A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart, and after much considerstion he decided upon a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and carefully chosen a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties. Without checking the contents he sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with this note.
"Dearest Darling, This is a little gift to show you that I have not forgotten your birthday. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked smart. I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other men's hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love."
He did not realize that the packages had been switched, and that he had unwittingly sent his girlfriend the pair of panties to her sister had just bought.
A bar gets a new bartender, which is a robot. The robot is programmed to speak to any intelligence level.
So a guy walks into the bar and orders a beer. "Very good sir," the robot says. "What is your IQ?"
"150," the man replies. The robot starts talking about astrophysics and bio-chemistry to the man.
Another guy comes in and orders a beer. "Very good sir," the robot says. "What is your IQ?"
"100," the man replies. The robot starts talking to him about sports.
Another guy comes in and orders a beer. "Very good sir," the robot says. "What is your IQ?"
"50," the man says.
"So," the robot starts, "are you going to vote for Bush again this year?"
Jokes!!!!!!
LETS SHOW OFF OUR SENSE OF HUMOR PEOPLE
starting with christmas
SANTA RESIGNS!!!!
T'was the night before Christmas and Santa was pissed
he cussed out the elves and threw down the list
Miserable Little brats, ungrateful little Jerks
I have a good mind to scrap up the whole works
I've busted my a$$ for damn near a year
Insteadof, "thanks Santa" Ehat do I hear?
The old lady B!tches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money the reindeer all fight
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Doner is pregnant and Vixen has aids
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those A$$holes fromThe IRS sent me a letter
they say I owe taxes if I aint damn funny
who the hell ever sent santa some money
and the kids these days tey are all the pits
they want the impossible those mean litle sh!ts
I spent the whole year making wagons and sleds
assembling dolls their arms their legs and heads
I made a ton of yoyo's No request for them
They want computers and robots they think I'm IBM!
Flying through the air dodging the trees
going down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job theres no more enjoyment
i'll sit on my fat a$$ and draw unemployment
theres no christmas this year, now you know the reason
I found me a redhead and I'm gong down south for the season