Joke Time [Merged]

Started by Agent44 pages

The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.

After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." (The crowd cheered).

The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, mine as well." (The crowd again cheered).

The third speaker, an aboriginal lady, stood up and said, "Afta lass year's conference, I wen home and tole dat lazy husban of mines, dat I was thru pickin up his beer cans and washing his undaweah and dat he was goin to haf to do dem himself. (The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes).

She continued, "Afta da first day, I nevah see nuffing. Afta da second day I nevah see nuffing, but afta da fird day, I could see a little bit outa my leff eye."

I sincerely hope I have offended someone...

a good joke for ya

there is a peackok in mrs jones garden but it jumps over the fence into mrs smiths garden and lays an egg and then jumps back over the fence into mrs jones garden who does the egg belong to? 😉 😉

It belongs to the peacock. Duh.

I a gree w/ drunk_nazgul, it's the peacook's egg

Re: a good joke for ya

Originally posted by simpson
there is a peackok in mrs jones garden but it jumps over the fence into mrs smiths garden and lays an egg and then jumps back over the fence into mrs jones garden who does the egg belong to? 😉 😉

no it doesnt because a peackock is a male bird and males cant lay eggs

So true. That was a good one. Can you give another?

😂

if there was a russian plane with all french passengers flying over china and the plane crashed into china and everybody died were would they berry the survivers?

france

Now what kinda sick person would bury the survivors?! 😛

oops

Me!

there were no survivers so how could they berry them

Two russians stand on a bridge. One is the father of the other one's son.
What is the relation between them? DOH!

Originally posted by simpson
there were no survivers so how could they berry them

OMG....some people!
survivors are just that....SURVIVORS! They are alive....that's why they are called survivors...LOL

They're married

yeah their married.

A Blonde Joke

There is a blond driving through the country. She has just died her hair brown because she is sick of being made fun of. She is really hungry. She stops at a farmers house and says "Hi! If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" Farmer says ok. She quickly counts them and says "91!" The farmer looks around puzzeledly and says "Ok. Take one." When the Blond is walking back to her car the farmer asks "If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?"

what did the blond say when the fone rang and she was ironing
ouch!