Re: Re: to spank or not to spank....that is the question
Originally posted by Samurai Guy
A more pressing issue:Do our youth have TOO much freedom?
A child will act up if they get the urge. Sometimes they do no know any better and a heart to heart conversation will set them right. If they push the envelope, they need a wake-up call. They cannot do that.
The world will not be so leniant on them. They need to learn how it is.
Originally posted by Linkalicious
bullsh!t.you haven't even reached the age of defiance yet. Wait until one is 9 and the other is 7. then you tell me about "earning respect."
your children are still crying when they don't get the toy they want at Toys R Us.
*shrugs* They do that already. It's not a big deal. Or my 3 year old throws herself on the ground in the middle of a store screaming, enough to get my blood boiling...and after asking her to get up, and she is stubborn, I'd be best to go over and slap her ass. I'd feel pretty damn powerful then.
I assume that I slaped my son in his arse one or two times in five years. And that was enough. And I am not proud of it but it seemed to be the best option at that time. But now I am sure it wasnt
I dont shout to him and avoid to scare him.
Respect is built by both: father/mother/son
As bad as spanking is to do not have respect in your relationship.
Your example will be follow by your childs
My son respect me and I dont have to use any kind of extreme measures. Just some withdraw of privileges as Finti wrote.
sneaking that "punishment" is part of our life. What matther is fathers attitude.
I avoid spanking and I was never was spanking
And what Link said about spanking in USA makes me understand easily what is happening in that country of believers. If your quote is true I wish you welcome to the Third world in educational and social politics.
And answering to Finti and Canadian mouse..yours fathers can be strongers but mine was smarter 😛
Originally posted by Linkalicious
i keep hearing "other methods" but no one other than finti is willing to give an example.
Natural Consequences
This means mom and dad aren' t always the bad guys. When you can simply let the consequences of your child' s actions teach what behaviors are acceptable. When your daughter breaks a toy she doesn' t get that toy anymore. Don' t buy her another one and don' t necessarily fix it even if you can. Your daughter will soon learn to take care of her things. If your son doesn' t take his dirty clothes to the laundry room don' t go get them and don' t nag. When he runs out of things to wear he' ll understand why this behavior is required.
Another form of natural consequences may not be quite as natural, but is very effective. Sit down with your family and discuss the rules. You suggest some and let them suggest some. Then discuss the consequences if these rules are not followed. Children will often think of much harsher punishments then you will. When you agree write the rules down followed by the consequences if they are broken. This works especially well with teenagers. Next time a child breaks a rule refer to the list of consequences. You are not the bad guy, it was their own choice and now they must be held accountable.
Redirection
When a child is little he forgets easily and often his emotions come before his thoughts. At this stage a child may strike out or throw tantrums. Try to stop these by watching out for them and redirect the child before they start. If you see your daughter come and take away your sons toy, instead of scolding or spanking, simply take the toy and give it back. Then ask your daughter if she wants to come help you cook or play or anything else as long as it is appealing to that child. The key is to offer the child something else to do to get his mind off whatever was about to cause a fight.
Originally posted by Linkalicious
so what do you do when:or does that not happen because your children respect you?
It happens because they are children. Children act like children. If they get into a confrontation at school, do you want them to automatically resort to physical violence? Because that is what they will learn. "Well, when mom and dad are mad at me, they hit me, so I guess that is what I do too" and in today's day and age, I don't want my kids to start that, because the other guy is likely to have a knife.
Originally posted by Corlindel
And what Link said about spanking in USA makes me understand easily what is happening in that country of believers. If your quote is true I wish you welcome to the Third world in educational and social politics.
it's not true, it's a gross exageration. Note the Tomcat smilie i used next to it.
and what pre-tell is going on in this "country of believers" ???
I'm not nearly as violent as my arguement leads on. I am a very patient person when dealing with other people's problems in real life and I personally feel it would take a whole hell of a lot more than a tantrum or a public scene for me to strike out at my child.
But i most certainly wouldn't say that a child couldn't push me over the edge to the point where I would spank them. Especially after putting in a 9 hour day at work...
Originally posted by Canadian Moose
It happens because they are children. Children act like children. If they get into a confrontation at school, do you want them to automatically resort to physical violence? Because that is what they will learn. "Well, when mom and dad are mad at me, they hit me, so I guess that is what I do too" and in today's day and age, I don't want my kids to start that, because the other guy is likely to have a knife.
how about the logic "ok, when i piss off my parent, and continue to constantly annoy them and push their buttons...it causes them to hit me"
not "i said "no" to my dad, and he punched me in the face"
and we're talking about disciplining 6-10 year olds....how many freaking 6-10 year old kids bring knives to shank their fellow students if they get into a fight?
Moose do you know what I think of when I see a child that throws themselves on the floor throwing a temper tantrum like that in a store? My exact thought is someone needs to pick that kid up and give them a pop on the ass.
I dont buy into to this ignore the behavior and it will stop stuff. Why does everyone has to listen to your kids screaming and whining?
Originally posted by Linkalicious
woah...even more absurd commentshow about the logic "ok, when i piss off my parent, and continue to constantly annoy them and push their buttons...it causes them to hit me"
not "i said "no" to my dad, and he punched me in the face"
and we're talking about disciplining 6-10 year olds....how many freaking 6-10 year old kids bring knives to shank their fellow students if they get into a fight?
Ummm...do YOU read the news? There are LOTS of things like that happening. Kids in grade school...bringing knives and guns to school. so no THAT is not an absurd comment.
My ex husband has two daughters that were aged 4 & 5 when we first got married. The youngest had a bad habit of deciding she didnt want to walk anymore in a store or whatever and she would throw herself on the floor and scream bloody murder. After about 4 months of this crap, she pulled that on me when we were at a local grocery store. I grabbed her by the arm up off the floor and popped her ONE on the ass and it never ever happened again.
Originally posted by WindDancer
If a child misbehaves in public you order (yes ORDER becuase is quite obvious discipline must be enforce) to stop it! If he disobeys the order then wait till get home and punish him/her take away toys and TV and make them sit at the corner.
and what happens if they continue to misbehave in public the entire time that you are out because you are not willing to do more to discipline them?
You haven't solved the current problem, all you've done is push it aside until you can get home to do something about it.
what's your angry tone going to do to a child, if they don't fear what results from that angry tone?
"woah, dad's about to burst a blood vessel in his head he's so mad....oh well, guess i'll just keep running around making a scene...he won't do anything to me"
Originally posted by Jedi Priestess
Moose do you know what I think of when I see a child that throws themselves on the floor throwing a temper tantrum like that in a store? My exact thought is someone needs to pick that kid up and give them a pop on the ass.I dont buy into to this ignore the behavior and it will stop stuff. Why does everyone has to listen to your kids screaming and whining?
And you are entitled to opinion, that is fine. Like I said, I've seen the effects that it can have on children and I don't agree. I just can't stand comments like
i have seen kids who havent been spanked and they have no fear of their parents at all. when your kids dont fear you (to a certain extent) whats to stop them from doing anything they want and know they arent going to be spanked?
Children should not have to fear their own parents.
Originally posted by Jedi Priestess
My ex husband has two daughters that were aged 4 & 5 when we first got married. The youngest had a bad habit of deciding she didnt want to walk anymore in a store or whatever and she would throw herself on the floor and scream bloody murder. After about 4 months of this crap, she pulled that on me when we were at a local grocery store. I grabbed her by the arm up off the floor and popped her ONE on the ass and it never ever happened again.
Must have made you feel pretty powerful.