My boyfriend is angry that I had sex quickly with my ex

Originally posted by dadudemon
KELLY!

I missed you. I was thinking about you the other day. I was wondering what you were up to, these days. How it is with you?

Originally posted by atv2
If you are going behind your boyfriend's back having sex with your ex then you deserve to be gone. You and your kind make it difficult for any good man to achieve a relationship. It's in your foolishness that you keep perpetuating stereotypes of good men being a myth. As difficult it might be for him to get over you, it would be justice for you to get out of his life. This is a foolish generation where it's common for a woman to go back to their ex's. The way you believe has hampered you from making any real progress in the world, the media's got you messed up like a child and the videos got you dancing like a marionette and you buck dance for the enemy. I bet you got your boyfriend thinking he's failure for your mistake. Made him feel weak for not having a powerful enough influence to remain faithful to him. However if the tables were turned, you'd want him to assume full responsibility for it. Guess again, you are responsible for your actions. Suffering isn't fair and doesn't have to come from wrongdoing but the wrongs of the other person. You made a bad choice and you will lose the trust that you once had for each other. He should move on with his life and heal, you wounded the relationship. Commitment is a serious thing in a relationship and never to be taken lightly. I would advise you to stay away from your ex because what you did to your boyfriend, your ex can do to you and can come with severe consequences that will drain your life. I hope you find spiritual and emotional healing within yourself, your boyfriend and your ex.

TS has not responded for months.

I assume it didn't work out.

Maybe she died?

Maybe John felt inadequate due to his girlfriend giving it so easily to a piece of crap and left her, thus leading her to be a alcoholic who in her despair broke her computer and has not gotten a new one?

Originally posted by Kelly_Bean
Hello, friend! I'm doing okay. It's pretty much "all work and no play" for me since I've been working 3rd shift for a few years! And yourself?

Learn how to read before insulting others.
This was BEFORE her current boyfriend.

Well, she mentioned that the past wasn't important and that's not true. Learning about the person's past is what helps the relationship move forward to a healthy present and future. For that instant when her current boyfriend found out that she had sex with her ex on the first date it stirred jealousy in him because he had to wait along time before they got any intimacy. But revealing that alone, the fact she had sex with her ex on the first date means she did not give herself time to build trust. Trust is a process not just something that comes on automatically. Sex should be saved for marriage not done during the relationship stage. For the fact her current boyfriend had to wait so long for any kind of romance and intimacy means that there could have been a period where she was still dealing with her ex and she hasn't gotten over him and this is common. New relationships can come but the woman can still feel emotional ties from the previous relationship that hasn't healed and when she enters the new one, the man in the relationship can suffer form past issues. If she is one to have had children from a previous relationship then it gets harder to fix the past and it is a greater requirement to confront it before moving onto the next relationship inside of the friendship stage. On that note having sex quickly during the first date can bring herself at a risk of being pregnant and she would had to bear a child and that is a lifetime commitment to the death. Sex is nothing to play with for the misuse of it can serve as a gateway to poverty. I had a lot female acquaintances and many of them were filled with great potential and they ruined themselves from their hunger for sex and pleasure.

We live in a society where pleasure comes before virtue. It is portrayed in the music videos and music has been a powerful tool to influencing the mind of the individual. Everytime we see an artist, they look popular with quantities of women, money, cars, sadly tattoos, drugs and alcohol. They are seen getting wild in parties even in campus and sadly religious settings. The music attracts the masses and the masses will go along with what they are conditioned to hearing. In the education setting, high school is one the hardest stages to overcome for the individual/teen struggles with the transition of adulthood. Relationships are more common, the desire for liberation comes in and therefore the need to rebel against parental guidance comes with it. There's not a lot of emphasis for moral value nor education for that matter, There's a lot of push for sex, fame and popularity, drugs and alcohol and it is being pushed into the youth at a quick rate. The need to control passions is important to prevent present and future damage.

As for her new boyfriend, it is wise to hold off on sex until marriage. Patience is a virtue. Patience does pay off in the long run. He should take the time to build trust before getting pleasure. A lot of relationships have suffered because trust and commitment was out of order and pleasure took precedence over it. As long as this was BEFORE they entered the relationship but I know ex-relationships can go back and forth and there is a chance that it could have happened during the new relationship and he should take more time to look into it and decide whether or not to take her back.

Originally posted by rotiart
You guys have been dating for over a year.. And at this point he's finding out that you were doing things with/for another guy that was potentially beyond anything he's had to date?

And a year later he's never really gotten the same thing? The problem now is that he will always feel like he's living in Mike's shadow...

If you don't do the same acts... John will feel like you really did like Mike more sexually and will feel hurt by the fact that you don't feel like he's a man.

If you do do the same acts then he'll still feel like he's living in Mike's shadow and you are only doing it now because he knows you've done it for Mike.

John's likely to feel inadequate for a while.

Basically it all boils down to the fact that you are making him feel like he's a loser or you are just settling for him and that you aren't really passionate for him like you were for Mike.

The best way to get out of Mike's shadow is abstinence.

