I was going down an elevator with three or four women, all of whom were
strangers to me. At the first floor, I automatically stepped to one side
to let them all off. As the last one preceded me, she turned and said,
"When Women's Lib takes over, you'll get off first."
"Listen, lady," I said, smiling, "I'm a Woman's Lib-er myself. I want all
women to be free." "You do?" she said, rather astonished. "Yes," I said.
"I hate it when they charge."
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a
young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.? He stopped and asked
the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'? The boy replied, 'What turkey?'?
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'?
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted
under my arm!'? The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey
season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do
to you.? If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break
his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you.
So, what are you gonna do with him?'? The little boy said, 'I guess
I'll just kiss his a$$ and let him go!'
Man: "Good morning."
Doctor: "What's the problem"
The man whips out his dick. It is all red and swollen up.
Doctor: "We need to amputate it..."
Man: "You're crazy!"
And the man leaves.
He goes to a second doctor and the same thing happens.
Finally, at the third doctor...
Doc: "Good morning! What is the problem?"
The man again pulls out his dick.
Man: "Now tell me, do we need to amputate it?"
Doctor: "No."
Man: "Oh thank God"
Doctor: "It will fall off by itself."
There is a Jewish guy was disliked by just about every one he knew and screwed
over just about every one he met. So one day the guy dies and the Rabbi is
presiding over the funeral service. He is up in front of the congregation
and recites all the required prayers and performs all of the required
rituals. Then the Rabbi looks out at the audience and says, "Would any one
like to make comment about the deceased?" Dead silence. The silence
continues for a full minute, then two minutes, then three minutes. The
people in the audience are clearly becoming uncomfortable. Finally, one man
in the back row raises his hand and says, "His brother was worse."
Polar Bear cub goes to his mother and asks her “mom, am I 100% polar bear?”
She says, “Yes, your father and I are both pure polar bears, so you are too.”
Cub asks “You sure I’m not part grizzly or black bear? Maybe even panda?”
Mother bear says, “Yes, I’m positive. Why do you keep asking?”
Cub says “Because I’m really, really cold!”