. Well, sorry, ain't going to happen and when it does it will be when I know is the right time.

Love me for what I am.

I actually agree with you. I think it's partially from desensitization in culture and partially because people enter marriage when they're financially unprepared and emotionally immature. It ****ing boggles my mind how many people don't know that like, "I'm person A and person C is in love with me. If I do action B, it will have an affect on person C." And it's not about marital sanctity or not having sex or conservative morals or whatever. It's about this slightly sociopathic inclination that many people seem to have in regards to relationships.

Originally posted by Bardock42
I'd argue that Religion does play a part in it.

It pays absolutely no part in any question I asked in original post unless a religious person offers a reasoning of 'Devil made him/her do it'.
Post clearly states that sociological perspective is being challenged and that person should not include religious aspects in answering the question about structure of our society.

It palys no part in answering why people cheat, nor how it affects children, nor should we save marriage for our society and if that is at all important and has marriage changed.

Again...unless you answer ''devil did it''.

Agreed, it pays no part in the discussion. Peopld do marry in a civil manner and just skip religious weddings and stuff.

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
It pays absolutely no part in any question I asked in original post unless a religious person offers a reasoning of 'Devil made him/her do it'.
Post clearly states that sociological perspective is being challenged and that person should not include religious aspects in answering the question about structure of our society.

It palys no part in answering why people cheat, nor how it affects children, nor should we save marriage for our society and if that is at all important and has marriage changed.

Again...unless you answer ''devil did it''.

Considering the concept of marriage/being faithful/staying together is heavily entrenched with religious ideals, Bardick42 does have a point, just saying.

You can ignore the religious aspect and your thread still works, though.

Originally posted by lil bitchiness
It pays absolutely no part in any question I asked in original post unless a religious person offers a reasoning of 'Devil made him/her do it'.
Post clearly states that sociological perspective is being challenged and that person should not include religious aspects in answering the question about structure of our society.

It palys no part in answering why people cheat, nor how it affects children, nor should we save marriage for our society and if that is at all important and has marriage changed.

Again...unless you answer ''devil did it''.

I disagree, the religious views people have, or also the ones the children of them have, do all play part in how it affects their children, it might even play part in why people cheat and it relates to other points raised in this thread.

I agree that the metaphysical aspects of religion are definitely not too important of here but the sociological and psychological impacts of it seem to be at least part of what you mean to discuss, no?