So, here we go again! Part three of the Ush and Edna crush story, taking us through the summer of 2001!
Anyway. At the last part of the story, myself and Eleanor had now met and this was common knowledge on the boards. We had had a great time together, but what next? There were many problems tp be solved
The first priority was, of course, another meeting. And that Edna was able to organise quite quickly for the month after- and good Lord, never had time taken so loing to pass for me before! She came down to spend some time with her Grandmother in London and nipped over to see me in the meantime- this time to stay the night with me (BIG smile!).
Still. The early 'buzz' when either of us could no wrong had already passed. Myself and Elle had already had our first huge argument- there were to be many arguments- after I admitted something shortly after our first meeting. When she had first told me of her freaky on-line friend Darren who had upset her so much by going odd, whom she had once suspected she loved but then been terrified when it all went sour, I had visited her old forum and checked out all her old posts (telling only queeq that I had done so). I had done it because I was curious about her (I had done this before we had met) and I wanted to see the posts of this person who had dared upset her so. I had not told her, of course, because it was a rather freakish thing to do, especially to someone who had specifically been freaked out by a friend on-line and I thought it would ruin things between us by making me look the same. But after we had met I felt a moral obligation to tell her and.... well. It did not go well, we both shouted and yelled, and she was in tears and I was in tears and she cried herself to sleep that night cursing me and wanting to know why I was trying to ruin her life...
We both felt better in the morning but there was always a dangerous emotional intentisty between us at times, which that demonstrates.
The second meeting was less nervous than the first but still nervous. There were to be no assumptions; I could not carry on where we had left off before. She did not know how she would feel. But this time I was a lot more confident- I knew, for example (having talked it over with her) that it had been the lying down on ky bed that had relaxed her so much last time that had allowed things to happen. When she got to mine this time, the first thing we did was spend some time lying together out in the back garden, in the warm sun we fortunately had at the time. Before long, our hands had crept together again, we kissed once more- a LITTLE clumsily, but pleasantly enough, and my paranoias that the first meeting had been some ridiculous one-off dream were blown away and I knew that we had started something that was going to LAST...
To my amazement she decided to spend the night in my room (though not in my bed, before you wonder!). This was all moving far faster than I had dared hope, so fast I was terrifed of some backlash from her as she decided it would all be a big mistake. I remember smiling nervously at my mother as I waited outside my room as Elle got changed for bed, thinking "Oh hell, what the heck does she think we are doing in there?" I needn't have worried; my parents were simply delighted I had found someone to keep me happy at last.
I have never slept well since being ill. Nighttimes are my worst time. Somehow no matter what little achievements I could make in my life, it all seemed for nothing at night. I would cry and despair and smash my fist against the mattress and walls, and there were many times that I would not hesitate to say that if I could have pressed a button to end my own life. And for years I had desperately imagined the time I could have someone that I cared for and loved to be with me at night, whom I could look at at these dreadful times and say to myself "THERE! Look- THERE is someone who cares for you... things aren't so bad." It was always a ridiculous fantasy, the person who would be there was a ghost I could never see. And yet there she was. I did not sleep that night. Admittedly, a lot of this was because Elle would have to go fairly early the next day and we did not want to waste any time doing anything as silly as sleeping so we rolled and cuddled and kissed and had a thoroughly great time. But after she tired and went to sleep, I just watched her, still not daring to believe this could have happened.
All too soon she had to leave. And we worked on planning a future. "Good things don't happen to me," I told her. "If they seem good, they always go wrong." She said she would put that right. I told her that I could hardly be a decent partner for her with my illness and no money and my problems, She said she did not care. For my part, I told her I would make sure she never felt ugly and awkward and embarrassed again, and I promised to bring her out of the shell she had built for herself over years of embarassment. Did we love each other? We didn't know but we both agreed that most couples decided that they did too fast, so we reserved judgment for now. Oh, I WANTED to love her though. How much I wanted it! And I wanted her to love me too, and then everything would be perfect...
Meanwhile, we still posted a lot on the board. This thread:
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f11/t1299_1.html
Which I believe I also posted last time as a flirting example, is the one where we drop hints we have met again. The 'arm bruising' btw is where I cuddled her too hard... oops. But now the time is approaching where she will be around less.
She had already been around less before that second meeting. She had been doing her exams, her OH so vital exams! Getting into Medical school was not easy, but Elle was at a good school, she was a clever girl and if she did not cock things up she was due 5 As at A-Level which is pretty much the best you could get. There was to be no disturbing that!
She also had to pass her driving test, for she could not make up excused to come down on the train to see me forever! But she had trief fourt times and failed already- the last time she failed being talked about on the board, but I cannot find the thread... Elle was not a bad driver but her fear problem, which dominated much of her life, struck again when she was with the instructor and she messed it up each time
And she was going on holiday with school friends to Newquay that summer. GASP! Out of e-mail contact? But we mailed each other every day, how could we stop? I had started using ICQ to text her a lot, which was nice, but to make up for being out of mail contact she promised to write to me every day! So sweet... she even finally gave me her phone number, which she had forbidden me from knowing for so long! Only so I could tet her though. I was not allowed to call her! She called me, at last, a couple of times, to bring some more happiness to my day.
And then she was working hard all summer. But assuming she could drive again, we decided to meet again in mid-August, over six weeks away... it seemed like years to me, of course! She would be away from the board all this time, of course, hence me posting few links for this time. And when we met again, we would think about out future, if we had one.
One problem solved itself quickly.
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f11/t1300_1.html
Passing her test made Edna deleriously happy. It was a good time, with all the messages she sent me back then! But there was little time to talk more before she went on holiday, as he had been looking forward to doing so for so long...
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f11/t1320_1.html
Her holiday thread. Here I resolved to keep the board in contact with her whilst she was away. It all seemed rather fun! But my mood in there changes as it goes along, and here is why.
I texted her using ICQ many times each day. She texted me back about how the rain had flooded out her and her friends whilst camping, and how they had managed to set fire to one of their own tables, and how she had had fun in the clubs. Odd, I thought she did not like clubs... oh well. I got her letter written on the first day, as promised...
...and then everything stopped. Dead. She did not respond to my texts. There were no letters. I tried to phone her, and I got nothing.
Panic set in at once. First, was she ok? Maybe something horrible had happened. But no, it didn;t seem so... but there were still no answers. Nothing from her, at all. From Easter onwards I had been in contact with her every day and now that was gone. I didn't quite know what to do.
Oh God. Had she met someone else? Surely not, not after everything she had said to me... one of her friends there was an American guy named Nathan. She had told me before how she had fancied him from afar but he had never shown any interest in her. She had told me it was all in the past, but paranoid fantasies of what might have happened came through my mind. I stipped sleeping, and my life became a worry-and-stress filled nightmare.
She did text me back, when she got home, saying that she had deleted my messages to her by mistake and she had felt too membarrassed to write to me each day. She seemed cold, unfriendly. There was none of the friendly warmth. I sent her desperate mails, trying to get her to talk, but she said she was too busy.
Finally, a week later, she came to meet me in Raz's chatroom again. I asked her if there was a problem I should know of. She said there might be.
I was thinking, desperately, Don'tbeNathanDon'tbeNathanDon'tbeNathanDon'tbeNathanDon'tbeNathan...
She said that something had happened with Nathan, and I felt my world collapse around me...
...but as this is taking rather longer than I thought, I will leave the story there for tonight! I shall post part 3b tomorrow- there is a lot to come yet!