AS FOR YOUR NEWLY YOUNG FRESH, BOYFRIEND, YOU'LL BE FORTUNATE. HE MAY BE MAD AT YOU FOR A MOMENT BUT IT SEEMS FIXABLE BUT I ON THE OTHERHAND AM NOT. MY LIFE IS A MESS AND IT FEELS LONELY. I'VE BEEN DISFIGURED, I DON'T FIT ON ANYSIDE; RACE, RELIGION, RICH AND POOR. I'VE BEEN A REJECT FOR EVERY PLACE I WAS IN. I TRY TO BE PATIENT BUT I'M BREAKING AND I'M BREAKING FAST. I USE TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY LIFE BUT NOW I'M FALLING APART. IT'S SO SAD THAT EVEN DRUG ADDICTS ARE FAVORED OVER ME. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WIN INTEGRATION AND I'M NOT GETTING ANYWHERE FAST. I TRY TO STAND STRONG AND THE TEMPTATION HAS BEEN STRONG TO FEEL LIKE A MISTAKE. THAT MY FAITH AND DEDICATION IN WOMEN WAS A FAILURE. EVERY TIME I SEE AN ARTIST IN A MUSIC VIDEO IT GETS ME JEALOUS BECAUSE THEY ARE FAVORED IN THE WORLD AND IT'S EVEN PLAYED INTO THE FAITH I BELIEVE IN AS A CHIRSTIAN. I'M BREAKING AND I'M BREAKING FAST. MY HOLIDAYS ARE EVEN MESSED UP, I AM UNDERMINDED ON THE HOLIDAYS; WOMEN TEND TO TELL ME THAT THEY ARE TOO BUSY TO MAKE ANY TIME FOR ME AND THAT'S A SHAME BECAUSE I'VE MADE SO MUCH TIME FOR THEM! I HAD TO PLAY THE BLACK SHEEP ON THE HOLIDAYS AND ON HALLOWEEN I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BE A "SPOOK"; I DON'T GET TO BE ME, I DON'T GET TO BE A SUPERHERO, I AM PROGRAMMED TO PUT ON THE COSTUME OF A "SPOOK"! MY SPOOK COSTUME DOESN'T STOP AT HALLOWEEN BUT IT GOES ON TO THE NEXT HOLIDAY AND THE YEAR TO COME. I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER LIVE UP BE A GOOD FATHER FIGURE; THE KIDS QUESTION MY LOOKS AND THEY ARE TERRIFIED INTERNALLY ABOUT ME. I DON'T KNOW WHEN THE SUN IS GOING TO SET FOR ME. I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
If I'm going to becompletely honest, I did what I did because I didn't want him to think that I was easy. And the harsh truth is that up until John came into my life, I sort of was a bit.

😆

Originally posted by FeelinGuilty
I know that guys marry different girls than the ones they party with. I wanted to be in the marriage category so I was kind of conservative with John.

Absolutely true of high quality men - which "John" may be one. And if he is, he will figure you out sooner or later. Such men don't commit to (i.e. marry) girls who are promiscuous.

But don't worry, you will always be able to find someone (see schmuck) who will accept your past.

Everyone must live with the consequences. I'm sorry if society made you believe otherwise.

Originally posted by n2nbaby
In fact, when I've tried to talk about it with my current boyfriend of a year, he just says he doesn't want to talk about it and changes the subject. It isn't something your partner wants to think about. Obviously you've been with other people, the past is in the past but we're in the present, we move on from that.

That is because your current boyfriend has no intention of ever marrying you (and you him).

In the OP's scenario, its time for her to "settle down" (wink wink 😉 ).

Originally posted by n2nbaby

You didn't do anything wrong if what you have posted is true. I don't go about telling everyone I've dated who I've slept with an such. It's irrelevant.

If it's so irrelevant and such a non-issue, I wonder why it is that girls with colorful pasts always try to hide it. You should loudly and proudly proclaim it.

There is a clear disconnect on how one really feels, and how they think they are supposed to feel (indoctrination).

Originally posted by n2nbaby
If he is angry over something so little and childish, get rid of him because there is no way you will have an actual relationship.

I completely agree. Every girl, including the OP should follow this advice.

Originally posted by Kelly_Bean
Hello, friend! I'm doing okay. It's pretty much "all work and no play" for me since I've been working 3rd shift for a few years! And yourself?

Learn how to read before insulting others.
This was BEFORE her current boyfriend.

You think I was insulting her? She was putting distance between her new boyfriend and she was still dealing with her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately this has been a common thing for a woman to go back and forth between her ex and current relationship. Sadly the emotional attachment was intense and she wasn't likely to get over him fast and she may have been looking for someone that would be like her ex. She really wasn't interested in her new boyfriend but she went along with him for convenience. It may seem that sex was withheld however that may not have been the only thing that was held out. Other intimacies could have been held back from him inside of the relationship. For this, the relationship exploded and he started losing trust in her. He suffered over her ex but he owes no apology for her. He doesn't have to apologize for being a good man, he was willing to be patient with her. Sadly the good man is being reduced to a myth and so is the virtuous woman. She can go on this forum and ask for opinions all across the site but ultimately it will be up to them to work out there differences.