A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.
"Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't
stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring. He replies, "I have a
question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old
as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say
or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1,
you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single; and
I 'catholic too!"
"OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
He does and the Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road,
the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me Sister, but I have sinned. I lied. I must confess,
I'm Married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to
a Halloween party."
A blonde walks into a doctor's office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, "Doc, I hurt all over." The doctor is really confused. He says, "What do you mean, you hurt all over?" The blonde says, "I'll show you."
She then touches herself on her leg. "OW!!! I hurt there." Then she touches her earlobe. "OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!" Then she touches her hair. "OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!" So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for 5 min. Then he says, "Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?" The blonde says "Yes, why?"
The doctor says, "Well, you got a broken finger..."
Did you hear about the blonde that...
1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
2.Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
7. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C"
8. Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries.
9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.
12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.
13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds"
14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
15. What goes vroom-screech-vroom-screech', etc? A blonde at a flashing red
light.
16. Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down"
extremly wrong
Here's a couple that will make you want to go to church and beg forgivness just for reading them
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice in one day................wipe your bloody cock off on her teddy bears.
What sound does a baby make in a blender....................yeah I don't know either......I was to busy wacking off.
Heh heh, try and scrub those from your phsyche