A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"
Originally posted by JLred
Three people are applying for the F.B.I.. Two men and one woman. They each do acceptable in the obstacle course and the testing, next comes the loyalty test. They bring in the two wives and the husband. They give them each a gun with blanks and tell them to kill the spouse. They each try but come out saying they can't. The girl goes in and they hear fires. Then a series of banging. She walks out all bloody and says" The gun was full of blanks so I had to use the chair."
i heard that one off of funny.com
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
a blonde walks into a pawn shop and asks the man "sir, can i buy that television?" the man replies
"we don't sell to blonds." the next day she walks in with a red wig and asks the man again
"sir, can i buy that television?" the man replies
"we don't sell to blonds." the next day she dresses up like a man and asks him for a third time
"sir, can i buy that television?" the man replies
"we don't sell to blonds." she yells how does he know that she is a blonde woman, the man says "because thats not a television, thats an oven"
Tree guys die but have each done an equal amount of good and bad thing in their life. So they get to choose whether they want to go to hell or to heaven. So first they go to hell to see what it's like and their's a golf course and beer and babes all around, the three guys loved hell but thought they should go and see what heaven was like. So they went to heaven to see what it was like, and it was pretty and beautiful, but no golf course no beer no babes, so they decide they want to go to hell. When they get their it's all fiery and hellish, and the devil walks up to them and the three guys ask where the golf course and beer and babes wear, and the devil says, well that was just our campaign.
A group of students had a biology lab. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope.
But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were.
"Those are sperm cells."
i thought that was supposed to be about a senator who went through all that. oh well. i think i should join in the festivities.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Blondes dont screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
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What do you call five blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.
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Why are blonde jokes so short?
So red-heads can remember them.
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An old man walked into the hospital to the receptionist and asks her if he could see the doctor. She asks him "What for?" He says "well my penis is broke." Receptionist hollars at him saying he shouldnt talk that way cause of embarrassment. Well he leaves and comes back, once again asking to see the doctor. She ask him again "What for?"
This time he says "My ears broke" She asks him how he knows this. Man replies "Cause i cant pee out of it.
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John and Bob are at a local town bar, drunk out of their minds. John tells Bob hes going home. Well Bob wants some more beer so he tells him go ahead he will see him tommorrow. About 5 miles down the rode a circus preformer is pulled over by the police and is questioned about his speed. The officer then notices knives in his back seat and asks him about that. The preformer tells him that he is trying to get on to the circus cause he is the knife juggler. Officer demands proof of this or he will place the preformer in jail for speeding. Well just about that time, John is passing in his car. He about runs off the road to get to the nearest payphone. He calls the bar and asks to speek to Bob. John says "Hey Bob, when you start to go home, dont take the interstate. They are giving a sobriety test aint no one gonna pass!!"