Would you date a insecure hot babe?

Started by Digi4 pages
Originally posted by jaden101
My last 2 were both way above me in the looks dept and both seriously insecure...Both times it was fun...1 ended cos she moved to the other side of the world but will most likely be picked up again when she's back at Christmas...

I learned this recently. If distance becomes a thing, don't try to make it work. Initiate the breakup but be psyched that you can stay friends, and actually put some effort into staying in touch. WAY easier to turn it into an occasional booty call when you or she is back in town.

Originally posted by Colossus-Big C
lol im not going to post picks of my ex here.

You're not great at picking up sarcasm, are you?

Anyway, I've mostly been a tool in this thread, but good luck with whatever you decide.

I already do ;]

Originally posted by dadudemon
I believe Skinner's version: 1995 (edit or 1996). But since I have not contrasted the locus, I think you're trying too hard with your "gotcha".

Skinner outlines, in 2007, her opinions on primary v secondary control in a paper replying to Morling & Evered. In fact, primary and secondary control are only modestly related to locus of control (locus would determine what cause one attributes to an event, thereby changing whether an individual thinks the event was under their control or not, but this is getting more into Perry or Rauthbaum's stuff).

In terms of how Skinner defines primary and secondary control, Primary control can be broken down into two parts: actually doing what you want (walking, for instance) or actions that facilitate this (getting a wheelchair, this type of primary control is what Heckhausen would call secondary control). Secondary control deals with accepting and adjusting to events beyond one's control. So, if you know you can't walk, you accept this, as in, you no longer fight against it cognitively, and you adjust to meet your new limitations/context. If you only do one or the other, you can end up with various stressors, etc, but that isn't too important here (acceptance without adjusting will lead to frustration because you will still try to behave as though you were in total control, adjusting without acceptance will lead to conspiracy/magical thinking). So, sure, locus, or the perceived locus, might change what an individual thinks is within their control, but is generally not necessary when talking about primary v secondary in general (and the locus for the woman described by C-big-C is patently obvious).

In Skinner's view, a loss of secondary control isn't really "possible". Or, not that it isn't possible, but it requires a change in a person's cognition that would change how they have adapted to or accept an event. This has not happened in C-big-C's scenario. This woman has lost primary control and has no secondary control strategies to compensate, so she uses primary control strategies. In Heckhousian terms, she is using facilitator primary control to achieve her primary control objectives, but there is no apparent change in her acceptance or adjustment. So, going by the Skinner/Morling/Thompson/Perry view, there is no loss in secondary control, going by the Heckhausen view, secondary control increases.

I'm still not sure how you think this relates to insecurity (or, I don't agree with you defining a loss of primary control as insecurity, though you seem to think this is acceptable). This convo is really not fun any more, and I need to stop when this happens, however, I did sort of want to throw this glib remark out there: I have studied this topic, this literal topic about primary and secondary control, under Raymond Perry. Look him up, he is one of the most prestigious control researchers in the world, currently doing groundbreaking stuff that looks at attributional retraining of people's "locus of control" (he wouldn't use that term) that has astounding results in classroom settings. The TWO major papers I did for the course, which both received over 90%, were investigating Morling & Evered vs Skinner, specifically dealing with their ideas of secondary control, with the second paper being a design of an fMRI study to verify Skinner's ideas. I know I don't do this type of thing very often, and it isn't really becoming, but honestly, you are just wrong here. Just wrong. I know, you will write out some huge reply to each sentence I posted, so, whatever. The fact remains you are trying to talk about what is a very complicated topic as though you can just gloss over it, without any care for nuance. Like I said, last word is yours, so feel free to explain why I'm mischaracterizing you or why your opinion on this is actually superior to my ill-informed one, because frankly, a lot of our discussions just seem to devolve into this type of thing and it becomes more stressful than entertaining. Its like arguing with a creationist sometimes.

Originally posted by dadudemon
TBH, you came off as being extremely ill-informed at how diversely "insecurity" is defined in psychology.

nono, you are confused, I am the one who is informed about how diversely the term insecurity is used in psychology, and how they aren't interchangeable, even though they have the same word in the term. I know, science is weird sometimes.

When I saw title insecure, I remembered how I worked in a club and a girl - one of the customers asked me, if I remember her, on which I "politely" replied yes and later on she was already assaulting me with kisses and considering her striking cuteness I couldn't resist. Is she counted as insecure? Or does it make me insecure as well? 🙂

Originally posted by inimalist
I know, science is weird sometimes.

So are comics!

Originally posted by Bardock42
So are comics!

