Joke Time [Merged]

Jokes

Originally posted by Ronny
Jokes

Right..right.

so a man and a turtle walk into a gynecologists office...stop me if you've heard this one...

Oh forget it...

Why did the chicken cross the road?Because he wanted to get to the other side!JM

i have one 😱

ok so lil johnny is having his first sex ed class and the teacher has two posters up... one of the male body and one of the female body.

"A woman has one vagina. A man has one penis" the teacher announced, "any questions or comments?" Lil johnny raised his hand, reluctantly the teacher said "yes Johnny?"

johnny replied, "Thats not true," the teacher looked a little taken aback, "how not?" she asked.

"My daddy has two penises one about 3 inches long he pees with, and the other about 9 inches long he brushes the babysitters teeth with"

Why did the dead poodle cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken

There once was this Black and White Knight on a Black and White Horse, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the King’s daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Knight replied: "I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry the King’s daughter."

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Knight proceeded up to the King’s chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the King.

"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Knight.

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the King told the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse. "Your first task is to slay the dragon in the mountains".

On the Black and White Knight's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"

To which the Black and White Knight replied "I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry the King’s daughter."

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Knight then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Knight replied "I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry the King’s daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Knight proceeded up to the King’s chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the King.

"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Knight.

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the King told the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak ".

On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Knight replied "I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry the King’s daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Knight replied "I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry the King’s daughter."

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse proceeded up to the King’s chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the King.

"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Knight.

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the King told the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."

On the Black and White Knight's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Knight replied "I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry the King’s daughter."

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.

On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Knight replied "I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry the King’s daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse proceeded up to the King’s chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the King.

"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Knight.

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White Horse. May I marry your daughter now?"

"OK."

Originally posted by Ronny
i have one 😱

ok so lil johnny is having his first sex ed class and the teacher has two posters up... one of the male body and one of the female body.

"A woman has one vagina. A man has one penis" the teacher announced, "any questions or comments?" Lil johnny raised his hand, reluctantly the teacher said "yes Johnny?"

johnny replied, "Thats not true," the teacher looked a little taken aback, "how not?" she asked.

"My daddy has two penises one about 3 inches long he pees with, and the other about 9 inches long he brushes the babysitters teeth with"

😆 😆 OMFG! Ronny! I'm blushing!😉

Heaven is: A French cook, a German mechanic, a British policeman and an Italian lover, all run by the Swiss.

Hell is: A British cook, a French mechanic, a German policeman and a Swiss lover, all run by the Italians.

Originally posted by Canadian Moose
😆 😆 OMFG! Ronny! I'm blushing!😉

Ok so this dude walks into a bar and orders drink after drink. Finally on his 12th one the bartender says "Whoa son go easy, what's the occasion?" The man replied "I just turned 21 and got my first blowjob." The bartender said "Oh well congrats! Lemme buy you another drink!" The man replied "No that's ok, I think that last one washed the taste out of my mouth."

hysterical

Originally posted by Mane
Ok so this dude walks into a bar and orders drink after drink. Finally on his 12th one the bartender says "Whoa son go easy, what's the occasion?" The man replied "I just turned 21 and got my first blowjob." The bartender said "Oh well congrats! Lemme buy you another drink!" The man replied "No that's ok, I think that last one washed the taste out of my mouth."

😆 That's good.

Who likes the black and white knight joke?

I didnt get it.

WHEN A WOMAN SAYS

"THIS PLACE IS A MESS! c'MON YOU AND I NEED TO CLEAN UP THE HOUSE. yOUR STUFF IS LYING ON THE FLOOR AGAIN AND YOU''' HAVE NO CLOTHES FOR WORK TOMARROW iF WE DON'T GET ANY OF THIS LAUNDRY DONE RIGHT NOW!

WHAT MAN HEARS

(BLAH BLAH BLAH c'mon
blah blah blah you an i
blah blah blah on the floor
blah blah blah no clothes
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

Ok so a chipmunk eats an ear of corn then regurgitates it but just then a passing clown eats it and proclaims himself queen of the netherlands but just at that moment a traveling salesman unites them both in matrimony and they become good friends and order a pizza with pepperoni. MMMMMMMMM

An old guy is lying on his deathbed, and he says to his beloved wife
"You were there by my side when I was drafted up to go to war. You were there by my side when we lost all of our money on the stock market. You were there by my side during all of the bad times in my life. And now you're by my side on my deathbed. You know, dear,

Spoiler:
You're a jynx

.

I hate you frodo
The second one was decent though, although everything involving germans is heaven anyway

The blonde brunette and red head were running from the cops and they find three sacks on the side of the road they all hid inside of them and the first cop poked the bag and the brunette goes "meow meow" the redhead goes "woof woof" and then the blonde went "potato potato"

😛