Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your ******* stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your ******* feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours
this had me laugh for hours
A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
She thinks to herself, "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her." He's laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replied, "Half time, switch sides."
Originally posted by jaden101
are the brits the only people who find really sick jokes funnyshall we try some out?
i hear they are going to melt michael jackson down after he dies and make him into toys...so the kids can play with him for a change
santa didnt have time to deliver presents to the kids in sri lanka and indonesia this year...so he just decided to fly over and give them a big wave
ROTFLMAO!!
Originally posted by jaden101
some of you might not get thesewhat have gareth gates and harold shipman got in common?...
neither of them could finish a sentence!
the prison boxing club chairman said he will miss harold shipman...apparently he had a lethal jab
ROTFLMAO!!
NOT BRITISH 😐 hilarious tho 😂
What's the only white thing in a baby's diaper??
Michael Jackson's hand!! ROTFLMAO!!
Originally posted by ladygrim
A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
She thinks to herself, "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her." He's laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replied, "Half time, switch sides."
LOL!!
ok i got two sick jokes:
1- what's black and white and comes in little cans?
Spoiler:
michael jackson
2-a man is called to the hospital because his wife was in a terrible accident. doctor sits him down and says "i'm very sorry, but she has permanent brain damage. she will need you to take care of her for as long as she lives. you will have to bath her, change her diapers, spoon feed her...etc. the man buries his face in his hands and weeps hysterically. finally the doc laughs out loud, slaps him on the back and says "i'm just f'n with you! she's dead!"
A young couple were on a camping trip. It was nighttime, and they were driving, very bored. Finally the girl says, "Alright, I'm getting sick of this. For every 10 you drive over the speed limit, I'll take off an article of clothing."
Since the guy's never seen her in the nude before, he immediately stomps on the accelerator, and before long, the girl sits naked in front of him.
He got so excited, and inadvertently jerked the steering wheel, driving the car off the road.
The girl was unhurt, but the guy was trapped in the upside down car. He quickly yelled, "Go out and get help!"
But she pouted. "I'm naked, and I have nothing to cover myself with."
"Ah, fine. Here, take my shoe."
A shoe was forcefully hurled out the passenger side.
The girl immediately covered her chest with her arms, put the shoe over her pubic area, and ran out by the highway, where a car was speeding.
"Help, help!" she screamed, and the car drove to a stop. A young man stepped out, confused.
The girl pleaded, "My boyfriend's stuck and I can't get him out! Please help."
The young man sighed, and took one look at the shoe protruding out of the girls' private region.
"I'm sorry, ma'am...but if he's in that far I guess there's nothing I can do for you."