I knew I could depend on you!

Originally posted by Colossus-Big C
I had this chick who was so insecure it was ****ing ridiculous. she wanted to be on the phone 24/7 literally. when i try to say im going to call her back because im busy(just an excuse) after being on the phone for [b]hours she gets frustrated. when she calls and i missed it(because im at work and my phone on silent) when i finally check my phone i see she had called over 20 times. she either does that or pops up at my job.

One time i made a mistake and left phone around her and she called my mother and cursed at her and called her a b*tch , because she though it was a girl texting me (because my mom calls me baby).

I left her and this stupid whore still thinks were together. [/B]

She's not insecure, she's crazy. Crazy like a ****ing wasp's nest.

And the first rule is: Don't put your dick into crazy.

I thought the rule was "feel free to put your dick in crazy, but make sure your ass is gone before she wakes up the next day"?

Originally posted by RE: Blaxican
I thought the rule was "feel free to put your dick in crazy, but make sure your ass is gone before she wakes up the next day"?

No man. My bro did just this, and Crazy came back with a baby.
You just don't put you wang into that.

Originally posted by inimalist
Skinner outlines, in 2007, her opinions on primary v secondary control in a paper replying to Morling & Evered. In fact, primary and secondary control are only modestly related to locus of control (locus would determine what cause one attributes to an event, thereby changing whether an individual thinks the event was under their control or not, but this is getting more into Perry or Rauthbaum's stuff).

In terms of how Skinner defines primary and secondary control, Primary control can be broken down into two parts: actually doing what you want (walking, for instance) or actions that facilitate this (getting a wheelchair, this type of primary control is what Heckhausen would call secondary control). Secondary control deals with accepting and adjusting to events beyond one's control. So, if you know you can't walk, you accept this, as in, you no longer fight against it cognitively, and you adjust to meet your new limitations/context. If you only do one or the other, you can end up with various stressors, etc, but that isn't too important here (acceptance without adjusting will lead to frustration because you will still try to behave as though you were in total control, adjusting without acceptance will lead to conspiracy/magical thinking). So, sure, locus, or the perceived locus, might change what an individual thinks is within their control, but is generally not necessary when talking about primary v secondary in general (and the locus for the woman described by C-big-C is patently obvious).

In Skinner's view, a loss of secondary control isn't really "possible". Or, not that it isn't possible, but it requires a change in a person's cognition that would change how they have adapted to or accept an event. This has not happened in C-big-C's scenario. This woman has lost primary control and has no secondary control strategies to compensate, so she uses primary control strategies. In Heckhousian terms, she is using facilitator primary control to achieve her primary control objectives, but there is no apparent change in her acceptance or adjustment. So, going by the Skinner/Morling/Thompson/Perry view, there is no loss in secondary control, going by the Heckhausen view, secondary control increases.

I'm still not sure how you think this relates to insecurity (or, I don't agree with you defining a loss of primary control as insecurity, though you seem to think this is acceptable). This convo is really not fun any more, and I need to stop when this happens, however, I did sort of want to throw this glib remark out there: I have studied this topic, this literal topic about primary and secondary control, under Raymond Perry. Look him up, he is one of the most prestigious control researchers in the world, currently doing groundbreaking stuff that looks at attributional retraining of people's "locus of control" (he wouldn't use that term) that has astounding results in classroom settings. The TWO major papers I did for the course, which both received over 90%, were investigating Morling & Evered vs Skinner, specifically dealing with their ideas of secondary control, with the second paper being a design of an fMRI study to verify Skinner's ideas. I know I don't do this type of thing very often, and it isn't really becoming, but honestly, you are just wrong here. Just wrong. I know, you will write out some huge reply to each sentence I posted, so, whatever. The fact remains you are trying to talk about what is a very complicated topic as though you can just gloss over it, without any care for nuance. Like I said, last word is yours, so feel free to explain why I'm mischaracterizing you or why your opinion on this is actually superior to my ill-informed one, because frankly, a lot of our discussions just seem to devolve into this type of thing and it becomes more stressful than entertaining. Its like arguing with a creationist sometimes.

I seriously did not read a single word of this. Why would you type something out that long that (most likely) no one would read?

Originally posted by inimalist
nono, you are confused, I am the one who is informed about how diversely the term insecurity is used in psychology, and how they aren't interchangeable, even though they have the same word in the term. I know, science is weird sometimes.

Sorry, no, you are the one confused. You sweepingly dismissed anther's notion by applying a narrow definition to his statement. I pointed that out and you seemed to lose it: got snarky and tried to play "gotcha" games.

