Hp jokes

In his third year, one day Harry Potter walks near the zoo park, suddenly a Lion break out and attacks a few kids who happened to be there. Hary takes out his wand and immobilized the lion, so the kids were safe. Next day Rita Skeeter writes in Daily Prophet:

'A brave ministry wizard saves the children from a Lion attack'

Harry writes to the newspaper anonymously saying that he is not a ministry wizard, but a Hogwarts student. So the next morning the daily prophet first page sees the following article:
'A Slytherin Student saved a group of children from an angry Lion'
This time Harry decides to come out publicly, so he writes again to the Daily prophet saying that in fact he is a Gryffindor student, and signs the letter. The next day the front page of the daily prophet:
' THE UNBALANCED, ATTENTION SEEKING, MENTALLY RETARDED HARRY POTTER KILLS THE LOCAL CHILDREN’S PET, A PEACEFUL LION FROM THE ZOO PARK'

Some of Hagrid friends asked him what he would do if a lion attacks Madamme Maxime. Looking confused Hagrid rushed to reply:
' Nothing! the Lion should've though better'

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This one is a bit rude
... The Weasleys decieded to have diner out side in a Restournat. So by the time when they were finished Mrs Weasley asked for the bill and told the waiter: 'Can you please pack the remaining for our dog'. Hearing that Ron jumped: Huray! We will get a dog'

Luciuse meets Mrs Goyle, having lost touch since Voldermort came publicly he inquires for the health of her husband:
" How is Mr. Goyle'?
Hearing this Mrs Goyle puts her head down and says:
' My husband is dead Luciuse for 3 months now'
Surprised from the news he asks:
" how come? What happened?'
' A spell hit him in his finger'. Replied the lady again
' But how can a wizard die because of such injuries', Luciuse was even more confused
‘The problem is', continued Mrs Goyle, ' that when it hit him, he had the finger in his nose'

In his first yea, Ron runs through the corridors frighten to death. Accidentally he bumps to Professor Snape.
‘What the … Where are you running you prat?’, asked Snape
‘ Sorry Professor, I just saw a ghost’, replied Ron, in that particular moment Minerva who was on her way to the class passed by them and decided to stay.
‘ Minerva ‘, saluted Snape while she nodded
‘And…’, Snape asked Ron curios to find out,
‘ I tried to touch him…’
‘ You silly boy’, yelled Snape
‘ And the Ghost yelled back telling me to go to Hell’,
‘ and you came straight to Professor Snape. did you?’, concluded Minerva

That was a good one... lol

Voldemorts pink tutu where did you come up with all those MSK they rule hun huggles

I will add some more soon. Some invented, some combined and adopted to HP situations.
😉

Nice one dearest you rule as always Uni winkiss

MSK MSK WERE FOR ART THOUGH MSK

Hagrid comes to work one day with one black and one white shoe, in that particular day Dumbledore is not at Hogwarts so Snape is the acting Headmaster. When Snape sees Hagrid with two different shoes he hits the ceiling: ' I want you immediately to go back in that house-to-be of yours and change the shoes! You are a professor in this school, and you should behave like one!'.
So the poor Hagrid goes back and after a while reports to Snape: ' Ya see here Snape I have a problem at home, the shoes there are not a pair as well, one is black and other one white, so it would be the same if I replace them'

Hagrid was sent on a secret mission for the Order in a strange village, thus he decides to sleep in a hotel. But since there were no one bed-rooms free, they placed him in a double bed room; the other bed was occupied by a train driver. Hagrid asked the receptionist to wake him up at 05:00 in the morning. Once he was awake he started putting on his cloths and then he went outside, but since he did not put the light on it turned that he took the train driver’s cloths. Once he reached the part of the street where the street light was stronger he saw that something was not ok and jumped: “ Stupid receptionist ! Instead of me he woke up the train driver!’

Originally posted by tigress
Nice one dearest you rule as always Uni winkiss

Only in ur shade luv

Long time since the last joke, I will post few

No. 1
Stan Shunpike is chased by an auror suspecting him being a death eater, just before Stan was arrested.
The old tired auror screams at Stan:
‘In the name of the Law Stop !Right Now ! ‘

Stan continues running and responds:
‘ You stop! Nobody s chasing you! ‘

No.2
Many years after the Deadly Hallow, Ron pressured by Harry’s children and his own decides to tell them about the old days, when Lord Voldermort was in power:

-‘ Voldermort got us all, some 10 wizards from the anti Voldermort movement. I was the only one from the Order. He took his wand out and hissed with his snaky voice: -‘Avada Kedavra!’ – the first one died immediately’
‘Avada Kedavra!’ – the second did as well. He continued until my turn came’
‘Avada Kedavra!’- nothing happened ‘
‘Avada Kedavra’! – nothing happened again’
‘I felt so uncomfortable…

😂 These jokes are so funny! I read the whole thread! Keep them comming!

Ok here comes one, but it is not that good:

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It happened one day that Hagrid and Narcisa Malfoy were walking the same road. Moreover, they started conversing about different matters. Suddenly a mirror that was laying on the ground took Narcissa’s attention. She immediately bent over and exclaimed with amazement
‘My god I’m so beautiful’.
Following her example Hagrid did the same and equally surprised replied: ‘ It doesn’t look to me!’

lol you rock at jokes unicor! keep them coming plz! 😮‍💨 🤘 🤘 👆 ✅

RON Weasley:

Ron comes from work, and there is a small note for him at the dining table: ‘ Mom is sick, I had to go’. He continues to the fridge to get something to eat and there is another note for him: ‘ the meal is ready just warm it in the oven ’- so he does. Then the evening comes, he goes to the bed, getting border and thinking what to do… when he sees another note: ‘ Dream about me. Love Hermione’ . He gets tired and jumps from the bed and continues to the corridor, get the shoes… when there is another: ‘ Where the hell are you going?’.
*********************
Ron asks Levender: ‘Are you free for the next dance?]/i]’
She excitedly replies: ‘[i]Yes I’m’!
‘ Can you please get me another beer?’

Now about Hagrdi:
Hagrdi is divorcing and the judge reads the verdict:
‘ The court has decided that the amount of alimentation to be paid to the wife is 300 pounds’. To this, the obviously satisfied Hagrid replies:
‘ Very nice from ya Mista judge, I wou also add 30 pounds to that’
*************

Before Hagrdi got the licence to access the forbidden forest he had to undergo a test. The tester asked him: ‘Name me 5 wild animals‘? Hagrid replied: ‘ Unicorn, Dragon and Three spiders’

😆 Good ones :]
I lk the first Ron joke the most 😄

After Dumbledore’s death Snape become the Headmaster. In exercising his powers one day Snape decided to put the bridge at Hogwarts out of bounds, so he placed a sign ‘THE BRIDGE IS DESTROYED!’. After what, each morning he would comfortably seat at his office and watch the bridge through the magical mirror, admiring his authority as the staff and the students didn’t dare to cross. But one morning his pleasure was spoiled by Hagrid who was walking though the Bridge carrying something in his hands. Snape became furious and with Dumbledore and his magical protection gone he appearated on the Bridge. But the sight astonished him, Hagrdis was carrying a transparent reading: I M SWIMMING!