Good joke

😆

One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.
"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?"

"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.

"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with your

"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"
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Three guys are sitting in a bar when the first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have an automatic garage door."

The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she has a cellular phone antenna on her car and she doesn't even have a cellular phone."

The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of rubbers and she doesn't even have a dick."
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A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns.
"Give me a Budweiser, or...!"
"O-o-o-o-r-r-r w-what?" stammers the bartender.
"A small Coke."
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There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained
"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"That's O.K.," says the husband, "we were banned from the supermarket, too."
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There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been friends for a long time. One day the deacon got sick and was put in the hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend.
When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, ''How ya doing?''

The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. ''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died.

At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.''

The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!''

I have some....NOTE: SORRY IF THESE ARE OFFENSIVE. I DONT MAKE THE JOKES.

How does a blonde turn on a light after sex?
She opens the car door

whats the difference between a blonde and a rooster
one says "cock-a-dodle-doo" and the other says "any-cockle-do"

once upon a time there was a scottish man, english man and an irish man. They are walking along an endless desert and come across a lamp, they rump the lamp and a genie appears. They each get one wish each. The scottish man asks to be brought back ti his homeland where he can be with his family. The English man asked for the same - to be brought back to his homeland where he can raise a family.
The irish man began to say "well, i am quite lonely now, so can you wish back the scotsman and englishman back here"

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Two Irishman are playing a game of pool on holiday in their hotel. They have been playing for over 2 hours and haven't potted 1 single ball. This draws a crowd of spectators (some german, some english, some dutch ect). They are becoming quite embarassed at this and one Irish man turns to his opponent and says
"This is becoming rediculous, right for the next game we are going to have to cheat.
The other Irishman replied "How are we going to do that?"
The first man replied "we will take the triangle off"

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You of out piss the taking is fu.cker clever some that realise you when time in point this at is it
CONFUSED?

Now read it backwards...

Originally posted by Fearnix
Joke :

a pedofile dives up to a child and say's "i'll give you a sweet if you come in my car"

the child reply's "i'll cum in your mouth for the whole bag"

😆

Originally posted by Fearnix
What's black and blue and hates sex?

A rape victim.

😐

Originally posted by eggmayo
Fabian, you derogatory, offensive pig. Welcome back.

🙄

Those jokes are like statistics- they seem to support a certain "truth" but actually don't and IMO they MOCK the bullshit that some people would present, with a straight face, as fact... We're laughing because its irony- the punchlines describe an outcome/situation that is NOT what we would expect, NOT representational of our beliefs. It's that little shock of OMG WTF that is followed by laughter.
__OK, a warning that the joke might "triggor" for some people would have been a good thing. That was an unfortunate oversight on Fearnix's part.

mock people?....no way, thats not possibly what jokes are about 🙄

The rape victim joke just cracked me up. 😐

What does J.Lo and a doorknobs have in common?
Everyone gets a turn.

Hilariouse 😐

How can you light up a blonde's eyes?
You put a flashlight in her ears
____________________________________________
How can you tell if your food has gone bad?
When it starts dancing for you.
_____________________________________________
these are REAL:
Someone got a prepared meal from a store, which was packed in a plastic plate, wrapped with foil. On the bottom of the plate it said:
"DO NOT TURN OVER". Oops, too late 😮
_______________________________________________________
A friend of mine told me that she had a neighbour who burned her mouth. Here's how:
She had a very close friend in the same area, who liked to exchange information with her (the two of them being old).
One day, this close friend gave her a recomendation regarding the 'white-ness' of the teeth. The friend said that she uses detergent to make her teeth white, and it miraculously works. Later that day, because she was such a good friend and all, this neighbour tried it. Of course, she ended up in a hospital, with severe burns around the mouth. She then called her friend to tell what has happened. The response might have been like this: "i dont have teeth, silly; they're artificial" (you kno those removable teeth that old ppl have)
😆
How f*cked up is that 😬?

cool 😆

Originally posted by eggmayo
Fabian, you derogatory, offensive pig.

the first one is... delicious.

quote:
Originally posted by eggmayo
Fabian, you derogatory, offensive pig.

Originally posted by Fearnix
you know you kind of turn me on when you talk like that

Hooha, hot boy-on-boy action! 😱 😄 😛

Originally posted by fever red
quote:
Originally posted by eggmayo
Fabian, you derogatory, offensive pig.

Hooha, hot boy-on-boy action! 😱 😄 😛

You shoulda seen me and a few male friend's sleepover. Name's changed for safety reasons:

Danielle
Amanda
Jaime
Jessica
Ursula

REMINDER: THESE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED, AND ARE ALL MALE Homo sapiens.

Hey, was that second one Amanda Kissinhug? I know her!

Here is a joke I heard in my sign language with chimpanzees class:

A man is outside in his garden but he is having trouble finding his rake. He spots his wife who is inside and decides to ask her where it is. He points to his eye, then his knee, and finally signals rake with hand movements as if raking.
His wife sees him and responds by pointing to her eye, then her left breast, then to her butt, and finally points to her crotch.
The man gets confused and runs inside asking, "What the f*ck were you trying to say?"
She answered, "Eye--left ***--behind--the bush."

(Alright, I got one...)

It is Thanksgiving Day and a family is preparing dinner awaiting the arrival of the children's grandparents. Thomas, who is four is running around looking for is new pair of grey socks. He ventures up to the washroom where his mother is putting makeup on. Not realizing the boy is there she yells "sh*t" when she accidentally gets makeup in her eyes. Never hearing the word before, the boy asks her, "Mommy, what does sh*t mean?"

The mother quickly replies, "Sh*t is just another word for makeup dear."

Thomas then asks his mom if she knows where his socks are and she tells him to go downstairs and ask his father.

The boy's father is stuffing the turkey when he cuts his finger by mistake. He says "f*ck." The boy asks him if he's seen his socks and the father tells him to go look in his sister's room. Before the boy leaves he asks his father what f*ck means and the father says "stuff". "Like stuffing a turkey."

The boy goes to his sister's room and finally finds his socks in the bedroom and puts them on just as the doorbell rings. Thomas runs down the stairs and opens the door. He greets his grandparents by saying "Hello grandma and grandpa, mommy is upstairs putting sh*t on her face and daddy is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey..."

A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "What is this, a joke?"
---------------------
Q. What's the difference between a cow and a cow with shoes one?

A. One of them is wearing SHOES!
---------------------
Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a car stuffed with lawyers?

A. A porcupine has pricks on the outside

Originally posted by Fearnix
you know you kind of turn me on when you talk like that

droolio I know... i know