Fact is: you know WAAAAAAAAY more than me about psychology. However, even I know enough to know what you did was a sweeping, hasty, improper dismissal. Instead of getting frustrated, defensive, and attacking, just say, "May bad. There are definitely ways it is defined out there that make it right. But I don't like those."

You kind of did say that at one point. So I guess I did get an agreement from you. Maybe I continued the conversation more than I should have?

And, no, sorry, you do not get to say you "informed me" about the diversity in psychology when it comes to emotional security/insecrity when that was one of my points to you. Just to point out why I think you're wrong, here:

Originally posted by dadudemon
...that is a specific type of insecure that is not at all representative of all the different "flavors" of "insecure" out there.

I want to say "me said it first" because it does seem childish that I am pointing this out/gloating about it.

And why did you try to shift the topic towards control? Seems like a nasty red herring, in retrospect. 😉 If I want to troll you in the future, I certainly know to mention the word "control". The gal in question certainly felt a loss of control and I do believe it covers both primary and secondary control. I do not think we can just generalize it to just primary (which seems to be the textbook, generic, justification). Do you agree? If not, why am I wrong (by Skinner's work from 1995/6...cause that's the only work I am familiar with).

Final point: I agree that "emotional insecurity" is not perfectly interchangeable by some uses. However, they are definitely not mutually exclusive (which I think you were trying to say that they were mutually exclusive...correct me if i am wrong).

Edit - I was brave enough to try some of your first section. Skinner does cover locus of control in some of her work in 1995. After rechecking, I do believe some of the things I studied in school also covered some stuff that was published in 1996, so I edited my post to include that (check to see the edit in that previous post, if that doesn't make sense)...but I cannot be sure. It's cool that you have primary work in the field of control: very respectable. To be right there mixing it up at the frontier of human psychology is commendable and just plain awesome. I will never pretend that you are dumb or uneducated when it comes to psychology: from the beginning, I said you were dismissing or ignoring. I never said you were ignorant. I hope that changes your perspective of my approach.

Alright, cut it out. Dadude, don't post to say you didn't read something- that amounts to spam and is borderline trolling. If you didn't read it, don't post about it.

Originally posted by Ushgarak
Alright, cut it out. Dadude, don't post to say you didn't read something- that amounts to spam and is borderline trolling. If you didn't read it, don't post about it.

Do you have any other suggestion in how I can advise that lengthy diatribes, that I already stated I was not interested in discussing, will not be read?

Also, was I reported for stating that? If not, then what about the other posts towards me that say similar things?

For instance:

Originally posted by RE: Blaxican

As I'm currently in a relationship and not a douche, I probably wouldn't.

Else? Sure. Insecurities can be overcome. But I don't find your typical platinum blonde with a bad tan Barbie to be attractive. I prefer the raven - chestnut haired-, ivory skinned woman.

The implication seems to be that the "typical platinum blonde with a bad tan Barbie" is insecure, while the "raven - chestnut haired-, ivory skinned woman" is not. Was that intentional, or were you just stating an unrelated fact about your attractions?

Originally posted by Bardock42
The implication seems to be that the "typical platinum blonde with a bad tan Barbie" is insecure, while the "raven - chestnut haired-, ivory skinned woman" is not. Was that intentional, or were you just stating an unrelated fact about your attractions?

You raise a valid point. My humor might just be so sophisticated that I'll have to just sarcasm-brackets around the sarcastic segments of my replies in order for people to comprehend it.

Going back to the topic. There are worse things than insecurities, a shallow persona for one.

What the **** is wrong with my English today? **** this I'm going to get a pizza.

Originally posted by Astner
**** this I'm going to get a pizza.

HEY!

That was my idea...

Originally posted by dadudemon
3. Pizza sounds delicious right now.
Originally posted by dadudemon
Do you have any other suggestion in how I can advise that lengthy diatribes, that I already stated I was not interested in discussing, will not be read?

My advice is- don't bother saying that at all. Just ignore it.

I'm never a fan of 'didn't read' responses, but in context yours was particularly irksome.

Originally posted by dadudemon
HEY!

That was my idea...


I think you subconsciously affected me to get a pizza, because I have a Marinara just next to me. Yes, I'm one of those slobs who eats in front of the computer.

Originally posted by Astner
I think you subconsciously affected me to get a pizza, because I have a Marinara just next to me. Yes, I'm one of those slobs who eats in front of the computer.

lol

Dude, you're okay. You still look very fit for being a supposed "slob".