"You should know this..." Buddy found himself somehow weak in her presence now, open and vulnerable, if only for this night, in this moment.
"about Sarah..." he wondered how much he should say of the story, the truth of everything that had-- and had not-- happened.
"When I met her, it was the lowest time of my life... I haven't had an easy way of it, not much in the way of family to call my own... I was a fighting man, in the Army, for a time, under the command of Charles Posthelwaite ((see Kevin Costner's OPEN RANGE for some few more details on this))... we were allowed... commanded to do some very bad things in the name of freedom and democracy... I was a pretty fair shot with a rifle, at purt near any range, and I was called upon to put the skill to good... evil... use.
After I left the Army, I thought i could leave it all behind, all the killing, everything... but, there are some folk out there who won't let it lie, let it alone, leave it be and let it die... dreams and those people haunt me...
Sarah saw past all that past, the history of death and hatred for our fellow man, and she made me love her for that caring... same as you, here now... but she was so much more than I could manage, she wanted, needed more, always more... I couldn't keep up, couldn't keep her, and could hardly hope to even try... men of wealth and power moved in, swept across the West from the East, and took over... I promised to marry her, everything was set, but the time was never right, my head and heart just weren't in it...
I couldn't shake the nightmares from my head, except in the bottom of a bottle of whiskey... and so, I spent a great deal of time in those bottles, and less and less time and attention on Sarah... and she needed that time and attention, and found it in another's arms... I lost everything the night I challenged that man to No Limit Hold'Em poker...
that's why I ran away from camp the night I heard of your engagement, not because I don't care, but because I DO! There are still so many things I have to face before I can take a woman as my wife, demons to conquer, dreams to fulfill...
it won't be truly right being with you, until I have put everything else from my past to rest... I hope you can manage the wait, I don't know how long it might be. But, if you can't, and if the safety and security of your people and your fiancee's tribe is that important to you now, I will understand...
do you understand, Beautiful Flower?"
he looked at her sideways, and smiled, shaking his head slightly...
Catori had fallen fast asleep there in his arms, by the warm glow of the campfire, while he opened his whole heart to her...
((or at least, maybe she was faking it... like women sometimes do! 😄 ))